Back at it again and I couldn't be happier. Quite a dramatic chapter for Lucy and we get to see Donny on his own for a bit too!
A special thanks to my beta reader Hyperia!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except Lucy.
We were way into our third game and I had already beaten Donny twice. His first game was more instructional so he had improved throughout the progression of the night. I watch in amusement at his concentration. His bottom lip protrudes slightly while his brows furrow in deep thought. The look in his eyes is determination and fury as he moves in a steadfast pace. I see him hesitantly move his rook and I smirk in victory.
"Are you certain?" I ask with a raised brow; my hands resting on my chin while I grin like a mad woman.
"I think so . . . why is this not a good move?" he asks in worry.
"No, no it's perfect," I say, leaning over to check his king. "Checkmate!" I call with glee. His smile falls and he leans back with a huff.
"God, I'm tired of playing against you, you're too good," he mumbles exasperated.
"Well, to be fair, it was only your third game," I reply with a harmless shrug.
"False sympathies, you knew what you were doing." He shakes his head in disbelief.
"Oh, the game of chess, how cruel it can be," I patronize and he frowns my way.
"Who bought you the board anyhow?" he asks, changing the subject. I bite the inside of my cheek, contemplating on telling him.
"Well . . . it was from a friend," I say, putting it gently.
"You mean boyfriend," he concludes and I sigh.
"That's such a childish term to use but I suppose."
"What would you have me call it; lovers?" he asks cynically.
"No, to be qualified as lovers you have to first . . ." I pause, feeling embarrassed.
"Have to what? Fuck first?" he says bluntly.
"Well, I wouldn't be that black and white about it but yes, in general terms you usually have to sex to be lovers," I return carelessly.
"And you two haven't done the nasty yet?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but no we have not," I say with a frown. "Why are you so curious about my sex life anyways? Do you think I'm a whore just because I have a child?"
He shakes his hands in front of his face quickly. "No, I didn't say you were a whore, I just figured Nazis were pigs and wouldn't wait around."
"Dieter is not like that! And what gave you that idea?" I ask defensively.
"Doll, you're talking to a guy who hates almost every German out there; why wouldn't I have a shady opinion about them?"
"Touché," I mumble defeated. There is a pregnant pause.
"So Dieter, huh?" he raises a brow.
"What about him?" I ask cryptically.
"Nothing, just never heard his name until now. I figured women love to chat about their men, but maybe you're different," he replies with a shrug while sitting up.
"Maybe I'm more than different," I challenge.
"Is that so? Than please share what you are," he says gesturing for me to talk.
"People just assume because of the way I dress and look that I'm a spoilt, no good little bitch. I happen to be very caring to the ones I love and I still work to get where I am. I may be hard on the outside but I blame it on my gloomy past. No one understands me, not even Dieter," I whisper the last part but I could tell I was already frantic. My heart was beating furiously at an alarming rate and my face felt hot.
"Maybe instead of hiding from your past you should learn from it," he answers softly after a time.
"How do you mean?" I ask confused.
"Well, you say you're ashamed of your past but really you shouldn't be. You have a son and that's something to be proud of. If people don't like what you are than they aren't worth your time, so I say fuck them!"
I give a sheepish smile at his attitude. "You really think that?"
"Yeah, why not. You can't waste your life in misery," he points out and I remember his words well.
"It's strange now that you say it. I've always felt some shame towards my son which I know is misplaced. Does this make me a bad mother?"
"You love him and you don't regret having him. Having been ashamed by your past is a common thing but I don't think it makes you a bad mother. Your actions to how you raise your son can determine that."
"You aren't as dumb as you look, you know," I chuckle lightly.
"I know; so many people sound surprised to learn that," he says with blind confusion.
We rest in awkward silence. "Well, I guess I should get going, the boss will have a fit if I'm gone any longer." He stands up and I can't conceal the disappointment to his departure.
"Don't worry toots, I'll be back before you know it," he grins charming.
"What, I didn't say I'd miss you," I return defensively.
He laughs. "You didn't have to; it was written all over your face."
"It was not!" I call with my mouth agape; clearly offended at his assumption.
"Oh man, you're a poor liar, Luce," he says, walking away to my window while I stand stunned.
"Aren't you gonna come and give me a good bye kiss?" he teases ahead and I scowl.
"Oh, I'll give you something," I mumble under my breath. I follow him to my bedroom where he pulls up the window and sits on the ledge.
"Oh, before I go, are you going to tell me why you had that little crying session earlier?" he asks, craning his neck towards me.
I play with my hands nervously in front of my robe. "Umm, I don't think so; at least not at the moment."
He nods. "Alright, I guess it isn't my place to pry anyways. See you soon, Luce," he bids farewell while jumping from my window.
I walk over to the window and watch him leave. My heart tugs in longing but I push the feeling down. I felt like a princess locked in her tower; waiting for the white knight to come and rescue her, only there was no white knight in my life. It was a sad realization that Dieter and Donny both shared demons only they were opposed in the war. I close the window and scowl at my melancholy thoughts.
Donny walks through the town stealthily to avoid being seen. After leaving Lucinda's apartment so many times, he began to loose focus on the return walk and had almost been caught a few times or another. He wasn't exactly sure on what his feelings were for her; all he knew was that they existed in some shape or form. In reality, it wasn't right or fair for him to feel anything at all for a Kraut. In a time like this, there was no room for star-crossed romances, not that Donny was much of a romancer to begin with. His idea for a special date was a quick dinner at a dinner, followed by a one-night stand at her place so he could leave unseen in the morning. Even if he wanted to try anything with Lucy; he wouldn't be able to because of the Lieutenant. A fair warning was given to not sleep with the enemy, no matter how much help she gave them.
He spots a foot soldier up ahead and pauses in mid-step to hide around a corner building. He was given two options in a situation like this. Wait to sneak by or make a silent kill. Donny personally hated killing someone behind their back. It was a cowardice move to pull and no glory was held in the kill. Time was running short though after spending extra time with Lucy, so he takes a silent step forward while drawing his knife.
He moves swift on his feet, like a wolf stalking its prey. The man gives no clue that he is even aware of Donny's presence so he takes the chance and puts the knife to his throat; ending his life quickly before a noise can alert others to come. The blade of the knife glistens in the moonlight while the red liquid runs down the blade and hits the pavement next to the corpse. Donny stands over the dead man and looks into his eyes.
He was a young man; barely old enough to buy alcohol legally. Where had he come from and what made him believe in such evil? To judge the man's heart and intentions was not for Donny to say, but the curiosity would some time waver when it came to the dead. A reason needed to be laid down as to why they were the one's left lifeless on the streets rather than Donny himself. Was it because they were weaker opponents? Donny scoffs at the ridiculousness of the thought. Lesson one from the Lieutenant was to not show mercy. Never pity the dead; it makes you feel regret and that emotion was useless in battle. He glances one last time at the dead boy before trucking off into the woods.
His mind had been plagued with a sick thought. He somehow wished the next soldier he came across was Lucy's precious Dieter. He hadn't known his name until now but he knew his face from the night they came back from their date and he had been stuck outside. To Donny he was just another stereotypical Nazi though that was his first thought on Lucinda as well. He was afraid to admit the reason to himself but perhaps it was jealousy. He sometimes forgets that she is even German, but as soon as she brings up thatDieter he began to feel those familiar thoughts again. He so hoped that everyday he would wake up that she wouldn't be a German citizen anymore but it was useless to dream and frankly, quite sad.
The smell of a camp fire was growing near as were the voices of his comrades.
"Donny, where the hell have you been off to now?" the Lieutenant shouts before he can even announce his presence.
Donny shakes his head clear and runs to join his company. "Oh, you know the usual, killing Nazis and what now." They all cheer and shout as if he was a returning hero, but tonight he felt less than ordinary.
I feel myself slip into the abyss of my dream. The sounds were muffled at the start until everything comes into focus. I'm standing solo on the building across the street where the figure in black opposes me on the other side. I look around frantically for the theatre girl and my eyes catch something red across the way. Golden locks on a pale face walk up behind the figure in black as I try to call out to them. I couldn't see the details of the face but I already knew it was her. She is cloaked in a red dress and she stalks up to the black figure. I see her pull out the silhouette of a gun and she aims it at the back of the dark figure's head. I scream for him to run but she already fires and he falls from the building. She looks across my way and she cocks the gun again my way. I hear the sounds of a bullet being fired.
I wake up to screaming. To my surprise, it was only my own voice and I try to calm myself. I'm puffing for air as I clutch my chest to my beating heart.
What did that girl want from me and who was she trying to harm? My first thought was Dieter because he always wore black but maybe she had discovered Donny, too. It was strange to find myself loathing a person I had only spoken to once in my life but the thought of her hurting someone close to me, made my blood boil.
I stand in a huff to get ready for another day of teaching. The sun had barely started to rise but I had to be at the schoolhouse early. A quick shower was all I needed to get my head straight for an afternoon of teaching.
The warm water was a welcome comfort to my sour mood. Life had taken unpredictable and sometimes complicated steps that I wasn't ready for. Nothing was going my way, not that it was too meant but I thought it would be easier somehow. I guess, easy is a lot to ask for when you turn traitorous against your homeland. I suppose a happy ending would be hard to come by at this point, though I wouldn't stop believing any less that it could happen.
I skip out of the shower in a hurry while pulling out clothes to wear for the day. Dress pants and a crisp white blouse would do. I decide to add a broach to fancy the look up just a little. I put my hair back in a clean bun with fancy hair pins, feeling rather rushed. It still looked nice though not what I was used too. I wear my mother's pearls as a last minute touch.
My kitchen was nearly empty for food so I make tea which I finish half of before piling on my coat to leave. Today was one of those rare days where a personal from the Ministry of Education would sit it on my lesson to see how I was doing.
I hit the streets in record time as I begin my short distance walk to the school. Only few cars were out this early and people could be seen opening their shops to the public. I keep my face stoic as I keep to my mission of making it to work on time.
A sigh of relief is released from me when I make it to the locked door and no parents are waiting yet. I rush inside to prepare for today's lesson while shrugging off my coat. I look at the clock and sit down in satisfaction to learn I made it with time to spare. I had high hopes of them sending over someone with personality. The last few had been dull and straight to the point. It would be nice to see a charismatic fellow walk through that door.
After a time of me sitting, the girls start to come through the door, offering me pleasant greetings which I return most enthusiastically. My smile starts to turn to a frown as the last few students pour in but no worker from the Ministry. If I were to start the lesson without him, I could be reprimanded but the parents would take their frustrations out on me for starting late. I decide a small reading exercise was harmless enough so I hand out paper and copies of text from the Nibelungen saga.
I watch from my desk as their little faces get to work. I'm grateful to the one girl who brings me an apple everyday. I had missed breakfast, so I decided to munch on it silently while they worked. Every so often, I found myself glancing to the door while waiting for the worker to arrive. After what felt like an eternity, there is a knock at the door from the outside. All the girls stop working.
"It's seems we have a visitor today, girls," I say excited which gets them riled up.
I go to open the door and I almost choke on my apple at who I see standing there with a sick, satisfied grin.
"Dear Fräulein, what a pleasure to see you again. I was hardly aware that you taught Sunday school here," Landa smirks, brushing past me to allow himself inside. I stare outside where he once was and contemplate on running out into the freezing snow without my jacket. My shoulders slouch after I realize the idea is useless.
I walk back to the front; feeling Landa's gaze on me all the time, never faltering. All the girls put down their writing utensils when they see I'm to address them.
"Alright girls, we can get started on today's lesson now," I say with a steady voice. There was a little voice screaming in my head to confront his presence here but I knew it would have to wait until after. The idea of an S.S. Colonel sitting it on school work was both baffling and comical.
He seats himself away in the corner while waiting for me to fumble. I knew he never did work like this; he was too important to be wasting time sitting in a schoolhouse and thus is why they always sent members of the Ministry for Education. I make sure to take my time with each girl incase they had questions. Today was luckily a simple read and answer the questions type exercise.
I storm back over to him while he smiles that damn infuriating smile. The one where he doesn't show any teeth but a complete self satisfactory grin where he knows he has something on you.
"Standartenführer, may I have a word in private," I smile with sick sweetness.
"If the lovely Fräulein wishes for a moment of my time, than I'm more than happy to oblige," he nods in agreement.
We go into the side storage room of the school house. I didn't trust having him behind me so I turn around to face him and cross my arms over my chest in an accusing manner. His face is just as serious as mine.
"Well?" I ask.
"You asked to speak with me, so I assume you have something to say, or are you just deliberately wasting my time?" he asks annoyed. I falter slightly from his brass tone.
"Why are you here? I know you somehow found out that I work here on Sunday's." It was Fredrick's doing no doubt but I did not fault him for it.
"Are you always so quick to assume I wonder?" he replies this more to himself than to me.
"Can't your qualified skills be put to work elsewhere? You are not a Ministry worker." I say with both hands placed firmly on my hips.
"Though I'm flattered at your confidence in me, I must confess I rather like my place right here. I so happened to have work to do in this area and offered my skills to sit in. After all, I am quite aware of the ideologies of the Nazi Party," he smirks.
I sigh in annoyance. "What is it you want from me, Standartenführer?" I ask, rubbing my face stressfully. I had a knot in my gut telling me I was the work he had in the area today.
"Who said I wanted anything from you? Or are you just used to being the center of attention like a spoil brat?" he says this to me like I'm a child.
"You show up unintended almost everywhere I go. It is more than coincidence that you are here; I think we both know that."
"Does it make you paranoid to see me?" he wonders.
"Only guilty people feel paranoid," I remark swiftly.
"And are you a guilty person, Fräulein Zoller?"
"I'm guilty of nothing," I reply.
"Wonderful! There is no need to worry than," he smiles, clasping his hands together. He leaves me feeling breathless but not in a good way.
After I calm my nerves I decide to join my class again. He doesn't look my way when I re-enter. I do more rounds to check on the progress of the girls' work while glancing at the clock as often as I can. Time seems to move immensely slow as I'm eager for the day to end.
Even when I sit at my desk grading work, I can't escape Landa's black fog he casts over the room. I feel his presence looming even when he's seated in the chair where he hasn't moved all afternoon. The only movement that comes from him is the rare blink or readjusting of his footing.
The next time I look outside, I can see the sun going down slowly and I thank God that the parents will be here to take their children home. I continue my usual routine at the end of the day of checking their work and waiting by the door for the parents' arrival to act as if nothing is wrong. They come and go and don't spare a second to ask how the day was or even if I was alright.
I have a wry smile on my face when I go back to my desk to grab my coat.
"Those are the loveliest of pearls, Fräulein; I wonder where you came to acquire such a gift," Landa says, speaking again.
"They were my mother's ones," I answer curtly.
"Ah yes, the important charge of being a mother. You would know all about that of course." I feel a wave of heat hit me as I stop in my actions. All else around me seems to freeze and it is only the barren silence between me and Landa that matters.
"I beg your pardon?" I ask, dreading the response.
"You have a seven year old Son, Oliver, who lives with your aunt and uncle in Berlin. Or had you forgotten him?" Landa asks with curiosity.
"How do you know that?" I ask, swallowing a dry lump in my throat.
He shakes his head in disappointment. "Fräulein, if you did not think I would find out who that boy was on your shelf, you are sorely mistaken. Your lie may fool others but I couldn't help but take note of the resemblance you share so I found out on my own. Do you find it so hard to trust in others with your secrets?"
"You go to hell!" I snap.
He clicks his tongue in disapproval. "Why so unpleasant?"
"You're looking up my own personal information which makes me feel uncomfortable. I do not wish you to know so much about me."
"I hardly have to look up much about you to know who you really are," he says dismissively. "Alas I have no more time to share arguing with you, my dear girl. Again I must compliment you on those pearls." I watch his thunderous steps to the door before he pauses to speak.
"You'd do well to buy something from the jewelers down by the butchers. I hear you already bought a curious gift from their back room. I wonder who that was for," he means with a raised brow and a nod before capping his head with his hat and walking down to an already waiting car.
I plop down in my chair while pulling at my hair. So he had known about my son and the gift for Donny, too. I'd have to start warning him to make visits less frequently. I also worried about Dieter learning of my illegitimate son from someone else's mouth. Landa left me no choice but to tell him next we meet.
I choose to not let Landa's words get me down so I endure by standing and packing up my work for home. The air was fresh when I made it outdoors and night was rapidly approaching. The air is filled with a dense fog and I can smell the remnants of car exhaust. I look at the tire marks in the snow left by his car. Did he truly wish me ill or were his motives something greater than I could anticipate? I was left with only one happy thought and that was Fredrick already knowing the truth about Oliver. He would never abandon me and I would not be so quick to leave his side either.
The road to winter was a long one but spring started to drift even further away. I hope I would last long enough to see the flowers bloom one more time and feel the rain blow in my face. I look up at the stars and I knew there was a God somewhere up above, smiling down on me; urging me to hold on just a little longer. I made a silent promise to God and myself, to never give in for the sake of my beloved son; Oliver.
Landa now has more dirt on poor Lucy but do we know what his motives are? He might vanish again for awhile as I still have to work through the relationships once again and I need to start getting through Fredrick and Shosanna's little romance, too. Loved all the reviews last chapter,so let's hear some more!