This is the last chapter for winter Holiday! In lily's POV her mind is fucked up so don't give me crap about the grammar or English or whatever the fuck, go smoke a joint or have a drink before you read it, if you cant understand it.

The three Marauders walked up the same stone path that they had watched Lily stumble up just the night before.

Coming to the majestic double doors the three silently had a fight over who would knock on the door. After drawing the shortest twig and losing three rounds of Rock, Parchment, Scissors, it was Remus who had to do the noble task.

Soon after he knocked the door sprung open to reveal a small woman with curly brown hair and small blue eyes. The woman looked at the boys appreciatively and smiled.

"Can I help you boys?" She asked in a sugary sweet tone.

"Um yes… is Lily Evans home?" James asked politely.

As soon as he said the redhead's name a dark look was cast upon the woman.

"She's up stairs," The woman said bitterly standing aside to let them in.

They thanked her silently and walked inside. Waiting for the woman to give them more information they were somewhat shocked when she shut the door and stomped off into the other room.

They all stood in the entranceway confused until Sirius started for the stairs.

"Come on… I doubt that lady is going to show us the way," He said standing on the stairs.

They took in the house around them and headed up the dark wooden stairs. They saw paintings of flowers and fruits line the walls and even a wedding photo was hung up, but other than that they could see nothing personal about these people.

Finally reaching the top of the stairs, the three boys headed to where they could distinctly hear music playing.

Remus led them to the source and they found themselves standing in front of an ordinary white door.

"Well go ahead Prongs, knock" Sirius said giving James a slight shove.

"Why should I do it? You're her best friend" James replied shoving Sirius toward the door.

"Don't look at me… I knocked on the front door." Remus said raising his hands when they both turned to look at him.

James took a deep breath and knocked firmly on the door. They waited for it to open but it never did.

James knocked again but still nothing, then Sirius knocked and no one opened the door… then Sirius banged on the door and it still remained closed.

"What if she can't hear us?" Remus asked.

"What if something's wrong with her?" James asked hurriedly.

Remus reached for the doorknob and the door creaked open, letting the music from inside flow out into the hallway.

James went in first followed by Remus and then Sirius. They shut the door behind them but what they saw immediately rooted them to the floor.

Lily was standing against the wall wearing nothing but a bra and underwear as she took deep drinks from a large bottle filled with brown liquid. All around her were bits of cloth and pieces of lace and in the hand that was not holding the bottle was a large knife.

Other than her state of dress, Lily looked quite pretty, much like a porcelain doll. Or at least James thought so.

Her dark red hair was curled in loose ringlets and she hand some simple makeup on. Not to mention her body was forcing all of his blood to his groin.

She looked up at them and furrowed her brow. She looked from side to side. And then back at them. Then she stared at the bottle she was holding as though she were asking it a question.

"Am I hallucinating?" she asked them unsurely setting the bottle down on the floor, as well as the large knife.

"Um no… We came to bring back your coat, you lef…you left it in um my car" Remus said staring at the wall to his side. Sirius was staring at the posters on her walls and James was openly staring at her.

"Oh" she replied before standing up again and reaching for something. She grabbed what looked like gray mass but when she put it on they saw that it was a large gray shirt that hung loosely on her small frame.

"Well thanks…. You can leave it wherever, and then you can go" She said looking around her.

Suddenly she shot her head up and looked alarmingly toward the door.

"He's coming," she mumbled before shoving the bottle, knife, and shards of material underneath her bed.

Before they could ask any questions the door sprang open to reveal a very tall man with Dirty blond hair and brown eyes. He looked highly annoyed as he walked in the messy room.

"Lilith what is this noise you insist on playing?" He asked growling.

"It's not noise, its Manic depression by Jimi Hendrix" She replied annoyed.

"You shouldn't pollute your mind with such nonsense, anyway you're stepmother told me you had guests" he said looking at the three boys standing in his daughter's room.

"Um yeah they were just leaving," she slurred looking down to hide her drunken green eyes.

"You look like strapping young lads, why don't you stick around for our celebration tonight?" He asked them. Lily's eyes widened and she started to shake her head.

"We'd love to Sir" Sirius said grinning. All eyes turned to him.

"Wonderful, I am Anthony Evans" the man said shaking each of their hands.

"Get dressed Lilith" Anthony said before turning and walking out of the room. Lily flipped off his retreating form before grabbing her hair.

"What the fuck?!" Lily yelled reaching under her bed and bringing out her bottle.

The three boys stood awkwardly watching her finish the bottle of liquor.

"Don't you people have other people to find and bug during winter break?" She slurred as she stood up and took off her gray shirt.

"Well we can't help it, we just love you that much…especially Prongs" Sirius said still looking at her posters.

"Ha ha … who the fuck is prongs? ….You fucks hate me anyway and that's the way it's supposed to be," she mumbled pulling out what looked to be a dress. They watched in silence as she put the dress on.

It was a very pretty pearl color but it had been shredded in random places and it was a wonder how the thing didn't fall off.

The strange thing was that she looked rather good in it.

"What's that?" Sirius asked nodding toward her attire.

"Your face" Lily mumbled not looking up.

Sirius looked confused and looked to his friends for help.

"Are you guys leaving or not?" Lily said turning to them after she finished dressing.

"No Evans we were invited to stay, it would be rude to leave" James said smirking at her.

"Fuck this then I'm leaving." Lily said grabbing her coat from Remus' hands and turning off her record player.

She made her way for the door and walked into the hall. The three boys stood silently as they watched her re-enter the room and dive under her bed. She re-emerged holding a star shaped Christmas box. She lifted the lid and took out a small black box, a mirror and a razor blade.

"What's that?" Sirius asked moving toward her position on the floor.

"Courage" she muttered pouring a small amount of white powder onto the mirror.

After using the razor to cut the powder into thin white lines, she took out a rolled up American twenty-dollar bill and snorted the powdered lines into her nostril.

"Why do you do that?" James asked as she snorted up her final line.

"I don't… really… know?" Lily muttered as she stayed on the floor and let her vision slip in and out of focus.

"Evans?" Sirius asked poking her cheek.

"What?" she asked shaking her head and sniffing loudly.

"You zoned out for a bit," Sirius said.

"Right…" she said quickly putting away her things.

"What was I going… To ... oh yeah… wait … no…" she muttered quickly moving around her room fixing certain things here and there.

"LILITH"

"Fuck" she said as she stopped moving around and stood still.

"Um… maybe we should go" Remus said jerking his head toward the door.

"Shit" she muttered brushing past them and heading for the hall.

The boys exchanged a quick look before leaving the room to follow her.

They trailed after her, out of the room and down the hall. She stopped suddenly at the top of the stairs and knelt to see the floor below.

"Damn it" she mumbled under her breath.

Remus grabbed his friends by the arms and dragged them down the stairs to the front door.

"What'd you do that for?" Sirius asked when they were outside.

"I don't think lily wanted us to see her family" he replied as he walked toward his car.

Lily's POV

The dark red liquid swirls in the cup ever so elegantly.

It looks like a whirlwind of blood and smells like liquor.

It tastes too sweet and it burns when I swallow.

"Lilith, give me back my drink"

It's so sweetly familiar.

I put it down gently back in its place; every time I close my eyes I see a million flashing bright lights.

"How has Lily's school been going with her condition?" someone down the table asks.

I forgot that my stepmother's family thinks I'm retarded.

That's what I get for snorting heroin for the first time before the wedding.

"She's developing" I think that's what he said. He being my alienated father sitting at the head of the table surrounded by her family.

The estranged man sitting almost too close to me and yet I still feel no family connection to him at all.

No unconditional love or comfort.

Just blankness, a mass of unfamiliarity and cold coincidences.

It could be the drink, it could be the coke or the pot I smoked this afternoon.

But I don't think it's any of that.

It's just the way it is.

It's been that way for a while, ever since I saw him pounding into the woman sitting at his side eating her steamed carrots delicately as though they were made of glass.

I feel everyone staring at me and as usual I'm quiet and I don't say much. I let them compare me to the gem of their family.

Their perfect Emily who is conveniently sitting right next to me eating at such a slow pace it seems like it would take years to finish her food.

"Emily is going to graduate with honors and is starring in her ballet recital," Someone says happily. I think it's the fat aunt at the end of the table.

Emily… with her blond locks and pretty blue eyes.

My food looks like paint… I desperately want to splatter it along the wall but I resist my urge and sit there like an idiot.

I think my sister is prettier than Emily but no one ever listens to me. I want to scream it, but I bite my tongue. Literally.

"Madame Ursula has agreed to help Lily acquire the skills necessary to become a proper Lady," My father says, as though I were a dog who needs to be trained.

I want another bottle of burning liquid that can make me throw up.

"How wonderful of her to take on a special person like Lilith" I hear some old man say.

Vodka. Vodka. Vodka.

I'm the fuck up in this family.

The world is silent. I think I hear my baby half-brother screaming in the distance somewhere.

Isn't this his party? Why the fuck is he away?

"Emily is learning to play the violin since she has already learned to play the piano beautifully" I think its Emily's mother who is speaking now; my stepmother's sister.

"I'm ashamed to say that Lily holds no musical talent," My dear stepmother says with an underline of pleasure.

This is when I become dizzy with hate.

I grip my knife and am so tempted to shove it right through my stepmother's throat.

I'm so close I can almost feel her warm blood seep down my arm.

"Dearest cousin, may I ask. Whatever happened to your dress?" I hear Emily ask me, hiding her laughter behind her folded napkin.

I look at her, I'm not sure what my cold green eyes look like but I stare at her, tempted to take out all of my frustration and anger out on her.

" I fixed it," I mutter before turning back to my food that I stare at.

Stupid blonde curls.

I want to rip out my hair and take every bottle of wine on the table and drink their contents in one gulp.

I miss my best friend.

I want him to hold me and rock me back and forth while petting my hair.

I feel someone strongly gripping my wrist. I look up and see my father.

I look around.

Everyone is gone.

"We are going into the sitting room," he says in a demanding tone. I nod and stand up dropping my trusty knife on the table.

He gives me a disappointed look and leaves me alone.

If I drink all of the wine…will I get alcohol poisoning?

"Remind me again why we left so suddenly" Sirius said they all sat down in Remus' room.

"Didn't you see Lily's face when she looked downstairs? She looked horrified, I don't know about you but I didn't want to be there for whatever she was dreading" Remus said.

"What do you reckon we should do then?" James asked.

They were silent for a moment before an owl swooped in and dropped a letter on James' lap.

"Its from Kate" James said tossing the letter to the floor.

"Are you finally gunna break up with her when we go back to school?" Sirius asked eating a chocolate frog.

"Yeah… I don't know what I saw in her," James said lounging in his chair.

"Haha sure you do. You saw easy access," Sirius said laughing.

"Yeah that's true" James muttered looking out of the window.

"We go back to school soon" Remus said.

"Two more days" Sirius mumbled.

"Oh Emily won't you please play us something on the piano!" my stepmother exclaims.

I'm sitting in the corner drinking a bottle of wine that I managed to snatch from the table.

"Oh if you insist" she replies as though she doesn't want to gloat. Stupid blonde.

She sits down and plays chopsticks. How typical.

If she's going to try to play classical she might as well do something a little less commercial.

Crap.

Everyone's looking at me.

Did I say that out loud?

"My dear, when you learn to play piano as beautifully as Emily then you may say something. Until then listen to a master at work" some old lady sneers at me.

"Yes dear cousin, why don't you come here and show me what's not commercial," Emily said looking smug.

I look at my father who looks livid at my behavior.

Emily must have thought my hesitation meant she won because now she turned back to the piano with a smug smile on her ugly face.

"Move" I say loudly. I walk over and set my nearly empty bottle of wine on top of the piano and glare down at her.

She looks at me and I can see fear cover her features.

I glance up and see everyone looking at me again. Some with outrage, some with shock.

I sit down at the piano and let my fingers glide over the keys.

My fingers take position and I start to play Swan Lake. My fingers hit every note, starting out slow; my right hand keeps up the melody as my left hand trails all along the low keys at a slow pace.

I substitute my lack of symphony by improvising, careful to keep the same melody at different pitches.

I play for a good twenty minutes before someone rudely shuts the cover of the piano keys and smashes my fingers.

"Ow" I growl looking up to see my stepmother looking livid.

"You cursed this piano didn't you, you little demon wench!" she screams angrily.

I stand up and crack my knuckles and do what I have been waiting to do for almost seven years.

I punch her as hard as I can, she goes flying across the room, which I'm sure is with the aid of my magic going haywire.

Everyone scrambles to see if she's all right and I turn back to the piano and grab the bottle of wine I left there.

"Call the police! This child is demented!' I her someone from the mass of people surrounding my victim scream.

"I'M LEAVING YOU FUCKS!" I scream as I throw the bottle to the floor, bound up the stairs and run toward my room.

I grab everything I can and shove it in my school trunk.

After I managed to shove all of my belongings in my trunk and a bag I found lying on the floor, I grab my coat and wand and head for the door.

I'm still immensely drunk and I can't walk in straight, and I can feel my heart pumping in my chest and my blood rushing through my veins.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Lilith!"

I turn and see my father standing there. I can't even describe what he resembles.

"You are no longer welcome in this house" he says. I don't know why, but I start crying.

"Don't worry Mr. Evans, you'll never fucking see me again" I say through sobs. I open the front door and walk out of my father's house for the last time.

16 years old, bags packed, guitars strapped and a bulging bag full of records and all I can hear is the melody of Swan Lake playing in my head.

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