A/N: So, I probably owe you more than two chapters, but for tonight, I think two will be enough. I am uploading another chapter tonight, to make up for the prolonged absence. I hope that's alright with everyone? This chapter is set out a little differently. It's not POV's, it's just written, as though Kurt would be thinking it... so it's more what you might find in a journal entry, rather than a POV. If that's confusing, I don't blame you... I just confused myself. Anyway, enjoy. JusticeIsn'tEasy0083. D.
Chapter Ten: Roots Before Branches Part Two
Kurt
Lima hadn't changed. Then again, when would it ever? The familiar streets echoed stories from the past, as Kurt drove down the street, past the old playground, and the cemetery, and highschool, before turning down the street he grew up on. He could tell his parents house from space should be have the chance. It has been there home for so long, since his dad and Carole married and decided that they didn't want to live on top of one another. It's a beautiful house, still the same as ever. Kurt pulled into the drive, and stopped the car. This woke Blaine, who had been dozing since they arrived in Lima. Kurt couldn't blame him though; it's a long drive and mostly boring. They got out of the car, and Blaine moved around to get their bags, whilst Kurt took a moment to take in the Ohio air, and scent of Carole's cooking through the open window. As they approached the front door, it was opened by a grinning Finn, who ushered them inside, and led Blaine up to Kurt's old room to dump their bags, before meeting their parents... Blaine whispered 'help me' in Kurt's ear, before reluctantly following the giant man upstairs. Holly had made the trip down with Quinn and Finn the day before, because Carole wanted extra time with her granddaughter and daughter-in-law... and her son, of course. Kurt had meetings all yesterday, so he and Blaine made the trip down today. It had been strange, not having Holly for the night, but seeing the smile on her face when she saw Kurt... that was something he'd never get tired of. Picking his daughter up and swinging her around, she giggled, and told him about the activities her grandfather and she had gotten up to. Burt appeared in the hall, squishing Holly as he hugged his son in greeting.
'Where's this new fella of yours?' Burt asked, following Kurt and a laughing Holly into the lounge
'His name is Blaine and he's just putting our bags upstairs. Be nice dad,' Kurt said, placing Holly on the floor and turning to face his father, who had his hands raised innocently in front of him
'Of course I'll be nice... so long as he doesn't...'
'Pull a Smythe... yeah yeah... that's old dad... you need new stories... I'm going to help Carole,' he replied, kissing Holly's forehead, and moving into the kitchen, where a shrill of delight could be heard, as Carole greeted her step-son
He hadn't wanted a big deal made out of what happened with Sebastian, and secretly, he wished his father would bring it up, so they can have one of their arguments, and get it over with. He knew it would never happen though, Carole would never let Burt bring it up ever again, and Finn would probably throw something at someone should it happen. Blaine doesn't need to hear the details of what happened anyway. None of them were there... it's not like they know how he feels, or what it's like... he should never have taken the offer from Sebastian to have a coffee that day. He was in college, making new friends, and he should have known better... but he didn't, and he's paid the price... and he'll learn from it, and try to make himself better because of it... well, he's trying... the whole "I love you thing" is still making it hard for him to move on from what he had and towards what he wants, which is Blaine... who appeared in the kitchen, Finn talking non-stop in his ear about COD or some game that he and Puckerman used to play all the time... each of them stopped talking when Carole once more squealed in delight, and moved over to hug Blaine, who was shocked, but embraced the woman as though they'd been friends for years... she had never been that warm with Sebastian, may have been the barstard scent just wafting off of him... could have been because of that god-awful cologne he used to wear... one of the reasons you hate cologne Kurt... he thought to himself, and mentally ticked off another thing to be pissed off at Sebastian about... the major thing, is that he's trying to take his daughter away from him, and that doesn't sit well with Kurt, or Blaine... or anyone in the Hudmel family. It doesn't sit well with any of the New Directions members either... speaking of which... Finn had been talking about going to visit Mr. Schuester, and Kurt couldn't pass up the opportunity to see what had changed at McKinley high, and also to spend more time resenting the past, and finding a way to get past not being able to tell Blaine he loves him...
Should he make the choice to go the highschool, it could mean many more years sitting in the dull room, talking to someone he knows doesn't give a shit that he's there, and would probably rather spend her time out a nightclubs, picking up guys, than listening to the problems of poor little rich boys, who are struggling with some big event from their past... If Kurt were in Dr. Luc's shoes, he wouldn't like that job very much, it even sounds boring, to the point that he's making himself fall asleep, and he knows he shouldn't be, because Blaine has joined himself, Finn and Burt in the lounge, sitting down on the couch beside Kurt, and taking his hand... Kurt knows his father better than anyone... except maybe Carole... he knows that Burt wouldn't let anything happen to him, and he wouldn't let something a trivial as the past, get in his way of living his life... Kurt can see the words his father would use in his head clearly... without even hearing the voice of reason that he has heard his whole life... he knows that somewhere along the way, he's lost all void of reason and now he needs to get that back... Quinn is talking with Carole about baby names, and Finn and Blaine are entranced with the football game on TV... there are so many things that are so normal, yet so different, and if Kurt could harness them all, he would... there's nothing stopping him... nothing he can't do if he tried...
Blaine
The teacher hadn't so much as been in Kurt's childhood home for an hour, before he was being accosted by Carole, and was giving a court sized deposition to the woman... not that he minded... he loves that Kurt's parents would take him in so quickly, and without so much as a threat... hold on there Blaine... you haven't met Burt properly... Blaine thought, as Carole asked him about his teaching career, and highschool, and if he had any family close by, or siblings he could make stories about... Blaine didn't know if telling Carole about his brother and half-sister was the best option, after all, he really doesn't know them all that well, and he'd rather not have to deal with the questions about his family past right now... one past at a time... Blaine is still trying to figure out Kurt's... maybe Carole could help? And Burt... that would mean using them for information... but it will all work in your favour... right? Blaine thought, as he followed Carole in to the lounge, and sat down tentively beside Kurt, taking his hand, missing the glance from Burt, fixing his eyes on the TV, and ignoring the nervousness threatening to rise up and consume him... he was nervous... but he has every right to be... Kurt is the first person he's been able to really open up to this way... he's never been to visit any other parents of past relationships, because they haven't last this long... he has something special with Kurt... he wants to know that his parents like him, just as much as his friends do... it's quiet, and awkward, and Kurt looks more uncomfortable that he does, and he shouldn't because this is the house he grew up in all his life... this is the place he can come, and close himself off from the world, without any cares, or fears...
The football doesn't end well, and the rest of the night, is spent with Burt muttering insults about the other team under his breath, and smiling when Kurt smiles, or tries to hold back laughter... Finn seems to be holding his breath as well, like they're waiting for something to happen... something only they know about... it's unlike a family to be that in tune with one another... Blaine knows his family is less than pleased about his "sexuality" or as his mother calls it his "lifestyle choice". It hasn't bothered him for years, being gay. Philadelphia isn't homophobic, it's not like he's in danger... it's his home for now, and it's close enough to New York, so people are rather tolerant and accepting...every now and then, someone will do something stupid, but Blaine brushes it off, and keeps his head held high... a coping mechanism he taught himself at Dalton... Wes and David do it too... they haven't been out as long as he has... having only come out at eighteen, instead of fifteen like Blaine... but they've coped their fair share... it's not like they've gone through their whole relationship without it being threatened by homophobes... they are everywhere... even in New York, and Philadelphia... he then begins to wonder what Lima would be like... is it the kind of place where he and Kurt could walk down the street holding hands without fear? Or would they be targeted? He doesn't know much about Kurt's highschool experience, other than him being in a wheelchair, so it mustn't be the best place on earth... Finn is your main source of information, beside Quinn and Burt... they would know more about this town than anyone... except Kurt... maybe you should just ask him instead of going around him... Blaine thought, but the idea was struck down when Carole called for dinner...
The dinner talk was light, each person at the table with a story to tell. Burt about the shop, Carole about the next door neighbour, Finn about his job, Quinn about the baby, Kurt about MerBerry, and Blaine about teaching and how he'd love to record an album and get back to his roots... Finn looked from Blaine to Kurt, who was smirking at his brother, making Finn frown and shrug, before smiling. Kurt smiled back, and it was a conversation in complete silence that Blaine wasn't sure whether it had happened or not... just through gestures they could communicate to one another... brother's... even though not blood related... deep down, he wished he had that with Cooper, but he knew that he and his brother were a lost cause... too much had happened between them to mend the bridge that had formed between their lives... Blaine was almost twenty-five, and the last time he'd seen his brother was when he was eighteen and graduating from Dalton... Cooper had shown up, because his parents and sister were on vacation... he shook his head, ridding himself of the thoughts, and brought himself back to the conversation at the table, just in time for Burt to kick off 101-questions- about-your-intentions-with-my-son-and-what-I'll-do-if-you-hurt-him...
'So Blaine, have you ever done drugs?' Burt asked, as Kurt spluttered and coughed, the sip of wine he'd had caught in his throat at the question his father had asked
'Ah, no sir... I detest the mere thought of it,' Blaine replied, fist-bumping Finn who agreed, and smirked at his brother
'Don't even think of bringing up junior year Finn Hudson, or I will tell our parents what you did on junior graduation night...' Kurt replied, taking another sip of his wine, as Finn froze, and looked back down at his plate...
'Kurt... are you hiding things from me?' Burt asked...
'Of course not dad... some things are better left untold... right Finn?' Kurt asked, as Finn nodded quickly, and stood to get seconds from the kitchen
Blaine chuckled along with Burt and Quinn, who was also smirking and winked at Blaine, before starting a conversation with Kurt about a rather rude woman who came into MerBerry the other day, looking for him and got upset when she was told to leave... Kurt thought it odd, but listened to Quinn rant on about it, whilst Burt finished his questioning of Blaine, and Carole just sat watching her family... he had always been the one to sit back and watch... he likes to observe people... not in a creepy way... just that, by watching, you can gather more information about a person than if you spent three days getting to know them... with Kurt however... that isn't the case... he hasn't been able to tell anything about Kurt from his actions... therefore, resorting to otherwise crude tactics has been his only eyes into the soul of his boyfriend... he wouldn't dare let anything break them apart... nor would he let any harm come to Kurt... he loves him after all...
Kurt
The Lima night closed in around them, and Kurt found himself sitting beside his father on the back porch, looking over his shoulder at the photo album Burt keeps in the side table of the lounge. He was slowly flipping through twenty-five years worth of memories... from when Kurt was born, up until now. Kurt chuckled as they reached the Sophomore Year section, chuckling at the picture of himself on the football team, the cheerio's... he'd managed to fit two extra-curricular activities into five months of schooling. Burt flipped through all of Kurt's junior and senior years... he knew what his father was looking for... the bruised and broken boy who lost all hopes, dream and almost his life, to a Neanderthal and his football buddies, because one of them was too afraid to admit to himself, and the rest of the world that he's gay. Kurt had tried to help him... he'd given Karofsky the benefit of the doubt, the opportunity to come out without the fear of being attacked and ridiculed... but he'd chosen to shut Kurt up instead... so he couldn't tell a soul what had gone down in the locker rooms... he couldn't tell anyone that Karofsky was hiding another version of himself, one that would no doubt be revealed sooner or later... there hadn't been much discussion of the topic from either Kurt nor Finn... there were no other witnesses, so it wasn't exactly the easiest situation to broach... then again... William Schuester and the rest of the New Directions finding him the way they did... it spoke volumes in itself...
'When I got that call Kurt, I thought I'd have another heart attack there and then...' Burt said, placing his hand on Kurt's shoulder
'Don't be dramatic dad,' Kurt replied, but he didn't fully grasp the conviction behind his father's voice until the next time he spoke
'You need to tell Blaine. He's a good kid, the best kind. He won't leave you, and he adores Holly. You have to tell him Kurt...' Burt said, flipping through to a photo of Kurt in the wheelchair, Finn on one side, Rachel on the other... back when they were still together
'It's not that simple dad,' Kurt said, looking out into the yard, trying to ignore the conversation
'Let go of that pain and anger Kurt. It's okay to be afraid... Talk to Blaine please, he loves you,' Burt replied, standing and heading back inside, the photo album left open to a picture of Kurt with Holly when she was first born, missing the subtle reply of Kurt's "I know".
At times of inner emotional turmoil, Kurt would usually drown his sorrows, and then pass out on the couch. But he can't do that anymore... he can't be that person... that's why he doesn't drink... he wouldn't say he's alcoholic... but yeah... that's probably what he is... the easiest way to describe it... it almost killed him and he's been sure to not let anything come that close. He's kept Blaine at arm's length because it's easier than admitting to himself that what he's feeling, could possibly force him to hurt... it could force him to come to terms with the past, and the future, and the gut-wrenching possibility that it could all be taken away from him... either by lawyers, or someone completely different... Carole could be heard in the kitchen, talking to Blaine about his years in college, and teaching... Kurt just closed his eyes and listened to his boyfriend's voice through the open window. He didn't want to cry, but there was something about the moment that just made the tears fall... not sobbing, just softly crying, unable to comprehend why he was suddenly letting his vulnerable side out... if he realised it, it hadn't registered in his cognitive functions, because five minutes later, Quinn joined him on the porch, smiling softly, as she wrapped her arms around him, and leant her head on his shoulder... he kissed her temple softly, and smiled when Quinn brushed the tear from his face. he knew what was coming next... he knew it would be one of the hardest things he's ever had to do, and there is still so much that Blaine doesn't know... so much that he's afraid of unveiling... they're not proud of some of the things they've done... but that's why they have history right...
'I have to tell him don't I?' Kurt asked, almost in a whisper
'Everything Kurt... you have to tell him everything...' Quinn replied, hugging him tightly
'It hurts Quinn... even after everything... it still hurts... that's not normal...' Kurt said
'Let it hurt... then let it go... you have to let go of the pain Kurt... tell Blaine, he loves you... and you love him...' Quinn replied, standing and extending her arm for Kurt to take
Blaine
Kurt's old room was scattered with photos, old books, and sheet music from the many years of New Directions work. He wasn't sure whether or not the rocking horse had been there originally, but it was now. Kurt pulled his shirt on, and came out of the ensuite bathroom, trying to avoid eye contact with Blaine... knowing that now isn't the time to break down and spill everything... it's on the tip of his tongue... just waiting to pour out of his mouth like word vomit... Blaine isn't sure why Kurt is avoiding his gaze... but it's like going round and round of a ride and never reaching a destination of any point. There is a subtle hint of a tear in the corner of the glasz eyes, but Blaine can't get a good enough look to find out if that's what it is... he's never really been one for getting to the bottom of a person's problem... most of the time at Dalton, people would go to him for advice, and he would try his best to give them the right words of encouragement, or just that extra shove towards a bigger goal... he's the reason Wes came out... there was no doubt in his mind that his best-friend wasn't the straightest ruler in the box... not with the way he acted and hung off of David's every word... it's lucky they both turned out to be gay, or Wes would probably be pining away... lonely, and forever annoying Blaine with incessant rambling... Kurt had mentioned something about Finn being the same if he hadn't gotten back together with Quinn, and Blaine couldn't help but chuckle at the image of Finn...
They hadn't spoken much since Kurt disappeared out onto the back porch with Burt, and came back in; looking sullen and broken with Quinn holding his arm, pulling him into the lounge, and snuggling with him, as they watch whatever movie was on TV. Kurt have been surprisingly clingy though, holding Blaine's hand, and squeezing every now and then, just to make sure that the man was still there. Blaine squeezed back, and could have sworn that Kurt started to cry. He hadn't been able to say anything, not wanting to embarrass Kurt in front of Burt, or Finn in case it's not that kind of relationship they have... then again, their relationship seems to be everything that Blaine's isn't with his father... he was thinking deeply about this as Kurt climbed into bed beside him, the warmth of his boyfriend knocking him back to the present, wanting nothing more than to wrap himself in this moment and never let it go... Kurt seemed to have the same sentiment, snuggling up to Blaine, wrapping himself as close as he could to his boyfriend, as if the vicinity would somehow drop from beneath them, and they would be separated forever. Mercedes told you something about clingy Kurt... think Blaine... what was it... he gets clingy when he's got something big to say... then it hit him... Kurt's preparing himself to lose Blaine, from whatever he has to tell him... that's where the clinginess comes from... he has to cling to you... he's lost too much to not have that tendency Blaine... Mercedes had said a while back when they first introduced themselves to one another.
If this was the moment Blaine had been waiting four months for, he surely wasn't going to let it pass like a freight train... steaming at two hundred miles an hour, to get to its destination, only to miss your stop. He won't let Kurt think he's going to lose anything anymore... that's not what he wants to happen... he doesn't want to lose anything he's got... sometimes a sacrifice for the benefit of another person doesn't necessarily mean anything good... sometimes it's the thing that can break two people apart, instead of draw them closer together. Then again, so can those who keep secrets... secrets can tear people apart... look at all the TV shows on at the moment... more than once, has there been a secret that's torn someone's favourite TV couple apart... either than, or a cheating scandal... he wouldn't do that to Kurt... he's not going to leave...
'I'm not going anywhere Kurt...' he whispered, kissing Kurt's forehead, their previously agreed "no-sex-at-the-parents-house" rule becoming harder to uphold when Kurt was so desperately wanting something to cling to
'Nice to know... I'll hold you to that...' he replied, voice soft through the silence
'I won't let you down Kurt... please don't ever think that I will...'
'Be careful what you wish for Blaine... 'Kurt replied once more, shifting slightly so he could rest his head on Blaine's shoulder, trying to fight the falling tears
Kurt
Waking up the next morning with something akin to determination washing through his veins isn't the feeling he was expecting. The building pain was getting harder to hold onto, and as Quinn said, letting go should take some of that weight off his heart, but the right moment, the right location... it needed to be perfect... he couldn't risk losing himself too much in the moment, and missing the point entirely. It's a life changing choice... Blaine could begin to look at him in a whole different light... he doesn't want it to be that way, but inevitably, that's how it's going to be. People will always look at you differently, no matter the situation... there are so many things to tell, and so little time to do it... the surrogate mother, the moment he knew his life would almost be over...the last time he ever sang anything... he can't very well just blurt it all out at once... perhaps starting with the defining period of his life, and working forwards would be the best place to start. Highschool is always the hardest part of someone's life, and Kurt's was hard, if not the hardest, of anyone's in his class. Puckerman and Rachel think they had it tough, but they don't know tough, until they've been left for dead in the middle of a school hallway... That morning, when Finn suggested paying a visit to McKinley, Kurt jumped at the chance, which shocked not only Quinn but also Blaine, who hadn't been expecting it. They made the plans, and Kurt went to shower, leaving Blaine alone with Quinn, who told him to be prepared for whatever happens... the next step will change their relationship in more ways than one...
Because of Quinn being pregnant, Finn had to drive them, much to the dismay of Kurt, who didn't like Finn's driving in highschool, and certainly doesn't like it now that they've grown up into reasonably mature young twenty-something's... but the car ride wouldn't be the hardest part... it was certainly the most silent... no one said anything... it was like they all knew what was coming, and the moment the school came into their sight, the sudden feeling that all was not well, and something was about to happen washed over them. Blaine could feel it too... the tension in the air... the upmost fear radiating off of Kurt... it was like he was back in his teenage form, walking through the doors of the worst place on earth, and having to relive whatever it was that happened that day... as they got out of the car, and headed towards the front entrance, Quinn reached for Kurt's hand, and Finn placed his on Kurt's right shoulder, looking at Blaine... pain in his eyes... but as soon as they stepped through the doors, that feeling of dread, fear and panic only intensified as they stood staring at four years of their lives... still standing... not a crumble... not a spot of significance... or innocence...
'Well Blaine, as Puck used to say all the time, welcome to hell,' Finn said, not laughing at his belated humour, merely following the other two further into the school...
They knew, all was about to be revealed, but that didn't make it any less painful... that didn't stop the memories washing over them as they made their way towards the library...
A/N: Next Chapter: Kurt finally tells Blaine about what happened in Highschool. You find out how Sue Sylvester fits into the story, and her impact on the lives of all of the characters. Surprises instore as they take the trip to McKinley... Kurt finally realises that the pain he's been carrying around for so long has no fuel to burn strong anymore... and in an emotional moment, lets it all go... Stay tuned... Enjoy. JusticeIsn'tEasy0083. D.