CHAPTER 11 - BEING WEIGHED DOWN

Linkin Park - Numb

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface

Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

A/N: Amazing response to the last chapter – glad you like Backbone-Bella. My responses are at the bottom.

My fingers were interlocked, resting on top of my stomach and I'd been staring at the bare ceiling for the past three hours wishing for the fire that I'd felt yesterday but nothing was ignited. I wished for anger, for sadness or fear – for anything but all I felt was nothing.

Nothing.

I had shed no tears, broken no possessions, not broken the silence with my angered screams. Instead, I had stayed awake through the whole night – my mind would not will itself to a restful slumber nor did I feel the need to sleep so I was just... nothing.

…I just was.

Inclining my head to the left, I caught the rumbling of the grey clouds and exhaled. Part of me wished for the rain – something that would keep them in the distance but decided that nothing was in my favour. Might as well move on with my life – that's why I was here.

The other part of me didn't want to admit my fascination with Edward Cullen.

Sitting up, I looked down at my pyjamas that weren't wrinkled from my tossing and turning – evidence of my restless sleep. Instead the black short and white tank top was the same as they had been three hours ago after my hot shower at 4:00am.

My limbs moved robotically as I slipped out of my nightwear – careful when folding them then gently placed them back on my already made bed.

Looking through my wardrobe, I pulled out another ankle length skirt – this time it was a dark wine red. With this, I decided on a plain black long sleeved top and a sleeveless grey cardigan and slipped my bare feet into black gladiator sandals.

Walking to the bathroom, I stared at the defeated expression staring back at me at the mirror. Dark grave eyes remained flat and emotionless as they bore into mine – taunting the monster that had flared yesterday when I had allowed myself to let go.

I'd have to face them all today. Angela…Lauren…Jessica…The Cullens…

It was as if the mere thought triggered the memory of his furrowed eyebrows under his creased forehead. His rich bright ochre eyes, intense as they bore into mine - trying to get a read of my thoughts. Crazed bronze locks, wild and untamed by their own accord.

And now, he'd seen the darker part of me…

… Why did it matter? Why did I care?

Releasing an exhausted sigh, I grew aggravated and quickly snatched the black hairclip from the medicine cabinet before twirling my tiring tresses around my hands and then clipped it, allowing a few loose tendrils to fall on each of the sides.

Reaching up, I switched off the lights and stood there in the silent darkness for a few moments – my anchored feet wouldn't will themselves to move. I felt stuck – undecided and immobile.

"Stop it" voicing my reprimanding thoughts in a disgusted hiss. "Stop it" this time; my words were more of a growl this time - louder and fiercer. "STOP!" my trembling fingers clenched into an angered fist before lashing out on impulse and the knuckles collided with the glass before me.

I could feel it.

Delicious sounds of my destruction - glass breaking, falling to the ground and to the sink in smaller fragments had the flames raging. The once deadened life flared as my rampant anger was ignited – awakening what I had tried to cage for so many years.

Gulping down the rush of adrenaline, I gripped each side of the ceramic sink and breathed deeply, feeling it break under my quivering fingers. At that moment, I was back to being the merciless, sadistic monster that I had tried to leave behind.

Looking up, I was met with the bare wood where the glass had once been.

Taking a deep breath I let go of the sink and stepped back, glass crashed into smaller fragments – the sound was a reminder of my reckless action.

I took calm strides into the living room and crossed over to the kitchen where I kept the duster and brush. Reaching over, I picked them up and moved back to the dark bathroom before bending down to my knees and sweeping up the evidence.

Strangely, a sense of pride washed over me when seeing the impact of my destruction because for that short second, I had left alive.

Once every piece was swept up, I went back to the kitchen to dump into the bin. Instead of guilt crashing on to me, I actually felt relieved after that release.

Running my palms down my skirt, I fixed the clip in my hair before opening the fridge to retrieve milk for my newly favoured cereal – Lucky Charms. However, as I reached for it, I pulled my hand back, closing the door when deciding that I didn't want it anymore.I doubt I'd be able to stomach anything at this point

It was now eight o'clock – half an hour until school. Yay.

Shrugging on the grey winter coat, I grabbed the keys from the counter and walked out of the house, locking it before making my way towards my beloved truck.

Finally, ready for my day.

-XxxxX-

The spluttering of my truck was enough to announce my arrival as everyone's heads turned to me. All eyes grew expectant as they attempted to gauge a reaction from me when they began their whispers.

Let the games begin.

Releasing the breath I was holding, I reached for my bag which I'd left in the truck last night. Slinging it onto my back, I stepped out, keeping my head bowed in order to avoid their prying eyes.

"Bella!" Angela's voice surprised me and I froze in my tracks, looking up in confusion as she and Ben made their way towards me. Ben had his arm casually slung over Angela's shoulder and she was reaching up to hold his fingers.

I was hesitant as I took a cautious step to meet them halfway before forcing my smile as I greeted them both politely, "Good morning". Still feeling confused as to why they would talk to me.

I was sure Angela told him about my reckless indiscretions that happened yesterday and if it was not her, then someone else would have certainly filled him in on the new girl's wild temper. Small towns meant that the latest gossip travelled around to everyone within minutes.

Ben offered an awkward wave as the other hand was trying to balance the bulk that was his bag. "Hey Bella" he grinned, surprising me further. Their cheery attitude was not what I was expecting.

"Are you feeling better?" not sure about how to approach them. Were they pretending to like me so that they can get information from me to spread more gossip?

Nothing dark was coming from them and no shadows were creeping closer to me so I ignored that notion as I heard Ben reply, "I am, thanks"

Angela then stepped away from her boyfriend and moved towards me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder as she worried over me, "You okay?", under her black rimmed glasses, her brown eyes were filled with anxiety as she peered at me.

Finally ordering my fragmented thoughts, I began my apology, "I'm sorry about what I said…" both were shaking their heads to shrug it off but I ignored their protests and continued, "…but I can't sit at your table anym-"

Ben shook his head interfering me before adding, "Then we'll sit with you", the sternness of his tone took my back and I glanced at Angela who confirmed it with an eager nod.

Just as I opened my mouth to argue with their proposal, the drill ringing of the school bell cut me off. Both snapped their heads towards the main building, "We better get going" Angela glanced at me then turned to Ben for verification.

There was no treachery in their motives which is why I didn't question their kindness further. Matching their enthusiasm, I called out to them, "Well, I'll see you in World history"

She grinned realising that I wasn't going to argue and added, "And English lit". Her cheery tone was teasing so I nodded in response still wondering how I was as lucky as to find such nice people who liked me even after my impulsive actions.

I waved to both of them as we headed separate ways but now that I was alone, their whispers were harder to ignore.

"…I heard that she slapped Jessica"

"I heard that Mrs. Cope found Lauren crying yesterday", that thought made me feel guilty and I ducked my head further into the hood of my parka.

"No – I heard that she threw her tray at her…"

"Who do you think would win in a fight?" When the question was voiced, my rushed steps slowed to casual strides as my ears perked up, waiting for the answer.

"Definitely Bella" one of the boys from the group answered and the following murmurs of agreement.

Those two simple words gave me enough courage to throw back the hood and hold my head up as I took more confident strides towards the school.

Now I was ready for the day.

-XxX-

When I entered the school, the heat from the radiators hit me making me flush so I slipped off my coat and draped it over my arm as I walked towards my locker.

Once I had it open, I threw my jacket in there then searched for my Trigonometry textbook but froze when I smelt the scent.

As if on instinct, I snapped my head up, to the left, following the scent and was met with his dark gold eyes trained on me. Conflict playing over his darkened features as a crease formed onto his forehead. Strayed bronze locks fell over his forehead as his head was slightly bowed.

Edward Cullen.

I was about to reach into his mind but realized that our locked eyes had gained other's attention so I tore my gaze away from him. This time, my eyes were met with Jessica and Lauren, huddle in a corner with their bodies angled towards me.

Pretending not to notice them, I kept my head buried in the locker still searching through my bags.

"Have they like dated?" Jessica asked with a nervous laugh.

Lauren sneered, "Doubt it. Edward is sooo much better than her…She's such an attention seeker" the last words were spoken louder for my behalf, of course.

"I think she's just crazy." Jessica retorted and Lauren snickered at this.

"I know right. Like super mental"

"Totally"

Apparently that joke was humorously as both began to giggle manically.

Taking a deep breath in, I forced a smile and tried to erase what I had just heard before closing my locker and walking towards them, earning a few shocked gasps from passersby.

Catching my movement, they slowly turned to me, crossing their arms and hitching their eyebrows. Lauren was glaring while Jessica seemed curious.

"Jessica. Lauren", nodding to both of them as I wasn't really knowing how to greet them. Feeling awkward, I locked my fingers behind my back, "I apologize for offending you…" Jessica's eyes widened whilst Lauren simply looked bored. "…My anger got the best of me and I apologize" Silence had befallen the whole corridor and I knew my time was running out before my lesson started, "You have to understand that you were both out of line and I am not sorry for calling you out on that" Jessica looked at Lauren for guidance but Lauren just rolled her eyes, infuriating me further. "I'm not exactly looking for your forgiveness and I'm running late so I'm going to my lesson now"

Spinning on my heels as I walked down the hall, feeling proud of myself.

A/N: I agree – Bella would definitely win in that fight. What do you think?

booksxforxlife – Thank you for the review. Loving your demands and I will do my best to keep updating. Sorry for the delay.

maliciouspixie5 – I'm thinking about doing one of the Cullens POV so bear with me. As much as I'd love for Bella to eliminate the terrible twosome – she's gonna have to keep her cover.

Valentine Rain – Thanks for the love for feisty Bella. It's awesome that you're my first reviewer and you're still reviewing so THANK YOU.

InLoveJA – Hey again. Always a pleasure hearing from you. I love Bella with a backbone too. I will be trying harder with perfecting my grammar but thank you so much for your help. Thank you so much for your support and for reading and reviewing.

Twilight Rocker – Thank you for the love and the review.

Kelly-Starfly – Thank you for your support. Love that you're reading and hope you enjoyed this little teaser.

IzzyPure – First, welcome hope you're enjoying the ride. Vampire Diaries – another vampire TV show. Thanks for the love to Mr. Banner – there's always one. Don't be scared of High School – an obstacle we all gotta face. First week will SUCK but it gets better. Good luck with this. Thank you so so so MUCH for the support by reading and reviewing.

Holidai – Thank you for the love to Angela. Bella is putting up the shield which means that it can cover her scent. She can read Edward if she wants but with vampires it'd take more out of her. She didn't really fake fainting – more like she needed to escape the classroom. Thank you for reading this and reviewing it.

sujari6 – There are always going to be Jessica and Laurens in our lives. Anyway – thank you for reviewing and reading this crazed idea that's been cooking in my mind.

wishingstar101 –Bella's back story will continue to slowly unravel. thank you for your much appreciated reviews and for reading this. I'll continue to do my best with the updates.

A/N: Thank you for your reviews. Absolutely made my day.