Things are developing rapidly. Castiel's fears are slowly but surely diminishing. Dean makes a move that he later regrets, but then...
(Dean POV)
Can you just hold me tonight?
Dean didn't really know what Cas meant by that. Did he mean for right now or the entire night? Not that either time frame mattered much, Dean was glad to oblige Cas' wish. He nodded and was about to resume his spot on the couch when Castiel got up and headed to the bedroom. Dean heard the bathroom door close and waited while Cas did his business.
A few minutes later the door opened, but Cas didn't come back out to the living room. A creak from the bed alerted Dean to Cas' location, then a voice calling out, "Are you coming?"
Dean collected himself and entered the bedroom. Cas hadn't turned on any of the lights so Dean could barely make out the outline of Castiel's body under the covers. As he neared he noticed that Cas was facing the wall and the man's hair was already ruffled against he pillow.
Dean merely stared for a few moments, "I'll be right there," he uttered barely louder than a whisper. He headed for the bathroom, took a leak and brushed his teeth before returning to the bedroom. He eased himself in beside Castiel, wrapping his arms around the other man's waist and tugging him in close. He pressed a kiss to the back of Cas' neck and murmured, "Sleep tight angel," against his skin. The pet name slipped out naturally as he felt Cas' hands cover his own.
(Castiel POV)
Castiel was alone when he woke up the next morning, but he could hear Dean rummaging through the cupboards in the kitchen. He got up and headed to the bathroom, presuming that Dean was preparing breakfast for the two of them.
He sat down at the dining table and merely watched Dean as he served a rather simple breakfast.
After breakfast the two carried on conversing with each other on the couch. They talked about everything under the sun, but mostly they talked about themselves.
Majority of the day was spent inside. Dean had gone out for a swim at one point, but it was short, and Cas had gone out to replenish the firewood logs, but other than that it was just the two of them together. Lunch and dinner were simple affairs, mostly canned foods, and their conversations still moved along. Dean was relentless in his attempt to understand Castiel. Before the day was over Cas had told Dean everything there was to tell the other man about his life so far.
Dean's reactions to Castiel's life had ranged from sadness to anger throughout the stories he'd been told. There were a few moments of laughter and even some moments that had nearly brought him to tears. Castiel wasn't sure if all of these revelations were necessarily a good thing, but in the end Dean had embraced him and kissed him.
Cas, I, I'm falling in love with you, can you, can you handle that?" Dean was holding him close, tight, whispering those words with his lips brushing along Cas' ear.
Castiel wasn't sure if he could, but he wanted to. The feelings he was feeling himself towards Dean were totally different to anything he'd ever felt before; "I, I don't know…it, it scares me so much, so much that," he paused because his mind blanked out. "I, I think I'm," the words got stuck in his throat and Dean just pulled him closer, "I'm gonna fix you."
When they climbed into bed, they resumed their positions from last night. Dean held Cas tight, his chest pressed against Cas' back. It felt good, nice—it felt like heaven.
When Castiel woke up he noticed they had both shifted in their sleep. Cas was on his back, his legs bent in slightly awkward positions due to the short length of the bed, but Dean's head was on his shoulder and his hand was practically cupping Cas' crotch. Castiel had never experienced anyone this close to his penis before and it was a little alarming. The fact that he was aroused made it even worse.
Seconds later he felt Dean's hand move, landing on his stomach. Cas sighed in relief and attempted to go back to sleep. After a few moments though he realized that Dean wasn't asleep either, he could feel his hand moving downwards and slip beneath the elastic band of his pajama bottoms. Cas attempted to relax and just go with the moment but he couldn't help the hitch in his breath when Dean's pinky swept over the head of his cock.
"You awake?" Dean's sleepy voice asked, as his hand moved further down, wrapping fully around Cas' dick. "No," the sound escaped in a breathless moan. The sensation was unbelievable, he wanted to pretend to be asleep so he could enjoy this without being bothered by his own self-consciousness.
"If you're asleep then I apologize," Dean whispered against his ear. Of course Dean knew he was awake, he'd already replied to a direct question. "I still hope you remember this," Dean murmured as he began to move his hand up and down very slowly.
Cas fought to stay calm but suddenly his world exploded in pleasure. Jerking himself off was nothing compared to this. He could barely breathe from the overwhelming sensations. His hips jerked and his breath stuttered a short few minutes later as he felt the insides of his pajamas soak with his cum.
Dean gently removed his hand and wrapped his arms back around Cas, tugging him closer before placing a kiss on his neck, "I'm sorry, I," his lips brushed against the skin of Cas' shoulder. "Dammit Cas, I'm, I'm not sorry, I'm," his voice faded and Castiel moved to cover Dean's hand with his own. "It's fine. I'm fine."
(Dean POV)
Dean let his lips linger on Cas' shoulder, nibbling a little at the skin. He was painfully hard, fighting not to rut against Cas' hip. He didn't know what to do but he lost the fight, he started moving his hips attempting to get even just a little bit of friction.
"Dean," Cas' voice was weak, "I, I don't, I don't know what you expect from me right now, I," Dean's breath hitched, "I don't expect anything, it's just," he groaned and rolled over onto his back, letting go of Castiel.
Dean needed release and he was pretty sure Cas wouldn't help him out at the moment, should he get up? Go relieve himself in the bathroom? Would Cas know what he'd be doing? He moved his own hand down to rest on his crotch, flinching at the slight shift of fabric against his sensitive skin.
Castiel turned and looked at him, "I, I don't know what to do."
Those eyes, those blue, blue eyes; Dean couldn't help himself. He pushed his pants down and wrapped his hand around his throbbing dick. With his free hand he grabbed Cas' and put it on top of his own, "Please, just, just go with it."
Castiel didn't move but he allowed his hand to follow along with Dean's movements as they stared into each other's eyes. Despite being lost in the pleasure of finally getting some release, Dean tried to imagine how it would be to fuck Cas. He didn't get very far before he came with a rather loud moan escaping through his lips.
Castiel had closed his eyes as he pulled his hand away from Dean's. Dean didn't get embarrassed very often, priding himself in being careless and carefree, but at the moment he was ashamed. He was ashamed of himself and had no idea how to proceed. Castiel was terrified of the whole gay thing and Dean knew, he knew and had still taken advantage of him. He worried that he'd ruined everything with being so impatient. Castiel still hadn't said a word which just added to Dean's uneasiness.
Dean knew he had to get up and clean himself off. He eased himself out from under the covers and sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, "Hey, uh, you can, you can use the shower, I'll, I'll go take a dip in the lake." He slowly got to his feet, pulling up his pants, waiting for Castiel's answer. After a few moments silence still hung in the air, he grabbed the towel hanging from the top bunk and left the room.
It was chilly outside and goosbumps appeared on his skin the moment he sat foot on the porch. It was also wet; this was going to be a cold experience. The rain felt like ice pellets as it fell against his body. The temperature outside was probably around 36 but the wind chill made it fell much lower.
Dean knew this would the last dip for the season. Winter came early in the mountains and he knew that if he were to come back later in the season the lake would be frozen.
He tried to drag his swim out but he knew he had to go back. He held on until he couldn't feel his toes anymore.
When he made it back and inside he realized that Castiel had started a fire and the temperature inside was leaning towards comfortable. Dean could hear the sound of running water and hurried to dry himself off and get into warm, dry clothes. In the kitchen he whipped together omelets and made toast. When Cas appeared from the bedroom the food was already on the table.
Not a word was uttered as they ate and this time it wasn't comfortable, it was painstaking.
Dean wanted to explain himself but his brain wasn't working properly. He peeked up at Cas every so often and tried to give the guy a smile but it felt fake. When the food was gone Dean cleared up the table and carried the dishes into the kitchen.
He took his time, but he could hear Castiel moving around in the living room. The guy was probably freaked out and bothered by what happened. Dean wanted to go out there and just hold him, tell him he wanted them to work, but he was afraid that Cas would just push him away. He startled when he heard Castiel clear his throat behind him.
"If that was all you wanted from me I'm a little disappointed." Dean turned around and stared, "What? I, oh, uh, Cas," he lowered his gaze and swallowed hard. "You, you're not angry?" He spoke to the floorboards and felt Cas' hand on his shoulder. "Why would I be angry Dean?" Dean looked up and examined Cas' face, he didn't look angry, just confused. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out to take one of Castiel's hands and lifted it to his lips, "I, I thought, I don't know."
Castiel smiled shyly and looked away, "Dean, I, I'm terrified by my own feelings but when you, when you act like this it scares me even more." He gave Dean a quick peek, "I can't lie to myself any longer. I, I want this Dean. I want you."
Dean could see that Cas' face had taken on a rather adorable shade of red. He kissed Cas' knuckles again. "I'm an idiot," he stated firmly before wrapping his arms around Castiel. Cas lent his head on Dean's shoulder and sighed, "Are we good now?"
Dean ran his hands up and down Cas' back, "I, I told you wanted to, I want to keep you. I, I want you too." He wasn't sure if he should continue but the words just slipped out, "I'm in love with you, angel." Castiel chuckled, "Why do you call me that?" He pulled back a little and looked at Dean with a smile. Dean lifted his hand and cupped Cas' cheek, "You're so innocent and angelic, and your name, I, I don't know, it just suits you."
Castiel chuckled again, "Angels aren't necessarily innocent or nice, in the old testament—" Dean covered Cas' mouth with his hand, "Oh shut up, I'm sure you're right, but humor me. Let me have my own image of angels." He removed his hand, replacing it with his lips, giving Cas a quick kiss.
"Remember when we agreed that I could teach you about happiness?" He whispered against Castiel's lips, who just nodded, "Well, we were wrong; so, so wrong. I don't think I knew happiness before now. You make me happy."