And were an epitaph to be my story I'd have a short one ready for my own. I would have written of me on my stone: I had a lover's quarrel with the world.
Robert Frost.
Conquest Is Easy, Control Is Not, by Florence W. Snape
Chapter 11:
The sunlight coming from the window was unusually strong when Hermione recovered consciousness and she briefly wondered why Severus had arranged for a window to be placed in her room. It was nice, she wasn't complaining. She just wondered what had made him do such an uncharacteristic thing. She smiled. She was getting under his skin, after all, if he was capable of such random acts of kindness. With her eyes closed still, she searched for his warm body beside her. Even though he would never admit it out loud, Hermione knew that he liked cuddling as much as she did.
But Severus' body wasn't there. Instead, Hermione found herself caressing the air next to the mattress. She frowned. That wasn't right. Something wasn't right. Snapping her eyes open, she found herself staring at a white screen. Panicking slightly at the realization that she was in fact in the Hospital Wing, she sat upright and called for Madam Pomfrey. Her voice was hoarse, as if she hadn't used it in a while, so no one came to her rescue.
She tried standing up but the slight pain in her bum made her uncomfortable. Slapping her forehead as she visually searched for her wand, the reason behind why she was there hit her at once: she had probably lost consciousness after that awful confrontation she had had with Snape. Snape who had forced himself on her and who had broken her heart; Snape, who had destroyed the only thing that tied her to him- the contract- and who had dismissed her as soon as she had become and inconvenience; Snape, the man she knew she loved but also the man she longed to hate.
And yet she knew that despite what he had done, she couldn't. The sudden urge to cry suddenly hit her and she did, quite hysterically. So loud was her bawling that it achieved what her voice alone hadn't: to summon Madam Pomfrey.
"Miss Granger!" the matron said at once, pulling the curtains of her screen apart, "what is wrong? Does your stomach hurt?"
"N-n-nno," Hermione tried to say, "I don't know why I'm crying like this. What am I doing here? What's wrong with me?"
The matron X-rayed her through her reading spectacles. After a while, she smiled and the warmth of that gesture made Hermione break down again.
"No, please, do calm down, Miss Granger. Accio Relaxing Potion!," Madam Pomfrey said, alarmed, "Drink this at once. If you want to hear why you are here, you better relax,"
After taking small breaths and wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her nightgown, she drank the potion. It smelled of sandalwood and tasted bitter.
"Just like Severus," she thought. A small smile spread on her lips but she was positive it was an effect of the potion. She had no reason to be happy, especially no reasons that could be related to Severus Snape.
"I see you are feeling better now," Madam Pomfrey said after a minute or so, "Your body temperature is down and you look healthier than you did yesterday. Have you been recently feeling any desire to throw up at all?"
"No," Hermione replied, "Everything's been fine"
"So….no nausea at all?" the matron continued.
"No," Hermione replied. Then, thinking about it, she added, "Last week I felt a bit sick around mid-morning. I was brewing a Confusing & Befuddlement Draught at the time so I just assumed that I had inhaled a bit of sneezewort powder. It was nothing, really…I don't know why I'm even mentioning it,"
Madam Pomfrey scratched her nose. She had a habit of doing so when under a considerable amount of stress. She had scratched her nose raw when all those Muggleborns had been petrified back in Hermione's second year and had to resort to powerful ointments during the nerve-racking months of the war. Had Hermione known about this, she wouldn't have been so taken aback by Madam Pomfrey's next question.
"Miss Granger, tell me, are you sexually active?"
Hermione went red. She really was lucky Madam Pomfrey had given her a Calming Draught; she would have freaked out otherwise.
"Is this relevant to my diagnosis?"
"No, it's not," Madam Pomfrey said while violently scratching her nose, "I'm afraid that the diagnosis has already been made,"
"Is it serious?" Hermione asked, worried.
"No, it's not serious, not in the traditional sense of the word," the matron said, "but it'll surely be a complication,"
"What is it, Madam Pomfrey?" Hermione anxiously enquired, grabbing her pillow and putting it between her thighs; that had always soothed her somehow.
"Miss Granger, you collapsed on the stairs because you were weak and lacked potassium,"
Potassium? That was it? That was the reason Madam Pomfrey looked so sombre; lack of potassium? Relieved, Hermione felt like smiling.
"Yes! I haven't been eating enough, have I? I should have eaten more bananas! But I can take potassium orally, can't I?"
"You must. Potassium is very important when…," said Madam Pomfrey and scratching her nose with both hands, added, "…you are pregnant,"
Poppy Pomfrey had expected sobs, threats to her life, a parchment full of questions and a request for an Abortive Potion but certainly not a maniacal laugh.
"That's impossible!" said Hermione laughing so hard she grabbed her stomach, "It's out of the question, Madam Pomfrey!"
"Why is that, my child?" she asked, her arms akimbo.
"Because I've taken the necessary precautions," she said, still laughing, "I am on the Potion,"
"The Potion is not always 100 efficient, you know," said Madam Pomfrey, "if the ingredients aren't fresh enough or they aren't added at the right time, there is always a possibility of contamination…,"
Wiping her tears, Hermione replied, "I would trust that Contraceptive Potion with my life. Professor Snape brewed it himself. I was in charge of supervising it as a special project,"
"You must have made a mistake, then," said Madam Pomfrey, "because you are definitely pregnant. I understand that the implications of what you have just heard are difficult to assimilate…,"
"There's nothing to assimilate because I'm not pregnant. Professor Snape…," Hermione started to say.
"…is only human," Madam Pomfrey said, "He, too, can make mistakes,"
Hermione went silent after that. She knew all too well that Severus Snape was capable of mistakes. But still, pregnant? Hermione didn't think it made any sense at all.
"Do you want me to perform the charm again?" Madam Pomfrey asked after a while.
Hermione nodded but didn't look at her in the eye. She felt ashamed, stupid and confused. If she had to be perfectly honest with herself, she just wanted to be left alone. But in order to believe, she needed proof.
"ConceptusMater,"
At once, a blue ribbon shot out of Madam Pomfrey's wand. Hermione looked at Madam Pomfrey for a confirmation. When she nodded, Hermione instinctively touched her stomach. The idea of having a baby was too big- too far-fetched- for her to assimilate right away.
"What am I going to do?" she asked, more to herself, than to Madam Pomfrey.
The nosy witch saw it in herself to respond anyway, "You are going to rest here for a couple of days. Your health should be your top priority right now. I am sure Professor Snape will see it in his heart to…,"
"Professor Snape has no heart," Hermione coldly said, "and I am no longer his apprentice. How long have I been out?"
Madam Pomfrey frowned. It was very out-of-character for Hermione Granger to be so rude. She rubbed her nose absent-mindedly and reminded herself that she ought to give her a break: finding out you are pregnant with an unwanted child cannot be easy.
"Two days," she said, and then added in spite of herself, "I wouldn't entirely call Professor Snape heartless, you know,"
"You couldn't possibly understand…," Hermione started to say, but was yet again, interrupted.
"Oh, I understand, Miss Granger" said Madam Pomfrey putting some ointment on her raw nose, "Professor Snape came to see you the other night while you were unconscious. He knows,"
Hermione's throat felt oddly constricted, as if she had a Bezoar stuck in her oesophagus. She distractedly rubbed her chest, trying- in vane- to ease the pain. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knowsMadam Pomfrey's voice sounded so odd and after a while of repeating her words in her head, Hermione found that they stopped making sense.
"Did he say anything?" she asked, "…about my apprenticeship, I mean,"
"I didn't speak to him directly," said Madam Pomfrey, "you should use this time, however, to think very hard about your options,"
Hermione nodded but she wasn't really paying attention to Madam Pomfrey's words. Her right hand was on her belly still and she started to rub it. She was pregnant with Severus' baby. What were her options, really? Would she have it in her heart to have an abortion or to giveit up for adoption? Her heart broke a little just thinking about the idea of a raven-haired boy of about 4 crying for her, his mother. Still, was going through with the pregnancy really an option for her? Severus had sacked her, she still had a lot to go before having a Master in Potions and would she even have the time or the energy to raise a child and finish her schooling? It all seemed very complicated so she was grateful when Madam Pomfrey handed her a gobletfull of what she recognized as a Dreamless Potion.
"Drink this, Miss Granger. I understand that you are worried about your future. Any sensible woman in your situation would but you must remember that regardless of who the father is, you are definitely the mother. Whatever your decision, you must seek within your heart and make a choice between what is right and what is easy,"
Hermione sighed. Madam Pomfrey was right. She needed to speak to Severus right away… if only she didn't feel so utterly tired. With her hand still on her stomach, Hermione Granger closed her eyes and slept.
"I think you made a mistake," said Professor McGonagall later that morning sitting on a chair beside Hermione's bed. The girl was still profoundly asleep but the three people gathered around her were definitely not.
"You didn't see her face when I mentioned that Severus had come to visit her…," Madam Pomfrey started to say.
"You shouldn't have told her that! But then again you never did know when to keep your mouth closed," Minerva whispered, frowning.
"You are so spiteful, Minerva. Whatever did I do to you?" the matron asked, wounded.
"You always meddle in other people's businesses. It's not up to us what Miss Granger and Professor Snape are going to do about this whole thing,"
"But I thought that last night we had all agreed to…," the matron whispered, scarlet in the face.
"Yes, we agreed that we would give them a nudge but there's a difference between that and what you did. If Severus finds out we were here…,"
"How could he possibly find out?" Madam Pomfrey asked.
"Oh, please," said Professor McGonagall standing up, "I am sure that when Hermione finally confronts Severus about this whole mess, his visit will come up,"
"That's right," said Albus Dumbledore unexpectedly, "we must give them space to confront each other. We must force them to…,"
"Headmaster, I thought he had agreed that even though a nudge was necessary…," Professor McGonagall started to say. The twinkle in Albus Dumbledore's eyes, however, made her stop. She was used to that twinkle all to well but was all the more alarmed because of it: nothing good ever came out of Albus Dumbledore's romantic schemes.
"Minerva, it is imperative for them to reunite in a romantic place; a place that they cannot leave until they've resolved their differences. But, where?" he asked staring at the ceiling. Had he been watching the reactions of the two witches around him, he would have found them amusing: whereas Madam Pomfrey's smile suggested that she was all for it, Professor McGonagall was looking daggers at the both of them.
"Albus, I am afraid this is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard," said Professor McGonagall at last.
Dumbledore curiously looked at her. Professor McGonagall found her Gryffindor courage and some of her old Scottish pride and continued:
"Hermione is very vulnerable. Locking them up in a classroom or wherever you are planning on sending them is simply ridiculous. What if she has a nervous breakdown? What if he reacts violently to what she has to say? Not to mention that neither of them will appreciate being forced to face each other…,"
"My dear Professor McGonagall, you are absolutely right!" said Albus Dumbledore standing up. He was now pacing the small space between Hermione's bed and the one next to her, "it mustn't look like we are forcing them at all! How brilliant! I think that that can be arranged simply enough. Their wands must be confiscated, of course. I wouldn't put it past Miss Granger to hex Severus to an inch of his life now that she's pregnant. But we also should be able to see what's going on. How are we to know when to release them? Not to mention that if something happens to go wrong- like Miss Granger having a nervous breakdown, like you mentioned- we ought to be able to act immediately…,"
"Albus," said Professor McGonagall looking rather alarmed, "there is no way we can kidnap Hermione Granger and Severus Snape, take away their wands and violate their privacy without facing a life-long sentence in Azkaban. The Wizengamot will have our heads for agreeing to this, Poppy," she said, looking at Madam Pomfrey now.
"Well, I must admit that Albus idea is a little bit extreme…,"
"We agree, then," said Professor McGonagall speaking over her colleague, "that your plan, though good-natured, is illegal and…,"
"Minerva…," Dumbledore said very patiently, "I am Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. I assure you nothing is going to happen you,"
"But Albus…,"
"Severus and Hermione will be so delighted we helped," said Professor Dumbledore, ignoring his colleagues, "that they will name us honorary grandparents. Imagine the possibilities, Minerva, of having grandkids to spoil! I've said for quite a while that Hogwarts would be a much cheerful place if there were more babies…,"
Dumbledore went on with his speech about babies for a couple more minutes but Minerva had stopped listening at "grandparents". She had to admit that it would be fantastic to see Severus as happy as he had been the last few weeks. And having grandkids to take to Quidditch games and to read stories would be extraordinary! She could picture the scenarios so clearly in her mind's eye that, for once, failed to notice Madam Pomfrey's annoying nose-scratching habit. She knew that what they were about to do was probably very dangerous and that there were lots of things to think about before actually going through with it… but she couldn't help but feel excited it about it. Damn Albus! He had touched a nerve there. Grandkids!
Severus had avoided meals in the Great Hall and Staff Meetings for two days now. He had also gone out of his way to avoid being near the Hospital Wing- just in case they allowed her time to stretch her legs- and had deliberately ran away from Poppy Pomfrey and Minerva McGonagall every time each of them had tried to engage him in conversation. On the whole, one could say that he had become even more isolated than before and, if he had to be honest with himself, he liked that; it gave him a sense of control over things he had no control on. He had decided late that night down in the dungeons that the best thing he could do for his child and for Hermione would be to flee, but that would raise too many suspicions and the least he wanted was to be under Dumbledore's watchful eye. So for the next couple of days he did the best next thing: he made himself invisible. But tonight that isolation would end and he needed to make a decision before knocking on Dumbledore's door: he needed to either make up a convincing story about knowing nothing about Hermione's pregnancy or confess it all.
He still hadn't come up with an answer as he climbed the spiral staircase but hadn't his cunning ability to lie under pressure given them vital information during the war? He felt confident he could outsmart Dumbledore who, despite being a powerful wizard, knew very little about Slytherin subtlety.
"Do come in, Severus," said Dumbledore with a smile, "I've been waiting for you,"
Severus nodded but said nothing as he sat opposite Dumbledore. The older wizard was wearing his usual nightshirt and nightcap in matching shades of blue that matched his twinkling blue eyes. He was also, oddly, slowly shaking what appeared to be an old muggle snow globe with a little cottage inside. He had been inside this office many times but he had never seen such an object here before, amongst the many magical gadgets. Clearing his throat, he decided it was probably one more of Dumbledore's eccentricities and left it at that.
"You are probably wondering why I have called you here tonight," Dumbledore softly said, carefully placing the snow globe on his desk.
"Indeed, Headmaster," was Severus only reply.
"I feel it is my duty to tell you the truth regarding Miss Granger's sudden resignation," he said with a sad sigh, "you see, it had nothing to do with Potions, Severus, as you implied the other day at breakfast,"
"Wasn't it, Headmaster?" Severus asked, meeting Dumbledore's gaze.
"No, no, I am afraid it is a rather personal matter. One that I am not sure we should talk about lightly," he said gravely.
"I understand, Headmaster," Severus said with a tone of resignation in his voice. He was the best actor. He needed to be, for Hermione's sake.
"Nevertheless, she was your apprentice and I feel that you have a right to know. Poppy informed me two days ago that the Conception Charm was positive. She is pregnant,"
At this Severus faked surprise. Raising his left eyebrow slightly, he dared ask the question: "Do you know who the father is?"
Dumbledore sat back on his big Headmaster chair and let the tips of his fingers touch before giving him an answer.
"That is the matter I wanted to discuss with you the most, Severus," he finally said.
Severus swallowed. Could it be? Could it be that Hermione had confessed everything? How he had seduced her with inappropriate gifts, how they had interacted in an unprofessional manner, how he had forced himself on her? If she had, he couldn't blame her.
"I did not want to ask you such a personal question where others could overhear us which is why you are sitting in front of me right now. Tell me, my boy, have you noticed anything strange about Miss Granger? Has she gone out for long periods of time? Has she been upset?"
"Not that I recall, Headmaster," Severus said, frowning. What did that mean? Was Hermione unwell still? "I am afraid that Miss Granger's personal life is of little concern to me. I noticed nothing suspicious about Miss Granger's behavior,"
"I hardly think you are being honest, Severus," Dumbledore said, "After all, you have lived in very close quarters with Miss Granger for a considerable period of time. Are you telling me that her state of mind and body doesn't concern you in the least?"
"That is exactly what I'm saying, Headmaster," Severus said, avoiding Dumbledore's eyes this time and focusing, instead, on the snow globe on the table.
"I see," Dumbledore sadly said, "Miss Granger is unwell, still,"
At this, Severus swallowed hard. Turning his head so that he could look straight into Dumbledore's eyes, he asked, "Is there something with the foetus?"
"Foetus, Severus? I've always been concerned about your ability to detach yourself from your feelings…,"
"That child means nothing to me. As does Miss Granger,"
"I find that hard to believe. Why the sudden apprehension, then, regarding their health? Let me put your mind at ease; Miss Granger's child is perfectly alright as is she, for that matter,"
"You implied that she was still unrecovered from…," he said but was interrupted by his own guilt. It had been his abusive behaviour which had landed her in the Hospital Wing to begin with.
"She is physically fit to leave Hogwarts, Severus. Her mental health, however, leaves much to be desired. Minerva has a theory about a rogue Death Eater seducing Miss Granger into his bed. That would explain her long periods of silent meditation, her unwillingness to tell us any information on how her state came about and her refusal to eat,"
"If she detests her unborn that much, I am sure Poppy will see it in her heart to provide Miss Granger with an Abortive Potion,"
"I've gathered, from what Poppy has told me, that Miss Granger plans to keep her son,"
"A son?" Severus said, his heart beating entirely too fast.
"It is too soon to know yet, of course, but Madam Pomfrey has yet failed to be wrong about her hunches,"
"Is Poppy providing Hermione with the proper vitamins? I have a few phials in my private stores that I would be only too willing to …"
"Is it Hermione now?" Dumbledore asked with a wise small on his face, "I am afraid, though wonderful as your potions usually are, that Miss Granger isn't lacking on that department. She is, as Muggles would say, somewhat depressed. I am most sure that the reason behind her odd behaviour has a lot to do with the identity of the father of her child. You have a chance to help her, Severus?"
"My links to Miss Granger have been severed," he said standing up, "I cannot see what good I could do to her now,"
"Could you speak to her, at least?"
"I'll make a note of dropping by whenever I'm not busy," Severus said as he walked to the door.
"Are you busy now?" the Headmaster asked, standing up himself with the snow globe on his left hand-
Severus sighed. Dumbledore wasn't making it easy. What was he after? Severus could smell the intrigue behind the man's interrogation. Still, what could he possibly do besides manipulating him into visiting Miss Granger?
"I will speak to Miss Granger as soon as possible," he finally said with his right hand on the doorknob.
"I'll hold you to your word, Severus," Dumbledore said and raising his wand with his right hand he shouted, "Expelliarmus,"
"Dumbledore…," Severus shouted as he collapsed to the floor, "What is the meaning of this?"
"You promised," the old man said with a knowing smile, "Catch"
It was when Severus touched the snow globe with the tip of his fingers that he understood that he had underestimated Dumbledore's ability for coercion, after all.
A/N: I know. You hate me. I promised to finish this story before the new year and instead you haven't heard from me since. In my defence I've been away on holidays and busy with school …and it all made writing down chapter 11 ( AKA The Most Boring Chapter I've Ever Written) a bit harder. But here I am now! And I hope you see where this is going… Chapter 12 is going to ROCK YOUR SOCKS. I think the story will be finished in 15 chapters, give or take, so stay tunned for updates.
And, of course, review! You'll make my day and inspire me to write what happens next …did you guess it? The snow globe was a Portkey!