"Don't eat that."
Pyronica's warning caused Bill's hand to stop in mid-air, the load of bread half an inch away from his mouth. Not that it stayed a mouth for long, because he turned it back into an eye the next moment to cast her a quizzical glance.
"Why not? Is it poisoned or what?" he asked. Would kind of suck if it was, because it wasn't often they got bread that wasn't mouldy in the Infinetentiary.
"Just don't eat it. I'll show you why in a bit," she said, and snatched it from his hand. "I'll hold onto it."
"... Are those apples you've got there?"
"And sugar. You're not using your sachet, are you?"
"Ain't you supposed to ask that before taking it?"
"I guess," Pyronica said with a shrug, making the sachet disappear in a pocket before any of the guards in the lunchroom could notice, and turned to the others. "Anyone got anything?"
"Yeah," 8 Ball grunted, making an orange roll to her across the table. Paci-Fire threw in another, and Teeth and Keyhole handed some sugar and bread each. Bill blinked.
"Is that some kinda offering so you don't chew us up, or…?"
Pyronica snickered, reaching to pinch his side. "Aww, you're such a newbie, it's adorable! I'll show you when-"
"Silence there!" a guard barked from the end of the room. "Time is almost up! Finish up your meal and then get in line back to your cells!"
8 Ball grunted, glancing at him sideways. "Could turn that one into a wet spot on the floor."
"I have butchered millions on thousands moons," Paci-Fire added, never to be outdone.
"Nah, forget about him," Pyronica said with a shrug, and finished the rest of her slop in one gulp. "We've got all we need now, would be a shame if you guys were in isolation when the batch is ready."
"Batch?" Bill repeated.
"You'll see. Hey, aren't you going to finish your slop? Can I have it?"
"... If you insist."
"Okay, I'll bite. What are you doing? Some kind of very lousy juice?"
Pyronica grinned at him, lifting triumphantly the plastic bag she had filled up with tap water before throwing in the pieces of fruit and sugar. They were not supposed to have a plastic bag or any sort of bag for the matter, but she had stolen it from the laundry room the previous week and hidden it away in their cell. Their whole group had volunteered for duties there, though it sure wasn't for love of cleaning: everyone in there knew that the laundry room was the closest to be found to a market place. Items, money and favors were exchanged there, and grievances were dealt with.
It was common knowledge that, with a little tip, one could get the guards to look elsewhere for a certain amount of time; what happened in the laundry room stayed in the laundry room. And that included the occasional dead body. Because, after all, accidents happen… and not everyone was as lucky as Bill had been, finding himself good allies right on the first day.
"Something much better," Pyronica sing-sang, and reached to grab the bread. "Just one last ingredient!"
"Are you putting bread in the juice?"
She shrugged, throwing it in the bag. "Well, the important part is the yeast. That will kick in while the bread breaks down, sugar."
Bill eyed suspiciously at the concoction. It looked fairly disgusting, and he fully expected it to look worse once the soaked bread began to break down, as she put it. "Wish I had a nose to wrinkle right now."
That made her laugh as she sealed the bag shut. "Wait until you smell it in a couple of weeks! That will make you gag!"
"... You sound awfully happy about that."
Pyronica shrugged, and proceeded to hide the bag in the small compartment she had made in the wall by pulling out the bricks and eating most of them. "Hey, the point of this ain't smelling it. You've got to drink it," she said, placing the remaining bricks so that they'd hide the hole in the wall and the bag in it.
Bill blinked. "I can think of quicker and less painful deaths, if I've got to be- hey! No! Put me down!"
His protests were as usual dutifully ignored: Pyronica just laughed and picked him up, squeezing him tight enough to make him wheeze and doing a half-twirl that ended up with her bumping against the wall.
"Hahahahah! Have I told you just how cute you are when you have no idea what's going on?"
"A few dozen times," Bill managed, kicking uselessly in mid-air. "Not so tight , Ronnie!"
"Right, right," she said with a dramatic sigh, and did loosen her grip. "And to think half the guys in this prison would love to be in your place, honey!"
Bill had his doubts over that - most of the guys in there seemed to kinda like the idea of not risking to become someone's main course - but didn't voice them. "So, what is it with the deadly potion thingie?"
"That's prison alcohol, silly! Well, it will be in a bit. That why it's got to rest for now - but it's gonna be good, honest. Just like my mama used to make it!"
"... Your mother taught you how to make prison alcohol?"
Pyronica shrugged. "Was born in a prison, Billy boy. That's the sort of thing that happens when your mama eats her partner."
"Ah."
"I mean, nothing personal! It's just kinda how it goes where I'm from. Fun and games, and then you're protein once there's a bun in the oven. Or just when she gets a bit hungrier than usual. She didn't know it was illegal in the dimension they had moved in," she added, and lifted him up to that they'd be at the same eye level, giving him a toothy grin. "Didn't know that when you tried to hit on me, did ya?"
Bill gave a snorting laugh. "Seriously? I just pointed out you were on fire."
"Like I haven't heard that before!" she crooned, and her grin widened, a finger poking him hard enough to make him squirm. "You are so cute I could eat you whole!"
"But then you'd miss me, wouldn't you?" Bill asked, batting his eyelashes, and her grin turned into a roaring laugh.
"You could charm your way out of anything, huh?"
Oh, I wish.
"Not outta this place, though," Bill grumbled instead.
She shrugged. "Give it time, honey. And while we wait, what keeps us from having a drink?"
Well. Now that was a frame of mind Bill could get behind. It would be no Martini or Margarita party, but better than nothing.
"This smells like death."
"Now you're just being melodramatic."
" Death ."
"You ain't even got a nose!"
"Maybe, if we add in some bleach…"
"Nope. We tried last time, remember? It was a bad idea."
"I was fine."
"You don't count."
"Smells like that one time I slaughtered-"
"Please, shut up."
"C'mon, stop being so prissy! Just guzzle it down as usual," Pyronica said, pouring the brownish liquid in a plastic glass, then turned to Bill with a grin. "You first!"
"Wha- hey! Why me?" Bill tried to protest, taking a step back. He snuck a glance around, but of course there was no one else in the laundry room: the guards that should have been watching them had been paid off with the money Paci-Fire had beaten out of some newcomer the previous week.
"You're the newbie," 8 Ball grunted.
"And you never had any before," Keyhole added.
"Yeah, got to go first!"
"One of us, right?" Teeth said, and began hitting the nearest surface while chanting. "One of us! One of us!"
"Huh, how about we throw a coin or-"
"One of us! One of us! One of us!"
"No! Hey, wait-"
They didn't let him say anything else. Or maybe they did, but Bill just wouldn't remember it.
He wouldn't remember much of anything he said until the next morning.
Which, in a way, was a blessing in disguise.
"And I get back home and - hic! - get back home and poof!"
"Poof?"
"Poof! Gone!"
"Your bro was gone?"
"Yeeeah. Just gone. Ain't that - hahahahahaha! And then - no, no, listen up - then no one said a thing about it! Isn't that funny ?"
"Well, uh…"
"Yeah, I guess…"
"... That's rough, buddy."
"Naaaah! It's flippin' hilarious ! And then they tell me to be reasonable about - hic! - about… whatever. Reasonable! I mean, seriously- hey, hey, lemme have another..."
"And then- and then- no, no, hear me out- and then I told that dumb baby that I… I… bwuh."
"Bwuh?"
"Yeah, like… like… you know."
"Bwuh."
"Bwuh."
"I have killed millions on thousands bwuhs!"
The roar of laugh that followed was loud enough to shake the walls, but no one came to check what was happening. First of all, because they had paid off the guards to let them have a good time. And, secondly, because no guard would be stupid enough to face them when even more unhinged than usual: they'd wait for it all to wear off, more likely, and get some other random prisoner to do the clean-up after them.
Bill sure didn't envy anyone who'd have to pick up the feathers and tattered remains of all the pillows Teeth had decided to chew up just for the heck of it. Or at least, he wouldn't have if he could focus just enough to think about whatever would come next. As it turned out, he could focus on nothing. Everything swam around him and nothing made sense, and he was loving it.
"Guys, guys! There is some left! C'mon! One more glass each!"
The last glass was the tipping point for 8 Ball: right after having it he decided it would be a good idea starting a pillow fight while brandishing a mattress. Teeth was thrown against the wall with a speed more or less comparable to that of a small meteor, and his teeth - which was to say, most of him - sank so deep into the wall it took everyone's combined efforts to pull him down along with a good chunk of the wall. Once they were done laughing hysterically, that was it.
Still, it gave them an idea.
"Aaaand incoming!"
Whoomp!
"Haha! Watch and learn, 8 Ball! That was a lot faster than your last throw! Right, Billy boy?"
Still partly stuck in the mattress he had been thrown against from across the room, Bill lifted his hand to give her a thumbs-up. "Felt pretty - hic! - fast."
8 Ball gave what was nothing short of a roar, and immediately seized Keyhole. "I'll show you fast!" he snarled, and threw him with all his might at the wall they had lined up with mattresses. Proving, once and for all, that aim was not among his strongest points.
Whack.
Thud.
"... Whoops."
"Hey, genius. The - hic! - the point with the mattresses is that we're supposed to land on- hic. Whatever. Is he still alive? Hey. You still alive?" Bill asked, poking Keyhole's side. Keyhole twitched. "He's alive!"
"I think I broke something," Keyhole wheezed.
"He said he's okay!"
"It's getting dark…"
"He's peeeerfectly fine!"
"Then get him outta the way," 8 Ball grunted, and grabbed Teeth. "That throw didn't count! Now I'll show you-"
"Hey, wait-"
"Alright, this has been going on long enough! Everyone settle down and-"
Several things happened all at once, a bit too fast for Bill's intoxicated mind to follow, and he wouldn't remember any of it the next day at any rate. It would have to be Pyronica to explain him that apparently they had been making too much of a mess and the guards had decided to barge in, bribes or not. Except that they had barged in just as 8 Ball was throwing Teeth against the mattress-lined wall, and that 8 Ball had turned just one moment before actually letting go.
According to her, the screams as one of the guards was hit by Teeth at breakneck speed with his, well, teeth clamping around his head had been hysterical. Enough to keep them all laughing well into their first night in the isolation ward, really. And, while Bill wouldn't quite remember it the next day, he had no reason to doubt she was telling the truth.
"Uuugh…"
"My head."
"My eye . Can someone turn off the light?"
"On it!" A gust of white fire flashed through the air, and a moment later there was a crash, followed by darkness. Not complete darkness , since not much could be done about Pyronica's own flames, but it was still far easier for everyone's hangover. "Better?"
"Oh yes."
"Way better."
There was a collective sigh of relief, and a brief silence followed, eventually broken by 8 Ball.
"Hey, guys?"
"Yeah?"
"Bwuh."
A series of snickers rippled through the holding cell, at least until Keyhole trailed off with a groan."Oww. Everything hurts everywhere ."
"Will aim better next time."
"How 'bout you don't throw me at all?"
"Don't be a stick on the mud. It was fun, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, best party yet!"
"Should totally have another when the guards get those sticks out of their- hey, get that elbow outta my ribs."
"Sorry."
"... Am I the only one who doesn't remember half of what happened?" Bill asked, eye still shut. His question was met with a sudden silence, which was kinda odd. He cracked his eye open, ignoring the sense of nausea at the flickering of Pyronica's flames. "... Guys?"
"I don't remember everything either," Paci-Fire spoke quickly.
"Yeah, same."
"So, uh… you don't remember talking about, like, anything in particular?"
Bill closed his eye again with a groan. "Oh man. Was it something about the pineapple and cheese again? Look, it was one time, and it just kinda got out of hand and- Hey! Who's- Ronnie, seriously, let me go!"
"Nope!" Pyronica said, giving him a good squeeze. "You could use a hug, Billy boy!"
"Where did that come from?" Bill protested, trying to squirm free of her grasp - only to freeze when he heard 8 Ball speaking.
"Oh! I can give hugs, too!"
"DOGPILE!"
"Don't even think abou-"
Of course they didn't think about it, because they never thought about anything, and the next moment Bill found himself buried at the very bottom of a shifting, snickering and still very much hungover pile. "You're all crazy," Bill wheezed, giving up on any attempt at getting away.
"That's why you fit right in," Pyronica laughed, and Bill could do nothing but concede that she had a point.