What did I just say? I panic, going over the conversation again in my head. Why don't we find out? Why don't we find out?! Hang on Lucy; isn't that moving a bit too quickly? I mean this is you and Natsu you're talking about! Just relax. Take it slow- I barely remember what I was saying when my eyes take in the look of surprise mirrored on Natsu's face. Oh god I whimper, warmth flooding my cheeks. But his face seems to relax; black eyes crinkling at the corners, mouth turning up at one side. Just the look alone stops me from doubting his feelings; it's so filled with love that I feel the need to catch my breath.
I love you I think, my embarrassment replaced by something more daring and confident. With one hand already fisted in his shirt, I lift the other. Running my fingertips lightly down his face; starting at his brow, where an unfamiliar scar now exists, and edging further until they rest on his lips. For a minute I just take in the familiar curve of that mouth, picturing the obnoxious, toothy grin that used to live there.
"Please don't go" I blink away tears, realising I've said the words out loud.
"I'm not going anywhere Luce" Natsu promises and I shake my head.
"You already have" I say.
"What do you mean?"
"You've changed so much. I wish things could return to the way they used to be Natsu" my mouth trembles under the leaded weight of the words.
Natsu searches my eyes worriedly. "I don't understand. What are you-?"
"Your smile. You used to smile no matter what but now you just look so sad. Even the way you talk is different- No not different. Just… more mature, resolved even." I try to explain but the words keep getting caught and tangled in my head. "I love you Natsu. I just wish you-"
"I was the old me" Natsu finishes. I feel cruel, like I've told him I prefer another version of him but that isn't it at all. I love him; the past, present and future him. Because no matter what, it's Natsu. But it was the happy, confident Natsu that we all relied on; that gave us the strength to keep going. I don't believe that part of him is permanently gone but I don't know how to bring it back either.
"I'm still me Luce. I've just grown up a bit. But if it's the annoying me you want…" Natsu flashes a quick grin and before I can wonder, he starts tickling my waist. "No" I scream but I know it's pointless.
"What are you doing?" a voice interrupts and I desperately crane my neck to take in the new arrival. My front door hangs slightly ajar, letting the afternoon light pool into the hallway. My eyes widen on the familiar blue feline but before I can call out his name, his eyes lock onto Natsu still curled around me. "Natsu" the cat whines. "Why didn't you wait for me?! You're the one that told me to fly over to Lucy's apartment in the first place and when I came back to tell you the landlady told me she moved, you were gone! You're so mean!"
I don't know whether to laugh at the snot and tears dripping down his face or cry simply because he's here too. Instead I slip out of my fire-breather's arms, crouch down and smile. "Welcome back Happy."
This seems to only make Happy cry more as he rushes into my open arms. "Lucy! I'm back! Natsu's so mean to me! I missed you" he cries. I missed you too I want to say but can't quite convince my mouth to work.
"I'm sorry Happy" Natsu half-heartedly apologises from behind me, sounding distracted more than anything. Picking up the bundle of fluff, I turn to face him.
"What is it?" I ask, scratching between Happy's ears.
"I had to see you first" Natsu says, looking down at his arm that I now notice is awkwardly bandaged. Why the? I start to think but don't get a chance to wonder more when he finishes his sentence. "But now we have to go let everyone know we're back too."
"Everyone?" I repeat warily.
"The guild Lucy" Natsu explains, oblivious to the war waging inside me. "Fairy Tail" he adds.
My hand pauses in its path over Happy's head and a chill creeps up my spine. "Lucy?" Happy asks, causing Natsu to look at me as well. The hallway feels even smaller with both sets of eyes trained on me. I feel sick but there's no bile rising up in my throat this time as I answer.
"Fairy Tail's gone."