Author's Note: I was going to wait until Christmas to publish this chapter, but I just couldn't wait. It took me a while to write, but hopefully you all like it. PLEASE leave reviews letting me know what you think.
Happy Holidays!
When Hermione and Harry left the common room, Harry noticed with sullen eyes that Hermione's head was dropped down, clenching her books tight, no joy or even excitement for learning to be found anywhere.
It had been a week since the incident, and Draco was still in the infirmary, and still unconscious. Madam Pomfrey had been working around the clock with McGonagall to try to figure out a way to help him, or even wake him.
An owl had been sent to his mother, and since she had no intentions of departing the Manor to go to the school, Narcissa asked McGonagall to keep her informed of her son's condition.
Hermione and Harry had been in to check on Draco so many times, Hermione finding time at least four times a day to visit. The first two days she had refused to leave his side, demanding that she be allowed to sleep in the infirmary in the cot beside him to keep watch on him. She had Harry bringing her the studies of the day so she could work from the hospital, but she soon found that she could not allow herself to fall behind, and decided, with much difficulty, to return to her normal studies and retire back to her dorm.
But all she ever thought about was him. He seemed so young and frail now, and every time she went to sleep she couldn't stop her thoughts from taking her to a gravestone that read the name she loved so dearly.
Hermione was broken inside. Everyone could tell. It was more than obvious. She who had never in her life neglected school work or found it boring now seemed distant and disinterested in everything. She hardly ate and hardly slept.
When she wasn't in the hospital wing, she was in the library, researching cures and whatever could help him but also studying the small book that Snape had given Draco. The book of spells. She refused to let it go to waste. She would read those pages over and over, but she always skipped over one page. The page that when the two had first found the book, Draco had cringed and explained to Hermione what had happened to him the summer prior.
Now he had to endure that pain all over again.
Hermione knew that Draco was strong. She knew that he could make it through this. At least, that's what her heart kept telling her. But the voice in her head continued to worsen her thoughts, and thus she had pushed everyone away, letting the fear control her.
Even still, when those moments did occur when she found herself in a slight high, her heart would comfort her, assuring her that Draco would wake up. That he'd be with her once more. But her main worry was not that he'd fail to wake up. It was whether he'd ever be the same.
She'd read many a book and documented the effects of the Cruciatus curse, and oftentimes, if the curse was strong enough, the victim would be torn apart inside, becoming just an empty shell of who they once were.
Hermione hoped and prayed to dear Merlin that her Draco would return to her safe and sound.
That was her one and only wish.
Having her Draco back was the only thing that she wanted for Christmas.
Blaise and Pansy sat at the Slytherin table with blank expressions, Blaise mindlessly poking at his food. He dropped his fork with a sigh, hanging his head. Pansy put her arm around him, scooting closer to him.
"I know you're worried. We all are. It...it's going to be okay, Blaise." She tried to comfort, but Blaise shook his head as he shoved her hand away.
"You don't know that." He muttered, then he looked up at the Gryffindor table to see the girl that Draco had been spending so much time with. Her eyes were red, her face defeated, her light gone. She just sat there, not even seeming to acknowledge that she was at the feast, the mountains of food before her, or her best friend trying to talk to her. She finally just stood up and walked out of the Great Hall, looking more bedraggled than Blaise or Pansy had ever seen her.
Blaise bit his lip, then stood up. Pansy grabbed his arm.
"Where are you going?" She asked, and Blaise sighed.
"I'm going to go talk to Granger. If she cares about Draco as much as I think she does, then we can sympathise for each other. I know she's scared. She needs comfort." He said, and Pansy nodded, letting go of his arm.
Blaise strode out of the Great Hall, looking up and down the corridors, then he saw the swish of a robe rounding a corner a ways down, and he ran to catch up with them. Running around the corner, he stopped when he saw the girl sitting on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest, sobbing.
Blaise bit his lip, then slowly walked over. "Granger?" He said softly, the girl's head snapping up, then her eyes widened when she saw the Slytherin crouched before her.
"What...what do you want?" She then raised her eyebrow. "Are you his friend?" She asked, and Blaise nodded.
"Yeah. I've known Draco for a long time. I'm Blaise Zabini, in case you didn't know." He let out a long breath, then sat down next to Hermione. "Look, I know you care about him. I do, too. He's almost like a brother. But...I'm scared." He murmured, making Hermione's eyes go wide.
"What?"
He nodded. "I'm scared. I don't know if he'll wake up, Granger. I know that he's been tortured by his father before, and not just with the curse." He said, making Hermione straighten up.
"What? You know about that?!" She exclaimed, and Blaise's expression turned morose.
"Yeah. I do. I also know about all the other times his father has punished him in one way or another for not following his exact orders. Draco, although he's always seemed like he's….well, I wouldn't exactly say 'happy' is the correct term, but inside he's always terrified, Granger." Blaise revealed, Hermione's eyes growing wider than dinner plates.
Blaise continued. "He's scared of what his father might do if he even steps out of line. Or at least, he always had been up until this year. Then a few weeks ago he told us that he was going to forget about his father, his name, and his family to become his own person. He's taking a huge risk, but he's determined to change." He said, and Hermione nodded.
"I know. I mean, I didn't know about the horrible things his father did to him, but I know that he's trying to change. I want to help him with that, Zabini. I want him to be able to feel free. And I think he's finally getting there." She then bit her lip as her throat started to close up.
"But...All I want now….All I want is to have him back. I care about him, and now he's…" She looked up into Blaise's brown eyes with tears running from her own.
"What do we do?" She asked, her voice cracking. Blaise sat quietly for a moment, then he put his arm around Hermione, shocking the girl, but then she leaned against him as her shoulders started to shake. Her cries echoed in the empty halls, the old stone corridors seeming more lonesome and cold than ever.
Hermione opened her eyes, turning to look out the large window at the end of the corridor. The snow falling outside, however beautiful it was, only brought pain to her as she took a shaky breath.
"It's only two days until Christmas. I thought for sure that Draco and I would be...well…" She shook her head away from the small slip as Blaise's curiosity grew. Hermione just leaned her head back against the wall. "I just want him back. I want to be able to spend Christmas with him. But...it's been two and a half weeks, Zabini. However much hope I try to give myself, it keeps dwindling away to nothing. At this point…" She stopped herself, and Blaise sighed.
"You'd rather he die than have to suffer through this?" He said without realising it, then looked down as Hermione's head snapped up, then she frowned. After a moment, she nodded very slightly, and Blaise closed his eyes.
"He's strong, but I don't know, Granger. I don't know if Draco can claw his way out of this one." He said slowly. Hermione shook her head, then stood up.
"I...I can't just sit around. I'm going to go to the infirmary, at least he'll have someone there with him on Christmas." She said, and Blaise raised his eyebrow.
"You're going to stay in the hospital for the next two days?" He wondered, and Hermione nodded.
"Yes. I won't leave him." She started down the hall, then looked over her shoulder.
"Happy Christmas, Blaise."
When Hermione walked into the infirmary, Madame Pomfrey looked up, then her gaze softened as she met the beaten eyes of the young girl.
"Miss Granger." She looked down at the boy she was tending. "Here to see Mr Malfoy?" She asked, and Hermione nodded as she sat down on the cot beside Draco's. She bit her lip as she stared at his closed eyes, his hardly breathing form. She tried to push back the tears, but they emerged anyway.
She raised her eyes to Madame Pomfrey. "Has anything changed? Do you know if he's going to wake up?" She asked the same question she had asked numerous times before. Madame Pomfrey shook her head.
"I'm afraid not. He has slightly improved over the past two days," She started, making Hermione's head raise, her chest lifting in small hope. Madame Pomfrey then frowned. "But...I don't know when he'll wake up if he does." She said softly, immediately destroying Hermione's hope.
The girl sighed, then nodded. After a moment she looked up at the nurse. "May I...may I stay here until Christmas? For the next two days, I mean. I can't leave him." She asked, and Madame Pomfrey nodded.
"Of course. I'll make your bed up." She said, and Hermione smiled slightly, standing up from the bed to sit on the edge of Draco's bed, taking his hand in hers. She felt the slow, faint pulse, and her lip quivered.
She pet his hair softly as she memorised every detail of his face, even though she already knew even the smallest marks and lines. "Don't leave me, Draco...I don't know what I'll do without you...I'm barely hanging on as it is…" She murmured, tears dripping from her chin to fall onto Draco's cheek.
Madame Pomfrey lightly touched Hermione's shoulder, and the girl turned her head. The woman smiled at her kindly.
"You can stay here, Miss Granger. I know how much you care for him." She said, and Hermione nodded. She shrugged off her robe, hugging herself tight as she sat down across from Draco, refusing to take her eyes away from him.
After what felt like hours, and long after the castle candles had been snuffed, Hermione finally laid back in bed, pulling the sheets up to hold tight. Staring at the silhouette of the boy in the cot, she felt her cheeks were wet as tears started to dampen her pillow. Turning over, she closed her eyes tight, praying for everything to be okay.
The next morning, she woke early, sitting up with a stretch, then glancing over only for her shoulders to drop as she stared at the young boy next to her.
She felt helpless. She had felt helpless for almost three weeks now. And today was Christmas Eve. Today and tomorrow were supposed to be days of joy and celebration, but she found in her heart absolutely nothing to celebrate about.
She forced herself to get up, pulling on her robes. She walked up to the Gryffindor dorm, went into her room quietly so as not to wake the others, then grabbed her scarf, mittens, and hat, leaving her school robes as she wrapped herself in her warm jacket. Walking back down the many staircases, she made her way outside, where she found it snowing lightly, the day already bright. She stared up at the light grey clouds that covered the sky, the blue hidden behind it.
She sighed, then walked to the owlery, the snow increasing her mood slightly. The beauty of it was something that had stunned Hermione since she was a little girl, and it still did today, despite the despair that held her.
Walking up the stone steps, when she went into the owlery she saw the great Eagle Owl immediately. Walking over to Xavier, she sighed, reaching her hand out. She knew that Draco's owl would not attack her. He'd met her before. Xavier let her stroke his feathers, cooing as he tilted his head. Hermione bit her lip.
"I'm sorry Draco hasn't been to see you...but I'm here to take care of you. Don't worry. I...I'll take care of Draco too. As much as I can."
Xavier cawed, and Hermione held out her arm, letting the huge owl step onto it. She walked outside with him, then lifted her arm, letting Xavier spread his great brown and white feathered wings. He pushed off, then soared into the sky, letting himself glide on the wind. Hermione watched with a smile as she walked down the steps to sit on a large rock, staring up at the bird.
He flew gracefully, the snowflakes around him bringing out the beautiful brown patterns in his wings and body even more. He rode the wind freely, and Hermione felt herself growing happier. Just being able to have a part of Draco with her, even just his owl, it made her feel better.
Just at that thought, Xavier swooped down to land next to her, then he gently pushed her arm with his head, letting out a small chirping noise. Hermione smiled, stroking his head softly.
"Thank you." She said, sighing as she closed her eyes. Looking up at the sky, parts of the blue started to show with the sun rays splitting the clouds.
Hermione blinked back the few tears in her eyes, then a voice made her head turn.
"Hermione?"
Harry walked over to her as Hedwig landed on his shoulder. He met her eyes, the snowflakes dotting his messy hair. Hermione lent him a small smile.
"Happy Christmas Eve, Harry." She said, and Harry nodded. Looking up at the sky, he let out a breath.
"I know this is hard for you, Hermione. And I know that I'm the only one who knows about you and Draco being together, so I really do understand how much this has been affecting you. But you're not alone." He said, finally turning his head back to her. "I'm here for you." He said as he sat down.
Xavier and Hedwig cooed at each other, then accepted each other's presence. Harry nodded at Xavier.
"Draco's owl likes you?" He asked, and Hermione nodded.
"He's a sweet owl. Besides, if…." Her voice faltered for a moment. "...If Draco doesn't wake up, he'll need someone to take care of him." She barely said, making Harry's throat tighten. He put his arm around Hermione, then hugged her tight.
"It's going to be okay, Hermione. I know it is. I can feel it." He said, and Hermione nodded into his shoulder.
"I'm trying to have hope, Harry. I'm really trying. Draco is my everything, and I'm just afraid that if I lose him, I'll lose myself." She shook her head. "I just can't let him go." Her voice shook, and Harry leaned his head on top of hers, feeling the cold snow that had collected in spots on her knit hat.
"I know." He whispered as he rubbed Hermione's back. Hedwig and Xavier both took to the sky, soaring around in the still falling snow. Harry watched them for a moment, then closed his eyes, hugging Hermione tighter. "I know."
After the pair spent an hour or two talking and letting the owls fly free, Hermione finally decided to go back to be with Draco. She let Xavier back to the owlery, his screeching protests making her sigh.
She slowly walked back to the castle, the just fallen snow making everything seem fresh and new, the world silent. She tucked her hands in her pockets, wishing that warm hand was holding hers as they would have walked together.
She reached the infirmary, brushing the snow off of her shoulders as she walked in. She raised her eyebrow when she saw Madame Pomfrey fussing over Draco, and Hermione immediately ran over.
"What's wrong? Is he okay?" She questioned, but Madame Pomfrey met the girl's eyes with a smile.
"Calm down, Miss Granger. He seems to be improving. His colour is much better than yesterday, his breathing is getting back to normal, and even his whole being seems to be brighter." She informed, and Hermione's light shone a little more.
"So...he's getting better?" She asked with a crack in her voice. Madame Pomfrey nodded, and Hermione fell back onto her bed with a sigh.
Madame Pomfrey put her hand on the girl's shoulder.
"Miss Granger, I will watch over Mr Malfoy. Why don't you go get something to eat. It is Christmas Eve. The warm eggnog will be out, and it would do you some good to get out in the castle again." She said, and Hermione hesitated for a moment, then nodded.
She stood and started out of the infirmary when she saw someone standing in the doorway, seeming to be waiting for...her?
As she drew closer, she saw it was Blaise Zabini, and the Slytherin smiled at her when she met his eye.
"Hello, Granger." He said, receiving a slight nod from her. He looked over her shoulder. "How's he doing?" He asked, and Hermione then smiled.
"He's getting better, Blaise. He's better than he was yesterday, and Madame Pomfrey said overall he just seems to be coming back." She replied, and Blaise grinned.
"That's good. Join me in the Great Hall?" He offered, and Hermione nodded. They walked to the Great Hall together, finding that not that many students were there. Quite a few had gone home for the holidays, leaving only a small amount left.
They both sat down at the middle of one of the tables, Blaise starting for the freshly baked cinnamon rolls while Hermione slowly took a sip of eggnog. She looked up at the magnificently decorated tree, at least thirty feet tall. Beautiful tinsel wrapped around it and glowing candles hovered on scattered branches. Snow fell from the enchanted ceiling of the Great Hall, matching that which sparkled on the fir of the tree.
She smiled at the warmth of the room, the roaring fire to the side of the room providing an occasional crackle of sparks. The hundreds of candles that floated above the tables gave a nice light, and Hermione closed her eyes as she smelled the sweet scent of Treacle Tarts and fresh cocoa.
Blaise glanced to the side at her, then grinned when he saw her smile. "Hey." He said, grabbing her attention. Hermione raised her eyebrow, and Blaise smiled kindly.
"Happy Christmas Eve." He spoke, and Hermione nodded with a small smile.
"To you as well, Blaise. I don't know why, but I just have a really good feeling about it, even though...even though Draco isn't here." She said, and Blaise sighed as he put down his goblet.
"You really do care about him, don't you?" He asked, and Hermione gave him a shocked look.
"Why else do you think I've been spending all my time in the infirmary. I have to look after him!" She exclaimed, then she took a breath to settle herself down. "He needs someone to care for him, Blaise. I'm happy to be that someone. If it means making him happy and seeing him smile, then that's a gift right there." She said, then turned her head with a smile.
"Draco is lucky to have a friend like you, Blaise. You care for him as well."
The Slytherin boy smirked. "Only enough that I'm willing to put up with him." He remarked, and the two started laughing.
Hermione felt all pain wash away, and for the first time since Draco's injury, she felt truly happy.
After a long time of talking about Draco, their studies, and Christmas, Blaise and Hermione parted ways, Hermione returning to the infirmary. She sat down on her bed, pulling one of her many books from her bag to read. Glancing over, she smiled as she reached and stroked Draco's hair gently.
"I'll always be here for you, Draco," She murmured, then she sat back with her book in hand, opening it to enjoy for the rest of the night. She looked out the window to see it still snowing in the evening light, and she smiled at the peacefulness. An hour or two later, she finally put down her book as the candles started to be put out, laying back and closing her eyes.
Taking a deep breath, she imagined having her precious boy next to her, holding her tight, and she opened her eyes to look over at the boy laid across from her.
She smiled in the dark, reaching to take his hand.
"Happy Christmas, Draco."
Hermione woke to the faint sound of carolling and the bright morning light of snow.
She also felt a hand on her shoulder, and she blinked back the tiredness in her eyes.
"I'm getting up, Madam Pomfrey-"
The hand squeezed her shoulder, and she turned over only for her eyes to grow wider than she ever thought. She stared into the faint grey-blue eyes that smiled at her, then the blonde rubbed her cheek softly.
The girl stared, unable to form any words except one that barely escaped her lips.
"Draco…" She uttered, and a tear ran down his cheek as he took her hand.
"Happy Christmas, Hermione."