I churned this out in like two hours so I'm sorry if it sucks. But thank you all who continued to look at this and read it, especially for all that reviewed. However, I do want to address on specific review from a guest: It was regarding my summary, where they pointed out that Bella is turning out wrong sounds like that's in reference to her sexuality. I assure you it's not and I'm sorry it was received that way. I was saying how she's getting worse mentally. You don't have to support me or this story, just please do not assume that I am homophobic, because I assure you I am not. It hurts that it was implied that I was, and I hope I cleared the air for any present and future misunderstandings.

"And I cried. For myself. For this woman talkin' about love. For all the women who have ever stretched their bodies out anticipating civilization and finding ruins." - Sonia Sanchez, Homegirls and Handgrenades

Emmett comes home. Emmett comes home and Bella watches the words spill out of Alice's mouth, she watches her retell how Esme cried with joy, how Carlisle smiled and clapped his back. She watches her mouth form words but when she sees the letter R take place upon Alice's lips, she looks away. Looks away because she already knows the story. Already knows how Rosalie and Emmett locked eyes, disbelief present in those beautiful honey colored eyes.

He starts to apologize, says he regrets leaving, says he misses her. Please take me back, please, I'm nothing without you. And she does. Of course she does. She takes him back, love and hope in her eyes.

Everybody is happy once more. Everything is how it should be.

…

Bella watches the blood drip down her thighs.

Stupid. God you're so fucking stupid for hoping.

…

There's a different air at school the next day. And Bella already knows why.

Hushed whispers and surprised looks are tossed towards the Cullen's cars. Specifically towards the Jeep.

There he is. He's smiling, head thrown back in laughter at something Jasper said. Alice is smiling, Edward grins a pleasant smile, one that doesn't fill her with fear.

She doesn't dare look at the blonde by Emmett's side.

Bella hears the bell ring, sees them head inside, eyes on Emmett always. She stays in the car.

They didn't notice I was here. She thinks of their smiles, the relaxed shoulders. How they looked before she came into their lives.

Bella sighs rust and desperation out of her lungs. Shaking with unshed tears, she heads home.

…

They find her with alcohol on her breath.

"Bella?" Alice calls, concerned etched into her eyebrow. "Bella what the fuck?"

Bella slurs a laugh, bracing herself against the door frame. "H-Hello Cullens! Welcome to my humble home!" She stumbles over a pair of shoes. "Oh shit dick!"

Alice looks at Rosalie, accusation clear across her face that Rosalie takes heavy offense to.

"I didn't do anything, Alice! This is not my fault."

Bella sputters another laugh smacking her thighs, wincing. "God that hurts. Did y'all know-" She cuts herself off and mumbles something about an old lady falling in the streets.

"Bella, love ," Edward smiles, "I'm sorry I haven't been around, I know that you've missed me, but I'm here now. You don't have to get drunk just to show me how much you missed me."

She stops spinning, looking at him with something akin to fierce rage and disgust. Then, promptly proceeds to throw up all over his shoes.

…

She only vaguely registers somebody trying to remove her pants.

A horrified sob alerts her to who it was.

"Carlisle!"

…

"Bella," Carlisle pleads, sadness carving new pain into his eyes. "Why?"

She stares into the corner of the room. Doesn't answer. Doesn't speak.

He takes a shuddering breath. "You have eighty-five self harm cuts on your body, on your thighs Bella… Why? Why would you- Why?"

She opens her mouth, closes it. She doesn't know. She doesn't know.

If vampires could cry, she's sure Carlisle would be. And that hurts her more than the cuts on her body and the hangover she has from raiding Charlie's alcohol cabinet.

It's obvious he takes himself. Hates himself from not noticing her slipping into a forever darkness, hates himself for not stopping hr from folding into herself.

Carlisle leans forward and puts his hands in his face. Bella watches his shoulders shake with sorrow.

No matter what she does, she can't stop hurting people it seems.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers, "I'm so so sorry."

"Please tell me how I can help."

"I'm not sure you can." She sighs. "I'm forever living in that moment where I'm trying to tell a story and being talked over. I don't take up enough space, my voice isn't loud enough… I don't matter." I'm in love, love, love, with your daughter, I love, love, love her. I love her. I'm spilling like a river. I love her.

"Bella," Carlisle sobs, "you matter, you are loved, we love you. We love you."

Bella shakes her head. "I've hurt you all. Put you in danger. I'm still hurting you."

He doesn't listen to her. "How did we not notice, how did we not smell the blood?"

"I'm not enough, Carlisle. I've never been enough. I'm stuck behind this glass, and you guys can't hear, can't see me. I'm too small, I'm not enough."

"We love you." A plea.

"I'm pain. All I do it hurt you all."

…

Carlisle prescribed fluoxetine 20mg. Bella is to take this everyday in the evening. She is also to go and see a counselor once a week, twice if need be.

She sees the words drift out of Carlisle's mouth, she sees Charlie ask, Why? Why does my little girl need all this stuff?

Esme found a significant amount of self harm cuts on her thighs, I believe that this well help her on her way to become better.

Rosalie shifts away from her, guilt taking over her body. "Why didn't I notice?" She whispers to herself. Bella glances at her, hand moving in her direction.

"Where's Edward?" Bella asks instead.

"He's mad at Carlisle for doing this. He thinks that all you need is to talk to him and you'll be cured."

That doesn't surprise Bella. "I don't think I need this either."

"Hush, Bella."

…

"Bella?" Rosalie knocks at the window, it's three in the morning. "Can I come in?"

"Don't you have a husband to get to?"

Rosalie pauses, surveys Bella's face with confusion. "Did you forget that he divorced me..?"

Bella blushes, "No, but I thought that since he came back-"

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?"

"What-"

"Bella," Rosalie sighs, guides Bella towards her bed, "we aren't getting back together."

"I don't understand, why?"

She smoothed Bella's bangs away from her face. "We aren't mates."

Bella falls asleep with the feeling of lips pressed against her forehead.