Prompt: Innocence, Characters: All

I am the Sorting Hat and I hate my job.

I only do it once a year so I don't expect you to feel sorry for me. But you must know it is very stressful being me. Have you ever thought about the importance of sorting? Have you really?

You see, everyone is always told that part of growing up is playing with the hand you are dealt. But I am here to tell you that this is not entirely true. For Hogwarts students it is about dealing with the life I sort them into.

I remember every student I've ever sorted. Every. Single. One. And I wonder what their life would have been like if I'd sorted them into a different house. I think the first day of term is when those first years lose their innocence. They learn to become what is expected of them. It's a shame.

Do you think Nymphadora Tonks belonged in Hufflepuff? Looking back on it, I think I made a grave mistake putting her there. She was kind hearted, yes. And I overheard in the headmaster's office that she had fallen in love with a werewolf. That's such a Hufflepuff thing to do. But she would have done well in Ravenclaw. She was studious enough and what she lacked in spatial awareness she made up for in brains. She was also brave enough to be a Gryffindor. She never hesitated and she may have been a bit reckless. But I put her in Hufflepuff because… well…it seemed like a good idea at the time.

What if I hadn't?

Let's not forget Harry Potter. I should have put him into Slytherin. I told him so. But he insisted. Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin. What is a poor Sorting Hat to do? Usually kids will tell me what house they want and most times I'll give it to them unless they are only kidding themselves. But Harry Potter told me he didn't want Slytherin. And sometimes knowing what you don't want is more important than thinking you know what you do want. So Gryffindor it was. And perhaps the Wizarding world should be thankful for that.

But I won't take credit for listening to an eleven year old.

There is one student who I had no clue what to do with. Luna Lovegood. She was an odd bird. Her head was full of nonsense. Yet it was also a head full of potential. She was brilliant but crazy. Perhaps Hufflepuff would have been the best choice, but somehow Luna belonged in Ravenclaw. Or at least I thought so. I heard she ended up doing some crazy things. And in the end when push came to shove she was probably a Gryffindor. I think that's true for everyone.

Or at least I'd like to think so.

That was the way with Hannah Abbott. She was an emotional one. She wasn't the brightest either. But perhaps I was too harsh on her. Perhaps I should have sorted her elsewhere. It might have done her good. She could have made friends with some worthy Gryffindors. What if she spent seven years of her life as a Slytherin? How would things have been different? We'll never know.

That thought haunts me.

Oh, Demelza. Demelza Robbins. She had a beautiful mind. She could have been a Ravenclaw but there was a fierceness in her that made me lean toward Gryffindor. I'm a Gryffindor. I just know it. Who was I to argue? But I heard something about a certain Cormac McLaggen in the headmaster's office. Perhaps he was the one I sorted wrong. I feel responsible somehow for putting them in the same common room.

It's quite horrifying.

I suppose if it hadn't been Demelza it would have been another girl. Perhaps Tracey Davis. She was a tough one to sort as well. She was cunning but I think she was above the pettiness that is often found in Slytherins. It's a shame she wasn't in Ravenclaw. It was an afterthought as she sat down at the Slytherin table. But it was too late. Or was it? No one said I couldn't call out "Wait! That's not right! I meant RAVENCLAW!"

But I never have.

There's another one I definitely sorted wrong. His name was Wayne Hopkins. I put him in Hufflepuff. Why? He could have been a Ravenclaw. He had so much potential. But he was weak. He was lazy. So I decided Hufflepuff was the place for him. But for a long time afterward I thought I should have just put him in Ravenclaw. Maybe being surrounded by other brilliant people would be just what he needed to find his motivation. That's what I should have done.

But I didn't.

Dean Thomas was a remarkable human being. He was a Gryffindor. There was no doubt in my mind. That boy was a Gryffindor. But he had no idea what he was getting himself into. He had just found out he was a wizard and now he was sitting in the middle of the Great Hall with me on his head. He could have stayed at home with the Muggles. He could have changed his mind. I remember his thoughts. This was a mistake. But then I reassured him that he belonged somewhere. In "GRYFFINDOR!" to be exact.

Was that a mistake?

Terry Boot was a mistake. He should not have been in Ravenclaw. He was a Hufflepuff. I am certain of it now. He was too kind and compassionate to be anything else. That poor kid got put into the most pretentious group of Ravenclaws I've ever sorted. It occurred to me later that the rest of the students I put in that house that day were not like him. And I regretted putting him there.

I'm sorry, Terry.

But I want to tell you all my biggest regret. I know for a fact that I ruined this man's life. It all started when I put him into Gryffindor. It was a snowball effect. I put Sirius Black in Gryffindor and if he could see it from my point of view, I know he would tear me to shreds. I should have put him in Slytherin with the rest of his pureblood family. It would have been the sensible thing to do. But no. I put him in a house, in a common room, in a dormitory with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew. This led to a fight against the Dark Lord, and a thirteen year stay in Azkaban, and life as an escaped convict because of a crime he did not commit. You can blame Pettigrew all you want.

But the fault was mine.

There are so many others that I sorted wrong. There are so many lives I've ruined. What was Godric thinking letting a hat make important life decisions for impressionable children? How much longer until the staff finally sees that my judgment is not to be trusted?

I am the Sorting Hat and I hate my job.