Needing to sleep in my bed soon. I am not sure how much longer I can sleep at my keyboard. Gah, I hear knocking. Who is that?! I answer the door. I stare at Ryu. I raise my eyebrow at him. I wave him inside while I fix myself some coffee.

Ryu: You look, terrible Angel.

Me: I feel it too. Between proofreading all of my chapters and rewriting some chapters, I am not sure if I am even getting proper sleep.

Ryu: Damn, sounds like you need a beta reader or a friend to help you out. Anyone if it is these bad.

Me: Can't wait that long, I want to get this done myself otherwise I would feel useless. Why are you here Ryu?

Ryu: I had an idea about Touma. I thought you would like to hear it, but now I am considering to wait to tell you to know just by the looking at you. I should probably go. I will even do the honors for you. Nothing in this story belongs rightfully to Angel. The only thing is her's is OC Chika Shindou and her current song called My Chika. Please enjoy and bye! *Ryu running out of the room quickly*

He saved me. Man am I thankful for K right now. He said that the plan will take into effect we get to the lock-down concert. What I am supposed to do until then?

I jump in the shower feeling like crap after a day like yesterday. Gosh, after the shower I grab a beer, actually no, no more drinking. It has affected my way too much, I should just stop drinking overall.

I take all of the beers in the fridge and dump them all down the drain. The drain. Why am I thinking of that poem? Touma wrote the stupid poem out of boredom and now that's how I feel. It makes my mood perfectly actually. Stupid poem.

Breaking down, flushing sound, going around,

Swimming fast, wanting to last, I drown.

Pumping veins, inside a drain, no pride to claim.

I have no shame, without a brain, lost in the game.

I am breaking down into pieces. I am going around with the sound of flushing everything down. I am swimming in my own emotions so fast that I want it to last, but I drown with the lifestyle I have lived. My veins are pumping with fear and dread, inside a drain that I don't want to be in.

I have no pride left in me to claim for myself. I don't have any shame anymore but then again I don't have a brain anymore either. He took it with him. I am so lost as if I was in a game I can never finish.

Touma called it Toilet Bowl. It is how I truly feel right now. Oh god, what has happened to me? This is not me at all. I am a novelist, but these are feelings I can't run away from anymore. I have to stand up and take it all that it hits me. I am positively in love with Shuichi that I don't know what to do anymore.

I can't write, because he is always on my mind. I can't sleep because I don't want fantasies. I can't eat because all there is in the fridge is strawberry Pocky. It is Shuichi's favorite thing to eat. I can't drink because it reminds me of how indifferent I was towards Shuichi. It has been almost a week without eating, drinking and without sleeping.

What am I going to do with myself? I am not in a good place whatsoever. I am not sure what is going on anymore. I don't know what the date is. I am slowly falling apart since I kicked Shuichi out of my life.

I didn't realize how much Shu had reshaped my life up until that moment when I was forced to push him out. He has changed me bit by bit. I didn't even realize that I was and still am changing because of Shu. Damn it. How, when did I fall off him irrevocably? There is no turning back from him. It is Shuichi or emptiness.

I am going to die alone after all. I deserve this. I can feel tears on my face. I don't care anymore.

I left myself cry. I need to cry. It is the only thing I can express right now. I am downright miserable and depressed.

I bet Shuichi hates me now, but I still love him. He is the only one for me. Whatever I lack, he has. He is everything I always wanted in my ideal partner.

I don't want to be torn down into something that I am not. Maybe I shouldn't go to the lock-down concert and just kill myself right now. It would be a better place without me.

No that wouldn't be sensible until Touma knows everything. After that then yes. I don't think Shu would still want me. What have I done? Oh, good gods, I have lost him forever. I lost the only one who truly matters to me.

I. I. I-I will just need to wait. Oh god, I don't feel well. I sit at the couth and do nothing but cry. Crying is all I can do anymore. Misery and agony sets in me. I am truly a goner. No one wants me now. I don't blame anyone but myself. I did this to myself. I take the last of the anti-depressants.

Wait, what?! He took what? Sorry, this is so dark. I had to get into a headspace for a depressed person for this. I never really experienced heartbreaks like this, but for Eiri and Shu, well it was needed. They belong together forever in this story. Thus this short but dark chapter.