And then there were eleven. I have two rather embarrassing admissions to make before we begin, though. I'm actually surprised that nobody's called me out on this, but I guess that would just have been worse.
In the manga, Ed actually doesn't get rid of his arm for Al. Somehow, his Gate is good for the whole deal. Also, he never proposes to Winry until after the Promised Day, when he's heading out west to Creta. Either way, I can rationalize the arm and the Winry thing won't actually be mentioned again, so it doesn't impact the plot beyond giving Ed something else to feel bad about.
Let's just say AU and move on, shall we?
ON WITH THE STORY!
In an easily recognizable, well-lit office, a Head Unspeakable Croaker sighed, his hand moving to pinch the bridge of his nose in exasperation. The effect was somewhat ruined by the fact that his hand disappeared into the shroud of darkness that masked his entire face, rendering the gesture hidden.
"You recruited him."
Fermier stood opposite of his boss, unconcerned with his superior's exasperation.
"Yes."
"Because you didn't feel like designing a new cell."
"In my defense, it would have taken the better part of a day."
"Fermier. You regularly spend weeks at a time researching. Why is one day so important?"
"Because it was unnecessary. He's been recruited."
"Yes, you recruited him. Without any actual permission. Why?"
'He' cleared his throat.
"You know, you can stop pretending I'm not here."
Both Fermier and his superior continued without giving Ed any recognition.
"He's a dangerous unknown with a massive superiority complex and a penchant for mind-blowing amounts of collateral."
"He'll fit right in with the other Operatives then."
Another long-suffering sigh.
"Fine. I give up. You win. But," he suddenly added, hood twitching sharply, "you are responsible for him. I don't want that awful toad coming down here complaining about one of my men again. We're treading a fine line after that debacle with the Tasers."
"Good, I knew I would, I understand, and I refuse to apologize until they do first."
"Fermier…"
"Well, he did start it."
"Just- no. Get out. I'm not having this argument again. Take him with you, give him the orientation, and remember that he's yours now."
Fermier nodded, turned sharply on his heel, and walked briskly out of the office, Ed in tow. The Unspeakable led him down a few corridors, through a door, and then stopped in the middle of yet another empty, dim hallway. Turning to face Ed, he leaned against a wall and frowned thoughtfully.
"Well. That went well."
"It did?"
"Yes. It did. You're unofficially an Unspeakable, officially just an employee or apprentice or whatever of mine. Speaking of which, I never did get your name."
Those two statements had nothing to do with each other.
"Edward Elric."
"And?"
Ed frowned in confusion.
"What do you mean, and?"
Fermier smiled slightly. Mockingly. He was getting more and more like the Bastard all the time.
"You aren't just one person. There's two of you in there, that's why the Stunners don't work."
Oh.
"He's Pride. Still out from the… stunner. Probably going to be mad when he wakes up."
"That's an interesting name. Just Pride? Is the name symbolic?"
Ed blinked.
"Um. Yes?"
Fermier regarded him in silence for several seconds before launching back into speech.
"Right. So. Welcome to the Unspeakables. Officially, we're just a bunch of boring researchers who lock ourselves away in the Department of Mysteries. Unofficially, we're the badassest motherfuckers in the building."
Ed wasn't quite sure whether the translation charm was failing or not.
"Come again?"
"Sorry. Always wanted to say that, but they never let me do the introductions. Something about permanently scarring the recruits." He didn't sound very sorry.
"Anyways, here's how it goes. The Department was founded on the principle that magic needed to be understood, and spells need to come from somewhere. Before, people were making them in their homes, which is a bad idea for a number of reasons."
A distant explosion made the hallway shudder.
"Like that. Probably another misplaced wahdi. I keep telling them, and they never learn. Anyway, our main gig is the research. Exploration into unknown aspects of magic, analysis of artifacts, that sort of thing. Anyways, that setup lasted about four centuries before a guy named Grindelwald came along. Before him, Dark Lords were about a centennial occurrence, and never did more than conquer a small swath of territory before some do-gooder put them down."
Fermier paused for no reason other than what seemed to be dramatic effect.
"But Grindelwald, he dreamed big. He cozied up to Hitler, got himself involved with the Nazis and the Thules and before you knew it there was an army of German wizards taking magical Europe by force. Now, everyone was in a panic, so virtually every facet of the Ministry turned to combat. Some politician remembered that we were down here, and they asked us for weapons-grade spells."
He took another pause and smiled.
"Of course, the Department didn't really like being told what to research, but they couldn't very well say no, so they did. But on the side, they started up the other two sub-branches of the Department—Espionage, and Operatives. Like MI6 for the muggles, only better. We had spies retrieving the latest research notes and artifacts being developed in the German labs, and strike teams destroying secret bases. The whole thing was developed internally, and when the war ended, they didn't see any reason to stop. So now we spy on everyone else, monitor their magical research, stomp anyone we catch going too far into the Dark, and generally operate in secrecy."
He spread his arms out to the side in a halfhearted welcoming gesture.
"Welcome to the Department of Mysteries."
Ed frowned in distaste.
"Wait, so you're government?"
Fermier dropped his arms and shook his head.
"No."
Ed sighed in relief. He didn't need to end up in another Dog of the Military position.
"We are government. You included, now that you've joined. You work for me, who works for Croaker who works for the government. Ergo, you work for the government by extension."
The newest Unspeakable groaned. Mustang all over again.
"Anyway," His new boss continued, "You need the basics beyond the history lesson."
He began walking, back the way they came. Ed was pulled through the nearest doorway and found himself in a large circular room.
"But didn't we just…?"
Fermier nodded.
"Yes, we came here the long way. The spellwork's quite ingenious, designed by some old wizard who didn't feel like walking all the way to his office. As long as you've got the clearance, any door can lead anywhere in the Department you want it to. You can always still go the long way, but most people only ever use this entrance and the main rooms. For example," He turned to one of the closed doors, and put his hand on the knob.
"To anybody outside of the Unspeakables, it's a locked door. But to an employee…"
The door was pulled open, and Ed received the odd sensation of looking at his own back from across the room. Turning around, he saw Fermier wave to him through the door on the opposite side of the chamber. He spun back to see the same wizard closing the door in front of him.
"It's a bit strange at first, but useful if we need to get anywhere in a hurry. Or, Merlin forbid, we have an intruder."
"I'll show you to the areas you'll need, and after that it'll be up to you to explore in your break time."
The door opened again, this time to what seemed to be a medieval armory crossed with an arsenal. A few robed men and women sat at tables around the room, laying out weapons and picking them up.
"This is, as you've probably guessed, the armory. We have a quota for object creation for all the Unspeakables in Research, so the place is always well-stocked. Swords, knives, combat robes, good old-fashioned chain mail, and, of course, guns. Most wizards stick to their wands and blades, because bullets are practically useless against a decent shield spell, but they're indispensable if you're going up against creatures."
Fermier walked around the room, gesturing to the various arms and armors, and discreetly palming small blades, catching a few dirty looks in the process. He finished back by the door he'd started from, and opened it up again.
"You'll only get armed up here if you're going somewhere outside the Department, or if you just want some extra protection. Of course, we'll need to get nonenchanted gear, you'll drain any runed clothes we give you."
Pulling Ed back into the door, Fermier waved at the general area of what seemed to be an empty room. Two Unspeakables were standing in the center, flinging spells back and forth at each other at an incredible pace.
"This," he said, "Is an empty room. We use it for duels, target practice, the like. Most Operatives come to one of these in their free time to work off energy. This particular one isn't made of conjured material, so you'll be able to transmute in here."
He turned on his heel and they left the room, walking this time into what looked just like a regular office. It was also nearly abandoned, with only a few robed men and women sitting at desks writing.
"These are the offices, where we rarely spend any time. The only time you'll ever use one is if you're drawing up a report, otherwise they're pretty much abandoned."
And back through the magical door.
"The briefing rooms."
"The detention block."
"The laboratories, this is where the majority of the Unspeakables work."
"And finally, the door out."
Fermier stopped and gave a mock-bow.
"That, my newest underling, was the five-Knut tour. I'll be seeing you."
Fermier turned, opened the door, walked through and shut it behind him. A confused and slightly annoyed Ed opened the door, only to see an empty hallway stretch out in front of him. Teleporting doorways, indeed.
"So what now?"
Ed gave a start.
'How long have you been awake?'
"About since the time in the head honcho's office. Unspeakables, huh?"
'They seem to be our best bet for information. Besides, there's always the off chance one of them might know how to remove the Stone."
"I'm going to ignore the fact that you've just blatantly disregarded my potential destruction in favor of reminding you about your method of travel back home. Not to mention that this Stone is you."
Ed blinked. Right, he'd forgotten about that.
The door in front of him opened again and a positively ancient man stuck his head out.
"You're Edward Elric?"
Ed nodded, nonplussed.
"Fermier just left you here, then?" The man snorted. "That's just like him. Too wrapped up in his own projects. Come with me, I have a few questions for you."
The doorway led into another laboratory. Doing a three-sixty, Ed took in the circles, the glassware, the scattered notes.
"This your lab?"
The old man nodded.
"Then you're the 'sources' Fermier was talking about?"
He received another nod.
"I don't actually work for the Unspeakables, you see. Too risky, can't have somebody so notable involved with the Department. But they keep the lab for me in case they ever need some consultation."
"Notable?"
The wizened alchemist turned to face the newest Unspeakable.
"You don't know who I am? You're an alchemist, for Merlin's sake, there's only one alchemist who ever achieved any sort of fame." Seeing Ed's still-clueless face, he threw up his hands in exasperation. "Nicolas Flamel, of course!"
"Never heard of you."
"What! Never heard of me? Did you learn Alchemy under a rock? I'm the Nicolas Flamel! The only creator of the Philosopher's Stone!" Glancing at him sideways, he commented, "Though, given your existence, that might not actually be true."
Well. Of all the things he expected, that was not one of them.
"You made that Stone? How were you able to keep it stable without the use of any human sacrifice?"
"Well, you see, once you realize the actual necessities that would facilitate the making of a stone, all you have to do is find magical creatures with the suitable-"
Flamel's voice cut off as his eyes widened in shock.
"Smooth. Could you have broken it to him any better?"
"H-Human sacrifice! You made your stone with human lives?"
"No. Someone else did. I stopped him from making more."
"Ah." The master alchemist gazed at Ed curiously. "You killed your own creator?"
Ed opened his mouth to protest, and then closed it with a snap. Spending the next few hours explaining a human/homunculus hybrid just wasn't worth it.
"Although, if we're going to get technical, past-me is the one responsible for our mess, and you did kill him."
"Yes. In a manner of speaking. It's really hard to tell if he was alive in the first place."
He was rewarded with a pitying glance that made Pride seethe wordlessly in the back of his mind.
"Well, no. I certainly did not kill anybody for my Philosopher's Stone. You see, most potions masters and alchemists assumed that the Stone was directly meant to reverse old age and conjure gold, and so wasted their efforts trying to create something that would have specifically that effect. In actuality, the only thing that the Stone needs is an enormous amount of magical power, and a stable place to contain it. With the sheer amount of power some magical creatures are able to gather and channel, the creation is actually rather simple."
That made sense.
"Enough small talk. Fermier wanted me to go over your abilities and such, make sure we have an accurate file on your capabilities. Most of this is common sense, but I'll ask you anyways. No sense in not double-checking."
A piece of paper was conjured, as well as a pen.
"Am I right in assuming your ability to drain magical power comes from your stone?"
Looking over the paper, Flamel saw Ed nod.
"Good, I thought as much." Was the muttered reply.
"Two personalities. Any differences besides the obvious ego differences?"
"I take offense to that."
'Shut up.' Out loud, Ed replied, "Well, I can transmute, and Pride's the one who can bend shadows. Other than that, not much."
"Hmm. Only one thing left, then I'm sending you off for a psych evaluation before we finalize your… employment."
"And the question is…?"
"You have anybody who'd recognize you outside? It would be a waste of our efforts to fake your death if you just went and got spotted again."
"Other than the Aurors I beat up?"
"No, we already got to them."
"Dumbledore?"
Flamel did a double-take.
"Dumbledore knows what you look like."
"Yes."
"And, given that you're the one who took my stone from under his nose, you aren't on friendly terms. Incredible. You made enemies with one of the four people on the entire bloody island that we can't Obliviate."
"Why's that an issue? I'll just avoid him."
Flamel breathed in and out, teeth clenched, nearly audibly counting to ten.
"Dumbledore, you idiot, is the leader of one of the most successful spy ring slash vigilante group in the country. He has eyes everywhere, and if we try to go and Obliviate them, he'll know you've got people protecting you. If he catches a memory wipe fast enough, he'll even be able to tell it was an Unspeakable that did the job, and if that happens, we're finished. It isn't one man you're avoiding, you moronic brat, it's half the wizards in the country."
To the elder's surprise, Ed gave a grin.
"Just like old times, then."
"And he passed his mental evaluation?"
"With flying colors. He does, however, have a few triggers that cause him to lose control."
"Which are…?"
"Any references at all to any form of the word short. He's got quite the Napoleon Complex. It's surprising, seeing as he's just under average height."
"Anything else?"
"He tested positive for psychopathy."
"And you still cleared him?
"There is a precedent. His current direct employer, in fact."
"Fermier isn't an indestructible umbra kinetic with anger issues."
"We do have Flamel to keep him in check, though. If this entire thing goes down the drain, then the Alchemist can take care of him."
"Point. Where is he now?"
"Oh, he got assigned a simple introductory job. Just a standard field test, like all the Ops newbies."
"Good. That should be a fair enough test of his abilities. And his control."
"And if he fails?"
"It depends. If he fails the test, we get him some training. If he loses control, then it's standard procedure as usual."
"I understand, sir."
Happy 2015!
Yeah, this chapter was mostly dialogue. Sorry. Next one will be action-packed for sure. I promise.
In other news, now that Llhurgoyf is back from his college thing, he is able to continue to force me to write! I honestly intended to write this before Christmas, but then vacation-induced apathy kicked in, and I spent the whole time playing video games and reading other Fanfiction. And reading Fairy Tail.
Anyways, I know I've mentioned this before, but I'll do it again. While all reviews are appreciated, be they simple requests to update soon or lengthy analyses of my writing, if you want your questions answered, you'll have to actually sign in. I refuse to waste space in a chapter addressing questions. And before you all call me out, last chapter's AN was an exception.
-Ambiguity