The links on my site are working now so feel free to view them. i think i will draw George so that no one is left in the dark about his appearence lol. i slapped a temporary tattoo on me today on the underside of my wrist. if you look at it from far away, it looks like i attempted to crucify myself and failed lol. wow im writing up a storm these days! hoo ha! enjoy

Chapter 11: The Gopher From Hell

Someone was gonna die today! I didn't care who it was just as long as I got my hands on somebody. People had been going in and out of my room all morning. And I had no idea why!! I think they were doing it just to annoy me. Which they were doing a good job of! It was like 'Lets go see how she set her room up (walk into room), wow all her stuff is cool, ok time to go.' I bet that's what they were doing. Stupid, bloody eejuts!! The next person who came into my room was going to get a pillow to the face! I pity Xigbar. He was the one that got it. I didn't say anything at all as I sat up and whipped my pillow at him. It smacked him and he looked at me.

"Could you please tell me what you're doing?" I said, with barely opened eyes.

"Just checkin out your crib." He said. Did he just say crib? He is not hip with the times! Unlike George…who was sleeping happily on one of my socks…ew.

"I'm sleeping!" I said pointing out the obvious. I was also very intent on returning to the wondrous thing called sleep. I love sleep. Sleep, sleep, sleep!

"Your not right now." He said. Oh well wasn't that just funny.

"I would like to be so get out of my room!" I said as I threw another pillow at his head.

"Well aren't you just a bright ray of sunshine." He said with a smirk. He just used my own words against me! Oh no he didn't!

"Har har har! Get out of my room please!" I growled at him, pointing towards the door.

"Make me!" he said crossing his arms over his chest. I hated it when people said that. And at the moment I was to fricken lazy to get out of bed. Maybe I should try threatening him.

"Dude, if you don't get out of my room. Your death is going to be gnarly!" I said with my best surfer accent.

"As if. I would like to see you try." I suppose I walked right into that one. Wordlessly, I struggled out of bed and stomped up to him. He stood his ground. I then began to push him by the upper back towards the door. He went a few feet but then he jammed his heels into the floor and refused to go farther.

"Would you just leave? It doesn't take much effort!" I grunted as I tried to push him more.

"Yes it does. The gravity… is just… to strong for me…guh!" he said letting all of his form go and just going limp. Leaving me to struggle with the task of keeping him standing and not falling back onto me.

"Oh my god you jerk!" I said trying to stay standing. Finally, I couldn't hold it anymore and I collapsed onto the ground with Xigbar falling back on to me. NOT THAT WAY YOU SICKOS! As a little note here, I was on the ground on my stomach with Xigbar lying across me with him facing the ceiling. He made no move to…move. I tried to get up but he was heavy!

"God dammit! You're crushing me, fatty!" I said trying to squirm out from under him.

"What on earth are you two doing?" a voice asked. I stopped struggling and looked up. It was Marluxia. Looks like he came to have a tour of my room as well.

"He wont leave my room!" I complained as I resumed my struggling. Finally, I had wiggled my way out from under him as Marluxia stood there with an amused expression. Damn him too! Xigbar continued to lie there, trying to look like he was dead, as I watched him. I then picked up his foot and began to drag him out of my room. I hope I give him rug burn! Finally, I got him out of my room and into the hallway.

"I'm going to shave your head while you sleep." I said.

"Can I help? I've always wanted to give him a haircut." Marluxia said. Xigbar shot up at that.

"Of course you can fancy pants." I said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I would like to return to looking at the inside of my eyelids." I said closing the door. Maybe I should block the door. I looked around for a bit. Nothing of mine was big enough or heavy enough to keep the door from opening. Except…the dresser…that was oh-so-conveniently located near the door. I quickly ran over to it and began to push it. After some struggling, I had finally moved it so it was in front of the door.

"Fear my awesome wrath!" I said quietly. Finally! Some peace and quiet! There was a knock at the door. Ok now I KNOW that they are doing that just to piss me off. And there was no way in hell that I was going to answer that! The person then tried to open the door. It banged onto the dresser and didn't go any further. I am evil! I gave a twisted grin and climbed back into bed. I then curled into a tight little ball, pulled the covers over my head and drifted into a peaceful slumber. One of these days, they will have to learn that I don't like to be woken up before 9.

I was sleeping peacefully. Until…

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty!" an obnoxious voice called out. I shot out from under the covers into a sitting position. I blinked and then looked around, searching for the person's neck so I could rip out their voice box. Axel was standing near the window and threw the curtains open. A few dim rays of sunshine hit my face. I'm surprised that the sun was even out.

"The early bird gets the worm." He said

"The early bird….is paranoid. If it wants to get up that early, it must be scared of the other birds." I said groggily.

"Come on get up!" he said.

"No." I said yawning and collapsing into the bed again. I then burrowed under the blankets again.

"It's 11:00! That's late enough to sleep in." he said as he watched the lump, also known as me, fidget around under the blanket.

"No it isn't. I usually sleep in till 1:00." I said. It came out muffled.

"Well not here. You've got stuff to do."

"I do?"

"Yes. You have to be the Twilight Princess." He explained. He didn't get a reply from me. Maybe if I just ignore him, he'll go away. Who am I kidding? It's Axel we're talking about! I heard footsteps approach and then the covers were thrown back. I blinked at the sudden light. Then I made a hissing sound like a vampire.

"I'm allergic to sunlight and physical activity." I said.

"You are not now get up! Breakfast is waiting. Or should I say lunch." He said before turning away.

"I would so love…to hurt you right now." I said trying to cover myself back up and go back to sleep.

"See you downstairs. And by the way, that dresser isn't stopping anyone. Have you forgotten that we can summon portals?" he said as he walked into one and disappeared. Yes as a matter of fact I did forget. But if that's true, why didn't anyone come in before? I have outsmarted them all. Except for Axel apparently. Damn him.

I tried to think of today's agenda as I got dressed. I don't think anything was on it. I checked myself over in the mirror. I had on my favorite pair of blue jeans and a Flogging Molly t-shirt. While looking at myself and making sure that I looked reasonably awake, I noticed something. I did a double take.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I yelled. I stared in amazement at my right arm. The holes were gone! There was no trace of them whatsoever! I ran my fingers down my arm to see if I could still feel them. I couldn't. Did all of that really happen last night? I looked to the floor. The black blob of goo was still there. It must have happened!

"What's the matter princess?" Demyx asked trying to open the door.

"Nothing! Just a spider." I covered. I wasn't actually afraid of spiders. I also wasn't afraid of mice, rats, or snakes. Now my brother on the other hand, was afraid of all of them including frogs.

"Is that all?" he asked from beyond the door. I could almost see him rolling his eyes.

"Yes. Its ok I killed it!" I yelled inspecting my mysterious arm. Demyx left and I went over to push the dresser out of the way. Because unlike a Nobody, I can't pull a portal out of my butt and yippee I'm where I need to be. I have to take the old school way.

"The dresser seemed a lot lighter earlier this morning!" I grunted as I shoved it.

'Well then you're just a retard because I'm pretty sure that the weight hasn't changed.' My mind countered.

'Do you ever shut up?' I asked myself.

'Of course not. I'm the one who makes you say all of that psychotic babble!' my mind smiled evilly. May it rot in hell. Soon the door was clear and I stepped outside. I made my way down to the kitchen, after many wrong turns and such, and banged the door open. All of the occupants looked at me.

"How y'all doin." I said boredly trudging to the table. This time, the small table was almost full. Marluxia, Zexion, Xigbar, Xaldin, Axel, and Demyx all stared at me and took a seat near the wall. I rested my head on the table and closed my eyes.

"What's with you?" Xaldin asked.

"I'm tired ok?"

"Rough night?" he teased.

"No. Rough morning. All thanks to you guys who kept meandering through my room for no apparent reason." I explained not lifting my head. "So what's for lunch?"

"We don't know. We were hoping that you would make it." Demyx said. My eyes snapped open and I lifted my head.

'What?' I asked myself. I gave them a confused look. They wanted me to cook for them? They have GOT to be kidding me! It wasn't that I was a bad cook, I just didn't really like to cook for other people. And plus, I was only really good at baking. When it came to the other things, I was dumber than a box of rocks. I'm the only one in my family who can bake a cake from scratch and make it taste pretty darn good. Not even my mom can do that.

"Why can't you do it Xaldin? I've heard from numerous sources that you're a master of the kitchen." I said.

"Maybe. But I don't feel like it. Plus you are a woman. You're supposed to do that kind of stuff." He said. Oh no he didn't!

"SEXIST!" I yelled quickly getting out of my seat and pointing obnoxiously at him.

"I'm not-!"

"SEXIST!" I yelled again.

"Would you-!"

"SEXIST! SEXIST! SEXIST! SEXIST!" I yelled still pointing at him. I think that Larxene would be proud if she was here. The Organization was pretty sexist if they only had one woman. She must know what I'm talking about.

"If you don't stop that right now, you're going to get a spear in the face." He said as a vein popped in his forehead. I remained standing for a moment and glared at him. I then sat back down.

"Could you just please make us something?" Xigbar asked, slightly pouting. "We're men and we don't know how to cook."

"Don't even think about playing the pity card!" I said. Suddenly the door was thrown open.

"Did someone say card?" a blond asked excitedly. The only one who could talk about cards and gambling and get that excited was Luxord, whom I strangely haven't met till now. Freak.

"Yes. She was saying that Xigbar shouldn't play the pity card. We're trying to get her to make us lunch." Marluxia explained.

"Lunch sounds good. Well? What are you waiting for? Get crackin.'" Luxord said, taking a seat next to Marluxia.

"I am not making you anything." I said leaning back and crossing my arms.

"Aww come on! We're starving!" Demyx said ruffling my hair. Hey! You messed up my do!

"No!" I said slightly laughing.

"I'll play you for it." Luxord said. I looked over at him. Was he crazy?

"What would we play?" I asked slightly curious.

"Poker." He said, looking at me with his blue eyes.

"Why is it that I always end up playing cards in the morning?" I asked to no one in particular.

"Are you going to play or not?" Luxord asked.

"Fine." I groaned as I got up and moved down so I was across from him. Xigbar was to my right and Demyx was to my left. Why was I agreeing to play with the Gambler of Fate?

"What are the stakes or whatever?" I asked. I hated poker. Well that actually isn't true. I just hated how I didn't have all of the hands memorized and I didn't know how to bet with chips. I only knew how to bet with quarters. Even though I had no idea what was going on, luck was usually on my side. Lets see how lucky I am today.

"If I win, you make us lunch. If you win…we'll make you lunch." He said. "Though I highly doubt that I will be losing." Well aren't you just cocky. That'll come back and bite you in the butt one of these days. You watch.

"Sounds good." I said as I watched him take a deck of cards out of his pocket.

"Do you always carry cards in your pocket?" I asked.

"Yeah…" he said with a tone that said yeah-doesn't-everybody? Well Luxord…no, they don't.

"Let's keep this simple. The one with the highest hand wins. No switching cards or folding." He explained as he began to deal. I watched his fingers fly and I picked up my cards when he was done. I looked at them. I tried to keep my face as straight as I could but I couldn't help but let a smirk grace my lips. I actually had a really bad poker face. There were a few moments of extremely tense silence. I showed both Xigbar and Demyx my cards. They nodded but you could tell they were trying not to laugh. Luxord and I tried to stare each other down over the top of our cards. Truth is I can't have a staring contest without laughing. Well actually I can I just kind of have to cross my eyes. It was deathly quiet as we geared up for the moment of truth.

Luxord laid his cards down, face up for the group to see.

"Straight! In diamonds!" he said smiling triumphantly. My eyes boggled. How could he get that in one deal? I bet he was a card shark or something. I should look at the design on the back of the cards. I saw a show that told you how to pick out a card shark. It takes a lot of staring and you basically have to know what the back of every card on the face of the planet looked like to pick it out.

"You're good!" I exclaimed in disbelief.

"Start cookin then! I want-!" he laughed.

"BUT…just not good enough!" I interrupted, smiling now. Everyone looked at me. Xigbar and Demyx were starting to laugh.

"What?" he asked. I turned my hand so it was facing him.

"In your honor…a royal flush!" I said smiling broadly now and laughing.

"How did you get that?!"

"You're asking me? I don't know. You dealt them." I said laying the cards down. I really didn't know how I ended up holding the best hand in the world of poker. Especially when we hadn't switched out any cards. The odds of that happening were like one in a billion. I told you I got lucky when it came to poker.

"Now off you go cracka's." I said smiling and scrunching my nose at them. They all groaned but got up.

"Make something for yourselves too." I said as I pulled an Axel and rested my feet on the table.

The men bustled about trying to make food for me and also for them. Xaldin seemed to be doing ok and so did Luxord and Zexion. The others were failing quite pitifully. Axel kept burning everything he touched, Xigbar was just being an idiot and not doing anything at all, Marluxia was trying to mooch off of Xaldin, and Demyx had no friggen idea what he was doing. I just lounged around by the table as I tried to make a card castle. I never understood how they could make houses out of cards. Mine always fell. Except for this one apparently. I had gotten 3 stories built up. But of course that couldn't last because that would just be too easy and convenient. I was just about to place another card on when the table shook and my cards fluttered down. A plate of…something…was placed in front of me by Demyx. I stared down at it with a what-the-hell-is-this look on my face. It was a charred piece of something. The whole thing was so black that you couldn't tell what it was. I stabbed it with a fork. My fork couldn't even break through it. I tried stabbing it again. What did it have on it? A force field? One of the fork's prongs actually broke off! And this was a metal fork! I dropped the fork and picked up the thing for further inspection.

"Is this edible Axel?" I asked, lightly smacking it on the edge of the table a few times. Not even a crumb or a flake broke off.

"What makes you think I cooked it?" He pointed out.

"Cause you're the only one who is doing something." I said sniffing it.

"What about Zexion, Luxord and Xaldin? They could have cooked it!" he yelled trying to flip…something with a spatula.

"They know what they are doing." I said glancing at Xaldin who was working on mincing a carrot.

"What is this supposed to be?" I asked.

"Chicken." Xigbar said.

"You know I'm not going to eat this don't you?"

"Why not? It's filled with love and friendship." Axel said pretending to be hurt again.

"That's why I don't trust it." I said shoving the plate away from me. I watched as they scrambled to make something else. Marluxia just ended up leaving and no one seemed to care. Xaldin, Luxord and Zexion ended up making a lovely stew. It actually turned out to be very good too. They split the pot amongst themselves and me. Axel, Xigbar and Demyx, however, did not get to taste it. Every time they would try to reach for a bowl, they were slapped on a hand with a scalding hot spoon. They were left to fend for themselves.

After awhile, the 3 successful chefs also left, leaving me to watch over Axel, Xigbar, and Demyx to make sure that they didn't burn the place down. Xigbar wasn't making things easier as he continued to ramble about random crap.

"Would you shut up!" Axel yelled.

"Axel? You're burning that." Demyx said pointing at a mysterious object. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. It was too sad. I walked over to the guys.

"What on earth are you guys doing?" I asked coming to stand next to Demyx who was watching Axel.

"There. Does that look good to you? Would you eat it?" Axel asked motioning to the pan. I peered over the rim and stared at it. I think it moved.

"Is it alive?"

"No." Axel laughed. I think it twitched. Are you sure Axel? Cause I'm not. Suddenly, the whatever it was, burst into flame! I jumped back to avoid getting a flame to the face.

"Whoa!" I screeched. Demyx was on top of things and blasted the thing with a shot of water. Every kitchen should have a Demyx. On sale for 19.95 at Wal-mart. Non refundable. The flame vanished and only left a smoking…thing. I peered at it in the pan. Whatever it was, it was far from it now.

"Jesus crimety! You guys fail! Move and let me do it!" I yelled as I butt-bumped Axel so he would move.

"But you won the game." Demyx said.

"I know but you guys are just to pathetic to watch. I'm going to make you some grilled cheese." I said going over to grab some bread.

"What's a grilled cheese?" Demyx asked as he cocked his head to the side. He really didn't know what a grilled cheese was?

"Are you telling me that you have never had a grilled cheese?" They all shook their heads. "Oh man this is sad! You haven't lived until you had a grilled cheese!" I said grabbing a bunch of cheese. I then returned to the stove to remove the pan with the smoking thing. I grabbed the pan and looked at it. What the?

"Guys? Did you throw whatever it was away?" I asked. They all shook their heads.

"Then…where did it go?" I asked as I held up the pan. It was indeed empty.

"Well it couldn't have just gotten up and walked away. I made sure of that." Axel said looking around. I suddenly felt something climbing onto my foot. I was actually afraid to look down. But of course I had to.

"Found it!" I said loudly. On my foot was the thing that Axel had tried to serve me. Axel!!! Are you trying to give me stomach cancer?! And to make it worse, the thing was MOVING!

It looked like a deformed…gopher! Except it was all charred and should be dead! DEVIL GOPHER!

"Get it off!" I yelled at the guys.

"Dude, what the hell is this?" Xigbar laughed as he bent down to grab it. It jumped up off and scurried under the table. Geez great reaction time Xigbar! That speed that I supposedly had would really come in handy right now.

"You go around the far end of the table. I got this end!" Demyx said positioning himself. I ran to the far side of the table and crouched down. The little critter was near a chair, gnawing on the leg. I slowly reached my hand out to grab it. It saw me and hissed at me. Gophers couldn't hiss! But then again, this so-called gopher just survived a trip in the frying pan! This is not an ordinary gopher! I slowly reached out a hand to grab it. It saw this and darted out between Demyx's legs. The gopher was now hiding under a counter.

"This is fun!" I said excitedly. I was not being sarcastic. I quickly ran over to the counter and looked under it.

"This is what you call fun?" Xigbar asked. God does he ever shut up? I just wanted to take his eye patch, lift it up and let it smack back down on his face.

The gopher stared at me with its red demon eyes. Well actually it was missing its right eye. Axel probably burnt it off. I hope I didn't step on it.

"SSCCREEEEEEE!" it went. I looked at it in shock. Was it supposed to do that? I slowly reached my arm under the counter to grab it. It launched forward and lodged its teeth into my finger.

"OW! You god damn rodent!" I yelled as it let go and ran across the kitchen. I looked at my finger. It was bleeding. That little bitch!

"Look what you did!" I yelled at it. I then absentmindedly put my finger in my mouth to suck off the blood.

'You do know where that's been don't you?' my mind asked.

'Of course I know where its….URK!' I cried as immediately retracted my finger and began to spit out the Gopher cooties.

"Eww!! I'm gonna get rabies!" I yelled as I watched the gopher scurry out of the room and out into the hall.

"DON'T LET IT ESCAPE!" I cried running past the guys and out the door. They just kind of stared after me.

"She's a nutcase! I can't believe that she is a princess." Xigbar said.

"Should we help her?" Demyx asked, not particularly wanting to follow the crazy girl. They all looked at each other.

"Nah!" They said together as they shook their heads. They then began to clean up the kitchen and hopefully find something to eat.

poor guys lol they can't cook. sadly im back at school now. but never fear! i won't stop writing! what else am i supposed to do in class! lol.

Preview: The hunt continues! Megan goes 'splorin some more and finds something that could very well be the death of her. R&R por favor!