He was looking forward to having the next three days off. It was a rare occasion, but he had decided he'd take a few days off. As much as he loved the busyness and bustling atmosphere at the bar – as it left him little time to think – he knew he was going to need a change. Something solid and permanent…something meaningful. The trouble was he had no idea where to start. For so long his life had been a misguided attempt to please his father, to fit in. The college he'd gone to, what he'd studied, his career with the CIA…all things he'd done without bothering to find out if it was really what he wanted to do. Now though, he intended to use his few days off to sit down and think about it, to relax and decide where he wanted this life to go next.
Maggie had insisted he stop over for dinner when he was finished with work, promising him that she wouldn't keep him long. It was an invitation he couldn't refuse, as his sister's cooking would be better than anything he'd be able to get out at a restaurant.
David was on his way out as Martin stepped onto their front porch. He clapped Martin on the shoulder and smiled warmly at him, a strange, almost mysterious look in his expression.
"Concert tonight?" Martin asked.
David shook his head as he zipped up his coat and picked up his cello. "I wouldn't say that…more of a gig for an old friend," he said, shrugging and looking down at his watch. "And it looks like I'm going to make a fashionably late entrance."
Martin laughed. "See you later David…good luck."
David smiled and called his thanks after him as he took off down the street for the nearest bus stop. Martin stepped inside the house and closed the door behind him, jumping in surprise when Maggie suddenly appeared in the hallway. Not used to being greeted so quickly by his sister – he usually had to search the house for her – he raised an eyebrow curiously.
"Have you been waiting so desperately for me to arrive or did you just happen to get stuck here after saying goodbye to David?" he asked, slipping out of his coat and hanging it over the banister.
Maggie smiled and shook her head, stepping in front of him when he made a move to go into the living room and hopefully see Kathy if she were still awake. She smiled sheepishly at him before looking away, eyes darting around the hallway nervously. She seemed very jumpy and Martin had to wonder why.
"What's the matter with you?" he asked, voice a mixture of slight-concern and brotherly aloofness. "You're acting weird Maggie."
She blushed and shook her head, reaching out to squeeze one of his hands for a moment. When she looked up, her eyes were soft and a little misty, causing him to frown. "Seriously Maggie…what's wrong?"
"Nothing," she insisted. "I have…there's a…surprise for you, a good one," she rushed on, knowing he hated surprises. "And nothing I've planned," she added.
"Well?" he asked after a few moments of silence; he was growing impatient.
"I'm sorry Marty, I'm just…happy," she nearly whispered. She squeezed his hand again and nodded in the direction of the living room. "In there."
He frowned when she turned and made her way to the kitchen, almost rushing out of the hallway as if she didn't have a choice. "Maggie? Aren't you coming?"
She turned back and shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears and a strangely contrasting expression of happiness now. "David made me promise to leave you alone." She said nothing else, turning away from him quickly – as if she had to force herself to go now or she wouldn't be able to.
He thought about going after her, but he was confused and, despite how much he disliked surprises, he was incredibly intrigued now. But surprise didn't begin to cover what he felt when he stepped into his sister's living room. There were no words that could possibly describe the feelings that assaulted him in one quick moment.
Danny. Here. Now.
Martin took a step backwards, his eyes locked on the man before him. Danny's smile was soft, his eyes teary and filled with an emotion Martin couldn't quite identify. He took a tentative step forward and Martin felt a sharp stab of emotion threaten to knock him over. Martin stumbled backwards further and flattened himself against the wall, needing something to support and keep him from falling over.
"Danny…" he whispered. He was having trouble believing that this was real, that Danny was here in his sister's living room. He wanted more than anything to step forward, to touch him…yet he was oddly terrified that if he tried Danny would simply vanish.
But Danny moved closer to him instead, stopping right in front of Martin, close enough to touch. "I'm really here," Danny said very softly as if he had been able to read Martin's thoughts. He reached out, fingers trembling, and touched Martin's cheek.
Martin's eyes filled with tears, a whimper escaping his lips, the warmth of Danny's touch seeping into his skin…going straight to his heart. It was a blur then, reaching out with desperate hands, touching Danny – confirming that he was real – Danny stepping closer, pulling Martin into his arms until they were pressed tightly together. Martin buried his face against Danny's neck, breathing him in, hands greedy, pressing him closer. And Danny arms were tight around him, possessive, making Martin feel things he'd forced himself to ignore and forget for so long now.
"I've missed you so much," Martin choked out, his throat tight, his eyes blurry from tears.
Danny's hand was in his hair, soothing, the other still secure around his waist. "I've missed you too baby," he whispered. "I heard you come in just now…talking to your sister in the hallway. It was so hard staying here…I wanted to come out right away and pull you into my arms." He pulled back just slightly, brown eyes wet and beautiful, filled with a poignant mix of relief and sadness. He leaned forward, pressed his forehead to Martin's and shut his eyes. "It's been so hard…being away from you," he said softly, his breath warm against Martin's face. "God Martin, I just…" he paused, laying his hand against Martin's cheek, their eyes locked. Danny pushed closer and pressed their lips together, and they both whimpered softly, arms tightening around one another as they kissed. Martin felt like he was drowning and he wanted so badly to go under.
When their kiss finally broke, they continued holding each other, close, quiet. Martin had no idea what happened next, what he was supposed to do or how to act…he just knew that he couldn't let go, wanted to stay here, always, safely ensconced in Danny's arms.
"How did you find me?" Martin murmured softly, resting his head on Danny's shoulder, tightening his arms around his lower back.
"I'd always intended on finding you," Danny replied, his lips against Martin's ear, his breath warm. "It took me a while though."
They were silent after that and Martin was still waiting for the catch, still waiting for this to be a dream. It didn't seem possible that Danny would be here with him now, in his sister's house, holding him. More importantly though, there was a strange feeling of unease settling over him. Danny seemed different, distant despite his warm kisses and embraces. He pulled back after a while, only slightly, and looked into Danny's eyes. They were soft, warm…full of a calm sort of relief and happiness, but still something else lingered that Martin was reluctant to identify.
Martin frowned and shook his head, feeling restless and guilty. "I lied to you," he said softly, voice shaking. "I betrayed you Danny…why…why would you want to find me?"
Danny leaned closer and kissed Martin on the forehead, one hand slipping up to stroke gently across the back of his neck. "It's all in the past Martin," he murmured. "It doesn't matter anymore," he added almost absently.
And Martin wanted to protest because it did matter…he had spent the past year regretting his actions and lies, wishing he'd done things differently. He frowned and shook his head, looking up at Danny pleadingly. "But Danny, I…"
Danny shook his head and cupped Martin's face in his hands, looking at him intently. "Is there somewhere we can go?" he asked softly. "To talk…I have so much I want to tell you. And I…" he trailed off, eyes sparkling for a moment as he bit down on his lip and ran his thumb across Martin's lower lip.
Martin blushed, sighing as Danny's fingers roamed, flitting softly over his neck and ears and into his hair. He felt his stomach tighten and tendrils of heat started to make their way through his body causing him to press slightly closer. It was something he hadn't quite expected…only because he'd rarely let himself think about Danny physically. Had fantasized only a few times…the high he experienced while reliving their intimate moments was quickly followed by the harsh reality that he was alone and that his heart was still broken. So he'd tried to avoid such thoughts of the other man, but now, here…with Danny's arms around him, his touch soft, arousing…Martin found himself wanting nothing more than to touch Danny again and to have Danny touch him.
Reluctantly, he pulled out of Danny's embrace, hands running down his arms, unwilling to stop touching him completely. "My apartment is across town," he murmured, swallowing hard when Danny took Martin's hand in his own, thumb pressing into his palm in a way that had Martin's heartbeat speeding up. "But we can take a cab," he added, nearly breathless now.
Danny nodded, his eyes flashing with an anxious sort of desire…and something more that again, Martin found himself unable to identify. They stepped into the hallway and Martin turned as Danny opened the front door, calling out to his sister.
"Um, Maggie we're going to go to my apartment for a little while…" he said, eyes downcast, voice shaking nervously.
But when he looked up Maggie's eyes were understanding and happy. She nodded and waved him away, adjusting her daughter where she held her on her hip. To Martin's surprise, Danny told her goodbye as well and he watched as something unspoken quickly passed between the two of them. He made a mental note to ask about it later and then followed the other man out the door.
-----
Something wasn't quite right. And the closer they got to Martin's apartment, the more he was starting to realize it. It didn't make sense…Danny being here for one thing. But more importantly, Martin could sense a strange sort of anxiety in Danny…hovering just below the surface. And, although he'd been infinitely relieved, he wasn't sure he could accept Danny's forgiveness so readily. Because he remembered the hurt he had seen in Danny's eyes after he'd discovered Martin's true identity. And they'd never talked about it or worked through it…they'd only had a night of desperate lovemaking, tinged with sadness and regret and the knowledge that Martin had to leave the next day.
Now though, no matter how loudly his heart was protesting to just leave things alone, he couldn't help but wanting to discover the truth. He was confused and uncertain about what all of this meant. Most of all, he didn't want to lose Danny a second time; he knew that he wouldn't be able to bear it.
But when they reached Martin's apartment, his reason, his protests…they died on his lips the instant Danny pulled him into his arms. It was frantic and passionate; hands greedy as they reached for each other, yanking at one another's clothes in a desperate attempt to touch skin, to get closer. Their kisses were sloppy and hard as Martin tugged Danny in the direction of his bedroom.
It was a blur, yet he felt every second of it. He found himself more confident than he'd ever been with Danny. Not a moment of hesitance, or any time to be shy. He was too busy wanting. There were still so many questions he had to ask, answers he was dying to know, but all he could feel right now was Danny. There was a very big part of Martin that believed he might never have this chance again. That Danny had found him, had sought him out only to end things once and for all…to get some sort of closure that they hadn't been able to achieve in Cuba due to the circumstances. And that being the case, he wanted to take advantage of now and to not let this chance pass him by.
To his great surprise, Danny went along willingly with everything, submitting to Martin's touch, arching up against him; their eyes met and Danny nodded. It was so easy…being like this again. Tangled up in Danny, their bodies slick with sweat as they moved with each other, kissing and touching and just being together again. It was hot and quick and full of passion, and through it all there was a longing for each other that had everything to do with the time and distance they'd spent apart. It pervaded everything.
Afterwards, they lay tangled together in Martin's bed, sweaty and breathless, the sheets twisted around them. The distant thunder outside was reminiscent of several of their nights together in Cuba, making Martin ache with familiarity. He pressed a gentle kiss to Danny's neck, raising himself up slightly so that he could look into the other man's eyes. Danny smiled at him, fingers caressing Martin's cheek and his neck, but he looked away quickly, his eyes flashing with a sadness Martin didn't understand.
Martin pressed closer, wrapped his arms more tightly around Danny, wanting for them to be touching as much of each other as possible. "Tell me," he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to Danny's jaw before looking up again, meeting the other man's surprised expression. "Please Danny," he went on. "What happened to you in Cuba? How did you find me? Why…why did you say you forgive me?" he finished softly, eyes downcast.
Danny touched his chin, forcing his gaze back up. Martin felt his heart break, seeing the sadness and hurt written all over Danny's face. "I do forgive you querido," he whispered.
Martin shook his head, swallowing over a lump in his throat. "But I lied to you and I know I hurt you, even though I never meant to," he choked out, his voice nearly breaking, his eyes stinging with tears. "And you were so angry with me, so upset…and now…"
"Martin, I came to you and warned you to leave," Danny interrupted. He pulled Martin more firmly into his arms, turning them both onto their sides so that they were lying face to face. "Would I have done that if I didn't care about you?"
Martin couldn't answer, only shook his head, hating the tears that leaked from his eyes. He couldn't seem to catch his breath, and while his emotions threatened to overwhelm him, he forced himself to calm down, leaning closer into Danny's soothing touch. "Why?" he asked finally, his voice soft. "Why did you forgive me? How did you find me? What happened…"
"Shh, Martin," Danny soothed, pressing his fingers to Martin's lips, quieting his anxious questions. "I'll tell you everything that happened, all right? I just need…I'm exhausted," he said, eyes flashing with that same look of sadness and regret. "Can we just…sleep for a while?" he murmured.
He nodded in response, noticing for the first time, the dark circles under Danny's eyes, emphasizing further the sorrow in his expression. Martin kissed him softly, reaching down to pull the sheet more firmly over both of them as he pulled Danny to himself. Danny fell asleep within minutes, arms tight around Martin's body, yet he didn't seem to relax even as he slept. Martin frowned and gently ran his hand through Danny's dark hair, trying to soothe him. Settling more comfortably next to Danny, he ran his hand up and down his arm, unable to sleep himself, too afraid the other man would disappear if he shut his eyes. Instead he watched over Danny and waited, wondering what Danny's answers would bring for both of them.
tbc...
one more chapter left