She wished she could get out of the house, just get away for a little bit. Maybe go to visit her mother. Anywhere but in this house, with him, after what had happened. She couldn't, though, because of the storm. She was stuck in the house, so she had sought out comfort in the dryer, which had always worked before. It wasn't doing much for her now. It didn't keep her mind from replaying the whole scene once again.
FLASHBACK
Peyton got tired of lying in bed, watching the storm rage outside. She couldn't sleep though, because of the storm. She had an idea, and slipped out of bed, quietly creeping toward the living room. She remembered what her grandmother had told her, and even though all she wanted to do was lay with Lucas, she still didn't want her grandmother thinking it was more than that. She would really be okay if he was still asleep. Then she could just slip onto the couch with him, no questions asked.
She wasn't that lucky, though. When Peyton walked into the living room she saw that his eyes were open, and she could see the storm reflected in them. She almost wanted to turn around, but she never got that chance. Before Peyton could even make a sound, or movement, Lucas sensed her presence and looked up at her. Peyton found herself walking toward the couch and, when he lifted up the blanket for her, she climbed in next to him.
Lucas held her close, in silence. Peyton felt comfortable in that silence. Lucas made the storm bearable, almost enjoyable even. For a long time she had hated storms, but, with him, she found them somewhat comforting. Although it may have been his presence that was the comfort. In his arms, she felt the need to talk, not because of awkwardness, she just felt the need to open up to him in ways she hadn't opened up in a long time. "For the longest time, I've avoided storms, and rain, at all costs. Today, though, I braved the rain, for you, and I actually liked it. You made me remember how nice a rain storm could be. You made me see the beauty in it again," she spoke softly and Lucas stayed silent, knowing she needed to continue.
Peyton breathed in his scent before continuing and she felt his grip on her tighten. "When I was little she would always take me out to play in the rain," Lucas didn't need to ask who Peyton was talking about. "She'd tell me that the rain washes away all the sin and pain in the world and leaves it fresh and beautiful and that the end of the storm is signified by a rainbow to show the beauty of it. I would love to go out there, with her, in the rain,"she paused. "She died during a rainstorm," it was the first time she was able to make that statement without crying and she knew that, without Lucas, she would be crying.
Lucas nodded and she knew that it was not out of understanding of what she meant, although she knew he understood. He was nodding because he remembed, and that made Peyton extremely grateful. "I know it's not the rains fault, and I shouldn't have avoided the rain because of that, but I did. I didn't go near the rain, because all it did was remind me of the day my mom died. The day my life changed forever. The day I thought I would never forget, but it seems to be slipping farther and farther away," she broke off, burying her face in his chest.
Lucas rubbed her back reassuringly. When she spoke, Peyton's voice was muffled by his chest, but Lucas heard the words perfectly. "I know that day should be something I would love to forget, but I feel like she's going with it," she paused, pulling away from Lucas and sitting up. "I used to have this picture of her in my mind, that I could see whenever I wanted, and I could hear her voice perfectly along with it. Now, though, it seems to be fuzzy around the edges and I can only her her words, not her voice," he voice wavered and Lucas sat up, too.
Peyton felt the tears welling up in her eyes, but she continued anyway, trying to blink them back. "It's still hard to think about her, and talk about her, but I don't want to forget her. I'd never want to forget her. Maybe if I talk about her, it'll get easier and eventually the pain will go away," her voice finally cracked and she looked away, a tear slipping down her cheek.
Lucas gently took her chin in his hand and moved it so he was looking into her eyes. "Listen to me, Peyton. You could never forget her, you love her too much to forget her. It may be hard to talk about her, but that will never mean that you've forgotten her. I promise you that. She'll always be in your heart," he said, before taking her into his arms, letting her sob into his chest as he rubbed her back, softly whispering comforting words in her ears.
Peyton didn't have the strength to pull away, and she didn't really want to, so she just mumbled into his chest, muffled by her sobs. "What if I do forget, though? I still miss her so much, and talking about her hurts, because I know she's never going to be there, again. I'm never going to see her. I thought coming to Tree Hill would help, somehow. Whether it reminded me of her, or even made it easier to think about her. I thought it would help, and it hasn't," she sobbed, clinging to Lucas like a lifeline.
Lucas closed his eyes as he held her. He just wanted to help her heal. "Peyton, you've got to listen to me. She will always be in your heart. No matter what you do, where you go, how long you live, she'll always be in your heart. You could never forget her simply for the reason that you don't want to," he paused, wondering if he should keep going. Peyton pulled back so she could look in his eyes, and she gave a subtle nod, so he would finish his thought. She needed to hear his opinion. "Even if it hurts, I think you should talk about her. Whether it's only a off-handed comment about something that reminds you of her, or a full conversation about everything you remember. You feel like you need to keep her memory alive, so maybe you should," he said softly.
Peyton didn't know what to say. That was exactly what she had needed to hear, she realized, and she loved how much he knew about her. Peyton did the only thing that felt right. Slowly, looking up into his eyes, she leaned forward, bringing her lips to his. The kiss quickly grew more heated and before she knew it, Peyton was lying back down, pulling Lucas with her, their lips still attached. That's when it all went wrong.
Peyton immediately began to feel suffocated as the old memories washed over her. Even though Lucas was holding his own weight off of her, it felt like she couldn't breathe with the memory of him on her. She slammed her eyes shut, barely containing the urge to scream and shoved away, forcing herself off of the couch. She jumped to her feet, trying to put space between herself and Lucas. She didn't even look at him as she muttered, "I can't," and scurried out of the room.
END FLASHBACK
Now, about an hour, or maybe more, later, she still hadn't heard him approach. She knew it was because he was trying to give her time, but part of her wanted him to come find her. She just wanted to finally be able to tell someone. She knew as soon as she saw him she would be spilling her guts again. She would tell him everything and she couldn't help but want to get it off her chest.
She heard footsteps and suddenly he was standing in the doorway to the laundry room. Peyton's gaze snapped to him and suddenly she wished she had more time. Staring at his silouhette, she realized she had thought too soon. She swallowed roughly, moving to slide off of the dryer, despite her nervousness. She knew that whether she wanted to or not, she needed to tell him the truth.
Lucas stepped forward as she started to slid to the ground, and placed his hands on her waist, pushing her back before sliding up next to her. He took her hand, for comfort, and stroked her palm with his thumb. Peyton opened her mouth to speak up, but he spoke first. "You don't have to tell me what happened back there if you don't want to. Although, keep in mind I am here to listen if you do want to. I just need to know one thing," he paused, taking his gaze off of their hands, intertwined, and looked up into her eyes. "Did you really mean what you said, earlier, outside the house?" he asked, somewhat hesitantly.
Peyton didn't hestiate before nodding. She hated that he was second guessing her feelings and she hated that she had given him a reason to. She would be wondering about his feelings, too, if he had poured his heart out to her, kissed her, and then ditched her. She leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder, trying to think of the best way to respond. "Of course I meant it," she started. With a sigh, she added, "I guess there are some things I still have to tell you." She started playing with his fingers as she spoke.
Lucas waited patiently and it went without saying that he was waiting for her to continue. She took in a deep breath before she went into the story, leaving out most of the details about Jake because he knew some and the others just weren't necessary for the story. When she finally finished, tears were flowing freely down her face and she was trying her hardest not to cry too loudly as she kept her head on Lucas's shoulder. She felt something wet hit her head and Peyton looked up, noticing the tears that were silently making their way down Lucas's cheeks.
Looking closer, Peyton could see the anger in his eyes as well. She just waited for his reaction, a little scared about what it would be. Lucas noticed that and tried to give her a reassuring smile, but he couldn't quite manage that, so he gave her hand a squeeze instead, so she would know that he would be here for her no matter what. "You mean to tell me that you were raped and you didn't even tell the police?" he asked, the anger in his voice as he said those words almost making her flinch. Peyton knew he wasn't angry at her though, he was angry at what happened to her.
Peyton looked down at their hands, and nodded slowly. "I just, I couldn't. It was too hard to say, and he was put into jail anyway. I thought I could just bury it and maybe one day I would forget," she paused. "More than anything, I just didn't want anyone looking at me differently. I can't stand pity, and I knew my dad, for one, would never look at me the same way if he knew," she said, trying to look into his eyes and see if the way he looked at her had changed.
Lucas reached up and caressed her cheek, letting her know that it didn't change the way he felt about her. "Nothing could change the way I feel about you," he whispered, just in case she needed any clarification. He didn't want to let the subject die, though. "Are you absolutely sure that he's put behind bars? Are you sure he won't be able to hurt you again?" he asked the question that had really been nouncing around in his mind.
Peyton wasn't sure how to answer. In all honesty, she still had nightmares about him, and she was scared all the time that he would find her again. She didn't want to share her uncertaintities with Lucas though, even though she was sure he could see it in her eyes. "I'll be fine," she offered a small smile. "The police officer called me and told me that he'll be in jail for a long time," she added.
Lucas held her gaze for a long time and, as nervous as she was, because of the topic, Peyton managed to keep staring back. Finally, Lucas saw whatever it was he needed to see in her eyes, and he pulled her close, dropping the subject. "Why don't we go back to the couch and lie down. We can try to maybe get some sleep," he said, sliding off of the dryer and onto the floor then turning back to her, holding out his hand for her to take. Peyton hesitated slightly before taking his hand and sliding onto the floor also. Lucas had seen something in her eyes that he had never wanted to see, and the question slipped off of his tongue before he could even think about it. "Peyton, you know I would never force you to do anything you didn't want to do. You know that, right?"
Peyton's face softened at the sincerity of the question and she could hear the anguish in his voice at the thought. She offered him a small smile and squeezed his hand tighter. "Of course," she said, pulling him into the living room. The truth was, she had been more worried about herself. She was worried that she would start something she would be unable to finish. She did just want to lie down with him, though, and she was extremely relieved that he understood that.
A/N: Okay, I'm going to end this chapter here. The next one will pick up about a week after this. I know you all want Peyton to tell someone about what happened. So she told Lucas. I can't tell you whether or not something will happen, though, because I don't want to give away too much. So leave lots of reviews and maybe I'll get the next chapter up that much sooner.
Disclaimer: I don't own it, but I am very very very excited about the new episode tonight. It might even inspire me to write faster.