So this did not turn out at all like I expected it to, but I wouldn't have it any other way. I hope you enjoy, but I need to warn you- it ends on a sad note. You may want to bring tissues, a glass of wine, Ben and Jerry, a Prozac… or maybe even all of the above.
As It Seems: Chapter Eleven
Everyone trickled out of the bullpen for the night, leaving Tony and Jethro alone. Ziva had reminded each of them about the restaurant opening that Friday, and everyone agreed that they were going. Abby and Tim had scampered out together, discussing plans for their new place. Elly and Dorney had walked out talking about the research they had come across, and Parke had been on his phone again, having a rather terse conversation with Tiffany. Tony had raised an eyebrow at that, but Parke wouldn't make eye contact with anyone as he opted for the stairs rather than the lift.
"Sounds like they're having a hard time juggling whose career is a bigger priority," Jethro said, startling Tony a couple of minutes after the rest of the crew left.
"You mean Parke and Tiffany? Yeah. It's not pretty." Tony had heard many conversations about the political fundraisers that Parke had been dragged to without even being asked, and he'd picked up pieces of conversations where Parke was trying to emphasize how important his job was to him, and about how the schedule came with the territory. He hoped they could figure out how to balance things, because he knew when careers were put aside, they adored one another.
"I hope they figure out that neither is more important than the other," Jethro said quietly as he worked on his paperwork.
"Me, too," Tony said quietly. "I guess that's one thing that we're extremely lucky about."
"Yeah," Jethro agreed.
"I was thinking I'd go meet with Dina, Talia and Malek and explain where things stand. You want to come with? It might make it easier to explain why I've taken on the case, and may answer some questions that are probably on your mind. Maybe we can do dinner afterwards and talk about it from our end?" Tony turned halfway so he could look over the partition to gauge Jethro's reaction to the suggestion. The relief was obvious, and Tony bit his lower lip, not sure how their conversation was going to go.
"We could do that."
"How much more you got there?" Tony asked.
"Nothing that can't wait. If we don't get a case tomorrow, I'll be all caught up with nothing to do anyway."
"Okay. I'll call the agents-on-guard, and let them know we're coming." Tony turned back to his computer to pull the schedule to see who would be watching their friends, then dialed the number for the agent that was in charge for the evening.
A few minutes later, he and Jethro were in the elevator together. Tony flipped the switch, and turned to -Jethro with a smile. Jethro squinted at him with a small smile of his own, and then Tony had him pressed against the wall, kissing him with everything in him. When the kiss finally ended, Tony barely pulled back, his hands around Jethro's waist, and Jethro's hands around Tony's head, caught up in his hair. They panted into one another's mouth a moment while they hesitated, wondering if the kiss was going to end, or if they should start again.
"Thanks for taking care of the reservations," Tony whispered.
"Thanks for taking care of my friends," Jethro whispered back. Tony smiled broadly, and the kiss resumed, only deeper and slower.
There was a perfect comfort in the kiss. It was evenly balanced, not rushed a bit, and it managed to allow both of them to say thank you and you're welcome at the same time. There was strength and openness in the kiss, welcoming each other in, and it was passionately intimate.
"Wish we were going home," Jethro said quietly when Tony finally pulled back, needing to breathe.
"We can pick up where that left off as soon as we walk in the door," Tony said with a gentle smile.
"I'm going to hold you to that."
Tony flipped the switch to the elevator, and a few seconds later got out of it to find Dorneget and Elly talking.
"Hey, guys," Tony said.
"Hey, Boss," Elly said, and Dorney just smiled and nodded.
"Why do I have the bad feeling that the two of you are plotting something?" Tony said playfully with a raised eyebrow.
"Because we are?" Dorney said before Elly elbowed him in the ribs.
"You're not supposed to tell him!" he said out of the corner of his mouth, playing along.
"Oh! Right. My bad. I mean, because we're so awesome that we're too good to be true? You're just waiting for something to happen?" Dorney said with a comically fake innocent smile.
"Uhhhhuh. That's it," Tony said with a chuckle as he turned to walk away. "Have a good night guys! No plotting world domination without me!"
"Man! See what you've done?" Elly joked in that sideways tone again. "He wants in on it!" Dorney laughed, and then their conversation continued as Jethro and Tony wandered out of earshot.
"Where did you want to do dinner?" Tony asked.
"Let's decide after our meeting," Jethro replied hesitantly.
"You mean you need to figure out whether or not comfort food is on the menu," Tony said with a smirk. Jethro shrugged with a smile, getting into the truck. Tony chuckled as he got into his car. He'd learned that even Jethro had his go-to meals when he'd had a rough day. They pulled out of the garage, and twenty minutes later were knocking on the door of the motel room. The agents-on-guard greeted them, and then left to stand outside while they talked.
Malek had obviously been the gentleman and taken the pullout sofa bed, which allowed the ladies to have the two adjoining rooms of the suite for their own. They were all gathered in the small living room area when they arrived. It seemed the guards had taken them to get their belongings from the apartment, and they were scattered around in piles, ready to grab quickly if need be.
The three of them were glad to see them, and it showed in their faces.
"It is good to see you my friends," Malek said with a warm smile.
"You, too. Looks like they're taking care of you," Tony said.
Jethro approached Dina, and put his hand on her arm. "How ya doing?" he asked quietly.
"I am as well as can be expected," Dina said, trying to offer a smile, but not quite succeeding. "Thank you."
Jethro nodded, then turned to Tony.
"We need to talk to you," Tony said before sitting in an uncomfortable motel armchair. Everyone took seats around the room, except for Jethro who came to stand next to Tony.
"As of yesterday, Tony is in charge of your case. I decided it would be safer to keep it as unbiased as possible in case anything came out about our friendship in court. We don't need anything slipping through on a technicality."
All three of them looked to Tony, who nodded.
"We took three people into custody yesterday who were involved in the break in. Isah Ali Bak, James Brand and Amanda Mortaire." The three exchanged looks, confused about who the two Americans were, and Tony continued. "Ali Bak paid Brand and Mortaire, residents of the apartment building you were in, to break into your unit and steal tokens to prove that Dina lived there. He admitted this, and gave us some disturbing news."
He turned to Dina, and made eye contact.
"The man who attacked you was the second in the chain of command for the Qureshi faction, Turhan Ubaydah. We believe that they are going to keep sending people for you, and we're trying to find out what their next plan of attack will be."
"Oh, my," she said in shock, reaching out and placing a hand on Malek's arm. Tony and Jethro watched her swallow hard, and Jethro noticed how she immediately reached to make contact with Malek.
"Turhan Ubaydah?" Malek asked, reaching to take Dina's hand from his arm, and folded his fingers between hers.
Tony and Jethro both nodded, noticing their locked hands.
"I did not realize it was him. It was so dark in the room, and I had not seen him at the event…" Dina's voice shook as she spoke.
Malek shushed her. "No one blames you. It does not matter who it was. Your justice was more merciful than he deserved."
Tony wasn't sure what to say to that. He looked at Jethro who raised an eyebrow at him, and he decided to keep moving forward.
"As of right now, we know that word has gotten back to the faction that Ali Bak has failed in his mission to retaliate for the kill, though they are denying any involvement. We have turned him over to the FBI because they have multiple charges of murder to bring against him for missions he has succeeded on, and any one of those will land him in prison for life. If we only prosecute him on your charge, he will be out in a matter of years, and sent back to Iraq. We don't want to see that happen. We want to keep him close, and under our eyes for the rest of his life so we can monitor his communications."
Dina nodded, and Talia moved to sit next to her, putting her arm around her.
"Though Dina is the original target, now that the journals have made it into the wrong hands, we suspect that the group of you will be in danger. There is already chatter about the faction looking to hire someone else to try to fulfill the mission, and they are offering a high sum. We're not sure yet as to whether that speaks to their desperation to seek their revenge, or if it's because they are extending the contract to all three of you. To be safe, we're going to assume both."
All three nodded, and Jethro looked at Tony, hearing the update for the first time. Tony knew he was going to have a difficult time concentrating on anything if Jethro was listening to them, so he'd had a group chat open with his team all day, and they circulated information that way the majority of the time. Jethro hadn't heard much at all until now.
"Our primary concern right now is to keep you safe. There are a few options, and though none of them are that great, we don't have to decide today. Actually, I'd prefer to wait to move you until we get a little more information, but I wanted to let you know so you can start considering them. The first, is that you can refuse protective services. Not suggested, but that is up to you. The second, is that you go into the federal witness protection program. That will most likely mean splitting you up, and bouncing you around the country until you find a place to fit in."
All three of them exchanged desperate looks and vehemently "no-way-in-hell" headshakes. Tony almost smiled at them, feeling the same sense of family among them that he felt with his team and Jethro's.
"The third, is we send you to another country that we have agreements with, and enter you into their protective service program, but again, you'd probably be split up. The problem with witness protection is that you will never be able to communicate with anyone you've ever known in your entire lives again. Us, each other, family, friends… You'd be cut off. If it's found that you've violated the contract you'd have to sign stating that you're willing to do so, you'd lose protection." The distraught and disheartened looks on their faces made Tony's heart ache, and he tried to push it aside. That was the hardest part for him, too. He wanted his fiancé to still be able to be in contact with them if they wanted to.
"The last, and best option, is that we try a modified version of the protection plan within the agency, and not turn you over to the federal program. If you remain in our care, we can still stay in communication. You'd go into hiding until we can bring the faction down, or until we can determine it is safe for you to start living lives of your own again."
"And how does this modified plan work?" Malek asked.
"Kind of like what you were doing at the apartment, only you'd be placed elsewhere with people we know will keep you safe. You would not be allowed to stay alone, at least not for long periods of time."
"We would have an agent, or agents, living with us?" Dina asked.
Tony looked up at Jethro, and in that way that they did, they communicated so much with just a glance. Tony knew they were heading into a potentially dangerous situation as far as Jethro's relationship with Talia went, but he had meant what he said, and the look on Jethro's face welcomed the offer. Tony nodded, and Jethro turned to the group.
"Or you could come stay with Tony and I," he answered. His eyes met Malek's, who nodded grimly at him.
"But we would still be split up," Dina stated. "And I do not want to be without either Talia or Malek." Her eyes showed the frantic panic she was barely reigning in as she looked back and forth between her two friends.
"Actually," Jethro started, steeling himself. "You wouldn't, because Tony and I live together." He looked at Tony and then Malek before making eye contact with Talia and then Dina. "We're actually engaged to be married in September." Dina looked surprised, but Talia looked confused.
"I did not know that!" Dina said, some joy trying to filter through the worry. "You have been keeping secrets from us?" she asked playfully.
"Well, if our Director hadn't been with us at dinner that night, you probably would have found out then," Tony said with a guilty smile. "But we hadn't told him yet, and he ended up joining us, so that couldn't happen."
"That is understandable," Malek said. Though he had already heard the news, he still looked happy for them. Everyone noticed that Talia seemed to be turning inward. Her silence was enough of a damnation. They tried to ignore it for the moment, hoping that if they gave her some time to digest the information and talk with Malek and Dina, she would come around.
"I don't need an answer yet. This is your lives we're talking about here, and we know it's going to be a big decision. If you do agree to an altered plan, you can still decide to go into witness protection at any point. However, just so you know, you cannot go into witness protection, and then back out and come back to us. That won't be available to us at that point. I wanted to tell you so you have time to think. You'll most likely be with our agents for at least the next week while we figure out the Qureshi's next move, and as soon as we see that they are mobilizing someone, you'll be asked for an answer. That could be as soon as tomorrow, but like I said, it's most likely going to be somewhere closer to a week from now."
"What is your plan for action when you find out who is being hired to kill us next?" Malek asked, not tiptoeing at all around the reality of the situation.
"We're not just waiting for that. When they do start sending someone, or multiple someones, we'll be coordinating with our CIA agents in the area that are familiar with the faction to try and take out the people they send before they can even cross the ocean. We have ears out in other countries that are likely to house those sympathetic to the faction's causes as well. In the meantime, we're gathering information, and we're putting the lean on taking out the faction.
"After the last op, we made a pretty significant dent in their operations. Destroying the anthrax, and taking out multiple people that were instrumental in the faction's development, resulted in serious instability. Raiding the headquarters they had set up in the network of tunnels under the city depleted a lot of their arsenal. They are weak, but they are good at hiding. Especially now that there are less members to hide, it's getting harder to track them down. However, the surviving members are unfortunately the ones with the best connections, which means they are rebuilding, and quickly. If we are going to bring them down, we need to do so soon."
"We would like to help," Malek said, looking from the ladies and back to Tony and Jethro.
"If I can find any way at all to incorporate you, I'd love to bring in your wealth of knowledge. Right now, we're not the ones at the front of this, we're more support. When we get tossed into the ring, I'll bring you with me. The information you have could be our ticket into the show."
"Thank you," Dina said.
"Think about what you want to do. Talk amongst yourselves about it. If you need to get in touch with us for anything, don't hesitate. I'll let you know how things are progressing every few days." Tony stood up, and Malek joined him and Jethro as they made their way out the door.
"Talia will come around, Gibbs," he tried to reassure as soon as the door closed.
"I'm not going to hold my breath," Jethro said with a shrug.
"We will talk to her. She will perhaps never understand, but you know that Talia is not capable of developing a hatred towards you."
Jethro gave him a half-smile. "Take care of them, Malek."
"They are my life, and I will always guard them as such."
Tony watched the two men, and his heart ached a little for the expressions each one wore.
"I'll be in touch," Tony said when Malek turned to him.
"We will be here when you are ready for us," Malek said, offering his hand. "And thank you, Tony."
Tony took it in a shake, and found it surrounded by both of Malek's in the same warm way he had at their first meeting.
"You are very welcome, my friend," he answered quietly. He and Malek exchanged smiles, and then Malek let Tony's hand go so they could leave.
Jethro got into his truck, and pulled out his phone once he saw Tony was far enough away from the other agents to coordinate dinner plans. Tony answered with a small smile on his face as he reached his car.
"So what are we hungry for?" he asked.
"Kinda feeling meatloaf, mashed potatoes, corn…" Jethro said as he pulled from the parking lot.
"Diner it is. You wanna drop one of our cars off at home first?" Tony asked as he turned over the key in the ignition.
"Might as well. We'll be going right by there."
"Okay. I'll see you in a few."
Tony hung up the phone once he heard the click on the other end, and he considered whether or not he was in for it. He knew Jethro would be cranky because of the way Talia reacted, and he half-expected him to be angry because they were still in a wait and see kind of holding pattern.
When he pulled up in front of the house, Jethro was already out of the truck and coming towards his car. Tony decided that boded well for him, because if Jethro was angry, there was no way in hell he'd be letting Tony drive. That was something Tony had learned long ago: If Gibbs is pissed, he drives.
Jethro opened the car door and slipped in, pulling his seatbelt over his chest. Tony instinctively reached to take his hand as soon as the car was in drive again, and they headed down the road silently together. It was peaceful, and Tony wondered just how deceiving that might prove to be. They pulled up outside of Tom's Diner, and Tony put the car in park, which required letting go of Jethro's hand. Before Tony could get out of the car though, Jethro stole his hand back.
"Mind if we talk out here for a few first?" Jethro asked when Tony turned to look at him.
"Not at all." Tony looked into the blue eyes across from him, and squeezed his fingers. He didn't like the pain and stress he saw there.
"I know you've got this," Jethro started, and then sighed. "My head tells me there's not a care in the world. You're you, and you know that there's nothing I wouldn't trust you with. Always have, always will."
"Sounds like there's a "but" in there somewhere," Tony said quietly and gently.
"But I'm human," Jethro continued slowly. "And no matter how much I wish I could live out of my head, I can't. Sometimes, especially these past few months, I… feel… my way through things. As much as I trust you, as much as I know you're capable of taking care of yourself, of taking care of those around you, no one is infallible, and you and I both know that sometimes, no matter how perfectly you plan, no matter how strictly you stick to that plan and play by the rules, unexpected things happen. In a moment or two, everything that can mean anything to a person can be taken away. We've both seen it happen. I've lived through it once, and I'm probably always going to be afraid to some extent that something is going to happen to you, and I'm going to have to do it again. It's not just this case, it's every case, and it has been for years. Considering this case has other personal… connections… it's coming out more. I don't want you to think I don't –"
"Jethro," Tony said, softly interrupting. Jethro sighed, and looked at Tony. "I know. I get it."
Jethro nodded.
"I'm human, too. I just get frustrated, because everyone is acting like it's such a surprise that I'm doing so well as a team leader, and lately, I am afraid that news of our wedding is going to get out, and I'm going to have to defend my position. Right now… life is perfect. I guess you're not the only one that's afraid everything is going to be taken away from them."
"I won't let that happen," Jethro said, his voice quiet but firm.
"You are going to be the very last person that has any say in that," Tony said. "It won't matter what you say now, Jethro. You're opinion, no matter what the rest of us know to be true, is going to be considered biased. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and I'm terrified that when it does, it's going to be right on my happy little bubble, which is going to burst in the biggest way possible, and ruin everything. My life has never been this good, and I never, ever, imagined it could be. My team is phenomenal, I'm getting married to this great guy, I have incredible friends that I trust with my life, my sanity, my dreams… I'm peaking, I'm terrified of the crash and burn, and I'm going to be watching my back for a long time, well beyond our wedding, for that falling size 13.
"Yesterday… our insecurities clashed. I get that now. But if you have questions, I want you to be able to come to ask me. They're your friends. I know they mean a lot to you, and I know that if it was any of us, you'd want info. I get that. I just ask that you ask directly, as Jethro, not Gibbs. Sound fair?"
Jethro smiled at him and nodded. "I can do that," he agreed.
"I hope so," Tony said with a smile. "You don't really have much else of a choice."
"Honestly, Tony, I don't think you have anything to worry about from Simmons, or anyone else for that matter. You just closed two twenty-something year old cold cases in two days, have your team creating the new database for all cold cases that will probably end up being used interagency-wide, and you're getting ready to play an instrumental part in bringing down the Qureshis. Just let yourself enjoy it!
"If anything comes our way, we'll handle it together. You don't have to go through that kind of stuff alone. Not to mention, I was tipped off today about how Kathy and her fiancé got together, and did a little digging of my own. She tries to come at us, she's going to have her hands full."
Tony raised an eyebrow at him.
"They didn't just meet on a case. He should have been a suspect in custody from moment one.
Tony nodded, a grin on his face. "Seriously? Nice to know I have a little blackmail material up our sleeves!"
Jethro nodded emphatically. "More than a little. I'll get you the info tomorrow, but it's going to your private email. Let's go eat."
"Ooo! Now that sounds juicy!" Tony said with a wink as he got out of the car.
A few minutes later, they were sitting in a booth, their orders in, and their attention on each other.
"Abby was asking me some stuff about the wedding earlier when I had her helping me with the reservations," Jethro said.
"Oh? She's trying to rope you into it now?" he said with a smirk. "How'd that go?"
"It wasn't too bad- yet. She wanted to know about caterers, and I brought up the whole Dion thing, and whether or not he'd be offended if we didn't go with him, and she said he's not catering right now with the restaurant opening."
"Oh? That's kind of a load off. I don't like to involve finances that close to family."
"I can understand that. Would that include Marcella?" Jethro asked, taking a drink of his water.
"We're friends, but we're not that close. I could keep things separate there easily enough. Are you suggesting we get Casimiro's to cater the wedding?" Tony asked, somewhat excited to be on the verge of a second major decision.
"We could. We know we like the food, and as Abby pointed out, Marcella would make sure it's done right since she knows you, and we know she wouldn't have a problem with our genders."
"True. Pasta would be out of the question, because of the mess factor and with it being outdoors, but Stromboli or those mini-calzones they do, the fried raviolis and calamari, antipasto… I think we could definitely enjoy that."
"Sounds good to me. You want to call Marcella and see if she has that weekend available?"
"Sure! I can do that now, because I know a date, and a time, and a place! I'll call her tomorrow before lunch hours. I know now wouldn't be a good time with the dinner rush."
Jethro watched the elation on Tony's face, and smiled. He was excited to get things moving forward too, but to see Tony so happy about it made him ecstatic.
"The woman that called to confirm the park sent me a bunch of information. I can forward it to you. They have people that can do the table and chairs stuff you mentioned. I also told Abby that you were going to have her help you with the cake."
"Yes! Cake! Now, cake, I am excited about!" Tony flipped over the paper placemat on the table, pulled his pen out of the inside pocket of his jacket, and began sketching it out roughly. There were three different designs on the sheet by time he was finished, and Jethro looked from them to Tony's face. "Since we're going with smaller layers, I can do round, though I tend to prefer the idea of doing squares, like this one," he said, pointing out a drawing that to Jethro looked like stacked boxes. "However, my favorite is this. It's three squares, and each layer is turned, so when you look at it from the top, it's kind of like a star."
Jethro looked on and tried to nod in an ambiguous way, but he really didn't care about the cake. "As long as it's not covered in ribbons and bows, I'm good."
Tony chuckled, "Or fruity. No ribbons, bows, or fruit."
"Right," Jethro said with a smile.
Tony flipped the mat back over as their waitress, a new girl, brought their dinner. They dug into the food, and after a couple of minutes, Tony remembered something he'd wanted to ask.
"Colors," he said, swallowing his chicken. "Blue and green?"
"You mean like our shirts?" Jethro asked with a smile.
Tony nodded. "Exactly what I was thinking!" he said.
"That's going to be nice with the flowers in the gardens. Ducky told me that in the fall, they have a lot of blue flowers over there. We're going to need to look into the photographer closely and find a good one."
"Aha! See? I knew there was something you cared about, too!"
Jethro chuckled. "I care about it all more than I realized, but yeah, a good photographer will be important. I was thinking earlier how nice it will be to have photos of the wedding around the house at Christmas."
Tony was a bit surprised by the idea, but especially considering that Jethro thought of it first. "That's going to be great," he said, imagining the photos everywhere.
Jethro nodded, taking another bite of his meatloaf. Tony was practically giddy at the planning.
"Blue and green wedding cake, blue and green shirts, flowers, and probably table cloths then. I'll find out about the table and chair people soon. This is all coming together so fast!" Tony stuck another chunk of chicken with his fork. "We've got a venue, an idea of who we want to cater, colors, cake ideas… all in one day. I'm rather impressed."
"Don't get ahead of yourself yet. We don't know if Marcella is going to be able to cater yet, and we need to figure the cake thing out soon. When Diane tried to find someone to do the cake she wanted, it took her over a month."
"Bah! Ours isn't going to be very big, and not too fancy. I'm sure it will be fine. Might take a couple of calls, but I'm not planning on it being too complicated. Probably three square layers, an eight inch, six inch, four inch. Maybe some striped accents or something, but pretty simple, classy, elegant."
Jethro nodded, hoping Tony was right about being able to find someone available to make their cake for that weekend. He knew that it was the one thing Tony had seemed particularly enthused about so far, and he wanted him to have the perfect cake.
"Are we doing jackets with our shirts?" Tony asked.
"Should we?"
"Maybe something basic. It gets chilly on September nights by the river."
"Are you going to make me go clothes shopping?" Jethro asked, only slightly alarmed.
"Either that, or you can trust me with picking out your jacket," Tony said with a smirk.
"I'd better go," Jethro said with a playful eye roll.
"Sounds like a good idea. We can wait and do that in August though. Considering I've started eating about as often as you, I'm sure I'll be a full size down by the end of the summer. No sense in having it tailored, and then having to have it re-tailored."
"You have dropped a few pounds," Jethro said, looking Tony over.
"Yeah. The belt is coming in a notch tighter lately. It's nice to have someone to cook for, though. Now that we're eating in more often than out, my grease intake is being cut by more than half. That reminds me, I have to take that chicken out of the freezer tomorrow night if I'm going to cook it Saturday."
"I'll try to remind you," Jethro said, forking more of his meatloaf. "I hope Friday night goes well for Ziva and Dion."
"Me, too. I'm looking forward to getting both of our teams together for a night out! No better event than to support their venture. It's hard to believe that just four months ago, he wasn't even a part of the picture, but now, it's like he's become the center of Zee's universe. It's kind of nice. I mean, no, we don't exactly have much in common to sit back and talk about, but he's a good guy, and he treats her well, respects her and what she does. He seems to get that we mean a lot to her, too," he added quietly, looking down at his food, and then back up to meet Jethro's eyes that had landed on him.
"Did you really think someone could come along and make her change her mind about how she feels about us?" Jethro asked quietly.
Tony sighed, and put down his fork. He'd been debating for a couple of weeks now whether or not it was his place to disclose what he was about to, but he suddenly felt like he needed to get it off his chest. Ziva obviously hadn't brought it up yet, and he felt it only fair Jethro had a heads up.
"I think she wants out, Jethro." He looked at Jethro's almost shocked expression, and watched at how he schooled it while he thought. He sat his fork down as well, and Tony took a shallow breath.
"Out?" was all he could say.
Tony nodded. "Of the field, not out of our lives." He hoped that would soften the blow, but he knew it wouldn't.
"Why do you think that?" Jethro asked, his voice much quieter.
"I got a call two weeks ago from an admissions counselor at Georgetown. Ziva had apparently put me down as a referral on her application. When I asked her about it, she told me she was thinking about going back to school to get her MBA. They apparently have a pretty good International Business program. I said something about how if she applied, that's more than thinking about it. She said that there's no way she could work our schedule and go back to school, even if only part time, and that she had some decisions to make."
"I take it she hasn't made them yet if she hasn't come to talk to me about it," Jethro said almost monotone.
Tony shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't know. Honestly, I'm starting to think we're the only reason she's still here. We're always going to be her real family, Jethro. It hit me pretty hard at first, but then I thought about it, and I don't want her to keep doing this if it's not what she wants to do. I don't want to be the reason why she's not moving forward with her life. She's been really happy lately, and I can't tell you whether or not that's because she's in a stable relationship, or if it's because she's doing something with this restaurant opening. I think it's a little of both."
Jethro nodded, and they sat still in silence for a long minute together.
"You look sad, hun," Tony said, reaching across the table to run his finger along Jethro's knuckles. He very rarely used any kind of a pet-name or nickname with Jethro, but at the moment, something pulled it from him without thinking.
Jethro sighed. "I think I am." He picked up his fork and started back in on his food, and Tony watched him a minute before doing the same.
"Are you sad that she's thinking about leaving, or sad because she hasn't said anything to you about it yet?" Tony asked tentatively.
"I guess both."
"I've been wondering if she assumed I was going to tell you. She didn't ask me not to, but she didn't tell me I could tell anyone either, and I kind of figured it was something she'd want to tell you about herself. She may think I had already told you, or expected me to, and is waiting for you to come to her."
"I don't want to push her. You're right- if she's not happy, I don't want us to be the reason she stays."
"She doesn't even know if she's accepted yet. Just wait it out, let her do some soul-searching, and when she makes her decision, we'll do our best to be supportive."
"I really do want her happy, I just don't know what I'm going to do with a one person team. I trust McGee, but the three of you worked well together. I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do about filling your desk." Jethro's eyes looked up and caught Tony's. "Those are some pretty big shoes to fill," he said softly.
"I don't know. I think a lot of our work chemistry was based on our personal history, and how our relationships developed over the years. Probie and Probette won't ever be as cohesive together as McGee and I, or Ziva and I were when paired. What you need is someone who can work with either of them and A) not get shot, B) not get the other shot, and C) not shoot each other." Tony smirked as Jethro chuckled. "They need to know how to turn on a computer and operate the plasma clicker, and bonus points if they come with a little prepackaged know-how when it comes to BOLOs, a Marine's coffee, and the layout of Rock Creek Park." Jethro shook his head and smiled, reaching for his water. Tony smiled too, glad that he was pulling Jethro from his funk. "Oh, and pro-tip? They need to invest in a helmet."
Jethro raised a questioning eyebrow at him.
"To protect from head slaps," Tony said with a sage-like nod.
"Didn't do much damage to you!" Jethro said with a chuckle.
"Much damage?!" Tony jested. "You hit me so much that it scrambled my brain to the point that I fell in love with you! I'm pretty sure the whole thing between us is a form of headslap induced Stockholm Syndrome." Tony felt a tingly warmth rush through him at the bright, beaming smile that Jethro wore as he finished his meal. He felt smug at a job well done, glad that Jethro was looking happy again.
They ate in silence for a few minutes until the waitress came by to ask if they were going to have any dessert. They both declined, and she left their check on the table with a smile and bright red cheeks. They looked at each other as she walked away, and Tony tried to stifle the laughter bubbling up inside.
They'd become a pretty regular fixture together at the diner, and Jethro's usual waitresses got to know that Tony wasn't going anywhere. Loraine had made the comment one day that she now knew why Jethro hadn't swept her away yet, and he had laughed. Her smile and wink had settled his nerves about some things, and he was grateful to still feel comfortable at his favorite caffeination hole.
The embarrassed look on the new girl's face was precious. It didn't appear to hold any malice, and both Jethro and Tony had noticed that fact, and both secretly wondered if she'd ever met a non-straight couple before. Her drawl had told them right away that she was from out of town, and being them, they'd both started piecing together various versions of her backstory from moment one, trying to find which fit her best.
After they paid and left the tip, they found themselves discussing it in Tony's car.
"I think she's going to work out," Jethro said with a smirk.
"I think she just might need someone around to let her know it's okay. It could be why she moved out here," Tony said, turning onto their street.
"Maybe. Not too many people move to D.C. without a reason. She's probably from further in state, or more likely West Virginia, and maybe came out here for school at Virginia Tech or something."
"Maybe. I guess we'll learn over time," Tony said. "Was her name Autumn or August?"
"August," Jethro said.
"I'll remember that. How much do you wanna bet she was born in December or something?" Tony said with a chuckle. They pulled up in front of the house, and Tony sighed, his stuffed belly feeling relieved when the seatbelt unlatched. "We might be sharing this house with three other people soon."
"Guess I should probably clean out Kelly's room after all," Jethro said quietly, looking first at the house, and then at Tony.
Tony shrugged the slightest. "I'll do whatever you want and need me to do," he said just as quietly. Jethro nodded.
"I should probably open it up and air it out tonight. Get the windows opened, prop the door. It's going to be dusty as all hell."
Tony considered opening the door a good first step. "You want to do that now, or wait a while?"
"Might as well do it now," Jethro said, reaching for the car door handle tentatively.
Tony reached out and took his left hand. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.
Jethro smiled sadly at him, but nodded. "Yeah. It's time."
Tony nodded. "I'm with you."
"Thanks," Jethro whispered.
They both got out, and went into the house. They packed their weapons up, got dressed into comfortable clothes, and then stood outside of the door together. Tony reached out and took Jethro's hand, and Jethro reached forward and took the knob, turning it slowly. He was almost surprised at how easily it turned, as if though it had been used daily for years. The last bit of resistance slipped away, and the door gave, creaking open. Jethro gave it a slight push, and let go of the knob. He still didn't make any move forward though.
Tony felt the clammy hand in his grow damper and damper as the door swung open. He looked on in fascination, unable to look anywhere but at the room in front of him. The walls were a sunny yellow, and the white and blue curtains over the windows were bright and cheery. There was a pink, yellow and blue plaid comforter on the bed still, and a white wooden desk and chair. There was a pink lamp on the desk, and a clear pen holder full of ancient markers. A white wooden dresser stood against the wall, and a white wooden toy chest was under the window, half propped open with toys sticking out of it.
Jethro cleared his throat. "After they died, I came in here, and I..."
Tony squeezed his hand, letting Jethro know in that way only he could that he didn't have to continue if he didn't want to, but if he did, he was right there for him. Jethro took a deep breath.
"I couldn't stand seeing her things out, like she was going to come back any minute. She and Shannie had been whisked off quickly, and everything was just as she had left it. The only thing she took with her was her favorite bear. It was with her belongings when I had to go identify them."
"I wonder," Tony started softly. "If maybe Amira might understand how important that bear is." It was obvious to Tony which bear it was, because it was the only toy left in the bed and not sticking halfway out of the toy box. It looked like Jethro had come in, scooped everything up, and tried to cram it away into the box where they couldn't been seen so easily. He bet that if he opened the closet, it would look similar.
Jethro turned towards Tony, his eyes soft and red, and he nodded. "I've told her who Kelly is. She might."
Tony smiled at that. "I wonder what Leyla would think about this," Tony said sheepishly, holding up their joined hands.
"I think she already knows," Jethro said with a smile.
"You think?" Tony asked. They'd only been to her house once since they'd become a couple, but they had been over together a few times before then.
"Yeah. I think she'd be happy with it."
Tony beamed, comforted by that. He looked back towards the room, and realized that they still had a big task ahead of them. His smile dimmed.
"Tell me what to do, Jethro," he asked quietly.
"Will you open the windows?" he asked just as quietly. Tony nodded, and let go of Jethro's hand, walking into the room. He felt like he was stepping onto sacred ground as he did so, but moved as nonchalantly as possible towards the window. He unlatched the lock, and pushed it open, sweeping the curtains aside gently to allow the breeze to come through. He moved to the other window, and did the same, then turned back towards Jethro. Their eyes locked, and then Tony reached out his hand.
Jethro nodded, and then stepped into the room, staring at the outstretched hand until he could reach it to slip his own into it. He closed his eyes, and Tony took a step closer to him, running his hand down Jethro's arm. Jethro opened his eyes, and looked into Tony's, then around the room.
"She would love Amira. They're both so positive, optimistic. Not just in that way that kids are, either. It's a part of their personalities. It's something you know the world is never going to take from them. They both just… believe in the good."
"That's because they both know you," Tony said with a smile. "It's why I believe in it."
Jethro smiled at Tony, and leaned in to kiss him softly. "Thank you, Tony."
"Nothing to thank me for, Jethro."
"I think Kelly would want Amira to enjoy her things."
Tony nodded. He'd hoped that would be the decision. He liked the idea of breathing new life into such important memories, and he was intimately touched by Jethro's willingness to share this experience and his memories of Kelly with him. He felt like he was witnessing a miracle, and he thought back to Jack's advice at Easter to let Jethro deal with this in his own time.
"We still have some of those plastic bins I bought under the stairs. We can let the room air out tonight, and then tomorrow we can take a trip down memory lane if you want, or I can pack it up, and we can take it over on Saturday or Sunday."
Jethro was grateful that Tony was giving him a way out, but it only made him want to step up to the plate even more. Tony had been great, and he felt like he could do this as long as Tony was with him every step of the way.
He would never say goodbye to his little girl. He carried her with him every day. He remembered her tiny fingers as a baby, reaching for his nose, her smile when she was finally able to ride her bike without training wheels, her laughter, which sounded like it would one day be just like her mother's, and her eyes full of tears when he was deployed. He thought of her holding her bear in one hand, Shannon's hand in the other, and trying hard not to cry. She had made him promise to come back, and he had kept that promise. He never thought that she wouldn't be there when he did.
He wasn't sure when he had sat down on the bed, but he had, and he was holding the black teddy bear on his lap. He looked down into its eyes, lifeless and cold, and he shuddered as he thought of the last time he had seen his girls on slabs in autopsy. He thought for a moment that he might get sick, but then he felt a strong arm come around his shoulder, and he fell against Tony, who held him close as he shook.
"She was so little," he whispered. Tony's fingers reached up to run gently through Jethro's hair as his voice broke, and his shaking turned into sobs. "She was so… so incredible. She was my joy, my hope… she was my life, my everything, and they took her from me!"
Memories kept long-hidden swelled to the surface, overwhelming him. Christmas mornings, complete with the sounds of shredding wrapping paper, flashed before his eyes. The way Kelly would draw in the sawdust piles with her finger, usually resulting in splinters he'd have to tenderly remove with tweezers, and kiss to make all better. Holding her as he walked the hall back and forth at night to get her to sleep as a baby, and reading her bedtime stories as she grew older. Coming home to find Shannon asleep on the couch with Kelly curled into her, the TV turned on and leftovers on the stove. Piles of leaves in the backyard meant for jumping in, and hot summer picnics on the coast. Checking for monsters in the closet and under the bed, and hand-drawn pictures mailed to him during Desert Storm.
Memories that he had forced into a dark corner of his mind, ventured into only once or twice a year, came out into the light, refusing to be silenced. It was a beautiful assault, but it hurt like nothing he'd felt in years to be reminded of what he lost. He heaved against Tony, his arms wrapped around him so tightly that he was afraid he was hurting him, but he couldn't bring himself to let go.
Tony felt the tears running down his own face as he held Jethro. His shoulder was damp from Jethro's tears, and he had never felt anything as painful as the way his heart ached for his love as he let himself fully grieve the loss of his daughter. It was excruciating, but at the same time, Tony finally understood that this is how a father is supposed to love his children. To love them enough to mourn them, to cherish every faint memory, to cling to their life long after it had left, was what a real father would do. He held Jethro tighter, and realized that the tears he himself cried were not just for the loss of what Jethro once had, but for the absence in his own life of a father that cared as much as the man in his arms.
They sat there on Kelly's bed for almost an hour, holding each other as they grieved their own side of the parental coin. When they were both feeling too empty and numb to speak, Tony finally got to his feet and pulled Jethro to their bedroom. He set the alarm, plugged in his phone, and turned off the light while Jethro washed his face. They fell into bed together, fully dressed, and curled up against one another. Weak and exhausted, they were asleep within minutes.