A/N- So sorry to repost this chapter, but like an idiot, I forgot to edit before I published. My bad! So, here's the updated version. And I apologize for the delay. I sort of had an intense family emergency over the weekend. Forgive me? I hope you enjoy!

Present Day…

Halloween had come and gone; our tenth wedding anniversary flying by unceremoniously. I didn't even get a call from Rachel. Hell, we were still married. For how much longer was unclear. I told Puck and the rest of the guys in the band that I was taking the rest of the year off to spend time with my kids and focus on rebuilding my life.

Thanksgiving was approaching and I needed Rachel to be mature enough to at least discuss arrangements with me. It really sucks that our children will have to spend the rest of their lives dividing their time, attention, and special occasions between the two of us. It was still hard to accept that my marriage was really over.

I had to, somehow, convince Rachel to sit down with me and explain exactly what it was that I did that caused our marriage to crumble. Yes, I've cheated on her a couple times, but I came clean immediately and she forgave me. Maybe I really was dumb, but I had absolutely no clue what I did to deserve this.

I couldn't fathom not spending the Holidays together as a family this year, let alone for the rest of our lives.

I began looking for my own place in Columbus; I couldn't burden my mom and Burt with my marital problems any longer. And it had to be big enough for me and my kids.

Luckily, being a rock star had its perks. Without much effort on my part, I secured a gorgeous three-bedroom apartment on the thirteenth floor of a luxury high-rise. Coincidentally—and painfully so—it was directly across from the beautiful hotel we shared on the night we married.

Additionally, I began sending Rachel weekly checks for, both, her and the kids. And well…let's just say she didn't take too kindly to the notion. The very next day I received a very heated phone call.

"Finn Hudson, just who the hell do you think you are?"

"Excuse me?"

"The check? Why are you so suddenly concerned about our well-being?"

"Rachel, I have always provided for you guys financially. This is nothing new."

"No, it's not. But somehow, it feels as though this is some pitiful attempt to buy my affections, Finn. You can't buy my love."

That hurt. A lot. Why was she being so callous and cold? Why couldn't she just talk to me like the grown-ass woman she was?

"Rachel, pull the stick out of your ass, will ya?"

"I beg your pardon!"

"No, Rachel. Seriously. This is the first conversation we've had since you first told me you were leaving me. I hate feeling like I'm stuck in limbo. We haven't even discussed how we're going to share the kids. You won't even tell me what I did wrong. I have no fucking clue why you're divorcing me!"

"Finn, if you haven't figured it out on your own, then it will do no good having me explain it to you. And I will have my lawyer contact you about custody arrangements."

"No. Fuck that! Rachel, when did you become such a heartless bitch? Since when do we need lawyers to dictate when we can and cannot see our own children? This should be between just me and you. We are two, grown adults. So start acting like one!"

She was quiet, but I could hear her huffing and sighing dramatically in the background. After what seemed like an excessively long pause, she responded.

"Fine. What exactly do you propose, Finn?"

"Well, I'm not sure. But I just rented a sweet apartment in Columbus for the kids and me, so I'm hoping I can have them every other week?"

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, so now that I'm leaving you, you're good enough to get out of Lima? What about me, Finn? Why do I have to be the Lima Loser stuck in this shitty ass, cow town? Why can't I ever get out?"

"Rachel…you're the one who wants to leave, not me. You're the one who wants to end this marriage. It's barely been a year since the band got signed. Did you think everything was just going to go from crap-to-amazing in one, magic moment? These things take time, Rach. And if you must know, prior to you completely blindsiding me, I was working with a realtor who was looking for a place for us in Manhattan."

"You were? New York?" she questioned softly, with a slight sniffle.

"Yes, Rachel. In New York. I know our dream didn't work out the first time, but I thought that maybe the universe had changed its mind about the two of us. I thought that all our dreams would come true the second time around."

"Finn, that's really sweet of you. But, it's over. In fact, I have to go away for a while. I can't tell you why or where I'm going, but I want you to take care of the kids while I'm away."

"Rachel, what are you saying? Not only are you leaving me, but you're deserting our children as well?"

"I'm not deserting them, Finn. There's just something I need to do, for myself. I need to feel whole all on my own, before I can be everything to them. I know you don't understand…"

"You're right, I don't. What did I do to you that screwed you up this much? That made you want to turn your back on your own kids? Whatever it is, I am so fucking sorry Rachel."

"I have to go now. I'll drop the kids off at your mother's tomorrow morning. Goodbye

Finn."

"Rachel don't go…"

It was too late. She had hung up. And I was left feeling more confused and more hurt than ever before. Something wasn't right. Rachel scared the hell out of me. But I had no clue what to do about it.

Right on time, Rachel arrived. Journey and Dylan ran straight into my arms, tears filling their big, brown eyes.

"Daddy, we missed you. Mommy's going on vacation for a little bit and we get to spend all our time with you."

"That's right. It's just me and you three from now on…" I said, spitefully, making sure Rachel could feel the venom in each and every word.

What the hell did she think she was doing? She was turning into Shelby; the birth mother she loathed more than anything in this world. So much for Nature versus Nurture.

Slowly, Rachel pulled suitcases from the back of a U-Haul trailer, placing them on the wet lawn. Then, she pulled Diem out of the back seat and walked slowly over to me. She couldn't even look me in the eyes. She was such a coward! For the first time in her entire life, Rachel was scared. Of what I couldn't decide. She placed soft kisses on each of their heads, and then turned back toward the car.

"I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for, Rachel."

She paused momentarily, never turning to face us. And then, she drove away. Only God knows where she was going and if she would ever return to us.

Thanksgiving arrived. And for the first time in many, many years dinner didn't take place at the Hummel home. Instead, I invited mom and Burt, Kurt and his new boyfriend Davey, and even the entire Puckerman family over to my new place. It felt amazing to be surrounded by friends and family who I loved and who loved me back. It was such a blast watching all of the kids laugh and play together. But of course, I couldn't help but to think of Rachel and where she was today and if she were alone? I hope she had someone to celebrate with. I loved her that much.

Methodically, Burt, Puck, and I cooked all of the food and the gigantic turkey. Mom, Kurt, and Davey tended to the decorations and table settings. Quinn played with the kids. Everything was just about ready, but first the kids wanted to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV. So we all gathered in the living room, our eyes glued to the flat screen, with a cozy fire blazing in the fireplace.

"Daddy, where is this parade? I wanna live there!" Journey squealed in delight.

"It's New York City, baby" I replied solemnly.

"I've heard of this place. Mommy always talked about it."

I didn't say anything. Instead I received sympathetic glances from all of the adults in the room.

Fuck this!

I don't want nor need their sympathy. I decided that I'd had enough of the god-damn Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and that it was time for dinner. I quickly rose from my chair and yelled toward the others.

"Okay everyone, dinner time."

I began making my way toward the kitchen, when Dylan's small, sad voice stole my attention.

"Look, it's Mommy. Why did she go to the parade without us Daddy?"

No. Fucking. Way.

"What did you just say, Dylan?"

"Look. It's mommy, watching the parade with that man."

Everyone gathered closer to the TV, as if they couldn't see well enough on all sixty-five inches of the screen.

Collectively, the room gasped.

"Oh my god, it is Rachel" Quinn noted.

"Who's the guy she's with? He's adorable," Davey remarked.

Everyone snapped their heads and looked at me in utter disbelief and confusion.

"His name is Jesse. Jesse St. James."

"Sore subject," Kurt whispered to Davey, shaking his head side to side, silently telling Davey to shut the hell up about the man who had once been an enemy to us all.

"It's okay, Kurt. He's just this guy…um. He went to Carmel High; McKinley's rival school."

"Oh..."

I looked at Quinn and Puck. Quinn was in tears; Puck looked like one of those cartoon character with fire engine red cheeks and steam raging from his ears. He looked like he wanted to beat Jesse's ass as much as I did.

Mom looked angry; like a mother bear ready to pounce on her prey for trying to harm her cub. Burt just looked…well, like Burt.

Kurt seemed as though he were contemplating something; scheming somehow. And Davey just looked plain confused.

I was just thankful that the kids seemed to have dropped the subject of their mother entirely.

So Rachel was in New York City, huh? She finally made it to the City That Never Sleeps. And she made it there with Jesse St. James, no less. Well…fuck me!

The rest of the day passed by fairly typically—random bodies fast asleep on couches and chairs due to turkey overload, Burt, Puck and I with eyes glued on the Dallas Cowboys game. Quinn and my mom were kind enough to do all the cleaning. I was exhausted; both physically and emotionally. I hadn't spent a Thanksgiving without Rachel in ten years and there she was—in New York City, living it up with Jesse St. Douchebag! I don't think I'll ever get used to being without her; ever!

I had to think about the possibility that Rachel may not return to Ohio in time to spend the Holidays with our kids; I had to prepare them for the worst case scenario. What if their Mommy never came home?

Christmas was right around the corner. Normally, we celebrated, both, Hanukkah and Christmas. But now that Rachel was gone, I had no fucking clue how to celebrate Hanukkah. This was just one more change that the kids would have to get used to; a change for the worse.

Hanukkah came without so much as a word from Rachel. Never in my life would I have thought Rachel was capable of such cruelty and insensitivity. This was not the girl I fell in love with; not by a long shot! Of course, Diem didn't really know what was going on. But Journey and Dylan had taken the absence very badly. Journey was the age where she started noticing how things in the world truly worked sometimes. She began asking questions; ones that I didn't have answers to. Dylan had always been exceptionally quiet for someone who sprung from the loins of Rachel Berry. I guess he took after me that way. But lately, he's been acting out; becoming destructive and verbally abusive to friends and family. I didn't know how to deal with this.

Even I was being affected. My temper was wearing thin and my anxiety was constantly increasing. I felt as though I were wound up so tight, and that at any minute, I could just snap. And my biggest fear was that I would take my pain and anger out on the kids. This was, by no means, their fault at all. They were the victims in this and we were all we had. They were my world.

Puck called and said he wanted to talk. I knew it had to do with the band and whether I was ready to return or not. I wasn't, but I agreed to talk to him anyway.

It was Christmas Eve and the kids were already tucked warmly into their beds. To take the edge off, I popped open a cold, Coor's Light. I grabbed one for Puck too, but he knocked before I had the chance to even sit down.

When I opened the door, he immediately embraced me, hugging for me a while.

"Dude, what gives?"

"Don't even try to act all hard, Hudson. I know this is tough for you. You probably wanna go to your room and cry yourself to sleep. But I'm here now, and we need to talk."

"Whatever you say. Sit. Talk."

"So…dude."

"Dude?"

"Look, I know this couldn't come at a worse possible time, but the label wants us to start touring again after the New Year."

"What am I supposed to say to that? This band has been our dream since we were kids, ya know? But I can't leave my kids, Puck. Their mother abandoned them. And for what? She didn't tell anyone why she left or what she planned on doing. I have to come up with bullshit excuses every single night at bedtime when Journey and Dylan ask why Mommy left and when's she coming back. I won't do that to them, too."

"They'll drop us…the label. They won't replace you, ya know?"

"And why not? Maybe that's the best thing."

"Because, stupid! You are the heart and soul of the band. You are Love in Vein, don't you get it?"

"What about you, Puck? Right down the line, it's been you and me."

"Oh well, that's easy. I bring the sexy."

I had to laugh. Puck most definitely brought the sexy.

"Dude, not to sound like a chick or anything, but I can't do this without you. Hell, I don't want to do this without you. And without the both of, Love in Vein is screwed."

"This whole situation is screwed! I don't know what to do, man."

"Just take the next couple of days to think about it, bro. Then let me know what you decide. Either way, I'm with you. Anyway, I gotta bounce. Quinn will kill me I'm not back before midnight. You know, doing this whole half-Hanukkah, half-Christmas thing is really doing some damage to my bank account. Those girls get everything they want, and that includes Quinn."

"I hear ya, man. This is the first year we didn't celebrate Hanukkah."

"I love you, you know that?"

"Yeah man, I know. Me too."

"Merry Christmas my brotha from anotha motha! Kiss those babies for me and say hello to the Hummel's."

"Will do. Same here, man. Tell the girls we love them."

"Of course. Don't drink yourself into a stupor tonight, Hudson. Those kids are counting on you in the morning."

"No prob, bro."

The problem is…that I really did want to drink myself into a stupor. But Puck was right. My kids depended on me more than ever before and I couldn't let them down. So rather than opening another beer, I dragged my sorry ass to bed.

And of course I dreamt of Rachel…

Journey and Dylan dutifully woke me up long before should be legally allowed. I swear, I just went to bed.

"Daddy, Daddy! It's Christmas morning! Santa came! Wake up, Daddy, wake up!"

"I'm up, I'm up. I need…" I mumbled, yawning. "Coffee. I need coffee."

"The coffee can wait, Daddy. Get up!"

"Should I wake the baby up?"

"Daddy, it's not like she actually knows what's going on," Journey observed.

"That's very true, baby. Let her sleep, it is."

And right on cue, my youngest daughter began wailing from her crib. I raced into her room, changed her diaper, and then fed her as we watched Journey and Dylan tear through the presents from Santa Claus.

"So…what did Santa bring you this year? I sure hope you both made the nice list."

"Of course we did, Dad. Duh!" Dylan remarked as if it wasn't so obvious.

"Dad, I got an iPod…and a Playstation 10"

"Wow, Buddy. That's awesome! You must have been pretty darn good. What about you, Journey?"

"I got an iPod, too. A pink one! Pink is positively, absolutely my favorite color in the whole, wide world. And I got a karaoke machine! Now I can sing all over the apartment, just like Mommy always did."

"You sure can, Sweetie. Sing your heart out! Should we see what baby Diem got? If she got an iPod too, I'm gonna have to call Santa Claus and have a little chat with him."

The kids giggled, which in turn made Diem giggle. Then, I giggled. We were a bunch of crazy, giggling fools.

Diem tried, without much success, to open her gifts from Santa. She received a large, fluffy purple teddy bear and a sparkly teething ring. I had a feeling that last one would soon come in handy.

"Can we open more, Daddy? Please?"

"You guys know the rules. The rest have to wait until we get to Papa and Grammy's."

They protested…loudly. But after I explained to them that the quicker they stop whining, the quicker we got to Lima, the quicker they could open their presents, they stopped and got dressed.

The rest of Christmas morning passed by, but it wasn't easy. Rachel consumed my every thought. Was she still in New York? Was she sharing this moment with that asshole Jesse? It was all wrong; this just wasn't right. Rachel should be here with her family; with the ones who love her most.

"Finn, we're gonna watch the Christmas parade on TV. C'mon," Kurt yelled from the living room.

"Be right there," I returned as I poured myself another glass of eggnog, and then quickly joined my family in front of the flat screen.

"So, what did I miss?"

Nobody answered me; no one said a word. Everyone's eyes were fixed on the face on the screen; everyone's jaws had hit the floor.

"I'm Kathie Lee Gifford and joining me today is up and coming Broadway star, Rachel Berry. Rachel, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself?"

"Of course, Kathie. Well, I'm originally from Ohio, but I came to New York about ten years ago, right after high school and began paying my dues. I had several, small off-Broadway parts and was attending NYU at the time. Unfortunately, life happened and unforeseen events forced me to leave New York and return home. Here I am, several years later, ready to make my big, Broadway debut, thanks to my great friend Jesse St. James. I'm ready to make my dreams come true."

"Rachel, I've also been told that you are recording an album."

"I am. It was actually never my intention to do anything like that, but I met a few, well-connected people and just kind of stumbled upon this venture. I am in the process of recording right now and I will be performing some of my songs at The Bowery Ballroom on New Year's Eve."

"Thank you, Rachel. You can see Rachel Berry make her Broadway debut in February in Les Miserables. And as Rachel said, at The Bowery Ballroom on New Year's Eve."

And just like that, Christmas was ruined. My two oldest children were in tears. My family members were, both, shocked and pissed. I was devastated.

So, Rachel had returned to New York to finally make her dreams come true…without us.