You Don't Miss It Till It's Gone Chapter 11: A Shadow of a Girl, a kingdom hearts fanfic

A/N: Here I am! So sorry that I couldn't update earlier, being a student is hard, especially when you've only got activities to go to that last up to nine in the evening. So timecheck is now...'bout ten in the evening. I'm thinking about a joint ending with Nobody's Perfect... should I combine the two or just tell the same events from two different perspectives? Ahhh... And a reminder: I do not hate Sora, I just wanna make him a bit more human. If you wanna flame me, go ahead, let it out, we don't want violent people in the world, right?

Summary: It's the little things that hurt the most. Between love and duty is a decision he will regret for the rest of his existence.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts ain't mine. Deal with it.

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XI: A Shadow of a Girl

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"Hey, Nam," Kairi stopped in her tracks. She had seen this guy before, she just knew it. She just couldn't put her darn finger on who he was. She had been feeling that way lately. Sometimes a word, smell or even gesture would trigger an image that would flash in her head. She'd try to remember what the image was, but it was like trying to hold saltwater in your hands... the memory would just trickle away, retreating back into some deep, unknown place in her mind. She'd asked Naminé about this; the blonde had promised to find out as much as she could. Naminé was a memory witch, after all. (She had suspected her Nobody might have something to do with it, but...why would Naminé do such at thing like that? She had nothing to hide, anyway.)

She walked closer to the silver-blue haired teen and peered up into his silver-blue eyes, that darn memory dancing around somewhere deep in her head. She gave up trying to grasp it; if she didn't, she might go insane right there. Instead she stared up at him and said the first thing that came to her mind.

"Darn you're cute."

They burst out laughing. Naminé looked as if her face would crack from the grin she had on.

"Do you always do this to people?" he asked dryly, snickering.

"Yes, to cute guys," Garnet almost gushed. Kairi rolled her eyes. What had infected her squadmates for them to fawn over good-looking men like this? "So Nam...you know Zexy?"

Kairi clamped her mouth shut, keeping her laughter down. Zexy? What kind of name was that? Apparently he was thinking the same thing, judging from the way his eyelid twitched. She turned to Naminé, wondering how she came to know Zexy.

But the color seemed to drain out of Naminé's face as she looked almost fearfully from her to the others. Her eyebrows drew together. "Zexion's (ahhuh! so that's his real name!)... uh...he's..."

"She's my neighbor." Zexion said loudly.

"Y-Yeah, in Twilight Town," Naminé confirmed in what Kairi thought was a shaky voice.

Her neighbor? That can't be! Kairi thought. Well, Naminé had said that she and Roxas had come to live (well, exist) in Twilight Town after the two of them had separated from her and Sora. Wait. Anyone could be their neighbor in that case. But there was this insistent voice in her head that kept screaming about how that cannot possibly be true, that cannot happen, that Roxas and Naminé didn't exactly live in Twilight Town, whatever the two said.

She shook her head frustratedly. Why was her memory developing holes like this!

"Roxas sent me here just to give you your gym clothes," he continued in a bored voice. "He says that you shouldn't forget things like that because sometimes there's nobody to go and bring things you forget."

At the sound of the word Nobody (she even knew that it had to be capitalized) a memory leapt up from the well that was her mind. She struggled to catch it...

"So yeah, Sora finished Larxene off," Roxas said offhandedly, glancing at Naminé.

Kairi stared at Roxas, shocked. Someone had just died, killed by Sora, and his Nobody was just talking about this girl's death like it was nothing at all.

"Don't look like that, Kai," Naminé smiled. "She didn't exactly die, she just faded away...And she deserved it, you know. She and Marluxia forced me to replace you in Sora's memories, remember?"

"Well..." she looked down at her hands, still flustered at the lack of emotion the two were showing.

"Oh yeah, didn't we tell you, Kairi?" Roxas' voice rang in her ears. "Nobodies can't feel emo---"

The memory gave one final twirl and dived back into the 'Forgotten Memories' part of her head. Suddenly a thought came to her mind and she spoke it aloud.

"Why didn't he go himself?" she asked aloud, remembering what had happened earlier in the afternoon. "I mean, we were just hanging around the swings earlier, he could've just por---I mean, gone home and given it to you himself." She restrained herself from clamping her hands to her mouth. She had almost said portalled in front of people (except her and Naminé) that would ask a lot of questions about Roxas if she had said he could portal. She glanced at Zexion, whose eyes were squinted in the I'm-thinking-real-hard look that Roxas sometimes had on his own face.

Another memory was coming on---

Naminé tapped her on the shoulder, bringing her out of her trip down the potholed memory lane. Kairi blinked. What memory? It was like somebody had flipped the off switch on her erratic remembering. Remembering WHAT? She shrugged it off. The stress from cheerleading auditions were somehow getting to her.

"Roxas is...fighting with Larxene and his best friend again..." Zexion explained in the same bored voice, as if that sort of thing normally happened every day.

Roxas' best friend? Who was that supposed to be? Maybe it was Roxas' best friend in Twilight Town...

"Again?" Naminé said nonchalantly (Maybe Roxas really was violent when he wasn't at the Academy; she smiled at the thought), rifling through the clothes Zexion, she supposed, was talking about. "Well, Zexion, thanks for giving me my things, anyway."

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"Hi! This is Sora Hikari. You've just dialled my number, but I can't answer the phone right now 'cause there's Shadows all over it. Leave me a message after the beep and I'll try to call you back in a few." Beep.

Sora resisted the urge to throw the answering machine at the wall, because (a) it was his only answering machine, and he had just spent hours racking his head for a suitable recording, (b) the mess that it would invariably make would be so much of a chore to clean up, (c) Riku's room was on the other side of the target wall, that was enough, (d)-- well, if he went through the entire list he'd end up with a headache. So he pushed the recording button and tried to compose a greeting again.

"Hi! This is Sora, Wielder of Light. I can't answer the phone right now because I'm sealing a Keyhole. Please leave your plea of rescue from Heartless and slash or Nobodies after the beep." Beep.

He laughed at himself. That sounded stupider than he had thought. He pressed said button again.

"Sora here. You're hearing this message, and that means I'm not around to answer the phone. So say what you want after the beep." Beep.

"You do know that this is Sora's number, right? Well, he's not here at the moment, so leave your message after that long, irritating sound we call a beep. He promises that he'll try to call you back within this lifetime." Beep.

He sighed, thinking how one simple task could eat away at least four hours of his highly unusual life.

That ain't just unusual, it's just plain weird.

"Shut it," he said aloud, knowing that his antiform would just shrug his warning off. Maybe he should drive into Final Form more often; the transformation seemed to have a calming effect on him, and he never transformed into Antiform when he drove to said Form. What the heck; he was already used to voices talking in his head all the time.

His phone suddenly rang, jarring him out of his thoughts. He let his hand hover over the reciever for a moment before deciding to let the answering machine pick up.

His eyebrow raised as he recognized his Nobody's (not Other Side anymore, but still with the capitals) voice. "Well yeah I do know this is your number (he could almost see Roxas rolling his eyes on the other end of the line), Sora. This is Roxas, and I know you're there listening to me talk like some demented person..erh...Nobody, whatever. Just wanna know if you feel like sparring this afternoon for the upcoming Advanced SHM midterms...? 'round four o' clock at the Main Island docks...C'mon Sora, stop holing yourself in your room, you need some exercise and---"

"Alright, alright, stop making lame excuses, Rox," Sora sighed as he picked up the phone. "I'll be at the docks in a couple of minutes, so you'd better portal over there the moment you put down that phone."

"Don't be so touchy, Other."

"I am not touchy! Have you never seen me in a mood before!"

A long silence on the other end. "Uhhh, no. And neither have anyone else. You've always been the happy guy around here."

He grimaced. Yes, he'd always been the happy guy, but being happy all the time took a lot of work. And from his situation right now, he didn't feel like laughing.

"Sora?"

"Oh! Sorry. Since when did the Castle have a phone, anyway?"

Roxas sounded like he had just stuck his fist in his mouth."Actually this is Naminé's phone, mine got wasted when Larxene chucked it at Axel for no apparent reason. Wait. Why am I using this phone, anyway?"

"Beats me." The Castle That Never Was really sounded like a very violent place, but sooner or later he'd have to come visit (the term sounded a bit wrong, because the moment he touched Castle ground he'd get killed for sure). "I'm going already, Rox."

"Okay, meet you there in about...thirty seconds."

"Ha ha very funny, you're such a riot."

"No, really, thirty seconds."

Sora rolled his eyes.

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He glanced at the at the blonde leaning on his arm, her chest rising up and down in the motion of sleep. They had been sitting here on the top of Twilight Town's clocktower for some time now, talking and laughing and smiling at each other all the way.

He admitted to himself that yes, he had fallen for Naminé, the Nobody who had acted as his guide and savior in Castle Oblivion, and who had restored Sora's memories, knowing that in the process she is erasing his memories of her.

Yes, he had fallen for Naminé, but for a reason he didn't know exactly.

Her looks? Definitely. Her eyes were just so blue.

Her personality? Yes. He found calm in her company.

Her origin?

There the question remained. Did he love Naminé because she was Kairi's Nobody? Did he love her because he got tired of chasing after her Other? Did he love her because he wanted to somehow make Kairi realize what she had missed?

Who did he love? Kairi or Kairi's shadow?

He shivered.

"Riku?" Naminé looked up curiously. "Is something wrong?"

"N-no, nothing," he shook his head vehemently, blushing.

She squinted, her lips coming together in a pout. "Yeah, something's up with you. Spit it out."

He stared at the girl. She had the uncanny ability to drag things that he would've never normally said out of his mouth. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, and prepared to ask the question that would effectively change Naminé's perspective on him, for better or for worse. It was a question most boys asked and prayed fervently for the right answer.

"Naminé?"

"Yes?"

"Would you be my girlfriend?"

Naminé's eyes widened and she leant back from him, teetering dangerously on the ledge of a fifty-metre drop off the clock face. Her mouth worked soundlessly. It looked as if she was hyperventilating.

"Nam?" he asked nervously.

"Say it again," she breathed, her eyes sparkling in the setting sun's light. He raised an eyebrow.

"Would you be my girlfriend?" he repeated.

"Say it five times over."

"Would you be my girlfriend?"

"Would you be m---" He didn't have a chance to finish his fifth question, as Naminé had thrown his arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Is that answer enough?" she giggled breathlessly as they broke apart. His head still reeled from her boldness, he didn't know Naminé was capable of that. He nodded mutely and suddenly grinned. His heart was still pounding.

"But--"

His heart suddenly pounded a lot faster. From the look on Naminé's face she was about to ask a question that Riku would have to, but regret answering.

"What about my Other?" she said in a small voice, as if she regretted asking it too.

"Kairi?" he said in his best offhand voice, trying to conceal his nervousness. "She's a friend. Nothing more."

"Then why is your voice shaking?"

He bit his lip, the disbelief in Naminé's eyes unbearable.

"Naminé, forget about Kairi, it's you I like, not her."

"Is it because I'm me, or is it because I'm her shadow?" her lower lip trembled.

Funny how such a happy situation could turn into such a mess in the span of five measly minutes.

"She's not letting you go, isn't she?" she continued, her pitch of voice rising with every syllable. "She's not letting you get over her! You still love her, don't you!"

Riku shook his head frantically. "That's why I want to be with you---" he cut his sentence off, suddenly realizing how that sounded.

"That's why you want to be with me! So that I can be a replacement for Kairi?"

"It's not what I said! Naminé! Calm down!"

"She already has Sora, why does she have to have you too!" She almost bellowed, tears streaming down her face now. "Why does everything I do have to be a shadow of what she does! I love you, Riku! Me! Naminé!"

"But I never said--"

"I've had enough." She said, looking more angry (if Nobodies felt angry; the fact that they couldn't even feel somehow made him feel more guilty) than he had ever seen her before. "I've had enough."

And with that she portalled out.

Riku sighed. Loving a Nobody was more complicated than he thought. He stood up and began the long descent down the tower, knowing that if Naminé went to kill Kairi at this exact moment, she'd find the redhead sitting on the paopu tree on their island. If he hurried he still might be able to catch them and break them apart. Where was his portalling when he needed it the most?

He lost his footing on the thirteenth step down (yes, he counted them) and for a split second, time stopped.

The Twilight Town Clocktower was high.

He struggled to catch hold of anything, but his attempts were futile.

I can't die this way!

"Naminé!" He yelled as loud as he could before falling backwards ever so slowly in his mind...

And the world blacked out for Riku Alcaia.

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Read. Review. And yes, someone will go (or fade into darkness, kick the bucket, be offed, or just die) in this fic, for those who ask.

Flamers, go ahead.