Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad! This chapter is about the funeral of Kurt's mother, so fair warning that it may prove to be a tear jerker for some.
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It couldn't be true. It just couldn't. He refused to believe that it could be.
For four long days, he had been telling himself that this was not happening.
She had gone on a trip, maybe to see her sister in Michigan like she was always talking about. The only reason she hadn't taken him along to meet his cousins, like they'd always planned, was that he had to go to school and it just wasn't a good time for him to miss so much homework.
Except, he hadn't been to school all week so that must not be it.
They had told him about a car crash on the freeway when she had been coming home from work one day. It had been a really big one with lots of police and ambulances and fire trucks on the scene. They said she had been there, in the middle of it. That didn't mean she wasn't coming home, though! She had only taken a ride to the hospital, with broken legs so she couldn't leave, and maybe broken arms so she couldn't pick up the phone and call him to say so.
Except, surely Daddy would have gone to see her, if that was so.
As people continued to drop by the house, crying and looking sad and giving him hugs he didn't want as they called him a 'poor dear', it started getting harder to think of good reasons for her prolonged absence.
But he was stubborn. His parents both said so. If he concentrated hard enough, he could make it not be happening. He would wake up one morning and find out that this had all just been a terrible nightmare. He could wake up and feel her tender arms holding and comforting him, just like they always had.
Because she couldn't be gone. Not forever. Not really. She had never told him a lie, at least not counting things like Santa Claus that every parent lied about. She wouldn't lie about the important things, and she had promised that she would be with him for as long as he needed her. He had never once doubted her when she said that she would be there for him to go to with any questions or worries he had. He could talk to her about anything, even things he was sometimes scared to talk to anyone else about.
He needed her now. Who else would hold him after a nightmare? Who else would celebrate with him whenever something good happened at school? Who would be there to bake his birthday cake when he turned nine in May? Who would he turn to when the world got too big or too scary for one lone eight year old to deal with?
What would he do if she was really gone?
He blinked back tears and shuffled closer to his father as an old man in a black suit and white collar continued to drone on slowly and sadly, talking about heaven and how lucky they all were to have had an angel on earth for so many years, and how God must have called her back to his side because she was so very special to Him.
A gulp of desperation was audible in the quiet cemetery as he swallowed down another wave of tears, struggling to hold back the urge to scream at the solemn faced man. He was wrong! She hadn't been an angel. She was just a person, a completely wonderful human who shouldn't be gone so soon! She was a daughter, a sister, a wife, and a mother.
She was his mother and he wanted her back!
He wanted the old man's God to call for a do-over. Make it so that the other car's driver did not lose control and jump the median on the freeway. Make it so everything was all right again. He could do that, right? If this man's God was such a loving, all-powerful, all-knowing being, like everybody said? Maybe He could realize that it had been a mistake and put back to rights the shattered world of a devastated little boy and his father.
Oh, no! No.
It was starting to happen. Only it couldn't happen! They couldn't be moving the big wooden box with her body inside of it down into that horrible dark hole in the ground. They couldn't! If they put in there, he would never see her again and it would really be happening.
It would be over and she would be gone forever.
Daddy, do something! Say something! He pleaded the words silently, looking up at the grim, sad face of his father and hoping against hope that he would say something, do something to stop this, to make it all be all right again. Barely able to see through his tears, he begged him. Make it all right again! Please don't let her be gone!
Tear-filled eyes locked onto the casket now being lowered into the fresh grave, the man seemed to sense his silent pleading and held out a hand, blindly taking that shaking, much-smaller hand into his own and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
A feeling of safety swept over him. A feeling of comfort and reassurance, dimming the fear if not fully soothing the pain. There was nothing to be done. She was really and truly gone, but that did not mean that he was alone. There was somebody left who loved him and would always take care of him.
It was just the two of them now. They would have to learn to take care of each other.
He would learn to ask Daddy all of his questions, and go to him with the nightmares when they came. He had to. There was nobody else to listen anymore.
And it would be up to him to look after Daddy now. With her really gone away, Daddy wouldn't have anybody else either.
The droning speech finally stopped and people began to move forward to drop fresh flowers into the open grave, saying their last goodbyes.
For a moment, he resisted the pull of his father's hand, clinging for one final desperate moment to the hope that if he didn't drop his flower, if he never said goodbye to her, then she might somehow not have to go away and they would not have to be without her forever.
But he could not resist the strong yet gentle tug of his father's hand. The soft encouragement to say that terrible word, to let go of that fragile bloom . . . to let go of her.
And so he did what he was expected to do, tears flooding his face the entire time as he was unable to hold back the loud, messy sobs any longer. At last, he was unable to deny the horrible truth.
Kurt's mother was dead.
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Based, of course, on Kurt's words about his father to the Glee Club in "Grilled Cheesus" - Comments?
