Disclaimer: Not mine…thanks for letting us borrow it Stephenie :-P

A/N: Sorry & Surprise! This one is kind of a monster too. Lots and lots to get through before we get to the good stuff unfortunately. I'm glad that I got this out earlier than intended (my clock on my laptop says 2:02AM). Apparently I just don't sleep anymore. I could've waited until tomorrow, but hopefully this will be a nice surprise in your inboxes. :-) Oddly enough, I was watching a lot of "Family Guy" when I worked on the majority of this chapter. And you guys in the Western half of the U.S. (since I hear they don't exist past Arizona), have you guys seen the Jack in the Box commercial for the mini buffalo ranch chicken sandwich with the song & dance? It's fricking stuck in my head and irritates the crap out of me.

As always, ajenc, thank you for all your help. I hope this lives up to your expectations.

xXiStillLoveHimXx- thank you for your reviews! : - )

Homebody and Lissa10590, I hope you're still with me.

And everyone else too, thanks for reading and checking this out.

Unrelated but ~*drool*~ I saw "Public Enemies" tonight (and that has left me wide awake now)! Gangster Johnny Depp = WOW. In Hollywood there is only one man I love more than Rob Pattinson and that is Johnny Depp (sorry Rob, but I've been infatuated with Johnny since I was 9 years old). Thumbs up to "Public Enemies". And I saw "17 Again" for a dollar. It was totally worth it. :-) Right...moving on...

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating

I've shared what I've made

I'm strong on the surface

Not all the way through

I've never been perfect

But neither have you

So if you're asking me I want you to know

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

Don't resent me and when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well

Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself

I can't be who you are

-Linkin Park, "Leave Out All the Rest"

Chapter 10: Leave Out All the Rest

BPOV (finally eh?)

Even across an entire continent, I couldn't escape the gray skies that clouded the sunshine. I guess the weather was appropriate for a dismal morning like this. It was cruel for me to send E.J. to school yesterday and today. He cried again last night for his daddy and I barely held it together while I tried to soothe him and tuck him in. I ignored all the phone calls and text messages I got today from Angela, Rose, and Emmett. Even Ben called, but I think that might've just been Angela trying from another number. I only spoke to Angela this morning when she came to take E.J. to school for me. I told her I just needed time to be alone and think. I could tell she was hesitant about leaving me alone, but she agreed.

I don't know why I never figured that one day I might run into Edward somewhere in the city. I almost fainted when I saw him at the party for "Izzie McCarty". After that first time at Emmett's gym, I never returned there again, instead having a mini gym put into my two-story penthouse. Then after I saw Edward and Alice at the store that first time I avoided that place too, that is until we were driving by after a meeting downtown and I saw my painting through the window. I couldn't believe it. I knew Edward had painted it and I was completely beside myself. I couldn't let someone else buy it so I made Angela go in, originally telling her that it was creepy some stranger had painted a picture of me.

Of course Angela was pissed off at me when she came back to the car. Especially after I let her know that I knew this was Edward's store. I told her I would make it up to her and go in and buy it myself. It was so much easier when I was text messaging her, and she was surprised I was willing to finally face Edward. I was upset knowing that Edward had painted a portrait of me, especially when I thought he didn't want me anymore. So upset that I wanted to demand answers from him the next day when I picked up the painting, but when it was only Alice in the store that day, I chickened out, panicked, and introduced myself as Izzie McCarty instead. I couldn't reveal myself as Bella Swan to anyone but Edward.

The reason I chose my anonymity was so that I could protect E.J. from any potential unwanted media attention and try to give him a "normal" life. I really thought that Edward wouldn't want either one of us, and I REALLY didn't want him to see my picture or a picture of E.J. and then find out that he had a son that way. Anyone could tell that he was Edward's son and I couldn't ruin the happy life I had always assumed Edward had been leading since I left him.

I tried to replay his words in my head:

"This means nothing without you!"

"Everything I've achieved in this life meant nothing without you to share it with!"

"You were my everything Bella! I love you and you left me when I needed you more than anything!"

"You think that I don't want you?"

"You think that I wouldn't want my own SON?! He's my son Bella! How could you keep him from me!"

"Were you ever going to tell me?"

"You were never going to tell me were you? You were never going to tell me that I had a son?!"

I let out a strangled sob and as the clouds outside opened up and as the rain poured down, my own tears began to flow down my cheeks. Edward was right…I was probably never going to tell him that he had a son. I probably would've kept up with the letter charade, hoping that eventually E.J. would grow tired of it. I don't know what I would've done when E.J. would have eventually started asking if we could go visit his daddy in Paris. I was so scared that Edward would never want E.J. I would hurt forever knowing that he didn't want me, but I would live. I couldn't live with myself if he didn't want E.J. though.

Clearly I was grossly misled. Edward hadn't moved on and claimed that he was not happy, and this life he built for himself meant nothing without me. I wanted to believe him…I wanted to believe him so badly. But the fury in his eyes when he accused me of thinking he wouldn't want E.J. kept me from believing him. I had never seen Edward so mad in my life. I don't know why I would've expected anything less. It was really so much less than I deserve for being a coward and a fool and hiding E.J. from him. The look in his eyes told me that he would never forgive me, and it shattered my heart.

Memories were my worst enemy these past 6 years…and surely they were Edward's as well. I always questioned my decision to leave him the journals. I sighed. It was my last selfish act and I didn't want Edward to forget me. I had wanted so badly for Edward to know that I loved him for such a long time. Now I wished that he would forget how much I hurt him and how much I said that I loved him in those journals. But I knew that Edward would never forget the hurt that I caused him these past 6 years, and I would never forget the pain of the regret and cowardice that I felt.

My head snapped to the direction of my office door when I heard the front door to the penthouse open. I hastily wiped the tears from my cheeks. I had told everyone to leave me alone today, and there were really only two people who would ignore my request. And they were two VERY different people. I was either preparing myself for an all out verbal war with Emmett, or bawling my eyes out with Angela. Neither was very appealing. The door to my office flung open and I shrank back in my seat. I wasn't prepared for this at all.

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT!"

Good lord, it was Rosalie McCarty, and she was coming out swinging. Battling with Emmett was one thing, but Rosalie was downright scary sometimes. Lord help me now, because she's never directed this side of her towards me. She marched straight up to me and I shrank even deeper into the window seat.

"Bella, I've bought your crap for years! 'Think about E.J. Rose!' 'I can't hurt E.J.' Bullshit Bella!"

The tears started to stream down my cheeks and I couldn't stop them at all. I remained silent. Rosalie had fought with Emmett often when the threat to tell Edward the truth came up. I knew Rose had a soft spot where E.J.'s well-being was concerned, and it was wrong for me to play on that concern for all these years because I was too much of a coward to face the truth.

"I'm sorry Rose…" I whimpered.

"Sorry?!" she yelled back, "Don't you apologize to me Bella! YOU think about E.J.! He's hurting so much Bella! He finally met his daddy! DO NOT take them away from each other!"

That was all it took for me to snap. Had I stayed sane and moping and crying, I never would've talked back to Rosalie ever.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?!"

Rose actually took a step back looking shocked. Even when I got into my battles with Emmett, I never screamed like that. She quickly composed herself.

"FIX IT Bella! I've stood by long enough. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how long I've been lying to Edward. Not only Edward but Alice and Jasper! Alice is one of my best friends Bella! Bella, Emmett and I have almost fallen apart because of all of this!"

I blanched at her last words. I never knew that.

"W-wh-what?" I stuttered out.

Rose looked at me hard before nodding, "I'm not going to lie Bella. When Emmett came back from Forks after your dad's funeral, he was staying in a hotel. I told him we had to tell Edward. He refused, saying he couldn't break that promise to you. I know you two think that you are all each other have or whatever, but come on Bella! Aren't E.J. and I your family now too? Shouldn't we be taken into consideration in the decisions you and Emmett make?"

I sniffled and nodded.

"And Bella, whether you like it or not, Edward is a part of this family now too. He's E.J.'s daddy."

I opened my mouth to speak but Rose cut me off.

"No Bella. You know I'm right. You told me yourself the other night, you said you're still in love with Edward. He's E.J.'s dad and that makes him family. Bella, I will not let this family fall apart."

I sniffled and whispered, "What if Edward wants nothing to do with us?"

"Are you fucking KIDDING me?!" Rose yelled, "Bella, I've seen him these past two years. He is still so in love with you! You Isabella Marie Swan!"

"Even now? When he knows everything I've done to him? Everything I've kept from him?"

"Yes Bella."

We stood in silence for a few minutes. I was trying to will myself to believe Rosalie and that Edward might still be in love with me after all this time.

"You know what you have to do right Bella?"

I looked up at Rose, wide eyed. I mentally cringed because I knew what she was going to say.

"You have to talk to Edward Bella. If for nothing else, do it for E.J. That boy deserves his daddy after all the letters and all this time. And don't even get me started on the letters Bella…"

I nodded. I knew Rosalie was completely against the letter idea from the beginning. I just wanted E.J. to know that he had a daddy who loved him, even if his daddy wasn't really in the picture. God, now I prayed more than anything that he WOULD have a daddy who loved him…even if he didn't love me.

"Okay, well," Rose said calmly, her now complete change in demeanor irritating me, "I'm glad we had this talk Bella. I've got to get back to the office. DO NOT make me regret using my lunch break for this!"

She looked so scary that I just nodded. I give Emmett credit for keeping up with Rosalie.

"Talk to him Bella, and do it soon! E.J. needs his daddy."

And with that Rosalie McCarty breezed out of my office as quickly as she had stormed in. Everything she had said made sense, but now I just felt even worse. The guilt I was feeling had quadrupled. I hurt not only Edward, but also Emmett, Rosalie, and E.J. with the lies and hiding I had done in the past years. My head snapped to the direction of my office door when I heard the front door to the penthouse open again. I rolled my eyes and stood up from my perch at the window seat. I was really hoping I was done with Rosalie for today, and I swear if it is Emmett out there I'm going to just about lose it. I've already got enough on my mind. I was grumbling to myself about the whole thing but I froze dead in my tracks when I noticed it was not at all either McCarty that was standing in my living room.

"You and I need to talk right now."

I simply nodded, to stunned to speak, and led Alice Brandon to the couch. My mind was reeling. How did she even get into my apartment? How did she even know where I lived? Did Jasper tell her? Didn't that break some sort of teacher confidentiality law or something?

"Before you ask, I spoke to Rosalie and she's the one who let me in. She said to call her if you need anything else, and Angela is going to pick up E.J. after school. She said to also call her too if you need anything."

I nodded. Angela had found Alice extremely amusing when she found out that Angela was the personal assistant to Izzie McCarty. I guess they hit it off better than I had thought.

"Can I get you anything?" I offered quietly.

"No. I am here on behalf of Edward and we are going to sit here and talk until you hear what I have to say and I get some answers."

I was speechless. She might look like a pixie in her cute designer fashions, but geez, she was a fierce bear when she meant business. So I just nodded for her to continue.

"I met Edward when he first came to the city. He actually lives three buildings away from you."

My eyes shot open and my mouth just hung there in an "O" shape. He has been that close all this time?

"Yeah…now how small does New York City feel? Anyway, Jasper and I live in the building next to Edward. Edward had originally bought a small empty space next to my store. I was eying it to expand my store, but he put up a better offer. I met him while he was down there checking things out and I managed to persuade him that we should merge stores. Profit from each other. He was reluctant at first but he agreed. After that we became fast friends. Other than my Jazzy, Edward is my best friend. Rosalie's firm helped us merge all of the paperwork and whatnot to make Edward and I both co-owners of New Moon. I've known Rose since I started New Moon. So then of course we all started hanging out, but Edward never showed any interest in any girls. Tons of them would come up to him if the 5 of us went out somewhere, but he'd just end up getting ridiculously uncomfortable and leaving early."

I smiled at that. That was the Edward that I knew. He was always so uncomfortable when I would tell him that the female population was constantly checking him out. He always said that he only cared if I was the female checking him out.

"Now don't get mad, Rose and I, well me anyways, had no idea at the time about you, so we tried to set him up on dates. He went on a grand total of 3, and never more than one with each girl. Emmett was starting to wonder if Edward had turned gay and Rose promptly smacked him on the back of the head for that one."

I chuckled. I could totally see that happening. "I guess it didn't help all your suspicions either since Edward is an artist for a living and also plays the piano."

"He plays the piano?!" Alice nearly squealed.

I looked at her surprised, "Edward is a damn Mozart on the piano!"

"Wow…he and I are going to have words about why I never knew that fact about him…" Alice muttered.

"Anyway," Alice continued, "Last year on Edward's 24th birthday we got him completely wasted. Em and Rose had a party in their apartment with just the five of us. We were all pretty trashed, but that was the first time Edward ever spoke of you. Emmett made some rude comment about Edward never getting any, but then Edward surprises us all by saying, 'I got some from Bella.' At the time I didn't know, but now I guess I can understand about why Emmett looked like he might throw up."

"Yeah…he wasn't so thrilled that his little cousin, that he treats more like a baby sister, was having sex and got pregnant," I mumbled.

Alice giggled, "Sounds like Em. Well, of course Jasper and I were interested because we never heard ANYTHING about a woman in Edward's life. Rosalie pretended to be very interested too. Edward went on to tell us that 'his Bella' was the love of his life."

My eyes started prickling and I cursed the fact that I cried so easily.

"So of course we were all like, 'Where is this Bella?' and he responded with 'she left me when I was blind.' And that of course was when we found out Edward used to be blind and the topic swung in that direction because we all couldn't believe it. I didn't forget about you though. I waited until a couple days later when Edward was sober and over his mean hangover.

We were in the store and since the beginning Edward always sat in the office reading or sketching ideas for paintings. He only comes out into the store if someone is seriously inquiring about buying one. He doesn't like dealing with the women who come in. Honestly, some of them were absolutely shameless. And now there's a rumor going around town about the 'sexy artist' who works at New Moon. At least it brings in new customers."

She sighed at that. I was frowning at this. There was a rumor going around about Edward? That wasn't helping any of my thoughts right now.

"Well, one day, I come back from my lunch break and I find Edward in the office. He looked like he didn't even know I had come in. He was clutching a black journal with a red heart on the cover to his chest and his other hand was pulling at his hair."

My breath caught. That was the last journal that I had left for him.

"He was crying and I was trying so hard not to freak out. I had no idea what to do. I asked him what was wrong and all he said was 'she left me'. I had no idea what he was talking about then, but then he whispered 'Bella' as he cried."

I felt the tears start to drip down my cheeks and Alice handed me a tissue before taking one for herself and dabbing her own eyes. Clearly she did care a lot about Edward.

"When he finally calmed down, all Edward explained to me was that your father made you leave him, but you never came back for him. He has read the journals so many times I've learned that the midnight blue one is the second journal and the black one with the red heart is the last one. I've seen both of those at least 7 times in the last year. All you left him was your journals and a letter."

"But the pictures!" I cried, "I left him all the pictures I ever took of us! He refused to let anyone take pictures of him when he was growing up and would go into a rage whenever anyone tried. Even me when we first started dating. Finally he let up in our senior year of high school after he decided on having the surgery. He said he DID want to remember us and what it was like when he was blind."

"Oh Bella," Alice sniffled, "After you left, Edward said he was so angry when he received the box of journals and everything that you left him, he grabbed the envelope with the pictures and threw them into the fireplace. He never saw them. I know he regrets it. He calls himself a fool."

My breath caught in my throat. So at the party he had no idea who I was? Or outside of the store when we locked eyes across the street?

"Oh God…" I sobbed, "He never knew it was me!"

Alice rubbed my back slowly as I sobbed, "but his painting? How did he know what I looked like and paint it if he never saw the pictures? Never knew what I looked like? My dad wiped out every possible resource in Forks that had a picture of me, and got anything on the Internet about Bella Swan wiped too."

"I don't know Bella…I can call you that now right? Not Izzie?"

I nodded. I secretly hated the name Izzie.

"I think the painting is something you're going to have to talk to Edward about. He never explains to me where his ideas for paintings come from."

We sat in silence for a while after that. I tried to take in everything Alice had told me about Edward. He seemed to be just a shell of the once happy and exuberant boy I had left behind. He was living in the past, re-reading every journal I had ever written while we were together. Journals where I poured out my heart with my feelings for him and how complete he made my life when we were together. I sighed and tried to prepare myself the best I could. I knew that she must've come for answers from me too.

"So," I started, "I guess you want to hear my side of the story. The whole reason I left Edward and kept E.J. from him?"

Alice took a sharp breath, "Well…I'd be lying if I said no…but if you don't want to-"

"No," I said, "You're his best friend and I can tell you care a lot for him. You should know."

"I love him like a brother," Alice said softly, dabbing her tears. I rubbed her back gently as I began my story for her.

Flashback

I couldn't believe it. I looked again and giggled. My t-shirt was tucked up into my bra as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was sticking my now seemingly flat stomach as far out as I could make it go. I smiled and looked down as I gently rubbed my hand across my belly. Sure this wasn't what Edward and I had planned, but as long as we were together, we could get through this.

I felt bad about not telling Esme and Carlisle, but they were worried about Edward's recovery. He just came out of surgery this afternoon and the doctor declared it a complete success. I can't even tell you how overjoyed I was. My Edward was going to be able to see. When I was leaving to go home, I got hit with a wave of nausea and threw up. Esme was with me and she had one of Carlisle's co-workers take a look at me. I think I almost had a heart attack when Dr. Jones asked me when my last period was. I knew that question could only mean one thing, and the fact that I couldn't remember having one since the beginning of May answered what was wrong with me. Between graduating, Edward's 19th birthday, and preparing for the surgery, I had let things slip my mind.

I quickly asked Dr. Jones how that was possible if I was on the pill. She then asked me if I had been on any antibiotics recently and I groaned. I was really sick at the end of April and I had been on antibiotics to get better in time for Prom. I panicked at first, telling Dr. Jones she couldn't tell anyone. Of course she reassured me of Doctor/patient confidentiality. She gave me some vitamins to start taking and also told me that I was about 7 weeks along. I couldn't believe it. I felt bad lying to Esme and telling her it was just a stomach bug. I had decided I really wanted to tell Edward first.

So here I am, giggling to myself and rubbing my tummy with me and Edward's child inside. Edward first mentioned our future back in February. We were trying to decide what we were going to do next year. Edward was incredibly smart and we both had gotten accepted to the same schools. He said he would follow me anywhere, and we were talking about taking a year off from wherever we decided on until he could get some of his bearings down with his vision. NYU was what we decided on eventually, that way we could both achieve our goal of seeing New York City.

Off and on Edward mentioned our future together and the first time he told me he wanted to marry me was after Spring Break. He said he couldn't wait to make me his wife. After Prom was when he first mentioned his desire to be a father. We agreed that we wanted to be married when we moved to New York, but Edward put off asking me officially to be his wife until he could see my reaction even though he knew my answer. I wasn't so hip on the idea of ever becoming a mother, but eventually the thought of Edward and I creating a life together grew on me. I just didn't think it would be so soon.

I moved to go sit on my bed, but still kept my shirt up as I sat back and continued to run my hand over my stomach. I was pregnant and Edward was going to be a daddy. He told me now that he was going to be able to see, he cherished the thought of being a father. The dreams of running and playing with his children while I watched always made him smile. I was liking these dreams now too as I thought of them. Edward had always been a very caring and loving person. His happiness was my happiness and I knew, that though this might not be what we planned, he would be overjoyed.

I rubbed my stomach some more and started talking to our child.

"Hi there baby…well, you certainly weren't part of the plans just yet. Don't worry though. Daddy is going to get all better and he is going to be so excited and happy when I tell him about you. I already know he loves you and I love you too. Your Daddy and I are so excited to be parents and can't wait to meet you."

I sat and smiled. It might be relatively flat now, but soon I would be sporting a very visible baby bump. I really could care less what the small town people of Forks were going to say. Most of them knew Edward and I had been together for over 5 years now and loved us together as a couple. Especially facing all the challenges that we did. I know Edward will be overjoyed. The first thing he'll do is kiss my stomach an-

"Tell me you're joking."

I jumped up quickly when I saw my dad standing frozen in the doorway.

"Dad, I…um…"

"Bells, tell me you're joking. You're…you're not pregnant?"

Oh God…I didn't even think about what my Dad's reaction was going to be. But he loved Edward and Edward and I had been together since we were 13 years old. He had to know that we loved each other and we could get through anything together right?

"Um…"

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!! ARE YOU PREGNANT WITH CULLEN'S CHILD?!"

Cullen? My Dad NEVER referred to Edward like that. I could feel the angry tears pooling in my eyes and my happy bubble burst.

"If you're talking about EDWARD, than yes I am!" I yelled at my father.

My dad's face practically turned purple before he roared, "I forbid you to see him!"

"FINE! Then I'll move out! Esme & Carlisle will be more than glad to help me!"

"How could you be so selfish and stupid Bella?"

I recoiled like my father had slapped me. When I didn't say anything he continued.

"Do you have any idea what this is going to be like for Edward? This is going to ruin his life Bella."

"Dad! No i-"

"You're wrong Bella! Edward is going to be trying hard to re-learn how to live and you're going to dump the extra burden of trying to raise a child on him?"

"We'll do it together I-"

"You say that now Bella. But what about if that child is born blind like Edward? How are you going to handle that? Even if the baby is healthy you're going to be taking Edward's future away from him."

"He WANTS to be a father!" I finally screamed out.

"Someday maybe! Not when he's learning who people are and how to read! If you keep that child Isabella, you are going to steal Edward's future from him."

"He WANTS this future!"

"How do you know Bella? Does he know about the baby? You are just assuming Bells! This is what YOU want. Think about Edward and stop being so damn selfish!"

I could feel the fight in me leaving and Charlie's words were making sense. Edward wanted to be a father SOMEDAY. SOMEDAY when he was ready and was accustomed to seeing. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks.

"Think about it Bells, if you love Edward, then you'll leave him. You'll do what's best for his future."

I snapped my head towards my father, "THIS IS HIS CHILD TOO! I can't take that away from him!"

"Do you think he'll be focusing at all on his own recovery when he's preoccupied with trying to take care of you and his child? How is he going to provide for the two of you? How are you going to live?"

"I…I'll…"

"You'll what Bella? Edward has no way to support you! He won't even be able to read how to make a formula bottle or make baby food! How is he going to help you?"

"Dad…I…" the tears were flowing harder now. My dad was right. I couldn't burden Edward with this. If he knew…he'd put all his own needs second. He wouldn't recover like he was supposed to.

"Bella…you need to leave him. If you love him and care about him, you'll leave him. You'll let him recover the way he's supposed to and give him the opportunity for the future that this surgery was meant to bring him. Don't let him be held back in Forks like I was."

I couldn't breathe as my father's words were the final blow. Did my own father regret being here in Forks raising me? He and my mother were a year older than Edward and I when they had me. I had always assumed they were happy here…that he was happy here. I sobbed as my father turned to leave the room. He was right but how could I just leave without letting Edward know? Stop being selfish Bella! Even just knowing he has a child will derail his recovery. I sighed…it was better if Edward didn't know at all. If I just left and made him believe I was doing what was best for us. If I just left so he wouldn't be stuck here in Forks. He would resent me for holding him back if I stayed. Just like my own father resented me. I had to give it to him, that Charlie Swan was a good actor, playing the part of a happy and caring father all these years.

Everything went by in a blur. My father didn't even wait for confirmation from me before he had started making plans. He was serious about me leaving Edward behind. He told me I needed to disappear so Edward could move on with his life. Sure he would hurt, but he would get over it. I can't believe my father doubted our love so much. It pained me to think of Edward moving on, but I wanted him to move on. I wanted him to have the life this surgery was meant to give him, even if his baby and I were not a part of it.

"I'm sending you to your Aunt & Uncle in Montana. They'll help you. Edward can't know where you are Bells…not if you're serious about letting him have the future he deserves."

God, my dad was so quick to remind me of the guilt I would carry forever now. I was selfish and wanted to just tell Edward…but I knew I couldn't take away the future he had before him. I just nodded as I packed what little possessions I wanted to take with me. I didn't pack much clothes since I'd outgrow them all in a month and I packed my few books and pictures. I even changed my name. Charlie let me at least pick that. He had a fit when I told him "Isabella Cullen", but I somehow managed to convince him that Edward would never look for an "Isabella Cullen". It would hurt him too much since I told me dad we planned to get married. I didn't care how mad Charlie got when I said that. Nothing he could do to me now would hurt me more than this.

Charlie knew I would leave all of my journals for Edward to read so he would know just how long and how much I loved him. He read through them all making sure I never made a mention of where my Aunt & Uncle lived so Edward couldn't find me. I was furious, but my dad kept up with the guilt trip. My dad also made me write one last letter to Edward, separate from the journals that my father would give to him, knowing he would demand to know where I was when I didn't show up to see him after the bandages came off. I told my father that I would leave the journals for Angela to give to Edward.

When I went to Angela's I let my selfish side win out and I desperately wrote one journal entry to Edward. I convinced myself that if I dropped hints about where I was going and why I was leaving, it wasn't selfish. If he figured them out, he would just be clever, and I would never own up to him finding me with some help. Hopefully he would see them and follow them. I also left all (well, almost all) of the pictures I took of Edward and I together these last couple of months. So he would have even more help to find me. I left a note for Angela…apologizing for disappearing, to ask her to give this to Edward, to thank her for her friendship…leaving Forks was breaking my heart, but it had to be done so I could give Edward the future life he deserved.

End Flashback

"Saying goodbye at the hospital was the worst," I sniffled, "I almost collapsed outside of Edward's door. My dad carried me to the car and we went straight to the airport. I guess I can say the man was good enough to let me say goodbye to Edward in person. That and he never ever raised the idea of aborting the pregnancy. At least he was a good enough man for that."

I sighed. Alice was sobbing as I told her the story. I didn't even get to the best part yet. The part about how my dad NEVER approved of Edward and thought he was the one destroying MY future…not me destroying Edward's future.

"The month after E.J. was born, Emmett's mom passed away. Charlie, I refused to refer to him as my father anymore, came to the funeral in Montana. E.J. was sleeping up in my room. It started off civil at first, but I was still incredibly depressed about being apart from Edward and what I did to him. Charlie had been dating Sue Clearwater since I was in high school. She told me that Edward and his family had stopped by looking for me, how Carlisle and Charlie actually got into a huge fight and Charlie called Edward a 'freak' and he told him that he was never good enough for his daughter."

Alice gasped and I nodded, feeling my buried anger in my chest.

"Charlie had apparently said that he was just waiting for a reason to separate the two of us. That he didn't want his daughter involved with a freak…someone that I would have to support through everything. He said that Edward ruined my life growing up, that I was always the one taking care of Edward, and Charlie wasn't going to stand by and watch Edward hold me back while he recovered. Sue told me that Edward ran out as soon as Charlie had called him a freak. Carlisle actually punched Charlie in the face. Unfortunately Charlie was clever enough to not slip the fact that I was pregnant."

I could feel my fists clenched at my sides and my breathing had picked up. Even Alice looked like she was going to punch something.

"Charlie lied…he told me that I would ruin Edward's life…when really it was Charlie who wanted me to have nothing to do with Edward because he thought Edward ruined MY life. Charlie made me feel like me being born ruined his life too. I was so mad at my father. I refused to let him see E.J. and my Aunt's funeral was actually the last time I spoke to him."

I sighed, "Does it make me a terrible person that I didn't even go to his funeral? That I hate him so much for ruining my life that I couldn't even forgive him in the end?"

I barely choked out the words before I started sobbing. Charlie was dead…though I felt like my father had died years ago after his betrayal of me, I still couldn't bring myself to forgive him.

"Oh Bella!" Alice cried as she threw her arms around me, hugging me tighter than I thought her small arms could, "He hurt you! What he did was despicable!"

"But he was my father…and I couldn't even forgive him in the end!" I sobbed.

We were quiet for a little longer as Alice held me and let me cry out my present frustrations. Though I had come to realize that Charlie's manipulation was clearly to blame for me believing that I should leave Forks, it was my cowardice that kept me from approaching Edward these last years.

"Bella," Alice said softly, "I think…I think Charlie knew in the end what he did was wrong, and I'm sorry that he's gone, but Bella, think about what the future can hold now?"

I sniffled, "What Alice? I don't think Edward can forgive me. Even though he reads the journals, he knows the truth now, and all he'll ever remember now is how much I hurt him."

Alice looked at me apologetically, "Bella, while I can't agree that this was the right thing to do…I can see why you did it. You did it because you love Edward and you wanted him to have the best life possible. But Bella, even I could see that the best life possible, was the one that was with you."

"Alice, what do I do?" I sobbed, "I've known for years now what Charlie did was wrong and I should've never believed him, but I've been such a coward Alice! I've been too afraid of facing Edward and now look what's happened! I'm causing everyone I hold dear to me so much pain! He'll never forgive me. And I don't even know what to do about E.J.!"

"Bella," Alice said as she combed my hair with her fingers, "I don't know what he'll say to you, but I know he'll at least talk. I also know that deep down both you and Edward want what's best for E.J. and I know you both know that involves Edward being a part of his life now."

I nodded, but my chest ached, "Alice…I still love him…I love him so much…"

"I know Bella," she said softly, "just talk to him. I have a feeling things will turn out better than you think."

The smile on Alice's face was so confident that I couldn't help but let some of that slip into me. Could I talk to Edward? Yes…I had to. I recalled Rosalie's words. If for nothing else, I had to do this for E.J.

"Come on Bella, I'm starving. I feel like I could eat an entire cow."

I couldn't help but laugh. I doubt this pixie could even finish off half a burger from Gray's Papaya. I quickly wiped the grin off my face when I saw the look on Alice's face.

"Why does everyone think I can't eat more than half a hot dog or something?"

"I…um…sorry?" I hedged. It's not like Alice and I were best buddies or anything. However her positive outlook and fierce loyalty made her all the more attractive as someone I would want in my life.

"Don't worry about it Bella. Let's go eat! My treat! Then you'll witness the eating machine that is Alice Brandon."

I laughed again. This would perhaps be a sight to behold. I assessed my clothing situation and found Alice doing the same…except she was frowning.

"Please tell me you weren't coming out like that?"

It was my turn to frown. I was in some baggy jeans that had seen better days and a chunky black sweater. My plan was to just throw my on my grey coat over it all.

"To the closet Bella! We're going out to face the world and I am finding you a fierce outfit that screams 'no more tears, no more fears.'"

"What are you talking about Alice?" I muttered as I led the way to my bedroom.

"Well, we're done with the tears right?" Alice said as she walked straight past me into my bedroom and right up to my closet.

"Well, yeah…"

"And no more fears right? We're not afraid of talking to Edward anymore?"

"I…um…"

"RIGHT Bella?" Alice said, turning around and throwing a pair of grey skinny jeans Rose had bought me for my last birthday at my face.

"Right Alice. No fear."

I quickly changed while the pixie was still lost in my walk in closet. I wasn't a fan of this style of jeans. I had a 5 year old son and these just felt too sexy to be wearing…even if I did just turn 25 years old myself.

"PERFECT!" the pixie squealed as I jumped.

She marched out with a black leather bomber jacket I wasn't even aware that I owned and long sleeved cobalt blue v-neck shirt, while black ballet flats dangled from her tiny fingers.

"I'll wait in the living room downstairs."

When I finished dressing I took a quick glance in the mirror. While my eyes were still puffy and red from crying, I couldn't deny that at least I was dressed like I had no fear. I quickly dabbed my eyes one more time before heading downstairs.

"Perfect," Alice chirped from her spot on my couch, "no more tears, and no more fears."

"No tears, no fears Alice," I smiled, willing myself to believe it.

"Right Bella! I just have to swing by my apartment quickly and then we can be off. We can walk there. It's only a couple of buildings away."

Well? Yes? No? We all remember who ELSE only lives a couple of buildings away right? Sneaky little pixie…

Hmmm…well, this chapter was kind of a monster again. I know Charlie seems like an a-hole and he's dead in the story already, but he's not done. That's all I'll say about that. Did we like Rosalie? She and Alice certainly slapped some more sense into Bella I think. And well, now you know the whirlwind of reasons behind why Bella left poor Edward.

So…next chapter, don't worry Edward will be back, though in what state, who knows. Do you think he kept his promise to Alice? Oh, and the pixie's plan is certainly not done.

Well, thank you for sticking with me and reading. Seeing that people are reading makes me smile, but not gonna lie, reviews make me smile more. :- ) Review if you can. Pretty please?

P.S. In case people recognize it and think I'm not gonna give credit, the idea for the whole "E.J.'s letters from his daddy" thing came from the Gerard Butler movie "Dear Frankie." Excellent movie and you should watch it if you get the chance.