Hermione woke slowly, with the queasy uneasy feeling already settling heavy in her stomach. She led still for a moment, her eyes closed and her breathing deep and even, as she tried to quell at least some of her regret, and determine whether or not Severus was in the bed. Turning her head slightly, she opened her eyes and saw that he was. He was led on his back with his arms spread wide as if in surrender, his mouth open slightly, and the sheets only covering up to his hips, leaving the white expanse of his chest open to the chilly air. Taking advantage of these unguarded moments, Hermione's eyes scanned over the part of his body that was exposed to the cold air. His chest slowly rose and fell and Hermione was struck with the desire to place her hand on it; she gave a sigh and shook her head disappointedly.
Slowly and carefully, Hermione sat and climbed out of the bed. She grabbed a grey dressing gown that was flung over a nearby chair in order to protect her modesty; scrambling around for her clothes, when she wanted to escape quickly without waking Snape, was not a good idea. The dressing gown was, of course, too big for her, but it was fit for the time being and she knotted the tie loosely. Quietly, Hermione went out onto the landing and descended the stairs, heading directly to the kitchen. For a moment, she stopped, leaning against the wood of the door frame and looking at the room. At a glimpse to anyone who did not know their situation, they would have presumed that she and Severus were a couple, that much Hermione knew. The kitchen was a scene of homely domesticity; the pile of newspapers in the corner, a half-drunk cup of tea on the small table, flowers growing in a small tub on the windowsill. Even though they had not been there since Christmas, it still looked very much like a well-loved home. But what was it really? Hermione could not answer that.
With a sigh, she walked slowly through to the sitting room, where she sat on the seat that Snape usually chose. She put her feet up on the cushion, resting her chin on her knees and wrapping her arms around them. It was cold in the room, but she had left her wand upstairs and so was unable to build a fire in the grate. Hermione leant back and rested her head against the back of the chair, closing her eyes and taking some deep breaths. She dreaded the moment that Snape woke, dreaded the conversation that they would have to have because, simply putting it, Hermione had no idea what to say. She did not regret what they had done, not really, but she was terrified that he would; she knew that, if he felt a small inkling of guilt, he would be distraught. Lily. She had once meant so little to Hermione, simply known to her as Harry's mother that died to save him, but now...now she seemed to be everywhere, and it sickened Hermione that she was slowly beginning to loathe someone she had never met, someone who had died when she was just a baby. It wasn't right, and she could not let it continue.
A creaking of the floorboards distracted her, and Hermione opened her eyes slowly to see Snape standing in the doorway. She was surprised to see him so casually dressed; he was wearing nothing but black pyjama trousers, even his feet were bare. Hermione swallowed slightly, waiting for him to speak.
"Good morning, Miss Granger."
"Hermione." She corrected forcefully, before quietly adding "last night, you called me Hermione."
She shuddered with pleasure at the recollection. His voice had been deeper and husky as his lips brushed tenderly across her neck. He had groaned her name with every time he had thrust deep inside her. She looked up at him, her cheeks flushed, and saw in his eyes that he was recollecting too. She bit her lip and looked at the floor, her entire body tensing as he stepped towards her. She gave a breathy sigh as he placed a finger beneath her chin, tilting her head and forcing her to look at him.
"Good morning, Hermione." She blushed as she turned her head away; unable to look at him, knowing what she was about to say.
"I can't do this." She whispered quietly. "Last night was a mistake." Snape dropped his hand and stepped backwards, a sneer spreading across his face. The change in his demeanour was startling.
"I see. Woke up this morning and remembered that I was your potions professor, old enough to be your father and a murderous Death Eater, did you?"
"No." Hermione argued, looking up and staring him directly in the eye. "It's nothing to do with who you are; any...anything I felt yesterday, I still feel now."
"Then what reason is behind this misguided show of Gryffindor nobility?" Hermione gave a tired sigh.
"Lily." Snape physically recoiled at the sound of her name on Hermione's lips. "You see, your reaction to her name is enough to tell me that I have made the right decision. You loved...love her, Severus, and I am fully aware that I cannot compete with that nor, do I think, I even want to try."
"I do not think that my past is any of your concern."
"Perhaps," Hermione replied thoughtfully, "in ordinary circumstances, you would be right, but I think it is very much my concern when I know that it is going to hurt me."
Hermione stood up, folding her arms across her chest and taking a deep breath to steady herself. She looked up at Snape, who seemed to be staring at a spot on the wall as if willing himself to disappear. Hermione longed to know what he was thinking, wished that he would tell her, but she knew that he would not. Tentatively, she reached out and placed a hand on his arm.
"I do have feelings for you Severus, in spite of all that I've said and all that you think, but I believe it to be for the best if we just...forget that last night ever happened. I hope that you can...can try to understand why, and that one day you...you might be able to leave Lily Potter where she belongs...the past." Hermione walked past him and left the room, shutting the door behind her carefully as she went.
Severus continued to stare at the wall for a moment, before the trance suddenly seemed to snap. He lurched forwards and grabbed the nearest object, a vase that stood on the mantelpiece, before throwing it angrily at the wall, enjoying the sound and the sight of it smashing into tiny pieces. He stumbled over to a small chest of drawers that stood in the corner, wrenching open the top one and taking out a torn photograph. He had stolen it from Grimmauld Place, the night after he had killed Dumbledore. It was a picture of Lily; judging by the letter with which he had found it, it had been taken shortly before she was killed. She looked so beautiful, standing in the sunlight and smiling up at him. Looking at that picture, Severus could see now that Hermione really was nothing like her. She had something warm about her, something that Lily had never possessed or, if she did, had never shown to Severus. He threw the picture to one side in disgust with himself; knowing that, once again, his past had destroyed any hope he had had for a future.
They returned to Hogwarts that afternoon in stony silence. Snape would barely look at Hermione, let alone speak to her, but she could understand why. She knew that she had hurt him, and Hermione was truly sorry for it, but she did believe that it was best for both of them in the long run. As soon as they arrived back at the office, Hermione shouted for Phineas. The former headmaster appeared in his portrait looking somewhat disgruntled.
"Why on earth are you hollering for me?"
"Harry, Ron...are they alright?" She gasped. She could not believe that she had forgotten them both so quickly, but she had been so preoccupied with other things. Phineas frowned slightly.
"Of course they are! Escaped that ghastly place with ease apparently; managed to rescue that old miser Ollivander, some slightly crazy blonde girl, a goblin and a house elf! Although, regrettably, the house elf died!"
"Luna!" Hermione gasped happily. "It must be Luna! But who was the house elf?"
"Oh, I don't know! It began with a D. Donny or Dolly or something like that."
"Dobby?" Hermione whispered quietly.
"Yes, that's the one! Potter was heartbroken, dug a grave for him with his own bare hands apparently!"
Hermione had never felt so distant from her friends than she did at that moment. Dobby was dead, and she could only imagine the pain that Harry must have been feeling. Did they ever wonder where she was, did they ever think that they needed her? Hermione needed them just then; a warm hug from Harry or Ron would have made her feel so much better, about everything. Of course, the very idea of explaining to them why she was so upset made her laugh out loud; they would have been disgusted, repulsed, and she certainly would have had two less friends afterwards. Hermione gave a fatigued sigh as Snape brushed through the office, presumably on some business in some other part of the castle. Hermione looked up to see Dumbledore peering at her.
"What happened, Miss Granger? Between you and Severus?"
"I...I would rather not say." Hermione replied nervously, fiddling with her robes. "But I know that I've hurt him...I am convinced that it is for the best, however, Lily is still..."
"You ought not to worry about Lily, Miss Granger."
"How can you say that?" Hermione asked, laughing incredulously. "You of all people know that she is an intrinsic part of Severus; indeed, you have used and manipulated that fact for the past twenty or so years!"
"Miss Granger!" Dumbledore exclaimed in offended disbelief.
"You cannot deny it! Severus has never been permitted to forget, to move on, and now he feels that he never shall! He believes that his devotion to Lily is the only reason worth keeping him alive, and you helped and encouraged him to think that! I see that that is not true, I could have helped him, but the bind that you have forced upon him is too strong!"
"How dare you speak to me in that way, Miss Granger?"
"I do dare, because you may have learnt how to control Severus, but you shall never have a hold over me."
Later that evening, Severus returned to his office after hours of stalking the castle alone. He did not have anything to do elsewhere, no one to see, but he had simply had no desire to be in the company of Hermione Granger. He could not say that he was angry at her, not truly, for he knew that he was entirely to blame for the situation in which he found himself. This was not the first time that he had come close to...loving someone? He supposed that, in this circumstance, love was a little too pre-emptive, but nevertheless he did have feelings for Hermione Granger. Yet every time he tried to develop any kind of relationship with someone else, Lily always rose between them, like an invisible spectre who consumed his entire life. Last time he had had feelings for someone, he had stopped himself out of sheer guilt for betraying Lily, but this time...well Hermione had simply seen it before he had even realised himself.
When he entered the office, every single one of the portraits was in uproar, shouting and arguing, rowing across the room. Only Dumbledore was silent, staring directly at Snape with a harsh look upon his face. Severus stopped, looking around for any sign of Hermione.
"What is the matter? What happened?"
"You have a fierce defender in Miss Granger, Severus." Snape frowned, resting his hand upon the desk.
"What are you talking about, Albus? I am in no mood for your cryptic riddles this afternoon."
"Miss Granger suddenly became rather incensed this afternoon, and accused me of using your love for Lily Potter as a means by which to control you. I am curious to hear, Severus, if you share this opinion with her."
"I do not." He replied stiffly. "I hold myself entirely responsible for...for everything."
"Then I implore you, Severus, accept that it is the past and move on." Dumbledore sighed wearily. "I do not know what passed between you and Miss Granger, but I fear it will only be resolved if you learn to say goodbye to Lily...You too deserve a future..."
"But I shall not have one." Severus barked. "And you knew that from the start. I do not wish for a moment to linger on what occurred between Miss Granger and I, for it is ridiculous to focus my energy on things that shall not change. My only concern is to end this with as few people dead as possible, and to ensure that Potter survives at the end of it."
The weeks passed slowly and solemnly at Hogwarts, now that Hermione and Snape were no longer talking. They were civil to one another, of course, when the occasion called for it, but Hermione preferred not to be in any room at the same time as Severus. She was terrified of what her feelings would lead her to say or do; she had already lost her temper with Dumbledore, and now she was wary of conversing with him too. Hogwarts was truly a lonely place. In her solitude, Hermione could not help but think about what might happen to her, if Harry was to be unsuccessful and the Death Eaters won. She could imagine Severus telling her to leave, casting her out onto the street to try and fend for herself or, perhaps worse yet, he would take care of her forever, and she would be forced to face how she felt every day for the rest of her life.
On the morning of the first of May, Hermione woke up with a peculiar feeling in her stomach. She was not certain of the cause behind it, but she was unable to shake it as she climbed out of bed and got dressed for the day. When Hermione walked through to the sitting room, she was already able to hear a loud muttering of discussion in the office. She stepped in, only to see Severus reading a letter with a look of concern upon his face; Dumbledore was also wearing a similar expression of anxiety.
"What's happened?" Hermione asked.
"Potter and Weasley broke into Bellatrix's vault at Gringott's." Snape explains. "They stole the final Horcrux, which had been placed there by the Dark Lord for safe-keeping."
"I don't understand." Hermione said. "What does that mean?"
"There are only two Horcruxes remaining." Dumbledore said. "One is always by Tom's side, and the other...the other is here, at Hogwarts."
"They'll...they'll be coming here?" Hermione whispered. "Does that mean it is almost –"
"The end." Snape muttered hoarsely. Hermione felt the blood drain from her face, and frowned with confusion as Snape lurched forwards and grabbed her hand. It was the first physical contact they had shared since that night, almost two months before, and it made Hermione's head spin. He flashed a look at Albus, the meaning of which Hermione was not sure, before dragging her through to the sitting room. He motioned for her to sit down, before slamming the door shut and sound-proofing it.
"What's going on?" Hermione asked. "You're frightening me."
"It is time, I believe, to tell you everything. I know Albus would not approve however; apparently, you are no longer in his good graces." He smirked, and Hermione gave a small smile.
"No, I suppose you could say that I'm no longer as fond as the headmaster's scheming as I might once have been."
"You must be quiet now and listen carefully, try to understand everything I tell you." Hermione nodded. "Potter will soon be coming to Hogwarts and, when he does, the Dark Lord will know that Harry is on the trail of his Horcruxes. He will come here, as will the rest of the Death Eaters."
"And then we fight."
"Yes, but first...you see, the Deathly Hallows are real. Potter is currently in possession of Death's invisibility cloak, and the Dark Lord recently stole the Elder Wand from Albus' grave. Unbeknownst to Potter, he is also in possession of the Resurrection Stone. Do you remember that he inherited the snitch from Dumbledore? The Stone is concealed inside it, and will only be opened at the close."
"But what is the close?" Hermione asked. "Harry and I tried everything when Scrimgeour first gave it to him, and we couldn't figure it out."
"Potter...he...Potter has to die." Hermione felt as if the room was swimming in front of her, as if all of the air had been sucked out of the room. She refused to believe him, refused to acknowledge that Harry had to die after all, despite all of his struggles. She shook her head, feeling a tear streaking down her cheek although she hadn't even known that she was crying.
"Why?" She whispered, her voice choked.
"When Potter defeated him, all those years ago, the Dark Lord accidentally placed a part of his soul inside Harry. Harry is a Horcrux – that explains his ability to speak Parseltongue, and why there was such a close connection between their minds...why their wands would not work against one another."
"But...I don't..." Hermione shook her head. "Who will defeat him if Harry is dead?"
"Albus will not tell me the finer details, but he leads me to believe that Potter will not really die." He shook his head. "I cannot understand how, but he assures me that his plan has made it so that – "
"His...his plan?" Hermione hissed, leaping to her feet. "He has intended Harry to die all along? What...what kind of a man is he? He is no better than You-Know-Who himself!"
"Potter is not the only man whom Albus intends to die." Hermione knew instantly who he was talking about, and allowed her eyes to flutter closed as the room blurred in front of her once more.
"No..." She said angrily. "No! I won't let him, I won't let him end your life after he has so spectacularly ruined it!" Hermione withdrew her wand and began to stride towards the office, intent on destroying the portrait, but Snape stopped her.
"I do not intend to die either, Hermione." She swallowed. "But I need you to help me."
"How?" He reached into his pocket, and Hermione watched carefully as he withdrew a small vial, she held out her hand and he placed it on the palm. "What is it?"
"Anti-venom."
"I don't understand."
"There is only a small chance that you will have to use this, but I am firm in my suspicions that you will. I cannot tell you when exactly, for I am uncertain, but you will know. Make sure Potter is there, when it happens." Hermione shook her head.
"I can't do it, Severus." She pleaded. "I can't do this knowing that you will...that he will...let's just run away somewhere, disappear! We can use the potion you made, assume entirely new identities and just run away. No one need know..." Hermione was surprised when Snape laughed, before gently placing a hand on her cheek.
"Could you really do that?" He asked her quietly. "Would you really run away from Potter, from all of your other friends, to save someone as insignificant as me?"
"Yes!" Hermione blurted. "Yes, I would."
"But I know you will not. Not least because I would not let you, but also because I know you better. You are loyal to a fault, and I have never seen Hermione Granger turn her back on a challenge." She smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry, you know, about – "
"Don't." He replied, holding up a hand to silence her. "If it will help to ease your mind a little, I have recently come to understand something."
"What?" Hermione whispered.
"You are, in truth, not as similar to Lily as I thought you were. You once said to me that you would, unlike Lily, never turn your back on a friend – I know this to be true. And now...at the first sign of trouble, Lily and James Potter buried their heads and hid, anything to avoid facing their greatest fears, but you...you Hermione...you will stand and fight for what you believe."
A/N: As usual, in the world of fanfic, not everything goes exactly to plan! A lot of time passed in that chapter, hope it didn't seem to rushed or hurried. Many thanks to all those who reviewed the last chapter - please do the same for this one, it really makes me smile! :) Thanks!