My longest chapter yet ;) Enjoy, don't forget to R&R /AN
"Wit is educated insolence."
- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)
Chapter Ten
Cale sulked as he stood on a roof top in the freezing cold in the dead of night. No alcohol, not even a buzz from the three shots he'd managed. Just him on a roof top in the freezing cold, not allowed to summon his armor yet and therefore had no way to stay warm with only thin clothing on. With Kayura as his sole companion. He'd been wrong, Kami most certainly did NOT love him.
The warlord let out a long suffering sigh, glancing back at her. "Why can't I get the whiskey?" he asked. This was probably the fourth time he'd asked that exact same question, give or take a few words, a bit of begging and some whining. Needless to say, Cale wasn't the only one suffering during their vigil.
"Because you fight better if you're sober enough to actually see where you're sticking your sword," Kayura said. She felt like a broken record, saying essentially the same thing over and over again. While the Nether Realm had been mind numbingly dull, this visit to the Mortal Realm was fast proving to be maddeningly redundant.
"It would take the entire bottle for me to get drunk," he protested sulkily. He cursed the immunity he'd built up over the centuries, wishing he could go back to only needing one shot to be drunk off his ass. If things continued to progress at the rate they currently were, he had no doubt that soon he'd have to start asking Sekhmet for IVs.
"Yes and you'd sneak in the entire bottle within two minutes and commence to whining for more," she said, completely matter of fact. She knew Cale and with his personality, if you gave him an inch of leeway then he would take a mile.
Cale went suspiciously silent after that, a sure sign of guilt in Kayura's mind. The winter seasonal was not to be deterred though and he bounded back with, "Can I get you something? Coke? Candy? Rowen? Whiskey?" he named her three favorite things along with his favorite tacked on at the end, another vain attempt to be sneaky.
Kayura reached over with her Shinjuku and hit him around the head. The horrible clanging noise it made was even worse than the actual impact, the high pitched reverberations causing Cale to grip his head and give a howl of pain. It was a distinctly canine howl too, making her blink in bewilderment. She'd heard yelps, growls, whines, whimpers and even grunts out of him and while most of those sounds were a bit out of place for a full grown man, they were still perfectly within his ability to produce. Was it even possible for a human to howl like that?
Cale either hadn't noticed, didn't care or was too dumb to get it (and Kayura's personal bet was on all three). He groaned as he rubbed his pained ears. "Damn it Kay, now I have a migraine. Honestly, you won't let me drink but you'll gladly hit me until I see triple- what's the look for?" he asked, just then noticing that she was staring at him with wide eyes. He wasn't sure he liked that look either, even if it was quiet and she didn't appear on the verge of dashing him about the head again with her stupid staff. "Kay?" he asked. No answer. "Kayura?" Was she broken?
She swallowed and said, "You howled."
"Of course I did, that fucking hurt," he glowered at her, the literal meaning of what she'd said having sailed right over his head. "Want me to bash you around and see how well you like it?" he wasn't usually violent or even easily riled, but something was off in the air and it was agitating him very badly. What was more was that he and Kayura had gotten along the worst out of everyone and he was quite done with her childish antics. She was capable of acting like an adult, why didn't she hold herself to the same standards she held everyone else?
"No, you stupid shit, I don't mean you yelled, I mean you HOWLED! Like a… a… wolf!"
Cale blinked. "Come again?" Maybe he'd been mistaken and he'd have to make excuses for her since it seemed she'd forgotten her happy-and-at-least-slightly-vaguely-sort-of-sane pills.
"You. Howled. Like. A. wolf," she repeated slowly and clearly so that even a mental retard could figure it out. The mental retard in this case being Cale.
He just stared at her for a moment or two before saying in blunt consternation, "Kayura, what in the fucking hell are you talking about?"
Kayura opened her mouth to shout back that he'd done just what she'd said. It wasn't that complex and even a dumb ox like himself ought to be able to understand what she was saying but she was cut off by a real wolf's howl in the near city. Her mouth snapped shut and she licked her lips nervously. "Just like that," she said faintly.
Cale was hardly even paying attention to her, he was already looking out across the city. The wind was beginning to pick up, more so than it had before and that was a tell tale sign of what was to come. "Over there," he pointed to where the clouds were thickening into a dark mass of ominous black against the starry sky. He was already summoning his armor and moving to bound towards the prospective gate opening but paused and glanced back at her when she didn't move. "Kayura, hurry up, another gate is about to open."
She hesitated before calling out her armor to follow him. "Lead the way," she said. Suddenly, Sekhmet's comments about not being the only hanyou in the group actually meant something. Then she couldn't help wondering what the hell that made Cale and what it meant for their group.
Cale went on ahead, oblivious to whatever his teammate was so worked up over. As far as he was concerned, it had been a simple trick of the mind when she'd heard an actual wolf's howl and mistaken it for his. That was what had him confused. What was a wolf doing in Tokyo? Not only was that out of place to begin with but Cale's armor had a link with the wild canines and he couldn't sense one within the entire city's limits! He had exceedingly keen ears though and not even her evil staff's jangling and crashing had been enough to convince him that the one he'd heard had been that far off. Was his armor failing him before the gate even opened or was something else going on? Cale scowled. His head hurt too much for this shit. Stupid Kayura and her stupid staff and not letting him get drunk before the shit hit the fan. Cale was going to be holding a grudge for a while.
They landed on the sidewalk in the middle of a crowded section of town. Unfortunately, Japanese cities didn't seem to have room for tiny, dark and secluded alleys where mysterious vigilantes could land from fifty stories in the air and evade all notice, which left them little choice but to drop down in the midst of a gawking crowd. Cale landed easily, his heavy armor fully equipped to handle the cold but Kayura wasn't so well off. The chill had seeped to her bones on their sky high perch and numbly, she stumbled and nearly fell when they touched down.
Cale sighed and grabbed her arms, preventing the young woman from ruining her pretty face on the unforgiving surface. He actually felt a little bad for her, thinking that maybe she'd come down with a cold. If he hadn't been wearing armor, he would have checked her forehead for a fever. It would explain the delusions about him howling, anyhow.
"Jeeze," she groaned, shifting about to try and coax circulation back into her legs. "I know you can make it cold as hell but can't you also make it… not cold?" she was trying very hard not to whine but she was freezing and most normal people react with crankiness when they can't feel their toes or fingers anymore.
"Logically, one might think so," Cale said. He seemed ignorant to the stares he was getting, trying to wait patiently for something to show up that he could beat the living crap out of. "But if it does have that power, it hasn't bothered to share." Of course he wouldn't expect it to. The somewhat sentient but not completely mindful armors had a single track agenda and the winter bearer knew his happened to like it when it was 30 degrees below freezing and had no intention of teaching the winter seasonal how to change that.
"Damn," she sighed. "I wish this armor came with long underwear." And fuzzy boots. Kayura had seen a pair of those in a store window a few days ago and become completely enamored with them. She wondered if she could pull them on over her armor and maybe one of those goose down coats too. This winter stuff sucked.
Cale opened and then quickly snapped his mouth shut, biting his tongue to keep his comments to himself. Again, this self control thing was ridiculously difficult. To avoid asking what kind of underwear her armor did come with (he had his money on a thong but that would have implied some things about Anubis that he did NOT want to think about) he turned to look at the area around them. He may as well sight see in the modern world since they were stuck out in the middle of the night.
They had left the district of Shinjuku and were in the South West section of Shibuya, in Ebisu. The neighborhood was small and sleepy compared to the jam packed metropolis of Shinjuku, where the first two archways had appeared. However, that did not mean it was a village, especially since the area was primarily suburban, jutted up against nightclubs and stores of all variety. That meant a higher risk of casualties, which didn't set well with him.
Even at the late hour of the night, the city was wide awake and bustling with activity. People were getting off from work and either heading to their homes to get some much needed sleep or out to entertain themselves for the remainder of the night. Ebisu offered a wild and highly varied list of bars, clubs and other attractions which Cale decided he might come back and investigate at a later date. If there was anything left after they had finished fighting, anyway.
Cale had rather enjoyed the non-verbal destruction contests he and the others had once carried on with the Ronin, smashing apart buildings and caving in subways to see who could decimate the most property. But then he'd arrived in full spirits, thinking he'd get to start up a new round just to receive another lecture from Kayura. Apparently, being good guys meant they had to avoid knocking every building down that happened to be within range. He didn't see why they were so important, they could be rebuilt. The area seemed to be much richer than when he'd last seen it. Kayura had just hit him and shouted that they were there to protect the city, not level it. The Ronin had done their fair share of demolishing landmarks, why couldn't he? Not even for a second could the competitive man stand the thought of being outdone by those kids. He sulked again, wishing she'd reconsider.
"I hope that gate opens real soon," mumbled Kayura.
"Huh?" Cale glanced over at her. "Why do you say that?"
"Because it's the last time I'm following your lead and calling the armor before the danger arrives," she mumbled in frustration, nodding to the passerby that were staring and pointing to their armored 'vigilantes' that had deigned to make a reappearance. It would seem that the armor bearers had been elevated to hero status after the news coverage of the matter, though Kayura wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
Cale grinned as he looked around and saw how many excited people were pointing and grinning. "Awesome!" he tried using one of the modern words he'd heard from the 'young and hip' crown. "Look Kay, we're loved!"
Kayura groaned and hit him, armor clanking against armor. "No, NOT awesome. Look!" she grabbed his arm and pointed to the police officers that were pushing towards them. "Swords are BANNED in modern Japan and what exactly do you have in your hand?" she snapped at Cale. This was why it was never a good idea to let the bearer of the Dumb Mutt armor take the lead and she was ruing it more and more with each passing moment. If she hadn't been so caught off guard by his strange noises, she would never have let him transform before the gate appeared but it was just her luck that whenever something could go wrong, it did.
Cale looked down at his much loved weapon. "A nodachi." Not just a nodachi though, it was a very precious friend to him. He patted his sword consolingly, "No one's taking you away."
"It's a sword it doesn't talk and it doesn't have feelings," she glowered at the idiot she was stuck working with.
"Don't listen to her, she doesn't mean it!" Cale was quick to console the weapon. Did he really think his sword had feelings? Not a chance in hell, but it was worth pretending it did when it pissed Kayura off so badly.
"You dipshit, would you pay attention?" she seethed. "They're coming to arrest us for having weapons!"
"What?!" cried the man in outrage. "Why would they do that? We're fighting for their sorry donut eating butts! I didn't see any of them out risking their necks to fight homicidal Talpa ponies!"
Her eye twitched again. If Cale didn't lay off, it would become permanent. "We don't have time to debate this. Come on, I'm not going to get locked up because you didn't realize what you were starting." She didn't leave time for an argument, simply began pushing and shoving him in the opposite direction of the encroaching officers.
"Halt!" cried the men, realizing their targets had seen the circle of uniforms and were making an attempt to evade arrest. "Stop right now!"
"Uh," Cale pointed in front of them. "They're all around us, Kay." There was a pause as the girl cursed under her breath before dragging him towards a building, since the only way out was up. "Can't I just show them why I should be allowed to keep my nodachi?" he asked, sighing in disgust that they were running away from these people. It wasn't doing much for his manly ego.
"No," she snapped. "They're only doing their job, you can't kill them. Remember, we're the good guys now."
"And they're impeding with our work efforts so therefore that means they're opposing us. They are the bad guys, do you see my logic here?" Cale tried a different tact, spelling it out more clearly so she'd let him clarify why 'Kujuurou Sasake' needed an exception in that law.
"Stop coming up with excuses, they're just ignorant humans," she barked. She didn't like this at all, she'd hoped to avoid becoming hunted by their government, especially since they existed to protect everyone. Fighting amongst themselves was just an extra complication that no one was going to have time for with whatever else the creepy gates dumped out on them next.
By then, the police officers had begun to yell for the vigilantes to stop running and to surrender their weaponry. Cale gave an annoyed growl and gripped his sword in a possessive hand. Ignorant humans or not, no one tried to take his baby and lived to tell the tale. Much to his disgruntlement, Kayura latched onto the back of his helmet and towed him off by force before he had a chance to slip back into Dark, Evil and Creepy Warlord mode.
"Come on Kayura, this is stupid!" complained the man as he was dragged away from one confrontation after another by the back of his head.
"Stop! Or I'll shoot!" called another officer, pulling out his pistol.
"Hey! They have guns!" Cale cried, seeing that and becoming so man he could have hopped about in pure fury. "That is NOT fair! Why do they get guns but no one else?"
"Shut up and keep moving," she grit out from between clenched teeth, keeping her head down.
A loud bang echoed as a gun fired and the crowed started screaming. There was panic and running in the streets as pedestrians scrambled and pushed for safety but they didn't move fast enough. Someone cried out almost a split second after Cale heard something ping off his armor. His head turned and his eyes went wide, able to tell quite easily that the officer's shots had ricocheted off the hard plates of his armor and hit a bystander that had nothing to do with any of it.
"Kayura!" he grabbed her arm, indicating to the wounded woman. The officers didn't seem to notice.
"Shit!" she cursed. "I should have realized. HEY!" she shouted at the men that still had all their guns pointed at them. "Stop firing!" Another volley of shots resounded as the intended targets had stopped moving for a few moments, making it easier to lock on. Within seconds, more people were falling and the screaming more than doubled in pitch and decibel, even though at least half of the bullets hit solid surfaces and stopped harmlessly.
"Stop SHOOTING!" shouted Cale, absolutely infuriated. "What do you idiots need, a sign? You're killing people!" Unfortunately, it was difficult to make himself heard over the massive noise their guns made.
He could not believe that this was happening. He was trying so hard to make up for the evil things he had done and all the thousands of people he had killed and now like a nightmare, it was turning against him. He was here to protect them from evil beyond their scope of reality and they turned on him, some sick twist of fate making him responsible for more innocents harmed. Was his sword even worth the inadvertent death toll?
The wind was picking up more and Cale had a bad feeling about what was going to happen next. Another gate was going to open onto jam packed streets, releasing kami only knows what on the thousands of people around it. He just hoped that whatever it was, it could absorb bullets instead of having them glance off it and onto those nearby. That was if the stupid police even stuck around that long, which from their past demonstrations of intelligence, he strongly doubted.
Fortunately for the populace, their law enforcement officers ceased fire before there were too many casualties. Kayura was relieved to see that very few people required assistance to move. Maybe no one had died from that temporary (she hoped) lapse in the officers' judgment. Her efforts to believe in the good of humanity may not have died a strangled and mutilated death after all but she didn't have time to look and double check that.
The next gate appeared at that moment, announced by a monstrous thundering sound. Debris began to fall as a massive opening smashed buildings out of it's way, thrusting and pushing, causing buildings to fall on other buildings and they tumbled around the city like dominoes. Another gate, just like the ones they had seen before, solidified before their eyes, the runes in the giant, cold stone slabs glowing white, before they vanished in the ensuing mist that rolled out from the entrance and down the dais steps in thick clouds.
The bearer of the dark armor wasn't the faintest bit taken by surprise when the previously brazen police force did indeed turn tail and bolt for their lives. He had known it would happen from the very start but the fact that they had the nerve to do it anyway still pissed him off. Better sense was quick to make itself heard, saying that the humans were better off running because they wouldn't have been able to fight anything that came out anyway. Fewer meat shields crowding the area and getting in his way was a good thing, he just couldn't shake off his indignation that they seemed to care so little.
"Oh thank kami," Kayura sighed in relief as the surrounding crowds of people cleared out of the way with record breaking speed, though perhaps a few suffered trampling injuries. "Maybe people will start to take our presence as a warning instead of a threat." It was a pipe dream, she knew that but everyone is entitled to have hope.
Cale couldn't help the snort that emerged at that comment. "You're asking for intelligence," he reminded, pulling out his nodachi that the police had sought to confiscate to fanatically, grumbling as he did so. "And that requires a miracle, which we don't get very often. Besides Kay, no one ever appreciates heroes or vigilantes until they are dead or locked away and even if they came back to life or were released, they fast return to disliking them." It was a long, trying and thankless job and Cale had seen that many times. In comic books but Kayura had no way of knowing that.
"So don't die because I'll bring you back to life just to kill you again if you leave me to deal with this mess by myself," Kayura threatened. Her eyes were focused on the fog surrounding the gate, hands holding her kusari gama.
"I feel so loved," he said dryly. "Stop it Kay, you're choking me with the sap."
"Oh you shut up or I'll choke you with this chain," she muttered and then pointed to the arch. "Look, over there." A dim light could be seen in the fog, either something without much power or very far in.
Cale arched an eyebrow. "The hell?" he asked. "Do we get to fight killer flashlights now?" He couldn't contain his sarcasm at that point in the night or more like he was done bothering.
"There are more," she blinked, not bothering to answer his dry commentary. Many more little bright lights had appeared in the mist, getting clearer before a large looming shadow came up behind them. It morphed and shifted shape ominously, like a jellyfish of momentous proportions, not exactly Kayura's dream opponent.
"What in the name of Talpa's purple hair?" Cale stared, wide eyed. Whatever this new enemy was, it was massive. That was about when something shot out of the mist at such a velocity that he could hardly see it but he felt it graze his armor with the sound like a saw blade hitting steel. "Shit! It fires projectiles!" he yelped, dodging to the side.
There was a buzzing sound and then more bright streaks blasted out, one plunking right smack into Kayura's armored chest plate. "What…" she asked in astonishment, looking down at the little white smear that had failed to so much as scratch her armor. It flickered feebly. Around the helmet, she managed to get a closer look and then she gasped. "It… it's a fairy!" she said as she peeled the not so fortunate creature off her front. It twitched and shined unsteadily in her hand, obviously going into shock from the impact. It was mostly human in body shape, with the exception of how tiny and delicate it was, with a certain grace that was more insect-like. Sheer hornet wings were bent and broken from the collision. Moreover, the bedraggled and broken thing was oozing something like blood, except that it was silverish and shiny.
"Wow, would you look at that," Cale remarked, head tilted curiously.
It was at that moment that a fairy smacked into him like a bug on a windshield, squishing itself. Naturally he didn't bother with detaching it, wearing the gooey light bulb like a badge. More fairies shot out of the gate and within seconds Cale, who was a bigger target than Kayura, had acquired more badges than a five star general. His dark brown and red armor was lit up like an ailing Christmas tree as a result. He surveyed the shiny substance that was dripping in rivulets down him with great dislike. His armor was going to need a trip through the automated car wash.
"Kamikaze insects. Great. You dragged me out of a bar and made me stay sober to come face something that's so stupid it slams into things and commits hari kari. OW! The fucker STUNG me!" he shouted out in shock and annoyance. One had landed on his helmet and quite purposefully bit him right on the honker.
Kayura laughed and offered a shrug, not really caring. "Well, you were insulting them, you earned it. Other than that, they seem harmless." Maybe they didn't have to worry about killing these. She didn't think there were enough bug zappers in the entire country of Japan to handle them.
"Harmless?" Cale's voice had gone weird and clogged up, his nose already swollen to twice its normal size. "These damn di'gs are't just stupid, they're vi'dictive!"
Kayura glanced over to see why he sounded so odd and once she saw his predicament, burst into convulsive laughter, which was only encouraged by another bug smacking into the side of his helmet. Cale then looked like he had an LED earring. All he was missing was a star for the top of his head and the glowering winter seasonal could have passed for a Rudolph-Christmas Tree hybrid. The thought had Kayura cackling so hard that she fell flat on her ass.
Cale's eye twitched as he struggled to see around his ever enlarging nose. It was ruining the effect of his evil glare from top to bottom and only serving to piss him off all the more. "It's not fuddy!" his speech was becoming increasingly difficult to understand as if he were pinching his nose shut, which was anything but intimidating.
"I beg to differ," wheezed Kayura. "It's the most fucking hysterical thing I've ever seen in my life!"
Cale growled, beginning to peel the insect things off his armor. "I ca't believe this," he muttered, his peculiar, pinched voice reaching the pitch of an irate squirrel rather than a powerful and very angry warlord. "I shou'd have come i'to baddle wid a can of raid a'd a fwyswatter, wou'd have worked better."
Whatever deities existed were having their nights' entertainment at his expense because that was when his luck took yet another turn for the worst. No sooner had he made that bitter comment than the rest of the fairy swarm emerged from the gate and the armors gave out, vanishing once more. Cale gaped in wordless horror as he found himself at the mercy of the Biting Shithead Fairy Swarms, utterly overwhelmed and rendered momentarily motionless by the sheer number of them.
Kayura shook off her own share of the dazed when she got stung on the arm and flinched. "Ow!" she smacked the fairy by instinct, knocking it onto the ground where she smashed it under her shoe for good measure. She didn't get along well with bugs, she'd spent too long cooped up in the Nether Realm with Dais and his crawley, bitey army.
That was when she was roughly scooped up under Cale's beefy arm and dragged out of harm's way like a ragdoll, with significantly less care than he had displayed when rescuing Satsuke. He carried her inside a store and shut the door, putting a wall between them and the Biting Flashes. A glance back told him the owners and employees had abandoned it when the gate had arrived which was fortunate for all those involved.
Kayura just sagged to the floor, staring out through the window, pale and wide eyed at the clouds and buzzing swarms of small creatures, flying out of the gate. "Cale… I don't know what is going on and I have no idea what to do," she whispered. She felt stupid and helpless, two things that were never a healthy combination in a woman's emotional boat. Tears were imminent and tears with Kayura equaled a tornado of mayhem that Cale cringed at the thought of ever enduring again.
"Well," Cale was still looking back at the store but he paused to glance at her with a grin. "I have an idea." They were standing in a sporting goods store and Cale was pointing to a big display if tennis rackets. "Dey are't fwyswatters bud id's dah same cobcept."
Sekhmet walked to work early the next morning with an extra bounce in his step. He had been at the radio station until late the previous night but he didn't seem to mind that his boss had called him back in. The gleeful grin that lent him an even madder look than he usually had sent people running as he practically pranced to work. No doubt they all assumed he was an asylum escapee that was about to go on a homicidal rampage.
He was aware of the terrified people but it couldn't puncture his good mood. He knew exactly what he was going to talk about on the radio, he had his victims all picked out and lined up for torment. The subjects? Mostly Cale. Payback was a bastard.
The man had shared his adventures from the previous night when the group had finally had a chance to regroup and talk. It was sad and yet utterly hilarious, the events that the other warlord had described to them and the opportunity was just too much to pass up. He'd say an anonymous tipper (which, in an odd way, was true) had informed him of what he'd seen and heard. Then the autumn seasonal would take it from there and just try to hide his outright joy at how laughable it all was.
He practically strutted into the radio station where he waved to his boss before going to bounce directly into the sound booth. He couldn't wait to get started. He didn't pay attention when the other man said he needed a word with him, he simply flung open the door to stride in and then stopped dead in his tracks. Disbelief and perhaps a tiny hint of worry crossed his face.
"Damn," escaped from his mouth before he could regain his composure. Even as he thought to sneak back out and call in sick, hoping no one else had witnessed his arrival, two hands were pushing him the rest of the way into the sound booth.
"What are you standing and staring for? Get in there and bicker," ordered his boss, shoving him at Keira.
The girl sat with a coffee cup in her hand, smiling at Sekhmet even though she wasn't supposed to be there. It was Monday, damn it, he had a whole five days of peace before he was subjected to the coffee drinker again. Added to the fact was her smile which only served to make the borderline insane genius all the more paranoid. "Hello Sekky!" she waved cheerily, setting her mug down as if nothing were out of place. "They're going to have us work together more often because our discussion last time got such high ratings. Isn't it great? We can spend more time together!"
The disgruntled warlord could only manage a feeble, one word protest. "What?" He was too preoccupied to even notice the horrible nickname. Suddenly, the job that he'd happily skipped through town to begin, seemed far less appealing. He had to work with the coffee demon? What was this, some possibly existing deity's opinion of his torment methods? Revenge for trying to have fun at his teammates' expense?
"She's now your full time partner," his boss said. "We were very fortunate that she agreed to do it."
"SHE agreed? What about MY opinion?" Sekhmet squawked. Keira wasn't that bad but more than anything, he feared his 'companions' finding out he worked with a woman. They would either enter matchmaker mode (or in Cale's case, hooker-buying-mode), or tease him perpetually that he should make a move.
"You're already working this schedule with no problem," his boss replied with a roll of his beady little dark eyes. "Now get in there, you have five minutes until we go live."
The door slammed shut behind him and the green haired warlord found himself locked in with his doom. He could only stare at Keira and her smile as she happily took in the fact that he'd worn a short sleeved shirt to work. That meant she got an eyeful of his arm muscles, which there was plenty of. They stared at each other for a few minutes, waiting to see who would break the silence. Slowly, Sekhmet edged to his chair, staying well out of reach. He acted more like he was facing his death by a venomous flying monkey than sitting down opposite a perfectly normal young woman.
"What's wrong?" Keira asked, giggling when he jumped. "You're awful jumpy. Got a nervous conscience?" she teased. "Relax, I won't bite. At least, not unless you want me to," she gave him a wink for good measure.
Sekhmet flushed pink with horror, mentally groaning that he had somehow gotten stuck with a female Cale. This was definitely punishment, whether it was for past or future sins, he wasn't sure. Then on three hours of sleep, he had to sit with Keira for five. Officially he decided that if he hadn't been insane before then he was going to be by the end of this shift.
Keira gave that silly laugh again when he blushed, tilting her head to look at him. "Aw, you're so cute when you turn red!"
"Shush," he grumbled sulkily. For a moment, he wished she was scared of him like everyone else and then hastily regretted it. That was too depressing. Her giggle came again, a noise which he found oddly cute and the fact that he liked it only made him more humiliated and his blush darkened.
"No," she grinned. "I might have to find out what else can make you blush."
She put her chin on her palm, head tilted to the side to look him over. He really wasn't bad, but then again she'd always been told that she had odd taste in men. She liked his punkish green hair and his hazel eyes, heavily hooded. He had a permanently wild eyed expression that didn't particularly lend him beauty but it did give him character, which she thought was great. His evil grin was just icing on the cake. Forget radio, why wasn't this guy on TV? Or off as a rock star, popping cocaine like candy?
Sekhmet did not like the sound of that, not one little bit. What was the demon woman plotting? What he hated even more than not knowing what she would do to him was that he was embarrassed and once he was embarrassed, his vast repertoire of smart ass retorts were blocked off by the last surviving shreds of his hormonal responses and he was reduced to a stuttering idiot. That would be why he simply avoided her gaze, red faced and mysteriously unable to talk. He decided it was better than staring like a mute retard.
His situation just kept getting worse. Keira both felt bad that she had upset him and found it sweet that he was bright pink and fast turning crimson the longer she looked at him. Temptation was fast becoming too much to bear and she finished her coffee and set the mug down before double checking through the glass to see that no one was looking. Then without warning, she transferred herself to Sekhmet's lap, where she looked up at him with a bright smile.
"Ack!" the man gave a yelp of shock, arms immediately flying up and he went stiff in his chair at so much physical contact. "Keira! What are you doing? Get off me!" He had himself plastered to the back of his chair, nearly tipping it over backwards, which would have only put him in a more compromising position with her on top of him.
"Oh shush," she chuckled. "I don't weight that much, do I?" She didn't mind him raising his arms though, it put them right up for her to evaluate. "Wow." She reached up and grabbed them, jaw dropping at the size of his biceps. "Why the hell do you ever wear long sleeves? All the guys I know with arms like this wear them like girls wear make up!"
Sekhmet was Christmas colors by that point, his face flaming red as the Wildfire armor to contrast his shock of uncontrollable green hair. He was so embarrassed by her touching that he could scarcely speak. His downfall came when he was too busy wiggling to get away and she was too preoccupied with groping his muscles that they missed the warning that they were about to go live. The five second count down fell on deaf ears as Keira's hands ran up his arms to his shoulders and then inevitably to his green hair. Unaware that they were broadcasting and oblivious to the frantic gesticulating of their boss from the other side of the glass, their audiences were treated to some very ominous noises.
"Mmm," Keira said and giggled.
"Keira," a half whine came from her cohost, then there was a startled yelp. "Hey, that tickles!"
"Shh, you like it."
Cale, sitting near his radio to listen to DJ Venom's snarky daily news report, was now upright and staring at it in disbelief. There was no way that was actually Sekhmet. Their little virgin naga hanyou that didn't even realize women existed would never… "Holy crap! Sekhmet's not only got a woman, he's getting frisky on LIVE radio! The little shit DOES have balls!" the flabbergasted man said to no one in particular, just his empty apartment.
"Quit touching me," the DJ protested, though his voice was oddly deep.
"No, it feels nice," she protested. "Come on, admit it, you're enjoying it."
Sekhmet gave a groan but it didn't sound like a bad one. "Okay," he sighed. "I'll admit it." He was unable to get the willpower to fish her hands out of his hair. It did feel pleasant for her to pet him and her fingernails got right to the scalp.
Cale was open mouthed, wanting to run and yet unable to tear himself away. It was horrifying and disturbing, thinking of his teammate doing things with women. Especially when he had to wonder what the woman was under the influence of to be agreeable to it. It was too much like watching a train wreck, horrible but he just couldn't look away.
"Told you so," she grinned with triumph. However, that was when she finally caught sight of their boss, still waving like a lunatic to catch their attention and pointing to the red light on the wall that meant they were on air. Keira squeaked in horror and slunk back to her seat, having the decency to blush as red as her badly tousled looking cohost.
"My apologies," she cleared her throat, still pink. "I'm tactile and DJ Venom has very soft hair."
The man across from her also looked like he'd just been caught in the middle of doing something x rated, with as big as his eyes were combined with the distinctive style she'd lent his hair. "Head rapist," he muttered sourly, trying to tidy up the mess she'd made of him. He was still cherry colored, using his clawed fingers to straighten everything back out, though his naturally unruly hair would have none of it.
"Geeze, making me nervous you were going to have sex on air," muttered Cale. "I would have hit you for it." He wanted Sekhmet to get laid, but that did not mean he wanted to know about it.
She just giggled more. "And he's cute when he's flustered."
"Be quiet, blasted woman!" Sekhmet was about ready to duct tape her mouth closed if she didn't drop it.
"Ohh, he's going redder!" she was practically cackling by this point as she evaded swipes from across the desk.
"At any rate," there was a twitch above Sekhmet's eye. "Higher authorities have decided I needed 'help' so now my insane, touchy-feely gaijin cohost is back to torment me, every. Single. Fucking. Day."
"Yes, but he forgets to add that he forgives me because we're friends," Keira piped up helpfully.
"I, we, what?" spluttered the indignant man. He had missed a memo somewhere along the lines.
Cale was grinning, where he sat listening to all of this. Evidently he didn't have to make up for lost time. Sekhmet had already found someone else to annoy him and the fact that it was a woman was even better. Cale could not have imagined a superior scenario. If he was lucky, the woman would lay him and solve a few of the younger warlord's issues. He had long been convinced that Sekhmet's problems came from the fact that he was over four hundred years old and had never gotten any. That just wasn't healthy!
"We're friends," she reiterated patiently. "Or at least we will be soon, right?" she smiled over at him. The man on the other side of the desk was twitching chronically. He didn't seem to have a reply to that so Keira moved on. "Anyway!" she said, in her usual good mood. "Hello Tokyo! It's a lovely morning, isn't it?"
He was quick to snap himself back to attention. He had recalled what he had wanted to talk about and he pushed his concerns about the unlucky morning aside and returned his attention to what he had originally been so excited to announce. That meant stopping Keira before she could return to some other subject that was highly uncomfortable for the ancient virgin she was paired off with. "A lovely morning, yes, maybe," he said. "But I doubt the people of Ebisu can say the same. They're still reeling after what happened last night."
"Ebisu?" she asked, not having expected the rapid change of subject. "What happened there?"
"I'm surprised you haven't heard. Where do you live, in a cave?" Sekhmet was returning to his usual self, albeit slowly. It was hard for him to recover from her brand of teasing. "Another mysterious archway appeared in the middle of town last night."
"You're joking!" she was just staring at him, completely blank. "The last two were in Shinjuku though!"
"Yes, yes they were," Sekhmet bypassed the obvious statement without commenting. "Do you recall those armored vigilantes that appeared to combat the creatures as they emerged in a valiant attempt to rescue the innocent?"
Cale was all puffed up with pride as his companion said this. Yes, that was him, a valiant savior. He was there for the common man, to defend them from things they couldn't imagine. His grin was stretched across his entire face, displaying straight, bright white teeth, imaginary tail wagging. He would have to give Sekhmet a treat for this, though that brought up the dilemma of what snakes liked as treats. Scratching his chin for a moment, the winter seasonal decided he'd probably like hamsters, though he didn't see the appeal in them, snakes likes to eat them, right?
"Yes, I remember them!" Keira said excitedly through the radio. "Were they out again?"
"Indeed they were," Sekhmet smirked evilly, finally getting to the good part. "In a way, anyhow."
She paused and tilted her head, though the listeners couldn't see it. "What are you trying to say?" she asked.
"I got a report from an anonymous first hand witness," Sekhmet's smile kept getting wider and more frightening. "Only two arrived at the scene last night."
"Only two?" Keira looked worried. "Which ones?"
"Mudpie," that was his codename for Cale, whose armor was brown and red. "And Banana Boat." That was poor Kayura, stuck in Anubis' old armor with the flashy yellow highlights. Cale wasn't so sure Sekhmet would be getting a treat by that point, eyes narrowed at the radio as if smashing it would reverberate through the radio waves and hit the man wherever he was hiding.
"What about Christmassy?" her eyes were wide with worry. "He was my favorite! I hope he wasn't hurt."
Sekhmet rolled his eyes. Christmassy? Oh right, because his armor was red and green. He'd have to repaint the damn thing now. "I'm sure he's fine, Faden. He probably just has a job and couldn't go that night."
"Those stupid psycho unicorns had better not have eaten him," Keira was still sulking.
He reached over and patted her fingers awkwardly, as if touching her was somehow rude or perhaps he would catch germs. "Don't let it worry you, he'll be back soon, you'll see." He coughed and continued, "As I was saying, apparently the vigilantes got into a skirmish with the police last night as they attempted to confiscate the one's sword. Don't ask me how he would have used it though, he was short and fat and the sword was longer than he was tall. They didn't have anything to worry about."
Keira snorted in laughter. "Fat? Oh dear, you'd better be careful. He might come kick your ass for that comment."
Cale was the one twitching after that comment. Short? Fat? There wasn't any fat on his body, anywhere. He was all muscle! That little shit was going to get HURT for that!
"Pfft," Sekhmet didn't seem concerned. "What can a little pudgy hero-wannabe do to me? I've got more muscle in one pinky."
"Well," Keira tilted her head and grinned. "You do have nice arms."
Sekhmet turned red, he hadn't intended for THAT kind of comment to come out of this. "Er, thanks?" he wasn't sure what to do with it. As fast as possible, he got back on topic. "I guess they felt some moral obligation because the short, fat guy also seems to be mentally retarded from the behavior witnessed that night."
Cale was so infuriated by this point that he broke off a piece of the table in his hands. "Fuck," he glanced down. "Stupid snake! You made me break my table!" That was it, the little shithead was in for a pummeling.
"What we've been told is that he was talking to his sword like it was a living, thinking being," Sekhmet said.
"With everything that's been happening lately?" Keira snorted and dryly commented, "I wouldn't be surprised if it was a living and thinking being."
"Shush, you're missing the point. When the gate appeared, the cops ran off but our dear Mudpie and Banana Boat stayed behind to fight. That is, until fairies came pouring out."
"Fairies?" Keira said in astonishment. "You mean the tiny ones that fit in the palm of your hand? It just gets weirder and weirder," she laughed. "I wonder what we'll see next. A Minotaur?"
"Don't jinx it," grumbled Cale. He didn't want to face one of those without his sword, armor or no armor he'd end up as a crunchy snack.
"I have no idea," Sekhmet was thinking roughly the same thing as Cale but didn't dare comment. "There was an entire swarm of the things, each about as big as an apple, buzzing around like hornets. Of course, what did our brave retard do? He stole tennis rackets from a nearby sporting goods store and began smacking them down!"
"I did not steal them!" Cale protested vehemently to an empty room and a radio that didn't care one way or another. "I left money on the table to pay for them!"
"Isn't it nice that they hire people like that?" Sekhmet asked Keira. "I mean, it would be if the safety of numerous civilians didn't rely on him. Honestly, what were they thinking? They're asking for lawsuits! Do you know he broke a window when he batted one straight through the glass?"
"That was an accident, I wanted to see it get smashed on a windshield," glowered the very irritated warlord of darkness. What was so bad about trying to turn irksome insects into go? He'd been experimenting to see how far he could make them splatter, damn it. Cale hadn't had enough toys as a child
"Attacking fairies with a tennis racket," Keira was still in disbelief over this, rubbing the point between her eyes with consternation. "Why bother? I thought fairies were supposed to be good."
"One of them stung his nose," Sekhmet was trying and failing to hide the glee in his voice, especially since in his mind's eye he could still see Cale as he walked into the apartment with a nose as big as his over-sized fist. "He looked like a troll. It was swollen up to three times its original size and poked straight out of his helmet." Okay so maybe that last bit was an exaggeration but not by a lot.
"Okay, that does it," Cale slammed a hand down on the table and cracked the piece of furniture beyond repair. "SHIT!" Now he had to buy a new table.
"Oh ho!" she was laughing at the mental image. "So the special needs vigilante has a potato nose now!"
By then, Cale could only sit in shock, unable to reconcile that he was actually hearing this. What was this, payback for things he'd done in the past? What had happened to valiant savior? Now he was a short, fat, retarded idiot with a big nose! A chronic tic was developing in Cale's neck, completely furious. What else should he have done? Those stupid little buzzing lanterns were a menace to society. What if one had gotten into someone's pantry or someone bumped into one of their nests? They'd be stung to death. And Sekhmet was sitting there calling him a retard! He was a dork at best.
"That brings up an important question," he mused. "Do abused and mistreated fairies appeal to PETA or do they have legal rights like humans?"
"What would the People Eating Tasty Animals want with fairies?" Keira smirked. "They can't taste very good, insects are mostly exoskeleton."
"Maybe they dip them in chocolate," Sekhmet said. "I heard they do that with crickets."
How did he know that? The television in the radio station break room held little interest for him, nor had he any idea how to operate it. He'd been quite content to tune out the mindless soap operas that typically played, without the slightest clue of how to turn it off short of ramming his sword through it. Tempting but he wasn't willing to get fired just yet. He had gone on like that until one day, someone had let the remote slip down inside the couch cushions before he had gotten there. Without having any idea of what he had done, he sat on the couch and more or less butt dialed the television. It switched over to National Geographic and had things had gone from there. He had learned many strange and interesting facts since then, though some of what he had seen had both traumatized and disgusted him.
"Eww," Keira said in disgust, wrinkling her nose up. "That's repulsive! Who ruins perfectly good chocolate with bugs?"
Sekhmet didn't know, he didn't even like chocolate. He couldn't eat the stuff without becoming off the wall hyper, bouncing around like a maniac and completely losing his composure. However, he chuckled at the look on her face and then stopped abruptly, surprised that such a sound had just come out of him. "I'm sorry," he shrugged nonchalantly, even though he was slightly warm faced for reasons he couldn't have explained. "I'm not the one that came up with it."
Keira waved him off, though she gave him an odd look from the corner of her eye. Was he blushing again? A closer look confirmed that yes, he was rather pink, which made her wonder why. It wasn't as if she'd done anything to him, not directly. Maybe he was sneaking peaks down her shirt, she hadn't realized how low cut it was until she'd gotten home with it. That had to be it.
The rest of their shift passed with minimal smart comments from DJ Venom. He seemed to be worn out from his previous shift, delivering less bite than he usually did. Their boss gave him a lecture for not being himself when they came out for break, saying they wouldn't make adequate ratings if he didn't get his act together. Sekhmet listened with a sour face and Keira pretended not to be paying attention as the Cheetah chased down its prey on television in front of her. In reality, she was plotting.
When they went back in, Sekhmet had to do the traffic report. There wasn't a lot to discuss since the roads were relatively calm but there was always something going on in downtown Shinjuku. That would be when Keira activated her plan, the sneaky devil she was. The warning should have been noticeable from the way she grinned at Sekhmet as he spoke even as she tapped her fingers on the other side of their equipment. Her finger kept mashing the censor button, making their audience think he was spewing four letter words like spit even as a record few actual curses escaped his mouth. She thought it was funnier when they were bleeped out anyhow, never mind that the listening masses missed important words and even entire sentences.
"The traffic looks good today, few accidents. Some good drivers actually do exist," Sekhmet said. It came out sounding more like, "*bleep* traffic *bleep bleep bleep* accidents. *bleep bleep* drivers *bleep bleep*." And Keira's grin just kept getting wider and wider.
"Mister Yamanouchi!"
Sekhmet paused as he exited the sound booth at the end of his shift, caught off guard by his proper name as well as his boss' tone.
"What was the meaning of all that cursing? When I said to get your act together, I did NOT mean to out swear a sailor!" the red faced man stared up through thick glasses.
"Cursing?" he scratched the back of his head. "What do you mean? I thought I was much better about that than normal." Apparently radio hosts had a PG rating ceiling and weren't allowed to drop the F bomb every two minutes. He had found that out late in the game.
"BETTER?" he roared, surprising the warlord that such a voice could come out of a man so short. "How can you say such an absurd thing? Miss Faden had to censor near HALF of what you said in the past two hours!"
He opened his mouth and then shut it, everything clicking. All it had taken was Keira's name and he understood perfectly what had just happened. His expression turned dark. "FADEN!" he turned, calling her by her surname in a tone that left no room for excuses.
"Sekky, you can just call me Keira," she said calmly, joining them. She had her coffee mug in hand, though it was finally empty. He had lost count of how many mugs she had drunk.
"Eh?" he gave her an uneasy sideways look. "No way – wait, who gave you permission to call me by that ridiculous pet name?" He had finally noticed what she was calling him, it would seem.
"Pet name, huh?" she sidled closer to him, her grip tipping up on one side in a way that made the warlord uneasy in an entirely different way. "That wasn't one, but I can give you a pet name if you'd like… cuppy cake."
"Eh?" Sekhmet didn't get it but he had the strongest feeling she had misinterpreted what he had just said. It was his fault too, since his grasp on Modern Japanese was loose at best and he had mistaken 'pet' name for 'nick' name, which both have the same approximate meaning but the former implies a more intimate use, giving Keira an implication he had not intended for at all.
"Erm," their boss was glancing between the two with worry. "I don't suppose you could save this discussion for a more private place?"
"What discussion?" the warlord was catching on that something very bad had happened and he was turning red, though he still didn't know why.
"Your personal one," he replied evenly but with distaste. He did not need to witness his employees getting cozy.
"There's nothing PERSONAL about it!" he squawked in protest. How had this happened to him?
"Please mister Yamanouchi, I'm not the type of man that is a porn connoisseur. So do us all a favor and make it private."
All he got in return was a blank look. "…ok?" 'What the hell is a porn?' Sekhmet wondered, feeling very lost and worried about his language skills. He needed to spend more time becoming familiar with this modern world before he got into real trouble.
Keira giggled. "You're a lot naughtier than I would have expected."
"Yes, yes, so?" Sekhmet would say anything to make this conversation go away, even though he inadvertently made both Keira and his employer think that he was either interested in Pornography or an active participant. She had gotten him off track from his original mission and that was to ask her why she had been having fun with the control panel. "Why the hell did you censor me so much?"
"Censoring?" she smiled innocuously but Sekhmet could just imagine her horns sticking out, cracking whatever halo she might have had with their sheer size. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, you made everyone think I was cursing myself blue in the face!" his eye was twitching once again and he came to the conclusion that exposure to this woman was bad for his health.
"Oh, that?" she laughed and waved him off. "It's funnier. Besides, you were ignoring me, being a dud and giving a semi normal traffic report. You were still being boring and I thought I'd help by livening it up. We can talk about coffee tomorrow and give a real reason for you to have everything censored," she teased.
'Don't kill her, don't kill her, don't kill her,' Sekhmet chanted in his head as his blood pressure skyrocketed through the roof.
"Good grief," the other man said, taking over and casting worried glances at his newest DJ, who seemed to be going into an epileptic fit. "Miss Faden, you mustn't do that anymore."
"Ok," she gave a childish pout. "If you say so. Party poopers."
"Geh, I'm going home," Sekhmet said as he gave her one last frustrated look, turning to grab his coat and depart. He'd had enough of the mad house for one day. That bottle of Saki was coming out from under the sink, too.
"Oh, wait Sekky!" Keira called as he turned to leave. She wasn't done with it just yet though.
"Don't call me that!" said the indignant warlord, turning pink again as he dragged his coat on.
"Fine, cuppy cake," she smirked. This guy was just too easy to get to and even though she wanted to be his friend, she couldn't help the impulse to push his buttons every now and again.
Sekhmet just glowered evilly, humiliation once again blocking him off from his smart replies. "Shut up," he said and then immediately, he could have hit himself. He sounded like a moron.
"Make me," she challenged, jutting her chin out stubbornly.
"Uh…" Sekhmet had a moment of indecision. How exactly did one shut a woman up? Cale was simple, all he had to do was punch his front teeth in. Kayura he never dared to shush and the other warlords he rarely had anything to do with. Still blushing, he settled for reaching over and clamping a hand over her mouth.
Keira paused and glanced down at the warm hand that had was firmly holding her jaw in place so she couldn't talk any longer. This guy seemed incredibly naïve, had he missed that hint completely? That sucked, she had been hoping to make him go red again. She wasn't too upset though since this opened up new opportunities to weird him out and a chance to use new tactics from her arsenal. She couldn't speak but she could do other things.
Sekhmet frowned, eyeing her worriedly. She had an odd expression, one eerily similar to how Cale was before he did something weird. A tell tale gleam appeared in her eye, foretelling trouble right before something wet and squishy touched his hand, oozing and smearing across his fingers. It was a sensation creepy enough that even the centuries old, battle hardened Bushi warrior let loose a scream like he was a little girl.
Keira giggled, pleased to the point of being smug and bit his hand right after licking it.
"Eugh! Crazy woman, what the fuck was that?" he jumped back in outrage, hair standing up as he pulled his arm back protectively and began wiping the offended limb off on his jeans, all but hopping in disgust. "What are you, a dog?" he demanded, too humiliated for words. Something about that had both been upsetting and nice, which upset him even more. How could he have LIKED that?
She just chuckled, pulling her jacket on calmly and buttoning it up. "What? I wanted your hand off my face." She liked it when he got flustered. It was funny and cute, in a peculiar way. "Come on, let's go grab drinks."
He was at a loss for words. Exactly how insane was this creature? Then he realized that she was asking him to go to the bar with her again, which reminded him of how he couldn't have his friends finding out that he was out on the town with a woman. That in turn brought up the memory of their easily misconstrued bad start that morning, sending his blood rushing back for his face.
"No!" there was no way in hell, she couldn't have paid him.
She blinked at the red face and chuckled. "Aw, poor baby's embarrassed." Either she understood why or didn't care. "We could go to your place then."
He could have died and as a matter of fact, he was convinced that he was about to. "No no no no," he protested quickly, backing away. "That's even worse." He didn't need his companions to find out he'd taken a girl home. Cale would just think he had wanted to finish whatever the gross old man thought he had been doing that morning. Knowing his luck they'd be stationed in his apartment, lying in wait.
"Okay, we'll go to mine," she said cheerfully without skipping a beat. Not waiting for him to agree, she grabbed his hand and began to lead him off.
Sekhmet couldn't help feeling that he was being led to his doom. His situation just kept getting worse and worse. Keira was insane in all the ways that utterly petrified him and he couldn't seem to shake her off no matter how hard he tried. It was like how a hawk would snatch up a snake to take it and kill it, except that he wasn't sure what this hawk would do with the snake. The only thing his horrified mind could come up with was rape, a laughable thought.
Keira glanced back and saw the look on his face. "Relax," she chuckled. "I won't tease you anymore… tonight anyway. I just want to be friends, that involves hanging out."
Yes, that solidified his diagnosis. She was completely off her rocker. Still, he didn't fight her pull. One might have been led to believe that he didn't mind her as much as he acted.