summary: Looking for a fresh start after some tough times, Sarah and her three-year-old daughter move to LA. When they find a sweet curly-haired nerd who lives next door, though, Sarah realizes they might just find more happiness than they'd ever imagined, if only her past doesn't catch up to her first. AU.
a/n: The slow burn continues, now with extra Ellie! Yay, she's back. Fun fact, by the way: this chapter is the only one in this story that I was ever inspired to write an equivalent for from Chuck's POV. I always try to provide enough insight into Chuck's thoughts or views even with the story being from Sarah's perspective, so doubling up never really felt necessary to me, but for some reason, I was inspired to write something short for this chapter. It's actually set the night before this chapter, with Chuck talking to Ellie, and it'd give y'all an insight into where his head might be at this point in the story as well as in a couple prior chapters. I'm not sure if it would give everyone all the answers they're looking for, though, so I'm toying with posting it. If you guys would be interested in seeing it, let me know, and I might, might, put it up separately or later or something, just for funsies.
Anyway, for now, here's Chapter 11! I really really appreciated all your responses to the last chapter, I've definitely been feeling the love these past couple days. Because of it, I worked super hard to make this update extra good for you all. As ever, if you like this one, please leave a review on your way out!
disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, silly baby clothes, somewhat awkward conversations, or perfect scenes from movies.
The Mall
She doesn't know why she's cleaning up the place. Why she's going around moving things that don't need moving, putting away stray things into drawers, wiping down surfaces.
This is no big deal. Chuck has been here dozens of times. He's seen the place less tidy than this so many times, he's even seen at its worst, almost; he was here when she was sick and she hadn't even thought to clean anything then. There were probably stray toys everywhere, blankets messily strewn around the place, dirty dishes needing washed, crumbs upon the countertop. The apartment doesn't need to be spotless just for him being here.
And yet this, this seems different. Because Chuck is coming over early today, to look after Amy for the whole day, while Sarah goes out with Ellie. They're going shopping, with lunch and probably a lot of hints about Chuck and Sarah that Sarah will totally ignore, too. The doctor had called a few days ago, asked if Sarah was free this Saturday, and though she was, factoring Amy in complicated matters, as it often does. Amy wouldn't enjoy a shopping trip and lunch, particularly, even with her favorite doctor, but Sarah didn't want to take the little girl to daycare on the weekend with so little notice. She hasn't found a sitter here either since she's yet to have needed one. And so, knowing nobody else to ask, she'd asked Chuck to watch the three-year-old, and he had of course said yes because he's a ridiculously nice person, and now, he's coming over, to watch Amy for the whole day.
Sarah wonders if he's as nervous about this day as she is. And then wonders why she's nervous at all.
But this is different from their usual movie nights, or that day earlier in the month when they'd gone to the park. This is a whole day, just Chuck with Amy, and Sarah's knows it's not even the idea of leaving Amy alone with him that's making her nervous, not like with every other sitter the first time they've watched Amy for a day without her nearby. No, she trusts him implicitly with her daughter, she just does, and she doesn't have to wonder if they'll get along well, if it'll work out. She knows they will, it will. She's just more nervous about what this will do.
Because a whole day with her favorite person will certainly impact Amy. Will certainly make her want this to happen more often, if she likes it, which Sarah's sure she will. Will certainly make her think this actually can happen more often—if it happens once, after all, Amy will naturally expect it to happen again, with or without Sarah present.
And what then, Sarah has to wonder, for herself and Chuck? Where does this place them on the strange path they seem to be taking? She knows they've been taking steps forward and then steps back, that they drift, then they're pulled together like magnets. She can't stay away, she doesn't even want to, but to some degree she has to, she knows it. The longer she stays away from Chuck like this, though, the more she comes to care for him. Keeping her distance just makes her like him even more, somehow, of course. And the more she likes him, the more Caria could hurt him, use him against her, to destroy her. Like she'd destroyed Caria, all that time ago. She's going to try to maintain this strange balance between them, keep them slowly moving forward, but she knows one day the scales will tip, one day, they'll get to a point they can't turn back from. And then, she doesn't know what they'll do.
She clears her throat, picks up a stuffed panda from the kitchen counter and tosses it over to the basket of toys by the television. As it lands perfectly, Amy cheers from the doorway of her room, and Sarah chuckles. Evidently, her daughter thinks her quite the good shot. Sarah takes a little bow, and Amy hurries over, cuddling into her legs.
"You look pretty, Mommy," she says, and Sarah smiles even as she wonders if it's really been so long since she wore anything this unlike her work outfits that Amy is complimenting her now. She's in a sundress, today, blue and florally, unlike her usual suit and heels combo, or casual wear of jeans and a shirt, which doesn't often look too different. But today is a fun shopping day with a friend; wearing a dress for such an occasion made sense, in Sarah's eyes. She smooths down Amy's hair, the charm bracelet on her wrist shifting as she does so.
"Thank you, baby. Did you tidy your room?"
Amy nods, letting go of her, but Sarah doesn't bother inspecting it or checking Amy's being accurate. Getting her to clean up her things just meant she wasn't constantly checking and asking if it was almost time for Chuck to come over. Now, though, it really is almost time for their neighbor to arrive. And so Sarah heads to the couch, where she'd left her shoes earlier, and sits down, slipping on the heeled sandals and zipping them up. When she stands, reaching for her bag, rarely as free of wipes and toys and snacks as it is today since Amy isn't joining her, a knock sounds on the door, and she checks her watch. He's right on time.
She checks it's him, of course, before opening the door and smiling at him.
He looks up from the floor, grinning.
"H-" He cuts himself off, jaw falling open a little as he looks at her, and Sarah just waits, smiling awkwardly. He only takes a few seconds to get his bearings, snapping to attention and clearing his throat. "Hi. Hey. Uh, hi. Oh, thank god, Amy's here."
Sarah has to laugh as her daughter does indeed run up to Chuck, cuddling into him as he scoops her up, before he turns back to Sarah, cheeks a little flushed from his stuttering.
"I'm gonna try again, hi. You look great,"
She dips her head as she smiles, warmth filling her. Evidently, Amy isn't the only one who sees her in casual clothes so often this outfit is a bit of a change.
"Thank you."
Still blushing a little, he turns to Amy.
"Y'ready for some fun today, bug?"
"Yeah!" she says, wiggling excitedly. "I got the whole day planned, come on-"
"Hey, hey," Sarah says, a hand on Amy's back, stopping the little girl from hopping down and dragging Chuck to her room. "I don't get a goodbye?" she jokes, but Amy looks genuinely sheepish.
"Oops."
"I know, baby, you just got excited. But hey," she leans in, kisses Amy's cheek, then pulls back and ruffles her hair. "Be good."
"Okay." Amy says, nodding and grinning.
Sarah turns to Chuck, smirks.
"Be good." she repeats, to him, then ruffles his hair too, and as he laughs, she reaches for her jacket, slipping it on. She sees Chuck's eyes dart toward her bracelet just before her sleeve covers it, but he says nothing, and she just heads out of the door rather than bringing it up.
"I'll call you around lunch?" he asks, and she turns in the doorway, seeing the slightly strange sight of Chuck holding Amy on the threshold of her apartment, her about to leave them. Usually, this sight is flipped, Sarah holding Amy, Chuck the one to go. Seeing it reversed makes something in her stomach twist, a mix of warmth and aching, and slight fear, too. She blinks, shrugs off the feeling.
"If you're free by then, yeah," She chuckles, then waves a goodbye to both of them and heads down the hall, ignoring the anxiety creeping into her as she waits for the elevator.
It's natural, any time she leaves Amy, to feel uneasy. Today, though, with that added wonder about just how this might change things, and the fact that she's very aware she's leaving Chuck and Amy vulnerable should Danny Caria appear and attack, it feels worse.
But she can't let the ghost of a threat change her life, she knows that. At least, not any more than she already has. She can't wait and hide forever, and since she hasn't spied any indication that Caria may be moving in, and she's had no word from Bryce which she figures the guy might at least send her if they're in true immediate danger, she knows she has to do this. Has to live, just a little. And so she steps into the elevator when it arrives, and leaves to meet Ellie, determined to enjoy the day.
They'd arranged to meet up at the mall, so Sarah slips into the car, making quick work of the drive now she knows all the shortcuts in the neighborhood, and as she pulls into the parking lot, she sees Ellie already standing at the entrance, waiting. Sarah parks as near as she can to the front of the place, then heads across to Ellie, waving so the woman sees her.
"Sarah, hi!" Ellie says, rushing in for her customary hug, and Sarah obliges, gradually feeling less awkward the more times she meets up with the doctor.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good," Ellie sighs. "Work was not fun yesterday, so I'm looking forward to a nice day, shopping, food, maybe a glass of wine..."
Sarah chuckles.
"That sounds like a good plan." She makes to move toward the entrance, but as she does so her jacket sleeves shift a little, and Ellie looks down, evidently spying the bracelet on Sarah's wrist. She reaches for Sarah's arm, looks at the charms up close.
"Wow, that looks amazing on you," she says, honesty clear in her words, and Sarah blushes as she pulls her hand back, plays with the bracelet herself, runs her fingers along the charms she already knows the feel of so well, from already having done this so often. Every time she sees the thing, wears it, it steals her breath a little bit.
"Thanks. It's, uh, it's really beautiful."
"It is." Ellie pauses, looking at Sarah searchingly, but eventually she just moves on. "How's Amy?" she asks, conversationally, as they start to walk into the mall, and Sarah smiles.
"She's good, she was looking forward to today." Ellie grins. "It's not too often she gets to spend the whole day without me when she's not just at daycare, I think it's a novelty for her. And considering it's Chuck looking after her..."
Ellie chuckles.
"She certainly seems to love him, I know. People have always liked spending time with him but I didn't know that stretched to three-year-olds before," Sarah grins, but they pass a kids' store, and she looks in the window with a distracted hum. "You wanna get something for Amy?"
She looks at the other woman, shaking her head.
"No, not yet, but her birthday's in April and I'm just seeing if there's anything new out since Christmas. I like to try and get ahead when it comes to getting presents for her, she never decides on what she wants until the week before her birthday or Christmas. And, when she does, there's about a hundred items on the list."
Laughing again, Ellie steps up to the window, looking at the various items on display, bright and colorful.
"Wow, and there's a lot of choice for kids, too,"
"Tell me about it," Sarah murmurs disdainfully, before stepping on, until they reach a shoe store Ellie wants to go into. Thankfully, it doesn't have a children's department- Sarah all too often finds herself shopping for Amy rather than herself on these kinds of trips, which is why she doesn't take these kinds of trips too often. But today should be fun, browsing with Ellie, getting lunch, talking. Having a break from Amy, which she never really wants or gets but she supposes she needs every now and then.
Ellie comes over, carrying a pair of white heels.
"What d'you think?" she asks, waving them. "Too flashy?"
Chuckling, Sarah shakes her head, and lets herself relax.
"Oh, actually, Ellie, let me just go in here before I forget,"
Carrying her handful of bags, she turns into the children's clothes store, quickly scanning her eyes around it. She's hungry, and she and Ellie were on their way to find some lunch, but she shouldn't take too long. And, she thinks a little proudly, she hasn't shopped for Amy all day so far. Somehow, that's an accomplishment.
She heads up to a table in the middle of the store, various t-shirts laid out next to a sign saying it's three for the price of two, and she hums as she looks through the options.
"Amy needing some new shirts?" Ellie asks, walking up next to her side, and Sarah nods.
"Some, yeah. I wanted to wait in case my mom got her some at Christmas, but she didn't, and she's growing out of her ones right now quicker than I'd thought she would. Maybe I should do what Chuck did, buy a year ahead." she muses, thinking on her little girl and the eternal growth she's doing right now. She's still taller than average for her age, and it's hard to make any real investment in clothes since she barely gets any use out of them anyway.
"Chuck got her a shirt?" Ellie sounds surprised, and Sarah turns to her, seeing the confusion on the doctor's features. For a second, she feels she's shared something she shouldn't, but she quashes that thought. She and Chuck have nothing to hide, even if they're hardly open books with each other all the time. Even if Chuck apparently hadn't told his sister much about his gifts for the little girl.
She shrugs, more casually than she really feels.
"Yeah, for Christmas. It says 'bug' on it, she wears it all the time." She grins at the thought, but Ellie just blinks.
"Bug? Like, your nickname for her?"
"Yeah, that's what we call her," Sarah chuckles, but the other woman still just looks surprised, apparently not having really known all these things before, or maybe not having thought on them, and Sarah turns back to the shirts, quickly picking out three Amy will like. She heads up to the counter and pays, but when she comes back with the items in tow, she finds Ellie looking at some of the baby clothes, chuckling at a baby tuxedo.
The other woman turns, holding up the thing.
"It's as stupid as it is cute," She laughs, and Sarah giggles.
"Y'know, I kinda miss when Amy was that small, I could just dress her in anything." She smiles, thinking of the various outfits she'd bought for her daughter when she was young, matching two-pieces, silly onesies, adorable costumes. "She usually spit up on it after too long, but..." She shrugs, walking out of the store, and Ellie follows.
She clears her throat, and Sarah turns to find her watching her, curiously.
"Can I ask you something?" she asks, tentative, sounding a little like her brother does at times.
"Sure." Sarah nods, though a slight awkward feeling fills her as she thinks on just what Ellie could be asking.
"Would you have another one?"
She blinks at Ellie's words. So sudden, and, apart from maybe being caused by silly clothes, pretty unexpected, too.
"Another child?" she checks, already knowing she's right but trying to delay her answer just a second to try and figure out quite what to say.
"Yeah." Ellie nods, biting her lip a little nervously, like she's aware of quite what she's asked, how personal it could be.
"Oh. Um." Sarah muses on it, though she's thought about it before, a good few times, actually. She thinks it's almost natural when you have a child to consider if you'd go through it all again. Shrugging, she keeps walking. "Not… in the same way I had Amy, no. Being by myself, her father not even around... But if there was someone, and it happened, even if it was still an accident, I mean, maybe? I think having Amy there means I'd like to at least be able to plan it, y'know?"
Ellie hums thoughtfully, lifts a shoulder, looking lost in her head.
"Yeah, I suppose."
Sarah frowns, looking at her friend, still wondering quite why Ellie has even asked such a thing.
"Ellie, are you thinking of having a baby?"
The doctor jolts, blinks.
"No! No, god, no. I mean, Devon and I can't even decide on what appliance to buy for our apartment, let alone a child." Sarah chuckles- Ellie had had to buy a new iron today despite Devon's wanting a new blender. Apparently, the couple are in the middle of a week-long debate about the choice, and Ellie had finally decided to just buy the iron before Devon could say anything. Sarah just hopes the man copes with some less wrinkled shirts in favor of some new, according to Ellie often digusting, protein shakes. The woman grins, shakes her head. "No, though I want kids, with Devon, and I know he's like, it, for me, that's... that's way down the line. I'd want to be married and settled before I bring a child into the world."
The opposite to what Sarah had been when she had Amy. She shrugs, hardly begrudging of Ellie, but the other woman whirls around, eyes wide.
"Oh, god, I'm so sorry. I didn't-"
"It's fine," Sarah says, because it is. For starters, Ellie is her friend, and Sarah has heard far, far worse from strangers before. But also, because Sarah had always thought that herself. Thought if, in some strange world where she retired from the spy life without get killed in action, if then she had a child, she'd have wanted to be married and stable in her life, people around her, have the support system parenting guides always talk about. The CIA had taken that chance from her, though, and when she'd been single and pregnant and had just found out Mark had been killed, she had wondered if bringing a child into her world would really be the best thing, the safest thing. The easiest thing. She'd decided to try it anyway, and she doesn't regret the choice, not with Amy, never. Even if it went against what she thought she always wanted.
Ellie sighs, looking still a little upset at her word choice.
"Yeah, but, I'm…"
She raises a hand.
"Honestly, Ellie, I don't mind. It makes sense, it's what most people want. And with Devon still pining for a blender, it's probably advisable." She giggles, and after a beat, Ellie does too, getting over her anxiety.
They make their way to the cafe Ellie had recommended, just outside the mall, and find a table, ordering before Sarah looks up, curious.
"So, why were you asking, anyway?"
Ellie shrugs, flushing a little.
"I don't know. I just- I don't have many friends with children, yet, and, spending time with you, and with Chuck being so close to you and Amy too, it's just got me thinking, about it all. I went from not knowing any kids, to knowing one quite well, y'know? And Chuck and I were talking last night... I guess it's just been on my mind."
Sarah bypasses the point about Chuck being close to them, and shrugs.
"That's understandable. And it's okay. But, I'm not planning on having another child right now, Amy is plenty to handle on her own, so you've got some time to think,"
Chuckling, Ellie grins, and as their drinks arrive she takes a sip of her cappuccino before settling her gaze on Sarah once more, determined this time. Sarah gulps her coffee, knowing what's coming. Those spy instincts don't fade that quickly.
"On the subject of you and Chuck, though-"
Sarah's phone blares. It feels like a blessing from above. Tugging it out of her purse, she sees Chuck's name upon the screen, and, smiling instinctively, she looks up at Ellie.
"Talking of your brother..." Ellie smirks, gesturing to the phone, and Sarah picks up. "Hi, Chuck,"
A giggle sounds out on the other end.
"Mommy!" Amy squeals, and Sarah chuckles, warmed. Evidently, Chuck had called her and handed the phone over to the little girl. That, or Amy has stolen Chuck's cell phone and somehow managed to dial her mother, but Sarah's really hoping it's the former.
"Hiya, bug. Did Chuck let you call me?" she asks, grinning at the thought.
"Mmhm! I gots the phone." Amy says it proudly, and Sarah imagines the beam on her little girl's face just from her happy tone.
"I can tell. Are you having fun?"
"Yeah! We made cookies, and we did coloring, and we played Chuck's games..."
"She beat me again!" Chuck calls out, voice distant and echoing like he's shouted it from across the room, and Sarah snorts.
"I did!" Amy says, giggling. "Is Dr Ellie there?"
"Yeah, she is, I'm with her right now." Ellie waves at the cue, and Sarah grins. "She says hi, Ames."
Amy gasps.
"Hi Dr Ellie!" When Sarah looks up to share the greeting, the woman is already laughing, and Sarah guesses Amy's loud shout was audible from the phone even across the table.
She smiles down the line, but cute though this is, she knows Amy will hold onto the phone forever unless asked, and there was going to be a reason to this mid-day phone call.
"Baby, can you put Chuck on, please?" she asks, knowing he'll be waiting.
"Okay. Chu-uck," Amy calls in a sing-song tone. "'s Mommy,"
There's a rattling as the phone gets passed over, and then Chuck clears his throat.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself," Sarah chuckles, and Chuck's soft laugh passes down the line. "How's it going?"
He hums.
"If she's still got all her limbs attached it's a victory, right?" She giggles, and he sniffs, sobers. "Nah, she's been good. Like she said, we did some baking, played some games, she did not wanna nap-"
"Nuh-uh." Amy calls, loudly, similarly to how Chuck had done earlier, and Sarah smirks as Chuck laughs again.
"Yeah, bug," he acknowledges, then continues. "So, yeah, I guess we'll do some reading or watch some TV since we just finished lunch, then play a little more."
"Okay." She can't help but think, it sounds like a great day. Even as she's having a great day here. She's glad that Chuck gets to do this, though, that Amy gets it, too, the two of them spending some time together, having fun. Even if it makes them even closer. She smiles a little wistfully as she keeps going. "Well, we've still got some shopping to do but I'll still be back late afternoon."
"Alright," he murmurs. "We miss you, Sarah."
She curses the way her throat constricts at the way he phrases that, voice so soft and sweet, even if he's just conveying Amy's thoughts and not his own. Maybe his own. She swallows.
"I miss you both too,"
"I'll call you if we need anything, but enjoy your day, okay?" he says, sounding sweetly insistent, like he truly wants her to.
"Okay, Chuck," She smiles. "Tell Amy I'll see her later, and I'll see you later, too,"
"'Course. Bye, Sarah," he breathes, and then he's gone.
She hangs up, looking at Ellie, who's now just watching her knowingly, and she smiles a little awkwardly. Thankfully, their food arrives before the doctor can ask her anything, and Sarah takes a few bites so she doesn't have to look at the other woman. Because she knows that right before that phone call, Ellie was just about to ask about Sarah and Chuck, where they stand, and so on, all the things Sarah had anticipated. She's pretty sure, though, the call might've just cemented whatever Ellie was thinking anyway. She gulps down her sandwich, sips her coffee again, and looks back up at Ellie, steeling herself.
"What were you gonna ask?"
Ellie's eyebrows raise like she's unable to hide her surprise at the words; evidently, she hadn't thought Sarah would return to the topic. Sarah hadn't expected it herself, really, but she's going with it. Not running away.
"I... I don't know." She pulls a face, looking annoyed at herself. She takes a deep breath, then leans in, smirking. "It's funny, Chuck was never that great with kids, y'know?"
Sarah frowns at that clear change of direction, but also what Ellie's saying. The Chuck she knows, Sarah knows, is amazing with Amy, but she supposes she only knows the Chuck of right now. Ellie's known him his whole life.
"Really?"
"Yeah. I mean he was okay with them, he could make them laugh for a while and I guess he's good with them at the Buy More, keeping them entertained as a customer, but any kind of long-term thing and he wasn't so good. We went to a friend's wedding, once, years ago, and he got stuck holding our cousin's, like, husband's sister's toddler for almost the whole reception, and you've never seen someone so uncomfortable, ever." Ellie snorts, and Sarah giggles even as the words surprise her. "It just wasn't his thing. So... how good he is with Amy, it's been kind of a surprise, to me."
Nodding, Sarah bites her lip, thinks back.
"He's always been good with her. The first time we met was because of Amy, actually, and she wasn't that good with strangers then, like I said. But she saw Chuck, and he said hi, and she waved at him. That had never happened before, she usually just runs back to me." She grins at the memory, how, then, she'd had no idea what an important part of their lives Chuck Bartowski would very quickly become. "But after that, he just, he knew how to talk to her, knew how to react. You know, she drew him this picture of him and a lizard? And he just took it, and thanked her like it was totally normal. He put it on his refrigerator," She chuckles at the thought, going back to her food, and Ellie smiles too, but it fades quickly, the other woman evidently thinking.
"Sarah, I don't want Chuck to get hurt."
Sarah blinks, not going for her bite of side salad after all. She'd expected questions, from the other woman, but she hadn't expected this. Not this blunt, almost accusing, honesty.
"What?"
"I know that you two aren't..." Ellie trails off, unable to find the word much like Sarah often finds she can't, and waves a hand. "But you're still, y'know, involved, to a degree. Chuck is cautious, and careful, so for him to be involved with someone—not involved, but you know what I mean- when there's a child in the mix, too, I know that means it's a big deal to him. That you guys are a big deal to him, even if you're just friends. But if anything were to happen, I think it would hurt him, at this point. He's attached, to both of you, and I wouldn't want to see him hurt. I know from the past, Chuck hurts easily."
Absentmindedly wondering if she's being accused or warned, here, Sarah swallows.
"Well, I don't wanna hurt him." she says, strong, sure of herself. That's why she's holding back now, after all. Literally staying away, trying to keep distanced, so he isn't hurt. It's a different kind of hurt, she supposes, emotional to physical, but the idea is the same. Not staying back leads to the same.
Ellie sighs.
"I know that."
Though the doctor's words may be true, Sarah hears that she's not convinced, and leans forward.
"No, really, I notice it too. And trust me, if anything were to happen that would hurt Chuck if it went bad, it would hurt Amy too." Ellie raises an eyebrow, and Sarah shrugs. "There's never been anyone around her for as long as Chuck has been, apart from me. Br- my ex didn't spend this much time with her in almost a year. You know about her father, what happened with him, and like I told you, my parents haven't been big parts in my life. Amy loves having Chuck around, I know that, and he's special to her. So I know, it could go badly, with both of them, I know."
Ellie tilts her head, brow furrowed just a little.
"Okay. And what about with you?"
That, Sarah supposes, is the bigger question here. She clears her throat, looks down at her meal.
"Amy matters more. It could hurt me too, sure, but, Amy's the important thing here. And Chuck, to you."
Clearing her throat, Ellie picks at her food.
"I'm sorry. I just-"
"I understand." And truly, Sarah does. After all, she'd been thinking the same thing before leaving Amy with Chuck today. "And that's why we're just friends."
Ellie nods, apparently done pushing, then sips her coffee.
"Anyway, let's move on. How's work?"
Jumping into the opening, Sarah rambles about her work projects, her coworkers, the rumor that the CEO stumbled in still-drunk on New Year's Day, when the company wasn't even open again yet. And they get over the awkwardness, eventually.
But Sarah doesn't shake the knowledge that, whatever is between her and Chuck, it's enough for his sister to be concerned. And whatever it is, she's kinda concerned too. Because she wonders, if Chuck knew about Ellie's worries, if she voiced them to him, would he step back and listen to them? Or would he ignore them, ignore her, and just keep spending time with her and Amy?
Despite herself, despite understanding Ellie's concern, Sarah hopes it's the second option.
"This was so great," Ellie says, as they slow just by the parking lot. "We should definitely do it again some time. Or go for drinks, just hang out,"
"Yeah, yeah, Ellie, I'd like that. Sometimes it's easy to forget I'm an adult, who can do adult things," Sarah grins, and Ellie chuckles before looking at the bags in her own hands.
She pulls a face.
"I told Devon I was gonna buy a lot, but I don't know if he thought it would be this much,"
Sarah chuckles, eyeing her own purchases. Most of them are necessary things, but some were a little indulgent, and it felt good to treat herself.
"Well I should let you get back to him,"
Nodding, Ellie smiles, moving in and somehow hugging Sarah despite the many bags. Sarah chuckles as she hugs her back.
"See you later, Sarah. Tell Chuck I said hi,"
She smiles, holds down a blush.
"I will."
Ellie pulls back, grins again, and says goodbye before heading to her car. Once she's gone, Sarah releases the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, and turns on her heel, heading the opposite way to her own car. It had been a nice day, if specked with awkwardness- Ellie's questions and comments, that whole moment in the cafe-, but overall Sarah enjoyed herself, and she's glad she let herself accept Ellie's offer, let herself indulge and get away from it all.
But she's also looking forward to getting back to Amy. And to Chuck. Seeing what they've been up to, what mess they might've made, how those cookies turned out. And so she reaches her car, puts the bags in the trunk, and drives back home, ignoring the voice in her head that questions just why she wants to see Chuck so much when she'd just told his sister a mere few hours ago that they were only friends. That to avoid someone getting hurt, that's essentially all they'd be.
She's still ignoring the voice when she reaches the apartment, still ignoring it in the elevator, and by the time she's in the hall, she's quashed it completely.
Heading up to the apartment, she shifts the bags she's carrying so they're resting in the crooks of her elbows, freeing her hands to get out her keys and turn them in the lock.
And as she pushes the door open, she is met with the sight of Chuck, lying on the sofa, Amy lying on top of him, her head nestled under his chin. Both of their eyes are lazily tuned to the TV. Amy is sucking her thumb, but Sarah lets it go, just watching them before they notice her.
Because something aches within her at this scene, and her being here, coming home to her daughter and the man they both care about, wrapped up lazily on the couch. This is what coming home should be like. This is what a family should feel like. And this, right here, is what she wants.
She knows now, vague ideas of someone by her side, that's not what she longs for anymore. Now, it's Chuck, specifically. Chuck, with her, and Amy. Perfect.
And, as Amy turns her head, seeing Sarah, her eyes widening, the ache just grows. It's a little like a scene from a movie.
"Mommy!" she calls, clambering off Chuck and running toward her, and Sarah only just manages to crouch down and open her arms before Amy crashes into her, bags too, cuddling her tight.
She chuckles, holding her close.
"Hi, baby. Did you miss me?"
Amy nods, and on the couch Chuck laughs softly, standing and stretching before heading their way.
"I guess TV time is over." He grins goofily at Amy before turning to Sarah, looking at the various things in her hands. "Hi. You need any help?"
She smiles at his kindness, as ever.
"No, I'm okay," She stands, feeling as Chuck still rests a steadying hand, warm and light, on her shoulder. Amy cuddles her legs, still, and Sarah chuckles. "Let me go put all these bags down in my room, bug, then cuddles, okay?"
Nodding, Amy lets go, and Chuck smiles as Sarah moves through to her room, dumping the various bags atop her bed. Rifling through them, she picks up the one with Amy's shirts and another smaller one before turning around. She draws up short, though, as she sees Chuck standing in her doorway, hands in his pockets.
"You have a good time?" he murmurs, voice a little gravelly. It makes something flip within her stomach.
She nods, smiles.
"Yeah, it was fun. Oh, Ellie says hi." He chuckles, but something dawns on her, and she steps forward. "And... I realize I never said hi, so, hi."
He dips his head, and awkwardness descends for a beat before she moves in, hugs him briefly, the memories of that ache still within her. She wants this, dammit, she can't help it. He holds her in return, arms warm and gentle and soft like always, and she sighs into his shoulder before she pulls back. He smiles at her, all open, but thankfully steps back before Sarah can lean in and likely do something she'll regret.
"What did you buy?" he asks, as they head back out into the apartment, and Amy's head spins round from where she's once more taken a seat on the couch.
"Did you get me presents?"
She chuckles, walking up to Amy and tickling her cheek.
"I suppose I did, Ames," She tugs the shirts out of the bag, hands them to Amy, and the little girl takes them curiously. When she looks at the one with a cartoon elephant making a silly face, she giggles, and Sarah grins back, letting Amy engulf her in a hug before she turns back to Chuck, reaching out with the other bag. "And I got you this, as a thank you."
He blinks, looking surprised, and takes the bag.
"Oh, you didn't have to..." Pulling out the contents, he looks even more surprised.
"Ellie said you didn't have that one,"
"No, I don't," He turns the video game box over, reads the back. It's an extension pack for a game Ellie told Sarah he loves, and she thinks it's a worthy thank you for watching Amy all day. He looks back up at her and grins. "Thanks,"
"What is it?" Amy asks, before Sarah can reply, and Chuck turns to her.
"Oh, it's a video game, bug. But it's not one you can play just yet, okay? We'll stick with the driving." Amy giggles, shrugs an okay, but Sarah looks to the TV and blinks when she sees the games console attached to it, plugged in with various wires. Chuck steps forward. "It's just my old system, I brought it over so Amy could play while the cookies were baking. I got a new one for Christmas and I just hadn't thrown this out yet. You guys can keep it, if- if you want."
"Yeah! So we can play games, Mommy!"
There's no arguing with her daughter, Sarah knows, though she doubts they'll play on the console all that much. But it's still kind of Chuck to give it to them, and so Sarah smiles, steps in and kisses his cheek.
"Thank you." He flushes, but his hand finds hers, fingers squeezing her own. She smiles, then turns to Amy. "Now, where are these cookies I keep hearing about?"
And as she is lead into the kitchen, as she tries the cookies, as they spend a little more time with Chuck before he heads home, that aching feeling never leaves Sarah. Because she wants this, but she also really just wants Chuck. Giving in means making him an even bigger target, and she knows she can't, but that doesn't mean she can control her thoughts, her wants. And she wants him, to be here, with her, with them.
And, if the searing look he gives her as he leaves is any indication, he still wants her bad, too.
a/n 2: Aw, look, baking's back. Zettel kindly called this story a "canto to convection baking and to slow-burn romance" the other day, and whaddya know, this chapter has both of those, again. I loved writing Sarah and Ellie hanging out, here, their friendship is one of my favourites in the show and I like transferring it here in these little moments. While also making it a tad awkward for everyone involved. Oh, and the scene where Sarah came home to find Chuck and Amy on the couch was something I'd had in my head since the start of this fic, an idyllic little moment with these three. They just keep falling for each other. Next up, Chapter 12, 'The Story', for a little post-movie-night fun. See you guys in a couple days!
-Kiera :)