A/N: So sorry this has taken so long to write. The upcoming holidays plus a two year old who is testing naps and bedtime have made it extremely hard for me to write. Hopefully things will settle soon! Thanks to all who continue to read and review. It's so encouraging to hear everyone's thoughts. Sorry that I didn't get to PM each of you my thanks this time around!
Chapter 11: More Plans
"A baby?" Narcissia's mouth dropped open, slightly.
Severus nodded and then reached out a finger to tip Narcissa's chin up, prompting her mouth closed, "I told him I would discuss this with you, but part of me wishes I just left this to myself."
"Why?" Narcissa asked, searching his eyes.
"Why would you give up…" Severus waved his hand around, "all of this, for me? It's ludicrous even to consider it."
Narcissa looked around, "Your home is charming as well," she countered, softly, "It's cozy."
"Cozy is a diplomatic way of saying it is small," Severus snorted.
"It's with you. I feel settled when I am with you," her eyes returned to his, "Why would you dismiss yourself so readily?"
"I have so little to offer," Severus said, "Lucius gives you status. You are far better positioned with him."
"In this world, you and he are equal," Cissy countered, "And perhaps, you are greater."
"That is a comforting thought," Severus grunted, "my darkness is greater than his."
"No, that is not what I am saying, only that the Dark Lord seems to like you better, though I suppose that is an equally unsettling thought," Narcissa let out her breath, "darling, I simply do not see you as less than Lucius. Please believe me. And as for giving Lucius up for you, the way…you make me feel…verses the way…he makes me feel…there are other considerations than status and wealth…" she paused, "though, Sev…" she paused again, biting her lip.
"I live more modestly," Severus said, "but I do have considerable assets as you very well know. We would live comfortably."
She nodded, "But a child, Sev," she frowned, "Our children are grown…to start afresh with another child... I'm not so sure. And what is motivating him to want this?"
"It all comes down to Sarah again," Severus admitted, "he believes it will cause her to lean on him emotionally."
"Does he not understand that your love will only increase to accommodate another child, not be divided?"
"He doesn't understand about what it means to love. The closest he can equate love is with an obsession…and for him, Sarah is becoming that."
"If she is not already that," Narcissa paused, "Did you attempt to explain it to him?"
"I did," Severus nodded, "but I doubt he understands it truly."
"What do you want, Sev?" Narcissa asked.
"You," Severus didn't hesitate, "without sneaking around behind Lucius's back."
"But…" she prompted.
"But I can't have you at the expense of Sarah," Severus said, frowning, "He must understand that Sarah can never be replaced by a wife or another child."
"What could you do to show him that would be the case even if we have another child?" Narcissa thought for a minute, "In other words, how can you still maintain a presence in Sarah's life, yet perhaps in a different way?"
Severus thought for a few moments, "I want Sarah to take an potions apprenticeship under my tutelage."
Narcissa nodded, "I don't know if he would agree to that though. In his eyes, he is doing us a favor by arrange all this so we can maintain a relationship."
"And his terms should be negotiable…" Severus countered. "I can suggest that it would be a change in our relationship from personal to more professional if she becomes my student again, allowing him to take the more personal role in her life…yet unlike him, I don't so easily put things in tidy compartments."
"It's worth a try," Narcissa said.
"Are you opposed to a child, though, Narcissa?" Severus asked, "This is truly your decision."
Narcissa shook her head, "I wanted another baby for the longest time, Severus. Lucius didn't."
He reached out to squeeze the back of her neck and she closed her eyes, sighing at his touch.
"I want to give you everything you want," Severus said, honestly, "I just fear I am inadequate."
"You are more than adequate," Narcissa opened her eyes and then leaned forward to kiss him passionately, words not necessary any longer.
"NOO!" Sarah woke up in a panic and then winced as the movement clenched her muscles. She put her hand on her chest, trying to regulate her breathing before struggling to sit up.
Voldemort continued to read his book, seemingly unaffected by her outburst.
"What time is it?" she finally asked.
"Around noon," He answered, "Almost lunchtime."
She nodded and he summoned a glass of water for her.
"Drink," He instructed, "Slowly."
She took some small sips and then he reached for the glass, placing it on his nightstand.
"Without dreamless sleep, I'm afraid that nightmares are a side effect of the potions I am giving you."
"I'm aware," she said, wiping her clammy hands on the blanket.
"Are you hot?"
"Hot. Cold. I don't know." she admitted, wearily.
He reached out to feel her head, "You are feverish. Not surprising. Do you have aches?"
"Yes."
He pushed himself off the bed and went around to her nightstand. He fiddled with he bottles and then handed her a vial. "Fever reliever."
"Thank you," She said and downed the vial.
He sat on her side of the bed and reached for her wrist, taking her pulse, "It's still rapid. I could tell you were in the throws of quite the nightmare."
"Why didn't you wake me?"
He dropped her wrist and then moved his hand to grip her face, turning her so she was forced to focus on him, "I decided that you deserved a bit of emotional turmoil for your actions this morning."
"Very effective torture techniques then, my Lord," Sarah shot back, trying to wiggle free her face from his grasp. "Who needs the cruciatus when all you have to give me is healing potions and years of traumatic events to do their work for you?"
"You sound bitter," he shook her face, "What was your dream about?"
"The baby. Bellatrix."
"Not about me?" he asked, lightly.
"I'm sorry if that disappoints you," she said, "for what it is worth, she learned evil from you so by extension, I do suppose it was about you as well."
"Now, Sarah," he chided, dropping his hand, "you don't have to be so combative."
"You said you wanted me to have emotional turmoil, perhaps, this is a side effect of that."
He raised an eyebrow, "Fair point." he lifted a finger to trace her jaw bone, "For some one your age, you have really grown into yourself in the last year."
"What do you mean?" She asked, curiously.
"The way you speak to me…you have confidence…maturity beyond your years."
"I grew up with Snape," she answered, slowly, "and losing my father and then having Snape murder Dumbledore…and then marrying Draco and losing our child…I've had to wrestle through all these adult things."
"And have you thoroughly wrestled through them?" he asked, his eyes intent on her.
She paused, "No."
"I didn't think so," he patted her cheek, "Let's talk about what I want from you."
She stilled and then visibly schooled her features.
"Did you just clear your mind, little one, to control your reaction?"
"Of course."
"I want those defensive mental maneuvers to cease," he scolded, sternly but not harshly.
"Why?"
"Because I said so," he retorted.
"Of course," she drawled in a tone very reminiscent to Snape's when he was tolerating behavior, "but why?"
He flicked at her jaw at her impertince, "I am beginning to see the extent to how much Snape influenced your ways. You are showing a maturity beyond your years, but if I need to remind you of exactly who is senior and superior in both years, wisdom, and skills, then I won't hesitate to put you back in your place."
She nodded, "May I ask why?" she rephrased in a significantly different tone.
"I want you physically…but I want you emotionally as well."
"I thought emotions were tiresome for you."
"It would show that you are completely dependent and loyal to me…and that is what I want," he told her.
She opened her mouth to tell him that he would never have that, but she thought better and shut her mouth again.
"Now, that is good self control," he patted her arm. "Well done."
"And what do you want besides me physically and emotionally?"
"I told you earlier that you are to take your N.E.W.T tests. I want you to do well. Very well."
She paused at his look, "how well is very well?" she asked.
"I want you to have the top score in all the tests you are taking."
Her jaw dropped open in shock, "all of them?"
"I'll help prepare you. We have a few weeks."
"But I'm not the top student in half of those subjects I'm slated to take," she protested, "and I can barely cast a spell. This is impossible."
"I will accept nothing less from you and there will be consequences if you fail me," he said, "your magic can be rebuilt in that time. I'm sure of it. We'll forgo on having you test in the Dark Arts until you are ready. The other subjects should be easy for you."
"Easy?" she looked perturbed, "They aren't easy. I just work hard."
"You have talent in spades. Don't deny it."
"But…" she paused at his raised eyebrow, "you will help me, right?"
"Of course. I want to be confident that you won't fail me," he nodded.
"Why is this so important and why are you giving me a pass on the Dark Arts?" she shivered and he stood to adjust her blankets before sitting back on the bed.
"Well," he traced the side of her leg through the covers, "members of my inner circle still think you are sorely lacking despite the fact you so handily beat Wormtail. I can tell them of your potential but if I show them results, that will be further justify my stance, not that it needs justification per se, but where I can maintain peace within my circle, I want to. And as for the Dark Arts, when you are ready you can take the practical portion in front of my inner circle. What better way to show them exactly what you are made of?"
Her eyes widened, "What?" She was horrified at the thought.
"When you are ready," he emphasized, "I'm not setting you up for failure. I want this to be advantageous for me. And when you pass and you pass the top of your class, I'll take you as my mistress. That will be both our reward for a job well done," he winked at her.
She looked up at the ceiling and then back at him, "May I return to my nightmares now?" she said dryly.
He chuckled, "It won't be as bad as you think, little one. It's time you have some faith in me. I know what I am doing in your schooling and in…" he paused, "these other things."
She fought the tears.
"Go to bed now before you cry and I get angry," he said, sternly, "you need your rest for these things to come."
"I know I do," she said scooting back down on the bed. She turned on her side and allowed sleep to overcome her once again. But the nightmares had now morphed into ones that involved the Dark Lord.
"Have you made a decision?" Voldemort asked Snape, gesturing him to sit later that night. "That was quickly done."
"We have discussed it," Snape said, slowly, "but I wanted to talk over with you the terms of our agreement."
Voldemort nodded, "By all means. We can negotiate if you'd like. As you know, I can be reasonable."
Snape didn't miss a beat, "Exceedingly so, my Lord."
"What is bothering you about this arrangement?"
"I'm worried that you think that my…paternal…." Snape paused, choosing his words carefully, "instincts... towards Sarah can so easily be replaced with the addition of another child."
"You said that earlier," Voldemort said, drumming his fingers on his desk, "I'm more interested in Sarah's reaction to this instead of yours."
"I'm not so sure it will make a difference, my Lord," Snape said, slowly.
"I believe it will. We shall see," Voldemort said.
Snape carefully folded his hands, "Perhaps, this point will upset you, but I do believe it to be relevant"
"Go on…"
"She shared her biological father quite well with Potter," Snape said, his tone neutral, "She allowed Sirius Black to take a father's role in Potter's life without a hint of jealous or insecurity."
"She wasn't as close to Sirius Black as she is to you," Voldemort said, "even I can see that. Even so, she had you. She didn't need Black."
"I don't wish to offend you, my Lord, but she did need Sirius Black. She longed for a relationship with him for years. When he proved his innocence to her and Potter, she jumped on the opportunity to pursue a relationship with him even though I was filling that fatherly role in her life. She called us both Dad"
"You cannot deny that your relationship was stronger."
"I don't deny it."
"Then your example is irrelevant."
"Regardless," Snape countered smoothly, "I can't so easy cast aside my fatherly role in her life. She is a woman now, but she still needs me. And if you allow me to still have a relationship with her," he fought his worry that Voldemort now could take Sarah away so easily, "I will still try to reassure her of her role as my daughter and mine as her father."
"By all means. I won't deny you a relationship with your daughter. I'm just asserting that with your attention divided, Sarah will lean more on me for emotional support especially considering by that point when we are engaging in a physical relationship."
"I just don't want you to be disappointed if she doesn't react the way you suspect she will."
He waved his hand at him, "If I miscalculated, then I will concede to you at the time that you were right."
"Very well, my Lord," Severus said, "Narcissa and I do want to pursue a relationship."
"Good," Voldemort smiled, "We will work on the particulars later on. Is there anything else?"
"Yes, my Lord," Severus said, again choosing his words carefully, "If you want Sarah to depend more on you emotionally than myself, then perhaps we should consider that I continue to divide my role in her life."
"Your role?" Voldemort inquired.
"When I was both her professor and her father, there were times when I had to deliberately distance myself from her to take on that role as not to show favoritism and she responded to that."
"Interesting point," Voldemort thought for a few moments, "The potions apprenticeship. It would be ideal for her to work under her tutelage."
"I concur," Snape said. "And it would give her a direction. As you have noticed, when she is focused, she is more settled in other areas of her life. You might find that beneficial."
"I have told her that I expect nothing less than the top mark in her class on the N.E.W.T exams she is taking," Voldemort told him.
"The top?" Snape frowned.
"Will that be a problem for her?"
"I don't believe in Potions. It has become her strength. Transfiguration, yes, I do believe that will be a problem. And the Dark Arts, it's a new exam that we are creating, and I fully expect Draco to outscore her. Perhaps even in charms as well. And there are several Ravenclaws that might pose a problem for her achieving that."
"I'll push her until I know she will succeed. Gather some of her professors and bring practice exams. I will create my own as well. She'll be prepared. And she will take top mark or suffer the consequences. I will not have our colleagues thinking she is a imbecile. She must prove her worthiness. And when it is time for the Dark Arts, she will take the exam in front of my inner circle."
"How did she respond to that?"
"She is naturally worried. She wanted my reassurance that I would indeed help her."
Snape paused, "She asked you for help."
"She isn't stupid, Severus, she knows very well what you just said about Draco and the Ravenclaws. She knows her competition and she knows she is lacking. She knows she needs me. At the moment, her good sense outweighs her pride."
"That hasn't always been the case."
"Then perhaps I am making more progress than we think," Voldemort said, lightly, standing, "We will discuss those particulars later."
Severus stood as well, "Yes, my Lord," he said, smoothly, before nodding and leaving the Dark Lord to himself.
Sarah's sleep was restless with him beside her. Last night she had been so exhausted that she had slept in spite of it, but tonight, she was keenly aware of him in the dark next to her. She felt so overwhelmed with his expectations for her- top in her class in all her subjects. It felt bloody impossible. And then there was the fact that she was lying in bed with the man who invoked fear in so many, that was capable of such darkness. She was also all too aware of what would happen when she passed all her exams and now that there was a timetable put on their intimate relationship, that felt even more real to her. She was going to do this…be his mistress…bear his children. How would she do this?
Those thoughts plaguing her, she was awake off and on throughout the night and she almost felt relief when she finally heard Voldemort stirring.
"Did you sleep any?" he asked as he rolled over onto his side, "Turn over and face me."
She sighed and turned towards him, "not much," she admitted.
"I told you to wake me if you were in pain," his voice was stern.
"I wasn't in pain…not physical pain at least."
"I see," he studied her, "I know you think I have given you an impossible task. I have not. I know you will rise to the occasion."
"How do you know that?"
He traced her cheek and then pulled away to push himself up, "you have before."
She swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her emotions had been so hard to control since she arrived.
"What is it?" he asked.
"I'm so uncomfortable with your expectations for me…the exams…and all those other things."
"I know," he said, "you will become more comfortable as time passes and you realize I'm not going to harm you unless provoked." He stood, "I'll talk to the house elves about breakfast. I'll have mine in bed with you."
"If you wish," she responded, shivering under the blankets. He summoned a dressing gown for her and she sat up and tugged it on, pulling it tightly around her as she leaned against the headboard.
"Do you think you can make it to the loo on your own while I talk to the house-elves?"
She nodded, "I feel a bit stronger than yesterday."
"Even with your lack of sleep?"
She took stock, "Yes, actually, I do."
"Good, but I still think you will need a few more days of rest and take care not to overdo it."
"I know that I am still weaker than I should be…not only from my…punishment but just in general."
"Good, I'm glad you will be reasonable about this. I'll be back in a few minutes," he nodded at her before leaving her alone in his room. She headed to the lavatory, only to realize that on top of everything else, now she had to contend with woman issues. And unfortunately, she was going to have to change, which meant she would have to confide in him, otherwise he would take it as a move of defiance. The timing of all of this was completely unfortunate, but she supposed the stress contributed to the onset of her cycle.
"Merlin, help me," she groaned, "this is not what I needed right now."
She flushed the loo and washed her hands and then exited Voldemort's room through their adjoining doors. She wrinkled her nose at the sight of her room. Ironically, she liked his room much more than her room. In her room, she felt like Bellatrix lurked at every corner. She went into her closet and pulled out her trunk. It had been mostly unpacked, but she rummaged through it, hoping she had supplies.
"What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Voldemort's voice startled her as he stood at the adjoining door.
"I…" she looked over at him. If there was any time she wished he could just read her mind, it was now. But he didn't. He just stood there, watching her. This was beyond too much.
"Well…" he prompted.
Her face flushed, "I have to find something."
"What could be so important?" he asked, "I left you for two minutes and you are tearing apart your trunk. You were supposed to be using the loo."
"I did and there is a reason for all of this," she tried not to cringe.
"Which is?"
"Girl stuff," she said, quickly.
"Girl stuff," he repeated, slowly, realization dawning, "Were you expecting that to happen?"
"No, not really," she said, the blush deepening.
"Did you bring what you need along?"
She rummaged further into her trunk, "I don't know, it's been a while because of the baby and my recovery, things have been out of sync and…" she babbled as she continued to tear apart her trunk. She finally pulled out a package, "Um, yeah, I did."
"Good," he nodded, "Come in the bedroom when you are done. And bring that and put it in my lavatory. You are still recovering. You don't need to be running about too soon."
"Um…" she bit her lip.
"What is it now?" His impatience at her embarrassment was evident in his tone.
"I need more clothes." she shifted. "I can pick them out if you'd like."
"No, I told you that you have lost that right to chose your own things. Go to your lavatory now and I'll bring you in a change of clothes. What do you need?"
"Everything, I think."
He nodded and gestured towards that lavatory, "Go now."
She followed orders, going to the lavatory and two minutes later, a knock on the door and a change of clothes came flying in. She took them, changed, popped the soiled clothes in the laundry hamper that was in the lavatory. She washed her hands and then gripped the sink, dizzy.
"Ahh," she took a breath. Two seconds later, he was in with her and picking her up in his arms.
"Again, too soon for you to be romping around the manor," he said, "even it is to the next room. The cruciatus curse leaves its mark for days."
"I'm aware," she sniffled as he eased her in the bed. "I wasn't meaning to, I promise."
"I know, I'm not angry with you, though maybe annoyed at how embarrassed you are" he said, candidly. He pulled up the covers, "Breakfast should be here shortly." He went over to his desk and opened the drawer and pulled out a small calendar and a quill. He went and sat back on the bed with her.
"When was the last time you had your cycle?"
"I have no idea," She admitted.
He glared at her, "We have discussed the importance of keeping track of these things when you were married to Draco. Did you fail to listen to me?"
"I'm not married to Draco any longer."
He smacked her leg, "I'm not in the mood for you talking back to me."
"This is my worst nightmare to have to discuss these things with you," she shot back.
"Well, that is pretty pathetic of you, indeed," he smacked her again, "I was just complimenting your maturity earlier."
"Was that a compliment? I must have missed it." She met his gaze, bravely, not caring whether or not she was pushing him at the moment.
He smacked her leg again, the swat stinging even through her pajamas leg.
She didn't react though her hand twitched at the sting.
"I can make your nightmares much worse," he warned her, his expression dark.
"Bring i…" she began, but before she could finish the statement, his wand was pulled out and she screamed but no sounds came out as he began to choke her.
She knew he wasn't going to kill her, but the panic that stemmed from not being able to breathe, overwhelmed her. It was then the choking hold subsided and the cruciatus hit again, this time more powerful and much more taxing considering how weakened her body already was. He didn't give her any time to recover when he invaded her mind, swiftly and aggressively.
He was purposeful in his search of his memories and when he finally retreated and the pain stopped though she was left with aching muscles and a throbbing headache, he calmly opened the calendar and circled the date, "this is the first one you have had since losing the baby. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't remember." she said, her voice hoarse, as she absently rubbed at her sore neck.
He stared at her, "I told you that there is times that I can tolerate your moods but there are times if you push, I will push back."
"This is really hard for me. You don't understand. Even Snape was bloody awkward about this the first time and you are the bloody Dark Lord. How am I supposed to feel about sharing the details of my body…or myself to you?"
"Honored," he retorted, "And I doubt Snape was awkward about it."
"I swear to Merlin, he was," She said, "he had to call Narcissa and everything."
Voldemort then chuckled. "I had forgotten but I do remember that from your memories."
"And Draco…well, it took us forever…"
"I'm not a teenage boy."
"I'm aware and that's part of the problem," she responded.
"It's not something to become so mortified by," he retorted, "And you will share these details with me. Mainly because I need to know."
She took a breath because she knew he had a point. He wanted her to conceive, so he would want to keep track of everything himself. He was that controlling.
"I'll help you keep track. You are to come to me right away."
She took another breath, "Very well."
"Good girl," he reached out to touch her neck, "how does this feel?"
"Sore."
He began to rub his healing magic into her skin, "And I will arrange a meeting for you with a house elf for you to instruct them to what you need during these times. Potions, supplies, etc"
"I can make my own potion if you'd allow me to."
He moved his finger to rub her cheek, "I'd allow that. Snape wants you to take on an apprenticeship under him once you pass your exams."
"Would you allow me to do that?" she asked, quietly.
"I'd welcome it. You have a gift for it. And I am constant need of potions for various reasons. There are only a handful of people I trust."
"Does that mean you trust me?"
"You aren't stupid enough to try to poison me through my potions. You know I can smell the properties of a potion and the consequences if you made such an attempt. You won't take such a foolhardy risk."
"I do and I wouldn't" she nodded, sincerely, "but a potions apprenticeship. I never dreamed that you would agree to that so soon."
"Snape is quite the taskmaster," Voldemort countered, "He's going to push you hard. And you still have to get through your exams…and speaking of task masters, I have a vested interest in your success. I will push you up to your breaking point to prepare you for your N.E.W.T.s. You need to be prepared for this."
She nodded, "You won't let me fail, right?"
"Failure is not an option," he told her, adamantly. "As for the rest of it, I want the world to understand that I am not abusing you. They need to see you thrive. Top mark on all your exams will point to that, as well as allowing you the potions apprenticeship. I'm not holding you and torturing in a dungeon here. This is civilized...our arrangement...and ultimately for your good."
"Does the world know you have me here?" Sarah's heart practically stopped, "like my classmates and everyone in Britain?"
"It was leaked the other day through the Daily Prophet," he studied her intently, "does that bother you?"
She shook her head, "No," she responded, but her voice caught. She grimaced.
"Oh dear one," Voldemort said, his eyes fiery, "their hero is dead and his best friend…that sweet innocent child of the light… is grown now…and she is mine…all mine. I won and the sooner they all see the benefits in that, the better. You can be an example to the benefits of my rule. You thrive and they see that they can thrive, by cooperating with us."
She licked her lips, "I hate being a pawn."
"Little one, you have always been a pawn. This entire time. It's been your destiny. And I will use you to my advantage…and in the meantime, have a lot of fun doing that. And in time, you'll see the advantages to this arrangement too." He looked to the trays that had suddenly appeared in their room, "Now let's have breakfast."
She bit her lip as she reached for a muffin.
"Chin up," he glanced over at her, "I only torture when necessary or when you disappoint me...you know what you did to deserve it this morning. The rest may feel torturous, but in reality it is not. Your mind will adjust to this new reality soon."
She took a breath and then broke off a piece of her muffin, "When will we start preparing for my exams?"
"Tomorrow," he said. "The written portions only though until we rebuild your magic. Get rest today. Your mind needs to be alert and that requires rest, which you got little of last night."
"Okay," she sighed, trying to hide how much she dreaded all that was to come.
A/N: please review! :)