Not very long I'm afraid, but I hope you all think its great al the same. I found it hard to write at first, probably because of the subject. I don't like Sad Tom at all! I did throw in a flashback for him though. Maybe I could do more. We'll see.
And as always, thanks for the reviews!

Chapter Eleven

Tom

"What in God's name has gotten into you?" Robert demanded of me the moment the door shut behind Kate.

"Nothing has gotten into me." I told him steadily.

He stared at me and shook his head in disbelief. "It was Carson that brought it to my attention. I hadn't even realized you were still outside alone with Ms. Byrne. In fact I assumed you had both retired to your respective rooms for the night." He turned back to me. "It isn't at all proper. She's young and she's unmarried."

"Nothing happened."

"You had bloody well hope it didn't. You've lived here for a good amount of time, Tom, I shouldn't have to explain the expectations to you. We do what's right, we do what's expected of us, we do not go off gallivanting on the grounds with lovely young women who are near strangers to us!"

"What happened between us was just friendly conversation that pertained mostly to our homeland." I informed him in a near mocking tone. "She is lovely, I'll agree with you there, but that's all I agree with. She is smart and educated, if she felt at all compromised I have no doubt she would have come inside on her own."

He whirled on me, "Do you think this is funny? In my day-"

"It's not your day though is it? Things are different and have been for quite some time. Myself, I prefer it this way. I prefer not having to live by a rigid and downright stupid set of rules!"

"You'll not make a mockery of this! I have accepted you as my daughter's husband, my son-in-law and as a member of this family. You have proven yourself worthy and competent of your position as manager of this estate, but I won't let you make a fool of yourself and of my daughter!" he moved in closer to me "What do you know of this girl besides the fact that she's Irish born and an orphan?"

Truthfully, I didn't know much more than that and there was no way I could counter his argument with the bits and pieces of life story she had given me not fifteen minutes before outside. "Why does it matter?" I asked, "You were singing her praises only hours ago in the dining room."

"As a person." He told me pointedly, "As a friend of my daughters. Not as a wife to you and mother to my granddaughter." The remark almost kicked my legs out from under me. I watched him turn away from me, facing the fire that raged in the hearth.

"Nothing happened." I told him again, "Nothing of consequence anyway. She's leaving in the morning and I'm sure that will be the end of it all." I lied. I lied through my teeth. I had every intention of making sure that we saw one another again.

He looked back to me then, taking in what I had said and then nodded. "Right, you're right."

The defeat in his voice was painfully lucid and without thinking I walked over to him, coming to a stop beside him, facing the flames. The night had gone cooler since we had gone out earlier and it was a welcome warmth.

"Three years. In some ways it doesn't seem as if it has been that long and then in others…" his voice choked and then he stopped speaking all together. I knew then this whole thing was about me or Kate at all, it was about Sybil. And then I was hit with an overwhelming flood of guilt. The same guilt that had lingered since she had been taken from me. The guilt that said it was all my fault. It renewed the blame I put on myself that I kept locked in the darkest corner of my mind that said she would still be here if it weren't for me. She would be healthy, happy and alive if I hadn't gotten her pregnant.

"Tom." She said from the doorway to our small bedroom. We had just come from my parent's home, it was a dark winter night and our small flat was warm and comfortable against the bitter cold outside.

I looked over at her as I sat on the bed to remove my shoes. "What is it?"

"I have some news."

I stopped what I was doing. "Is everything all right?"

She smiled coyly. "Oh yes, fine." She came into the room further and stood in front of me. She had only recently cut her hair in a stylish bob and I was still taken a bit by surprise when I saw it. "Tom." She said my name, pulling me out of my thoughts. I saw an amused smile on her face and then she spoke, but it sounded as if she mumbled at first.

"What?" I asked.

She said it again, but still I couldn't seem to understand.

"I'm going to have a baby." She said again a little louder and that time, I finally heard her. I looked at her, looked down at the floor, out the window, back to her. I was confused. She laughed again. "Will you say something?"

"A baby?"

She nodded. "A baby."

"A baby?" I asked again, completely confused.

"Shall I explain to you how it happened?" she reached down and took my hand, bringing it to her middle, "I didn't put it there myself, I assure you."

My eyes focused on the placement of my hand. Though her middle was still flat, I was hit with an instant understanding. A baby! We were going to have a baby! I was on my feet within a half second and had her in my arms the next. She laughed as I kissed her at least a thousand times before I set her back on the ground.

"You're pleased then?"

"Yes. This is the best news!"

She beamed and kissed me once again.

As I stared at the fire, the memory of that night running through my head, the guilt now overwhelming I realized the extent of what I had allowed to happen over the last few days. I had betrayed her life, her death, her memory, without even realizing it. Just an hour ago I sat outside with another woman in my arms and kissed her, with the house my wife had grown up in in the background. What kind of person did that?

Kate

I should have gone upstairs to my room after I left the library. How could I have been so weak and stupid to let something like that happen? I want to scream at Edith for setting up the situation and so rather than going to my room I went to find her instead. I went back to the drawing room, expecting her to be there, but was startled to find only the Dowager Countess. I stammered in greeting her, but she waved a hand up to stop me.

"I had been hoping I would get a moment to speak with you, Miss Byrne. Take a seat."

"My Lady?"

"Concerning your mother."

At that I did as I was told and took the chair next to her, feeling the rock hard ball form in my throat. Somehow I knew this was coming.

"She was English, you say?"

"Yes."

"But Beaumont wasn't really her last name was it?"

I hesitated before I answered, "No."

She seemed satisfied with my truthfulness and turned the elegant cane in her head with delicate fingers. "What made you choose that name then?"

"It was the one she told people." I replied honestly.

"She was English then? Truthfully?"

"Yes, my Lady."

"And you know who she was really was?"

I hesitated before I nodded. After she had died the letter she had written to me had been found in a chest at the foot of her bed, safely in cased in a protestant bible. It had told me how she had met my father, how they had fallen in love and eventually married in secret. The letter indicated she had intended to tell me many times over, but that every time she had tried to, she just couldn't. I looked up at the matronly woman, not feeling at all challenged by the look on her face. "Her name was Josephine Ashford."

She nodded as if she had already known that. "The Earl of Redfield's daughter."

I nodded again, realizing solemnly, I was letting a large part of my life slip away from secrecy. "How did you know?"

"You favor your grandmother."

I looked up quickly, "Do I? You knew her?"

She gave a nod. "She was older than me, but we moved in the same circles before we married. She's dead now. Before the war I heard though I didn't go to the funeral." She paused a moment. "It was said that your mother died of typhoid. Did you know that?"

"Yes."

"Rather than face the scandal of their daughter eloping they said she was dead."

"But you knew the truth."

"There were rumors." She told me. "That she had fallen in love with her father's steward and married him in secret. I'm afraid this old memory of mine couldn't put the pieces together until tonight. Redfield was a stern man. Not one to be crossed. He's dead now too. Your uncle holds the title though I hear he isn't all that different from his father."

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. My mother had said as much in her letter. I believed the words she used to describe her father were "monster" and "tyrant". I had no desire to know any of them.

"Does my granddaughter know who you are?"

"No, my lady, no one does." Well one did know, but it didn't matter much now that he was dead himself.

"I find your story interesting, Miss Byrne. You seem to be quite the enigma."

"I do not enjoy it. I can assure you."

"I am quite sure of that. I am also sure there is more to the story that you're still keeping to yourself."

I didn't answer.

The door opened then and Mr. Carson appeared to let Lady Grantham know her car was ready for her. She rose with his help and started for the door. I stood out of politeness. "I hope your trip back to London is a safe one, Miss Byrne." She said.

"Thank you, my lady."

"You can dispense with the "My Lady's", Dear. They are no longer necessary."

And with that she was out the door. When it was closed securely behind her I collapsed back into the chair and put my palms to my face. The last few hours had been unbelievably emotional and full of revelations I would have rather kept guarded. And Tom? God, I couldn't even think properly on that one. Why did I ever accept Edith's invitation here? I should have just stayed in London, safe in my flat far away from Yorkshire.