Well, it's time for drumroll chapter eleven! And, please, review! I hope you enjoy this one, as I've just played through this bit of the actual game again and thought up a lot of ideas. It should be longer than my regular mini-chaps, so here goes... takes deep breath
Disclaimer : Oh my God. I just learned that I don't own Metal Gear. Shame, that...
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Chapter Eleven : Eva Kaneeva!
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Cake anticipated the imminent radio call after a major plot event, and so was at the ready to respond as soon as he heard that familiar static. His vocal chords poised for action, he waited. And waited. Aaaaaaand waited… And got bored of waiting. And called the Major…
"Hey Major, why aren't you calling me?" he asked angrily. He was met with hysterical laughter, which brought the all-too-familiar look of incomprehension of anything onto his face. The Major took deep breaths between screams of laughter, and managed to squeeze out the words,
"You got owned, Cake!" between bursts of hysterics. Cake opened his mouth to respond, before sighing defeatedly and sitting down. He waited for the Major to stop laughing, and, when ol' Noughty eventually did, Cake went into full on rant-mode.
"Y'know, I really don't enjoy others laughing at my pain. But, I'm in pain right now, and you're laughing. So, that adds up to one of my many dislikes. And I resent that. Also, from the point of view of a bystander, it really wasn't that funny." He frowned seriously at nobody in particular, and waited for his words to sink in. He thought the Major was about to have another laughing fit, but he breathed a sigh of relief when his commander started talking normally again.
"Okay. Sorry, Cake, that was immature. I forgot to actually brief you on this mission, so I thought, 'Hey, why not do it now?'" Cake sighed exasperatedly at this, but the Major ignored him and continued.
"As your primary objectives are to eliminate T3h L33t and find the other flour bomb, you should mainly concentrate on those. But we also want Molotov back, and Molting dead. So, to start you off on your epic quest etc, etc, we've found you an informant. Ain't that great!"
"No."
"I think so too!" The Major continued, oblivious to Cake's negativity. "You remember the NSA defectors from a while ago?"
"No."
"Good. Well, one of those, specifically Adam, has agreed to co-operate. When you meet him, the password is,
'Who are the Patriots?' with the answer, 'I don't effing know.' You got that?"
"Yeah, but who are the Patriots?"
"Well, I don't effing know!"
"But-"
"So, we're good on that, then? Okay, great! Bye, Cake!"
"But-" CLICK. The radio went dead, and Cake was left confused again.
"Oh well. I'll just go to Rassvet again. I like it there." He remembered the lovely sun, the friendly machine-gun toting Cat-Men, the irritating scientist… Cake sighed happily, and skipped through the jungle towards his chosen destination.
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When he finally reached the old building, he gave in to his pride and called the Major, asking what the hell to do.
"Uhhhhh, Major?"
"Yes, Cake?" Came the civil, yet patronising response.
"Ummm, where do I go?"
"Well, I dunno... Try that room, that Molotov was in."
"You know, Major, you're a really great help. If I ever have a cloned son, I want his commander to be someone just like you."
"Why, thank you, Cake," the Major said, feeling quite elated inside to receive his first ever compliment.
"I was being sarcastic, you A-hole!" Cake yelled unkindly, and signed off, cackling. Meanwhile, the Major burst into tears.
'So, time to find this Adam guy...' Cake thought to himself, and actually took the Major's advice. He opened the door of Molotv's former residence, to find... Nothing. He stepped out again, but heard something that hadn't been present before. It sounded like... A motorbike engine? Cake decided to investigate, and saw what he had heard : a motorbike, it's headlights bathing him in bright light.
"Cut the engine. They'll hear us," Cake ordered gruffly.
"Nuh-uh. I need it as an alternative way of getting you to trust me."
"Huh?" Cake grunted stupidly.
"Never mind," the person (who sounded like a woman) said quickly.
"Okay, then," Cake said huffily. "Well, it's password time! Who are the Patriots?"
"The who? I don't effing know!" the woman yelled. Cake's eyes widened in shock.
"Wow, you got it. I guess you really are Adam!" he chirped happily. The woman, although Cake couldn't see it, started slightly at being told she was correct, before quickly regaining her composure.
"Uh, yeah, I guess I am! Jee, that was easy..." she murmered.
"What was that?" Cake asked, leaning his head forward to listen more closely.
"Ohhhh, I said... I said 'Ugh, I feel queasy', I think..."
"Ohhhh... Should I give you some random plant that turns into medicine when I shoot it?"
"Ha! Yeah right!" 'Adam' scoffed.
"No, really!" Cake said earnestly, and proved it to her, by shooting some moss nearby. It turned into a circular packet with a nice BOING! Sound effect.
"That's some creepy gun you've got there..." the woman said, slightly creeped out. But, alas, it was then that Cake realised the author's mistake, and pointed at Marvellous G's hovering head, yelling,
"Hey, wait! I don't have a gun anymore! T3h L33t's horse ate it!" Marvellous G's face faltered, and it coughed before muttering quickly,
"Errrmm, no she didn't... I've got a dentist appointment now, bye!" it flew off into the darkness, not to be seen again until the closing statements.
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The two humans looked puzzledly at each other for a second, before the woman (no, not Cake) pointed frantically behind our hero, and screamed,
"Get down!" Russian guards had surrounded the two while they were talking to the author, and they had both been too stupid to notice this up until now. The woman fired several shots off from her gun (it's a Mauser Type somefink, mate!) at the Russkies, dispatching them all with deadly accuracy. Blood spattered everywhere, and before Cake had even crashed face-first into the ground the people he was 'getting down' from were all dead. So he was surprised to not hear gunfire while he was examining the soil from a magnified view. After he finally figured it out, he got up, and dusted himself down. The woman got off of her bike, and the two strode towards each other. She took off her helmet, to reveal that, yes, she was a woman. 'A hot one, too!' Cake thought gleefully to himself, before realising that 'Adam' was a name normally reserved for the sex beginning with 'm'. So, a boy's name, then.
"I thought Adam was a man," he said, speaking in his most 'macho' voice.
"Adam couldn't make it. I'm Eva Kaneeva, but you can just call me Eva," Eva Kaneeva said smoothly, before unzipping her jacket to reveal a black bra and, well, two other... Things...
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Well, I hope you enjoyed that chap. The next one is my first 'Parody Boss Battle', so I hope you can finally have something to look forward to, regarding this story. Please review with your thoughts, criticisms and, hopefully, praise! Until then, ciao!