Ch.10

Hiei sat alone in the giant tub lost in his thoughts. Part of him was aware that Kurama had left but for the moment his thoughts had a stronger hold on him. He knew perfectly well what he was doing and what he was feeling. True he knew very little of emotions outside of anger and rejection but he had seen someone experience this before.

He was wallowing in self pity and denial, just like the detective had. He was tired of everything. The constant battles, oh not the physical ones, those he could handle. It was a reprieve from his inner battles, battles of loneliness and self-disgust. They had grown exponentially since he had been captured.

Hiei began to give in to his inner demons. His crimes and those committed onto him replayed over and over in his mind like a broken record until all he could do was draw his knees to his chest and rock back and forth. Why had he hung on so long? What was the point?

Hiei shook with the force of holding in the screams that wanted to erupt from somewhere deep inside of him. But he knew with those screams would come the tears, if the dam broke…there was no going back and quite frankly he didn't know what would happen.

It was all useless, why had he fought so hard? What was the purpose? Hiei had spiraled into the deep hell of his mind. He was not aware of anything but his own hate and hopelessness. He was jerked back when he heard a familiar voice scream out 'Sons of bitches!' and something crashing.

'That voice…I know it. Who...the detective? But why is he angry now? Hmm what do I care? It's not like they care for me anyways.' Hiei submerged himself deeper into the water and a rose petal got caught on his lip. Startled he sat back up and heard a soft laugh that sounded suspiciously like Shioris, his fox mother, in his mind .

'Oh, is that so? Indeed nobody cares. Honestly why would they go trough the trouble of healing you. They hate you and that is why they are ready to rip apart those who hurt you. They have never helped you or included you in their adventures or vacations. Selfish little people aren't they? Obviously their friendship means nothing to you. What possible good memories could you have? NO it's better to give up now.'

'What the hell was that?' Hiei wondered. He rolled his eyes and slumped back into the water. 'Great on top of everything else I'm hearing voices. And it just had to be Shiori, didn't it.' He snorted but what could have passed as a small smile graced his lips.

Cupping stray petals in his palm he gazed at them intently as if they had the answer to all his problems. He sighed, he was just so confused. He couldn't handle all his feelings, his thoughts where in shambles just like his life. But…

'Memories, huh? Stupid sentimental human traits, isn't that what I called them? Kurama… Kurama just laughed and told me it's what kept them going.' Taking a deep breath Hiei centered himself and plunged into the abyss that was his mind. He remembered that Makuro had made him do this before and it had helped, maybe it would help again.

Images from his birth came to him first. The cold and seemingly endless plunge down from his mothers' homeland. The bandits and their rough treatment of him, lonely days and night on end filled with death, hate and scorn. Only to end in abandonment again. Years of emptiness, of solitude. Hieis small frame began to shake again as he felt the piercing pain that always came with his memories.

Then there was Yukina, his twin sister. The strange sense of pride in her pureness and the first time he ever felt protective. And then came… Kurama. Brilliant vivid images exploded behind his minds eye, warming him where his fiery spirit could not. Fond memories of time spent together at various ages began to blur together.

The first time they meet and fought. Followed by afternoons in the park, in silence or one-sided conversations for the most part. Fights that were not meant for survival but for the simple pleasure of company or exercise. Endless night of coming to Kuramas room to find the window open for him with food, bandages, a place to sleep and always a smile waiting for him

There had been fits of anger as well. Both being stubborn and temperamental. However they always worked them out somehow. Then came a group that to his complete astonishment became his…friends. He was completely baffled as to how or why, but the feelings and memories where there.

Various mission, both as work and pleasure arose to his mind. Laughter, acceptance, bafflement, irritation; feelings that came from the memories and the people themselves. Fights for their lives, for the ones they held dear had been fought and won due to the trust and companionship of the team. The engagement of his friend and his woman and…

Hieis eyes snapped open. He remembered why he had fought to survive, fought to come back. Hiei replayed the scene over and over in his mind taking strength from it. Kurama kissing him and asking him to think about him. Hieis hand came up to touch his lips. The rose, the promise!

'My promise to my fox. I… I was going to tell him… that I…Love him.' Hieis eyes widened 'I went to Makai and got captured and then…' Hiei heard the cruel laughter in his head and he closed his eyes fighting against the demons rising up. Taking a deep breath he pushed past those hellish moments and went back to his resolution.

'Those bastard tried to use my…connections to gain control over me. I fought, fought to get back to my fox and save the worthless lot.' When Hiei opened his eyes again they blazed with determination and promise of retaliation. ' I didn't fight thru hell to run with my tail tucked between my legs. Those bastards are going to pay, and pay dearly. The hell with them!'

Getting out of the tub he raised his ki to dry himself off. Shocked when he did not feel even the slightest twinge of protest. Sure he felt weak and…hungry? His stomach growled as if to confirm it. 'But aside from that…' he trailed off and took the time to actually check himself over. Surprised when he saw only the slightest bit of bruises on his body. His injuries where…gone! Not even the slightest trace of them where there.

Smiling unconsciously he acknowledged his twins amazing healing powers and Kuramas…Kurama! Dressing quickly he headed out of the bathroom in search of his wayward fox. "He will be mine, one way or the other. I'll be damned if I just crawled out of Sensuis private heaven for him and he doesn't accept me. Fox you will be mine.'

Pausing he backtracked on his possessive thoughts. He didn't really want to force his fox into anything. Shaking it off he berated himself 'If he didn't care for you in that manner he would not have given you that kiss or rose. Or that nickname, you don't see him giving anyone else a special name.' with that he moved on only to stop dead in his tracks when he heard Kuwabara

"I'm sorry Yukina but I can't do that. My opinion of him has changed and I can't pretend otherwise." A bolt of pain went thru him. He heard Yusuke yell out something angrily but couldn't make out the words. He slid slowly down the wall.

It's not that he put much stock into what the oaf thought, but…it hurt. Who he had thought to be his friends, although unacknowledged, hated him. It was a cycle in his life he should be used to by now but, he had hoped that this one time it could have been different.

Then he heard it, he honestly could not believe it. He stared blankly at the wall as the words kept playing over and over in his mind " My respect and admiration for him grew. He risked all to keep us safe, despite the fact that he says he doesn't like us. To endure so much pain and still come to us? You can't tell me you see the shrimp the same."

Yukinas words came next "Hiei is fighting to come back to us. His inner demons are many, more so than before. But I for one will not let them take him. I know Kurama is fighting shoulder to shoulder with Hiei and I will be there slightly behind to help them if they falter."

The resounding agreement from them all echoed in his ears. He sat there staring blankly at the wall in front of him. In the background he could hear them preparing food and talking amongst themselves. There was a strange burning sensation from his eyes, blinking he was stunned to realize he was about to cry.

Shaking his head he stood up. Something inside him shifted and when he took a few steps forward he felt different. Lighter somehow, smiling ruefully he shook his head and stepped into his friends line of vision. The word friend was still foreign to him but he was willing to give it a try. Without the idiots knowing of course.

The first one to spot him was Kuwabara. Apparently that loud crash he had heard was the table breaking. Kuwabara was just placing the replacement. They stared at each other for a while, Hiei trying to act nonchalant and Kuwabara trying to asses his mood. Apparently liking what he saw Kuwabara broke out into a smile and called out a silent "Hey"

He burst out laughing when all he got was a typical "Hn". Hearing Kuwabara laugh the team swarmed out of the kitchen and from outside to see what the deal was. Upon seeing Hiei with his arms crossed and his usual sneer the girls squealed and ran to him.

At the sudden contact of various bodies Hiei stiffened and tried to control his trembling. The girls noticed but made no comment, pretending to be irritated when their perspective love interest hauled them off the visibly shaken fire apparition. Taking a deep breath to calm his sudden fear Hiei snapped out the first thing that came to his mind.

"Hey" when they all just stared at him he inwardly groaned 'Apparently this is not going to be as easy as I had hoped. But then again when are they ever. But this phobia…well one problem at a time'

When he still had no response from the team besides wide eyed stares he snapped at them "Are you gonna stand there all day and gape at me?" Recovering quickly Yusuke stepped forward "Nah man! Where just shocked you decided to leave your beauty rest to join us."

"Hn. Pleasant as ever I see, Detective." Yusuke just laughed and scratched the back of his head. "Yea well, Keiko loves me like this ya know." At that Kuwabara snorted. "Please she just felt sorry for your sorry ass and has taken it upon herself to care for the idiot of the century."

"3,2,1" Hiei thought. When he got to one the boys began to fight. Snorting he turned his eyes to his sister who was shaking her head exasperated at the boys antics. Sensing someone watching her she looked up to see her brother staring at her.

The group suddenly found errands they had to attend to. Yusuke went to find Kurama and Kuwabara accompanied him. Keiko, Botan and Koenma had to finish the meal. Soon it was just the twins, neither daring to look away. Yukina took a hesitant step forward, a question in her eyes.

Noting no one was around he nodded once and opened his arms. Yukina did not hesitate and ran to her brothers open arms. They both felt how he stiffened at the contact but stubbornly held on fighting the demons together. A ragged breath escaped Yukina.

"My brother I missed you so much! You can not imagine how happy I am to finally be able to see and hold you again!" she cried. Holding on tighter as her fears washed over her and out again as she felt her brother tighten his hold on her and his warmth penetrate her.

He tried to reassure her, to say something to comfort her but all he could manage was a rough "Yukina." It seemed that was enough for she relaxed in his hold and smiled up at him. Placing a light kiss on his cheek she led him to his favorite ledge overlooking the forest.

Just then the sun broke trough the trees crown and bathed the room in bright light. Squinting against the unfamiliar glare Hiei looked around trying to adjust his eyes. His back straightened when he felt a familiar presence close.

Looking he saw Botan, Koenma and Keiko placing an abundance of food on the table and laughing at something Botan had said. Smiling they looked over to where he was and they shifted their gaze a little of to his left. Turning he saw Kurama with a smile brighter than the sun walking towards him with Yusuke and Kuwabara elbowing each other behind him.

Closing his eyes momentarily Hiei savored the feeling of being cared for by the people around him. Hiei knew overcoming his countless inner demons would be difficult if not impossible but… at that moment he didn't care. After all he had his friends and his fox with him and nothing in the three worlds could ever beat them.

'Especially' he thought with a tiny smile as he hopped down from the ledge and walked towards his fox 'when our promise is about to be fulfilled and hopefully my only wish will come true.'

Ok so I know there really hasn't been much action or anything but…I'm getting there. If I sound repetitive in my story please tell me so I can change it. I hope you've enjoyed it so far.

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