SATURDAY AFTERNOON: What is there to love?

Note: Urrghh. Angst. Sorry but I vented my resentment in this chapter.

What is there to love?

If you are a guy, the first thing you will notice is her eyes. Or maybe her chest, followed by her legs. And then perhaps her hair, and her whole face. Girls are the same.

No one bothers to know the person. There is an unspoken belief that all pretty persons should be the perfect Prince Charming or Snow White. If they fail to comply, then they are considered a failure. A bad product that should be thrown away at once.

"I love you."

"I thought you were different."

"I love you."

"You're not the same as I thought."

"I love you."

"I never thought you were like this."

"I love you."

"I don't love you anymore."

"I love you."

"I'm sorry."

"I love you."

"I loved you… before I knew you."

Why did you love me?

"Because you are handsome."

"Because you look so cute."

"Because you look cool."

"Because you have a pretty face."

"Because you are attractive."

"But really, Lovino, you are the biggest swindler ever," Elizabeta had said. "Your face is so pretty, girls never realize what they get themselves into until its too late."

Is it my fault?

Why is it my fault?

Why is it my fault that they only love me skin-deep?

Why is it my fault that they don't love the real me?

Why am I the one being abandoned?

"That was so cute, mi querido!" the Spaniard cooed.

"Ahahaha… I was amazed though," Antonio whispered. "I was amazed how stunningly gorgeous my neighbor was..."

"So cute… so very very cute…"

"Te amo."

Will you also leave the real me, Antonio? The real, ugly and uncute me?

Or… do I have to change?

If I change to be who you wanted, where will the real me go?

If the real me is gone, then, who will I be?

Why can't you be like your brother?

I thought you were like Feliciano.

You only have the same face.

You're not like him.

You're different.

When did having my own identity sound so painful?

"Why?" Lovino asked shakily. "W-Why do you love me?"

Antonio was quite amazed as to why Lovino would ask that, that he failed to see the hesitation and doubt in the Italian's eyes. But, thinking that perhaps, Lovino needs a sappy answer, he decided try to enumerate the things he like about the Italian. Maybe he should start with his face first!

"Well… You look really pretty Lovino," he began. "Your face is so beautiful. Your eyes have different shades everytime I look at them…"

Lovino stopped listening. He heard this all before. Many times. And then somewhere between the lines, Feliciano would be mentioned.

"… now that I think about it you look like your brother…"

It's like those persons are actually praising Feliciano, not him.

"… but you're very different personality-wise…" Antonio said fondly. Feliciano is touchy-feely but Lovino's more reserved attitude is purer.

"Stop."

This time, the Spaniard heard of Lovino's pain in his voice. He was startled to see tears forming. What... Did he say something wrong?

"I… I'm going home."

"What?"

"I'm going… home," Lovino's voice was very unsteady. Antonio was too stunned hearing him trying to choke back sobs. When Lovino went pass him, the world became blank.

Why?

Did Lovino hate that Antonio loves him? But why?

Why?

I thought… I thought things are going better.

WHY?

Lovino can't possibly hate Antonio that much, right? They were being closer these past few days, right? But then… why did he look so hurt?

Is it because Antonio said those words?

He's hiding something.

Antonio decided that he has to know.

He couldn't let Lovino leave him just hanging.

"LOVINO..!" Antonio run to find the Italian almost out of his front door. The Italian paused and glanced back at him and it didn't help that he was obviously crying now. The Spaniard pulled him in a tight hug. "What's wrong, Lovino? Tell me…. what's hurting you?"

All he heard were muffled sobs from his own chest.

"Please… did I do something wrong? Please tell me so I can correct them, and so that I won't do it ever again…" he whispered soothingly. "Do you… do you hate it that much that I love you?"

"Nnnnn-"

The Spaniard loosened his hold of Lovino at looked at his eye-level. "Please tell me…"

The Italian hesitated, but he did as he was asked while avoiding Antonio's eyes.

"Do you… love my face?"

"I do." What an immediate answer.

"You said that I have the same face as my brother," Lovino choked bitterly. "So… do you love his face, too?"

Antonio was taken aback by the way things are flowing. "What do you…"

"Answer me."

"But that's…"

"Answer me."

"Really wha-"

"Answer me."

The Spaniard never seen Lovino this keen before. Even the commanding tone was very new to him.

"I… I think so," he finally said.

"Is that so…" now the Italian sounded as if he was expecting the answer. And he didn't sound happy. More of exasperated. Antonio understood his mistake. Could it be?

"Is it wrong, Lovi?"

"What is?" he snapped.

"Liking your brother's face because it looks so much like yours?"

What?

"Do you hate that I compared your brother to you, Lovi?"

What is he-

"Do you not want to hear how much more beautiful you are compared to Feliciano?"

Isn't it always the other way around?

"B-Bastard… stop it…"

"But it's the truth Lovino!" he grabbed Lovino's shoulders to made the italian look at him. " You only have the same face but you are very different! I like it!" He can't help but shout everything he loves about Lovino. He wants Lovino to hear him, dammit! He wants Lovino to see how beautiful he looks for the Spaniard! It's unfair not to tell him!

"I like them all! How you are so stubborn yet at the same time honest, how you are always grumpy and trying to hide your true feelings, how your eyes betray your hard façade, I love it, when you only act cute once in a while (though I find everything you do cute anyways) and on the only times you smile, I love how I know that it really comes from your heart. You can never be the same as Feliciano, Lovino… You are you. And you are the one I love."

Lovino was crying again so Antonio hugged him, he whispered assuring words to the Italian and almost flipped out when he felt Lovino hugging him back.

Who hurt Lovino so much that he couldn't accept another person's love for him?

How did they hurt Lovino?

Why did they hurt him?

How long have he been hurting?

Has he been hurting all alone for a long time?

It doesn't matter now.

Antonio will make sure it won't happen again.

"G-Grazie…"

After a good while of crying, Antonio led Lovino to his backyard ("It's the most relaxing part of the house!") where Lovino was amazed at the huge tomato garden that Antonio took care of by himself. He turned on the radio for some calming music ("It will soothe you, Lovi!") and poured some hot choco ("To make you feel better.") Antonio was careful to steer Lovino away from the conversation earlier and instead tried to talk about trivial things.

"…and then Francis said-"

"Antonio," Lovino called quietly. He was grateful for everything. He felt really better listening to the Spaniard trying to cheer him up. He wanted to thank Antonio properly.

"Hmmm?"

"D-Dance with me?" he thought aloud on a whim. Well, the background music is good. It would be a waste to let it pass. He stood up and offered his palm to the Spaniard. The Spaniard took it with a soft smile…

"Damn it! I'm the one who asked so I should be the guy!"

"But Lovi, I'm taller than you…"

"I don't care!"

"This is really awkward…"

"Hmmp. Just tell me if you hate it that much."

"No! What I mean is we must look very funny right now, acting guys at the same time."

"We are guys. Or are you not?"

"That's not what I mean…" the Spaniard pouted. And due to their both desire to take the lead, wrong footings are inevitable.

"Ouch! You're heavy dammit!"

"S-Sorry! I'm not really used to be the one doing the following!"

"Well… so?"

"Ouch! You did it on purpose, didn't you?"

"It's revenge."

"Take this! This is my revenge as well!" Antonio made use of his strength to swing Lovino easily.

"H-Hey! That's unfair!"

"All's fair in love and war," Antonio grinned.

Lovino puffed his cheeks. "J-Jerk…"

And so the swinging battle began. Their dance turned into something violent…

"Hahaha! You bastard!" Lovino chuckled later, panting. "We wasted the song… haha…"

"But it's fun, isn't it?" Antonio watched lovingly the Italian's giggles.

"Hehehe… we look like idiots."

"It's fun to be an idiot~"

"Hahaha!"

What is this? Lovino laughing so openly. Antonio couldn't help but smile.

"What?" Lovino noticed Antonio's gaze.

"You really are beautiful."

Lovino smiled embarassedly. He didn't even deny! Is he in a very good mood?

"It's only for today. I'll let you see me smile."

"Ehhh~ that's unfair!" Antonio whined playfully. "Do it everyday!"

"I'll ask for talent fee next time…" Lovino teased.

"I'll pay for it!" the Spaniard said energetically. "How much?"

"You moron," the Italian snickered. "Hey…"

"Hmmm…?"

"Tomorrow's Bella's birthday. And the end of the week."

Antonio felt his breathing hitched.

"Remembered when I told you I'll confess on Sunday?"

The Spaniard swallowed. What's happening?

Lovino looked at him meaningfully.

"I'll still do it. I'll confess tomorrow."

TBC

There might be one or two more chapters left. I don't particularly like this chapter. I hate writing the 'I'm-so-sad-Feliciano's-always-better-than-me' Lovi. Why did I even write it anyway? I don't even understand how I managed to turn the tables for the two of them after such a fluffy chapter last time. This chapter has a too clichéd plot in the Spamano fandom. Really sorry. I was too uninspired while writing this… (*next lines are fuming lines; read at your own risk*) maybe because I happened to encounter a hetalia fandom hate page in tumblr today. I hate it that some persons just love to hate other people's business when it's not actually harming them at all. They must be really rightful pricks. I know I'm just new to this fandom and perhaps I don't have any right to say anything about it but I know that we are a happy bunch of harmless persons. Why do they have to consider our love to be "stupid," "useless" and "offensive"? They say haters gonna hate. Well I wish they can justify their hate as "not stupid," "useful" and "inoffensive"… Sorry for the rant. I'm feeling really moody right now. I need an outlet (and I can't talk to my dog about this or she might hunt those persons for me haha) so… yeah.