((Disclaimer: No own VK.))

((AN: Maybe I'll start writing them Shinobu, Shinobu, Zero now. I don't really know. But this chapter is Shinobu. And I want it that way.))

When I arrived back to my dorm, Emi was there. She handed me a note from my father and asked, "Do you have a secret life as a ninja, or something?"

I smiled and said, "If I told you then it wouldn't be a secret,"

She blinked at me, and then added, "Your dad…scary man… he dropped off that note. And it says he wants you to train some more…?"

I read the note, and the only word on it was 'train.' I realized I hadn't gotten in any training in a few years.

"I think he wants me to take down the yakuza one day. So, he wants me to go out and kill flying turtles from Greenland,"

Her eyes opened wide. She believed me.

"I'm kidding!" I laughed, and then went to the bathroom.

Despite my positive disposition, I didn't feel at the best of my moods. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I did not see the bright girl from before my days at Cross. I didn't see the girl before that, the one that was hard and cold. I didn't even see the naïve girl in love. I was completely mutilated.

"Who am I?" I whispered to myself.

Better yet, why am I? Why was I ever born? I could not see the reason. If I was to kill vampires, then that would be simple. For a moment, I saw the small girl from my distant past; the one who'd just lost her parents. I probably wondered then, too. But what choice would I have if I were 5 years old and an orphan?

I have a choice now. I could simply fall out of the picture and let Zero deal with his life, or I could force myself to stay in it. I knew that Yagari would push me to become a vampire hunter. Maybe then our paths would cross when this was over.

Oh, but ignorance is bliss. When I had the striking realization that Zero will fall to level E, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and closed my eyes, leaving my face in my hands.

Sometime, probably soon, Zero wouldn't be humane any more. He would be a true monster then, killing innocent people. My dream flashed to my mind's eye, and I started. I couldn't let that happen. It was not only my job, but it was also something that I would do if I weren't a hunter.

I understood that I had to keep myself near Zero to protect everyone else. I couldn't love him unconditionally. Or I could, but I would eventually reap what I sowed. I can't love Zero, because if I did then I would fail at killing him when the time came.

Even though it would inevitably cause me more heartbreak, I had to force myself back into the picture.

I stood up and noticed I had been crying. I washed my face and then looked at myself one last time. Wondering who the new me would be, I plastered a smile on my face and walked out of the bathroom.

The days after that day were mild. I didn't talk to Zero anymore. The school was not a flame with many rumors. The students had calmed down.

There was a way I could watch Zero with out being close to him. I just noted him every few minutes. If I could detect the signs, and I should be able to do that, then I could get him. But Zero had a strong will. He might be able to hide the signs. Perhaps they didn't give signs when they dropped to level E. Perhaps they just decided one second to go on a killing spree.

That's why I had to keep close to him. I didn't know how to do that. He didn't look at me much, and he didn't talk to me. Neither did Yuuki. It embarrassed me to think about just talking to him. I had shared a kiss with him, yet I was still shy about something so spontaneous.

I also had to plan a time to go to the shooting range. I knew he'd be there, and that's why I did not want to go. It might be the best chance I'll get to rekindle the relationship we had. Eventually, I gave in to reasoning.

On Sunday, I went to the range. I was both relieved and disappointed to see that he was not there. I told myself he had some stuff to do, but the worry never left my stomach. What would he have to do? The past week had been the most boring week ever.

I didn't let that sidetrack me, though. I started shooting, and I stopped thinking entirely. It was a rhythm I liked. I didn't have to think about it, because I fell into the flow easily. I was unaware of my surroundings.

"Shinobu,"

I turned sharply, aiming the gun at the source.

"Jesus, Zero!" I gasped.

He stared at my gun apprehensively from the stall next to mine. "That's the last time I ever sneak up on you."

I lowered my gun and scoffed. "So you admit it?"

I observed that my heart was beating faster, and I was now nervous. When I started to shoot again, I would have to be cautious of him.

Shrugging, he aimed his own gun at the target and fired. I jumped when I heard the loud bang, proving that I was on edge now. I watched him shoot a few more times to stall. Before he was there, I had been doing pretty well, but with him next to me I didn't think I could pull off a good shot.

"You just going to stand there all day?" he said to me, before firing again.

I had it in my mind to snap something witty back, but I couldn't really think of something.

I turned to the target and aimed, but I felt like it was shaky. When I shot the target, it was only a little off.

"That sucked," I heard him say.

"Shut up," I growled, taking aim again. This time I could see clearly. Naturally, I was right on.

We were both mute for a long time. We were both shooting well, too. I heard Yuuki come in. They talked for a while, but I didn't listen. I couldn't really hear them over my own bangs.

When she left, Zero seemed angrier. He let a last bullet fly before saying, "I'm done," and grabbing his stuff.

No! I thought. I can't lose this chance to talk to him.

"Wait!" I said.

He turned to me. "What?"

I took my own stuff and followed him out of the range. "I need to talk to you,"

He shrugged.

We walked away from the range and wandered around aimlessly. I was wording my speech and trying to keep my resolution. Talking to Zero about killing him would be uncomfortable for both of us, but I think he was dealing well with his state. At least I hoped so. There was a lot I still did not know about him.

"When…when you turn into an E, who do you have to… do the job?" I said finally.

"Yuuki," he said slowly.

I doubted she would be able to do it. I really didn't know. She may understand the importance of killing him when the time comes.

"Are you sure she can?" I asked.

He didn't answer me right away. When I looked up at him, I could see that he had his own disbeliefs about entrusting her the responsibility.

"Who else could?" he wondered.

"I could,"

He stopped and looked at me. After evaluating me, he started to walk again.

"Well. We'll have to see,"

We continued along in a curved line, in no direction. We both didn't know what else to do. After about an hour of just walking, I decided that I needed to fill the silence.

"How are you doing?" I didn't not mean that as a casual 'How are you?' but rather a 'How are you coping with everything?'

At last he shook his head in response. I let out a deep sigh.

"That makes two of us," I muttered under my breath. I forgot that he could still hear me, but he apparently did.

"How so?" he questioned. I scowled in response, unprepared to answer. I could explain to him the inner battle I was fighting to find a purpose, or perhaps the heartache I felt over our blocked relationship, or I could tell him that I seriously don't want to kill him, but since it seems to be the only reason to be alive, I'm going to have to. But I didn't. I sat down on a bench and said,

"It's not like the grass is ever greener on the other side,"

He sat next to me and put his elbows on his knees. I felt cold, but it wasn't especially chilly outside. I occupied myself by twiddling my thumbs and staring at the ground.

Eventually, we both agreed it was getting kind of late.

"See you tomorrow, Zero," I said.

He hugged me. I was somewhat surprised he would show this act of affection, but I wasn't complaining. I returned the hug.

"Goodbye, Shinobu,"

((AN: Well, this was kind of slow. But chapter 12 of VK is slow, too. Especially if you've already read it. -.- The only thing that keeps you reading is that fact that all the guys(or girls) are so SEXYY. XDD . They cause me heartpangs. Well I'll hopefully be seeing you in chapter 12! -Mimi ))