After Ikeda, Saito takes Aimi off the active duty roster, forcing her to rest. During a training session she meets the samurai from the tea shop again and learns more about Hijikata's reasons for pushing her away.
End of July 1864
Thanks to their victory at Ikeda Inn, the Shinsengumi earned a level of prestige within the shogunate and Kyoto. News of their exploits brought an increase in enrollment from Osaka and Kyoto. This allowed them to increase their presence in patrolling for those Choshu ronin who'd escaped to the streets of Kyoto.
Aimi noticed a change in attitude from the lower-ranks. Those she passed greeted her as respectfully as they greeted Yamazaki, or Shimada. Even Sanan's attitude toward her softened.
After a week, Saito returned her to active duty. Aimi was eager to resume her job. She wasn't certain how much longer she could stand to rest. After the first three days it was apparent Saito used the down time as a disciplinary measure against her stubbornness in the weeks before. He'd warned her not to overtax herself. His disappointment over her lack of self care shamed her more than Hijikata's angry scowls, or Souji's lack of teasing ever could. She'd let them all down by pushing herself beyond her limits.
Saito now allowed her only two hours of training on days she was on patrol. Aimi balked at this at first, but she worked harder in those two hours than she had in the previous weeks on her own. Souji, Nagakura and Saito were her instructors. Twice a week she would train with the soldiers. Souji and Heisuke were still recovering from their injuries, and unable to participate. That didn't keep them from observing. Souji watched each of her training sessions, and offered his own suggestions.
She stood in the garden with only Saito and Souji. She didn't know what to expect from the private session. Her hands grew clammy recalling how easily he disarmed her just a few months ago. She'd not even realized it until he was handing her her sword.
"You need to focus. Your grip is off today."
Aimi grimaced, of course he would notice. She wiped her hand on her hakama and flexed her fingers, and adjusted her grip on the wooden training sword. "I was just thinking too much."
"Do not be ashamed of your defeat. Your skill is exceptional for only three years of training."
She chuckled nervously, he was very perceptive. "Thank you." Aimi would never reach a level of mastery that would give her an advantage over Saito, or Souji. But she would honor their time by striving to exceed their expectations.
He took her through each technique, critiquing each movement from her grip to the position of her feet. He frowned over them more than once, having her repeat them as he studied them.
"Does that feel natural to you?" he asked after she repeated one technique for the third time.
"Is it wrong? I've been without guidance for half a year." She bit the inside of her cheek. She had great respect for his swordsmanship.
"Heh? It looks fine to me, Hajime-kun. It's not as if we don't put our own twists on old techniques."
"If that is the case, then no. You know I won't change something which works for her. I am simply curious."
"Could you show me how you do it? Then I will try it and see which way is best for me."
He nodded and faced her. He took her slowly through the move once, then performed it with greater speed and agility. He indicated for her to attempt it.
She took her stance, shifting her feet to mimic his. She altered her grip and frowned, something wasn't right.
"Like this." Saito stood behind her and covered her hand with his, showing her the adjustment he wished her to try. His other hand moved to her waist, shifting her stance. He held her hand and took her through the strike. She immediately saw the difference. She grinned widely at how natural it felt. She'd thought she overcame her difficulty with this move, but had merely compromised.
"Are you making a move on my sister?" Souji laughed loudly.
Aimi's eyes snapped up and found Hijikata glaring at them. Saito stepped back and shrugged his shoulders. Her gaze darted to the man beside Hijikata. It was the young samurai she'd met at the tea house. Aside from Hijikata, and Saitani, he was easily one of the most handsome men she'd seen. The two of them side by side was enough to send her heart racing. She couldn't decide which of the two was more handsome.
"Oh, hello, didn't we meet the other day?" she asked.
"Yes, at the tea house. Okita-san's sister?" He looked expectantly at Souji.
"Yes, she's my half sister." Souji walked toward them a large grin on his face. "Iba-kun, what brings you to Kyoto. It must be something important."
The man called Iba beamed. "I see you are doing well. I heard about Ikeda." He looked him over, concern marred his brow.
Souji shrugged. "I'm getting better." He waved at her and she came forward. "Iba Hachiro, this is my sister Okita Aimi."
Aimi managed not to gape at him as he smiled warmly at her. She'd not expected to see him after that day and had put him from her mind.
"It's a pleasure to officially meet you." He gave her an elegant bow and for a moment she forgot she was dressed for sparring.
"I'm pleased as well. So you all really are good friends?" She asked Hijikata.
"Our dojo's often competed together," Hijikata answered. "Iba Hachiro's family owns Iba dojo, one of the top 4 dojos in Edo. He is on assignment from the shogun himself. Hachiro is an Okuzume, tasked with protecting the shogun, and those directly involved with him."
"What an honor that you've come to see us." Aimi felt foolish before someone so important. A body guard for the shogun was an impressive position.
He waved off her compliment. "A position arranged by my father, nothing more. I'm curious, why is she training with Saito-san?" Iba asked. "I know she said she was with you the day we met. I confess, I didn't fully believe her. Do you intend for her to have a role beyond gathering information?"
"Her skill with a blade is above those of the lower-ranks. Aimi surpasses Yamazaki in most of their shared talents." That Hijikata would remark on her skill to one outside the Shinsengumi surprised her.
Iba's eyebrow lifted at the familiarity Hijikata addressed her. They all addressed her as Aimi because she'd had no family name when she first arrived, and calling her Okita now would be too confusing. It was just easier.
"I don't do much aside from eavesdrop and stake out suspected Choshu sympathizers."
"We've not formally informed the shogunate of her status." Hijikata clenched his jaw. "She is still very much in the training stage of her position.
Aimi frowned at him. One minute he's praising her skill, the next he's acting like she's still a kid in training.
"Ah, I see. No doubt they would want to assign her to additional tasks if they were aware."
"Exactly. We have taken her training more seriously until we believe she is ready for that responsibility."
"I understand. I won't report what I've seen today. I am here as a friend, not in an official capacity. Please, continue with the lesson. I'd be honored to observe."
"Very well," Saito said. "Come, we will continue."
Under the sharp eyes of Souji, Saito and now Hijikata and Iba, Aimi took up her bokken once more.
Saito asked her to perform the technique on her own. The bokken became an extension of her arm and she performed the move flawlessly. She repeated the steps until she was satisfied she could execute it without thought.
She met Hijikata's eyes and flushed at the praise shining there.
"Thank you, for the correction Saito-san. This does feel more natural." Aimi bowed to him.
Saito nodded and moved to retrieve a bokken. Aimi wet her lips and wiped her hand on her pants.
"I believe you are ready." Saito tucked the bokken into his belt and rested his hand over it lightly and faced her. "Attack me." Satio's stance was relaxed, but Aimi knew it was deceptive.
She took a deep breath and bowed to him. She recalled the day in her room. She mustn't underestimate his speed. She let out half a breath, willing her nerves to settle.
She spun the bokken in her hand, loosening her wrist and kicked at the ground, swinging at him. His eyes widened, and his bokken came up to deflect her. She pivoted to lessened the impact of his sword. The strength of it still stung her palm. She wasted no time in attacking again. Saito easily parried each strike. He'd yet to move from a defensive position. He didn't retreat, or shift his weight, other than to push her back. She found no opening to strike him. He frowned at her, and she sensed he felt her heart wasn't in this fight. She clenched her jaw, determined to give it her all. She narrowed her eyes and feigned to his right, he stood his ground expecting the deception. She used that to her advantage. She pushed off with her foot, adding as much of her weight to her strike as she dared without leaving herself vulnerable.
The loud crack of wood hitting wood echoed through the garden. He stepped back to keep his balance. A slight smile played on his lips. He pushed her bokken away easily with his and pressed toward her. She was now on the defense. It took every skill she'd learned to continue to deflect his blows. Sweat beaded on her brow, and ran down her back. Saito had yet to break a sweat. She clenched her teeth together and gave him a feral smile. She ducked under his swing, rolled and came up behind him as he spun to meet her. He was ready for her, and caught her wrist before her bokken struck his right side. His own lay across her throat.
"Your eyes give you away. Guard your thoughts better."
Panting to catch her breath she stepped back and bowed to him. He'd gone easy on her. He was fast, but she'd seen him move faster. She'd never expected to beat him, but she was proud to have lasted as long as she did.
"You went easy on her." Souji strode forward a gleam in his eye.
"Souji," Hijikata scolded. "Only you can match Saito unless he holds back."
"A good teacher knows when to push their student. Aimi-san fought well. It was an honor to observe." Iba bowed with a bright smile. "I see why you chose her, Toshi."
"What? Are you mocking me again?" Hijikata's cheeks turned rosy.
"I should be going, but you'll be seeing more of me now that my position brings me to Kyoto often."
"What? You don't have to keep coming here." Hijikata seemed flustered. He wasn't a man used to showing other men the same kindness Iba showed him, but he seemed to enjoy Iba's company. "Come, I will see you out." Hijikata looked expectantly at Aimi.
"If I may, I'll join you."
Saito nodded. "Our lesson is concluded."
She bowed to Saito and Souji. Then walked with Hijikata and Iba through the compound.
"I must admit I was surprised to see not one, but two women in the Shinsengumi."
Hijikata's eyes widened. "Two?"
"Well, Chizuru..."
Hijikata's grimaced.
"Oh, is that a secret? It's apparent when you look at her that she is a girl. It's not her fault."
Hijikata sighed. "Anyone with half a brain would notice. She has her reasons for dressing as a boy."
"How long has Yukimura Kodo-san been missing now?"
"How do you know her father?" Hijikata stopped short and narrowed his eyes at Iba.
"I visited Yukimura Clinic as a young boy. I was interested in western medicine at the time. Chizuru was very young then. It's clear she doesn't remember me. I didn't want to add to her burden by mentioning it."
"She might be happy to have a friend from her childhood. Or were you not very close?" Aimi asked.
His smiled fondly. "She was a very lonely child and I looked out for her. I admit as a young boy she was the first girl I had any interest in. She was maybe five or six at the time, and I wasn't much older. She appears to be happy here, I shouldn't like to cause her grief."
"I think she would welcome your friendship." Aimi smiled brightly at his surprised expression.
"And is your interest in young Chizuru still more than just a friendship?" Hijikata gave him a smug look.
"Now who's mocking who? No, Chizuru is a sweet girl, but someone else has caught my eye." Iba smiled warmly at Aimi.
"Whoever she is, she's a lucky girl." Aimi pushed down the sharp twinge in her chest. The same twinge she experienced when Hijikata tied her obi with practiced ease.
"I hope she thinks so. We met only recently, it's far too soon to make my intentions known. What of you Toshi, when are you and Okoto-san getting married?"
Hijikata shook his head. "I ended that arrangement. After taking the role of Vice-Commander, I swore I'd never marry. A wife is a weapon to use against me." His eyes were hard, his jaw clenched as he held her gaze.
Aimi's heart sunk like a stone. She didn't expected the sting of tears, hadn't she cried enough the week before? She found it difficult to draw a breath.
"I'm sorry, I just recalled I promised Kondou-san I would join him for tea after my session with Saito-san. I should go change. Please forgive my rudeness. Iba-san, it was a pleasure to see you again." She bowed and hurried off before her tears fell.
The dam on her tears broke as soon as she shut her door. She dropped to her knees and pressed her hands to her eyes trying in vain to stop the flow. What a fool she was to still care for him. He was no different than Saitani. Hijikata gave no offer of marriage, she'd assumed that herself. For all her training, she knew nothing of men and their ability to twist words. The fault was hers. She wanted so badly to belong, that she trusted too easily and too deeply. She'd been regretting her decision to join the Shinsengumi. If she hadn't, maybe Hijikata wouldn't have pushed her away. Now she realized she'd made the right choice. He'd never meant the attraction between them was of a permanent nature.
She wouldn't beg, she wouldn't press him. She accepted his decision as final. Her tears slowed with each piece of wall she built around her fragile heart. She let him distract her from the search for her family. She was now in a position to find clues to who her father was. She pulled the things from her trunk, and pressed the knot in the wood, lifting the spring in the false bottom. She took out the prints. One of her father, or so she was told. It was faded, and Aimi feared too dated for anyone to recognize him now.
He had a gentle smile, and a warmth in his eyes. Aimi imagined he was a good man, and would have been a loving father and husband. She felt the loss of love all too keenly. Perhaps that was why she fell so quickly for Hijikata? When he smiled he reminded her of her father. There were no similarities between them. Her father wasn't especially handsome. His face had a gentle grace, but not the sculpted perfection of Hijikata's. But the warmth in their eyes when they smiled made her feel safe, wanted. She sighed and returned it to the drawer at the bottom of her trunk.
The other was her mother. Aimi stared into her mother's smiling eyes. The love she saw shining there made her heart ache. Aimi sucked in a breath. How had she missed that all these years? Her father had painted the portrait of her mother. Her eyes held the same light as when she spoke of her father all those years ago. Her mother mentioned her father was an artist. Aimi had taken her charcoal stick to the walls of their small living room. Instead of scolding her for marring the walls, her mother scooped her up and held her close. She told her how her father was an artist, and how proud of her he would have been.
Fresh tears fell. These for her parents, who had loved each other so deeply. But whose love wasn't enough to keep them together. Aimi bit the inside of her cheek. Love. She grit her teeth. Aimi put away her mother's picture. Love was for fools. Love didn't put a roof over a head, or food on the table. What did she need of love now? She had a position within the special forces charged with protecting Kyoto, the Imperial city! She could now look for her father, or her family. And if she never found them, she would have money to see her through. She would forever be grateful to Hijikata for the faith he had in her abilities, just as she was grateful for Saitani. Her years at Shimabara made her stronger, and enabled her the job she had now. Aimi wiped the tears from her cheeks. Her new perspective on her life made the tears seem foolish.
"Aimi-san, are you awake?" Chizuru's soft voice called from the door. "Are we still going to the market for dinner supplies?"
Aimi bit her lip and took a deep breath.
"I'll be ready soon. I'll meet you in the common room." She crossed to the mirror. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying. She dipped a cloth in the cool water in the pitcher, and pressed it to them. When she was satisfied the swelling had receded enough to go unnoticed. She changed into her simplest kimono and added paint to her lips. Satisfied her eyes wouldn't give her away, she went to meet Chizuru in the common room.