I am sorry it took me so long to update this story. I am back at work and I really need to finish this damn thesis, so. Sigh.

Anyway, I do believe we will be going out for dinner in the next chapter. EXCITING, huh? Or not.

AHEM. Thank you. Again. For your constant support. You guys are everything.

Here's to hoping you like this one!

P.S. To the guest that mentioned the whole my one and only love thing: Theresa was actually talking about her job, not Gail :)

What exactly am I waiting for?

Holly didn't know what to make of Gail's absence. Lunch had been over for quite a few minutes now. She knew this to be a fact for she had been one of the last people to leave. She had actually witnessed Gail and Theresa abandoning the restaurant. There had been no major touching activities... just the redhead's hand on the blonde's arm for barely a second as they took off in different directions.

A see you later, perhaps?

And yet... here she was. Alone.

The auditorium was still as half full as it was empty. There was plenty of time for the blonde to join her before the lecture actually started, but Holly just couldn't help but wonder... why wasn't Gail there already? What was the blonde up to? What was taking her so long? Holly herself had come running as soon as she had said goodbye to Lisa and Rachel. She wanted to spend as much time as she could with Gail. But she wasn't there yet...

What does this mean? Does it mean anything? Does it have to?

Holly was about ready to give up. Gail had never texted her back. Truth be told, she had meant her own text to be the last, the full stop to a conversation she had meant to end with Gail by her side. If the blonde had replied they would probably still be texting by now and that was sure to drive Lisa and Rachel insane. As well as Theresa. Probably.

Who knows, really?

From what she had seen from the corner of her eye, Gail had barely eaten. Her Gail. A food lover. Had barely eaten. Free food. That had to mean something, right? She had noticed that the redhead had been doing most of the talking... What had she said? What could have possibly kept Gail from eating her food? The blonde was always hungry, always craving something... what could have possibly made her lose her appetite? It had to be something big. Of that she was absolutely sure.

The shooting.

That had been the first time Holly had seen Gail say no to food. She had completely dismissed dinner and opted for alcohol instead. She had tried to drown more than her own sorrows and had found out that they did indeed know how to swim. Like champions, really.

Something terrible must have happened.

It would make sense, wouldn't it? Gail was a cop. Gail wasn't there. Gail hadn't eaten. Something terrible must have happened, right? That sounded logical. But why hadn't the blonde texted her? Then again, why would she?

Why not?

No, she definitely would.

Right?

Holly had been the first person the blonde had called after the whole shooting situation had been sort of dealt with. She had called her in. She had let her in. She wouldn't simply forget to mention something terrible had come up just because they weren't dating anymore, would she? But then again, was it accurate to say that they were not dating? Had they ever been dating in the first place? Truth to be told, they had never really cared to define what they had. They had just known it to be... to exist. And it had been everything.

It still was...

She was deeply lost in thought, chewing on the end of her pen, again, when she felt a hand on her thigh.

"Earth to nerd? Hello?" Gail knocked softly on Holly's forehead with her free hand. "Please confirm existence."

The sudden touch had caused Holly to jump off her train of thought - and probably on her seat, too. It was unexpected and Gail could see that written all over the brunette's face.

Surprise.

For a moment Gail found herself yet again lost in Holly's expression. Hadn't she been waiting for her? Hadn't she invited her over? But then she looked closer just to realize that Holly had indeed been waiting, probably just for too long, probably wondering if she was ever going to come and join her.

She had squeezed Holly's thigh in reassurance as she had said the line that had originally been Holly's when she too found herself knocking at the door that led to a Gail deeply lost in her own thoughts.

That line, the please confirm existence line, was just what Holly needed to hear. It was the reassurance of a touch that could easily be mistaken for nothing more than a sort of long-term sensory memory. Holly knew that scientifically speaking the sensory memory was indeed the shortest-term element of memory... but then again, couldn't whatever - for the lack of a better word as it has yet to be invented for love indeed felt slightly too small and corny - she felt for Gail expand her haptic memory? Being fully aware of the train of thought she had just abandoned, which Gail had masterly and most successfully brought to a smooth stop instead of a wreck, she knew that it was at least a possibility.

She's here.

"I thought you weren't coming..." Holly's hand met Gail's above her thigh as her brown eyes met bright blue ones.

"And miss an opportunity to study a nerd in her natural habitat? No way."

There it was. The insecurity that Gail hated so damn much. She couldn't believe that, yet again, she had been the cause of pain - even if just a slightly dim shadow of it. She truly couldn't stand the idea of hurting Holly. She had seen the consequences of it, she had faced them and she had held their hands against their will, fighting to take everything back. She had seen how she hadn't been able to erase them, to delete them, to go back in time to fix them... and it had scared the shit out of her. The only thing she could do now was make the next moment magnificent to the point of bringing their lowest to be nothing but a thing, just something that happened once upon a time, probably more than a lifetime ago. Still there, yes. But far away.

"This is far from being my natural habitat. You know that, right?" Holly laced their fingers, their hands falling together perfectly, as if they had been made to fit in between each other.

"But it's still one of them. It's still a side of you. And I want to know them all."

"What happens when you run out?" Holly's tone was much lower than her usual. Almost as if she had just happened to voice one of her thoughts by mistake. And perhaps she truly had...

"Lunchbox, every day I seem to find something new about you. Every day you surprise me. So that's what I am going for. One day at a time."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Look Holly, every minute with you is an universe of possibilities. I feel like I am not just getting to know you, but getting to know myself as well. You don't make me want to be a better person, you just make me be it. And you know what? That's not something that happens all the time. Most people take you for granted in such a way that you start feeling granted to yourself. But you... you make me feel like I am on the very edge of my seat. Yes, I might fall, but I might as well be falling to prove the rest of the world that I can indeed fly. And that will be because of you. And for you."

By now Gail's free hand was caressing Holly's cheek, tracing the lines of her face. There was a smile tugging at the corners of the brunette's mouth.

"Not exactly a fairytale..."

"But stillkind of beautiful." Gail said, finishing Holly's sentence as she brought their joined hands to her lips and kissed them gently.

"If you could all please find your seats... the lecture is about to start." They heard someone say at the microphone.

Gail smiled softly at Holly and placed yet another kiss upon their joined hands before letting go and sitting straight. She noticed Holly's change of posture at the loss of touch. That was why Gail leaned over slightly and whispered in her ear,

"I am right here."

Holly let out a breath she had been holding and nodded in acknowledgment before reaching for her note pad.

The lecture started.

Gail watching Holly.

Gail didn't even open her notebook. Then again, if something caught her attention as being interesting she knew she could trust her mind to catalog it. Instead, though, instead of focusing on taking her notes, she decided to spend her time staring at Holly.

Gail didn't even try to pretend that she wasn't openly staring at the brunette. But then again, this is Gail Peck we are talking about. It's not like she really cares about what others think of her or of what she does. Unless those others are Holly. But even then, even though she was always sure to give her every word and action an extra thought, she was always none other than herself.

She hadn't been polishing her corners to fit into Holly's life, to be what Holly wanted her to be. She had been way too busy being herself and completely oblivious about her feelings for the brunette. It had just happened. She hadn't gone through the whole should-I-kiss-her-or-should-I-wait-what-is-she-going-to-think phase. No. She had just gone for it when it felt right. Because it had felt more than absolutely right.

That was one of the great things about not expecting anything exciting from life. When it did happen, when it did surprise her - which had been quite a rarity till the moment she had laid her eyes on Holly -, it usually left her completely speechless, utterly breathless.

Holly was... she was undoubtedly smart. And in the sexiest way, too. There was confidence in her every word but her ego was not overwhelming. There was enough space to breathe, enough space for genuine interest. Truth be told, Gail was sure Holly wasn't aware of how smart she was... how intelligent she was. And it was such a stunning view. The excitement in her voice, also so visible in her eyes, when she spoke about all those nerdish things that she seemed to love so much.

Her eyes.

They were as down to earth as Holly herself. And they smelled of chocolate... of comfort, of a place where you can be yourself. That was how Gail felt under Holly's gaze. She felt just right, right at home. They were safety. The amount of kindness in them was enough to have Gail drown. And there was also strength and reassurance. And hope. What else could anyone ask for, really?

And then there was her smirk, her lopsided grin, her crooked smile. That was something Holly seemed to reserve for Gail. It was her I-see-you smile. It always brought butterflies to Gail's stomach for she knew just how much the brunette did indeed see her and how much she seemed to approve what she did see... and how much she seemed to long for it... and crave for it to the point of suddenly starting to bite on her lower lip, or chew on her pen, as she looked at Gail over her glasses.

And the hands... always sketching something on the air while she spoke. Almost as if she was designing or giving shape to a reachable version of whatever theory she was getting lost on. And when they were close... talking about everything and nothing... she was always drawing shapes or writing words with the tip of her fingers on Gail's pale skin. It was so common that Gail was almost sure that Holly wasn't really aware of it. It was apparently something her unconscious did and Gail had started taking notes of every single thing.

For the very first time in her life Gail understood the need for the existence of the word perfection. And for the very first time she finally understood its meaning...

Perfection is not something you obtain, it's not something you fight for, you reach for... it's something you are by simply being, breath after breath.

Perfection lives in the uniqueness of the ordinary human being.

Perfectly flawed and yet flawlessly perfect.

That was Holly's existence.

Everything.

Holly watching Gail.

Holly had gotten used to watching Gail from the corner of her eye. She wasn't surprise to catch the blonde simply staring at her. It was not a heavy stare, it was a lovingly one, it was a I-want-to-know-your-every-inch-better-than-I-know-myself kind of stare. It brought a smile to Holly's face. Apparently Gail hadn't been lying when she had said that she only had eyes for her.

And what eyes.

So immensely blue. They reminded Holly of what she had felt the first time she had heard the word universe and had been taught its meaning. She had felt so small, so lost, so... right, right at home. Somehow, she had been led to believe that the immensity was not something to fear, but something to cherish. There was space for her and she was just the right size, she was more than enough to occupy her own place. She belonged. Exactly as she was. There was no need to pretend, no need to be less morbid or less sporty or less nerdish... there was no need to be nothing other than who she was. That was how Gail made her feel. Their picture perfect came together with no need for any kind of editing.

Sure, they had been through some rough paths. Some terribly rough paths, even, but somehow they always ended up finding one another. It was like gravity pulled them together - or maybe they just defied it, maybe they were the exception to the rule. She was sure Gail would love that thought.

The blonde had by now told her many times, sometimes using words and sometimes using her whole self - proving to be way more skillful at the latter -, that this thing they had, this thing they were pursuing, was something she had never felt before. It had nothing to do with gender, with being a gay relationship - if that's even a thing -, it had to do with them being themselves.

Yes, the fear of rejection remained, but it didn't stop them from being themselves, from doing, and saying, what they felt like. They were so real it got scary sometimes. Just like what had happened at the bar. Holly was being who she was when with her friends and Gail, slightly out of context, had gotten the wrong message. Gail hadn't known what to do and so she had recoiled to her you-can't-hurt-me mask that meant exactly the opposite.

Holly did understand, but it had hurt like a bitch back then. She was finally introducing someone she loved to her friends, someone she cared deeply about, and Gail had run, proving just exactly what Lisa kept saying. And then Holly had to hear the whole you-can't-choose-women speech and had, after not hearing from Gail for a while, allowed herself to actually believe it and accept to being led again. But it still takes two to tango and that was exactly why they were at this point again.

Gail was the partner of a lifetime. And when you find the one who can dip you without flinching and/or breaking eye contract, that's when you know. And every replacement is just that... a replacement. And it doesn't feel right. And it isn't. And so you go back to the start.

And speaking of it...

Holly felt Gail nudging her with her elbow as she applauded. The lecture had ended.

"You know, you seem to take too little notes for an actively proclaimed nerd." Gail whispered as she leaned over again, still clapping.

"First, you were the one who crowned me as a nerd. Second, this nerd had better things to think about."

"Oh really?" Gail asked, raising an eyebrow curiously as she went back to openly staring at Holly as the lecture was officially over and people were already abandoning the auditorium.

"Coffee."

"Huh, that's certainly more interesting than the lecture...?"

"No, I need coffee before going through that - better things - path."

"Shall we go get some?"

"Sure." Holly started as she stood up, putting her note pad back in her bag. "Lisa and Rachel are probably back by now." The brunette added, holding her hand out to Gail.

"Right. I guess I will need a cup or two then." Gail said after a moment, a smile on her face as she accepted Holly's hand, squeezing it gently.

That was the first thing Lisa noticed when she saw the two women walking towards her. They were holding hands as if it was something they did as naturally as breathing.

"So... what's new?"

So lost in one another that one wouldn't know where one started and the other ended.