DISCLAMER, i do not own Beauty and the Beast of course, this is just a work of fiction based on the characters and the show.

Dear Mom,

So ... last night I was at dad's for dinner.

I don't know what happens that we cannot talk. Well, we do talk, and ... quite a lot, but ... not about important things. I told him about Lizzie taking self defense course with me, or about the last book I read but ...

I didn't tell him about the fact that I woke up in sweat the other night because of a nightmare. Now that I think of it I didn't tell you either.

What I mean is that, our conversation are really ... shallow. And with Heather it's even worse. I want to be close to her, I miss her, but ... being there talking about shopping and boys and ... I can't do it. I couldn't tell her about that ... idiot (let's say that, even though it's definetely not the word that came to my mind !). Because ... I don't even know why. How is that I cannot talk to the people I love about things that are important. I need to talk about that, about being scared to go to bed because I'm afraid I'm going to have nightmares ... but I can't. It's like the words are stucks.

So the meal ended up being some ... it looked like a family dinner in a commercial on TV ... well exept that there was no mother obviously. But really, large smiles, silly conversations ... and it looked fake. I can tell that Heather's smile is not fake though, she really is happy. She has fun with her friends and all, she just burried deep the pain. But dad didn't. I can read on his face, everytime he doesn't know I'm looking, I see the pain, the despair in his eyes. And I'm probably the same. I have this mask on, and I only take it off when nobody watches me.

Yet neither him nor me manage to talk about that. No matter how much we need it, no matter how much we know we do.

Tomorrow I have another appointment with the shrink ... and I know I'll be silent most of the time. Well, he does manage to make me talk from time to time but ... sometime I just feel silly. The nightmares are so ... repetitives and ... why should I tell about it AGAIN ...

And that family dinner, I don't know if I really want to hear what he has to say about it. Or maybe I'm just afraid he'd go tell dad to talk with me. Because no matter how much I need to talk with him, and sort of want to ... I also don't want at the same time.

I know this doesn't make sense, and .. I'm not sure I understand it myself, but I just ... I can't ... because it hurts too much.

Maybe I'm too scared to find out how much pain dad is in ... or ... I don't even know ... but ...

I'll see if I talk or not.

Should I write about the nightmare ? I don't really have time. I just came back from an early run and I still have to take a shower before going to the academy ... I 'll write later tonight I guess.

A/N : This came out lol ! I can relate to that, maybe that's why I wrote it ! …

What do you think ?