Here's a little Christmas present for you... I would just like to say that the stuff with Yelina and Ray Jr does not follow cannon and is something I made up myself.

Horatio had stopped walking, he gazed out at the ocean and then awkwardly lowered himself to the ground, Jeff followed suit. He realised in that moment that he really needed something in his hands to fiddle with, he looked between his knees and found small shell which he picked up and turned over in his hands as he spoke, "I had an end of semester chemistry test, I needed to pass it with a good grade so that I could carry on with my studies as a second year student. I'd been burning the candle at both ends for a week or so, I was running on fumes and I just kept telling myself that once the test was over I would pay more attention to Ray" Horatio paused, his focus on the shell in his hands. "I was tired and stressed. Ray just kept bugging me. He pushed me and pushed me until I snapped at him" Horatio closed his eyes as the memories returned.

"What happened?"

Horatio took a deep breath before he answered, "I just remember seeing red. I screamed at him to stop being such a pain and to leave me alone. The look on his face, it was exactly the way I looked at my father when he came after me in a drunken rage. He just stood there, terrified" He squeezed the shell in his hand, not caring when the rough edges bit into the exposed areas of skin on his bandaged hands. "He just stood there, shaking. When I realised what I had done I tried to apologise. I went up to give him a hug but he just pushed me away. He told me that I was just like our father"

"You do know that he was just lashing out, don't you?"

Horatio turned his gaze to the other man, his face bleak. "No. He was right. I was just like my father"

"You're wrong"

"Am I? Look at how I've turned out. Bitter, twisted, angry and alone. Pretty much like father like son" he threw the shell back down on to the sand.

"You're feeling angry and bitter at the moment and that is completely understandable. You've had more than your fair share of crap to deal with in your life, I can see that you're the type of man who deals with things on his own. There's nothing wrong with that but there's only so much baggage we can carry with us before things start to get too much"

"So what do you suggest, Dr Phil?" Horatio replied sarcastically.

"First, you need to come to terms with your anger. Keeping it pent up inside isn't healthy. A little fire in the belly is good for all of us, keeps us focussed on what's important. When the anger builds over time and you don't let it out incidents like Friday night tend to happen" Horatio glared at him but Jeff carried on regardless, "You're a strong man Horatio, no one can ever deny that. How you've made it this far without cracking is somewhat of a miracle, what happened is a warning sign. You need to come to terms with your past and be able to move forward, it's not about forgiving or forgetting what has happened but accepting it for what it is. A life lesson"

Jeff watched the other man as he regarded his words; eventually the icy glare faded and was replaced with a look of remorse. "I don't know what to do" Horatio said, his voice barely a whisper. "Where do I start?"

"You start with releasing some of the anger that's eating at you. Like I said, engaging in a hobby is great way to blow off steam. You still any good at basketball?"

Horatio smiled slightly at that, "I'm ok" he answered modestly.

"Any of your team play?"

"Walter plays most days. He and Jesse were always arguing as to who was the best" The smile faded at the name of his fallen colleague. "Someone else you couldn't save" the voice in his head told him snidely.

"Maybe you should ask Walter for a game from time to time" Jeff suggested.

Horatio snorted, "I very much doubt Walter would want to spend his free time hanging around shooting hoops with some old man like me"

"How do you know? Have you ever asked him? Maybe he'd love it, to have his boss be actively interested in something he does too. Your team worship the ground you walk on but you're so closed off from all of them, they can help you if you let them"

He considered it for a moment, "Maybe"

Sensing that the conversation had come to a halt Jeff tried again, "What about Ray Jr and his mother, do you see a lot of them?"

Horatio laughed bitterly in response, "Not anymore. They moved to California, I'm lucky if I get an email or a card once or twice a year"

"Do you try to contact them?"

"No. I never seem to get the time"

"Well, relationships are a two way street. If you're not putting the effort in then how can you expect them to?"

He didn't have an answer for that, he looked back down at the sand and silently wished that he hadn't thrown the shell away. Fiddling was a good distraction.

Jeff spoke again, "How about you get in contact with Ray Jr, I'm sure he'd love to spend some time with you"

"He's probably too busy with college and girls to want to spend time with me" he replied softly, genuinely regretting losing contact with his nephew. He had been more of a father to the boy than his brother ever was.

"How do you know until you try? What's your relationship with his mother like?"

"Awkward" he replied honestly. When Jeff looked at him he felt compelled to explain himself further, "When Ray went undercover in Narcotics he was away, sometimes for months at a time. Yelina needed help with Ray Jr; she was bringing him up single-handedly most of the time. Then when we though Ray had died she needed someone to lean on even more. I ended up seeing Ray Jr's first steps, going to his school plays, helping him with his homework and the like. I used to be at Yelina's most nights being a father to her son. That's when the lines got a bit blurred"

"Blurred? How so?"

"For all intents and purposes we were almost like a married couple, bringing up a child between us. The three of us doing things as a family, we ate together, played together…." Horatio's words trailed off as he kicked himself mentally for revealing too much.

"There was an attraction between the two of you?"

He winced as his cheeks coloured in shame, "There was chemistry" he responded, emphasising the last word.

"Did anything ever happen between you?"

"No. There were a few close calls but we managed to keep our feelings under control. I felt so guilty that I was coveting my dead brother's wife, how sick is that?" he said bitterly, hating himself for having such thoughts about Yelina.

"If she was a beautiful woman then I can completely understand" Jeff replied.

"When Ray came back, after all those years when we thought he was dead she dropped me like a hot brick. She, Ray and Ray Jr got on a plane to Brazil and left me"

"That must have hurt"

"Probably no more than I deserved for my sinful behaviour"

"You have every right to be upset, you cared for Yelina and your nephew for a long time before Ray returned. How did things go after they left for Brazil?"

"It wasn't long before Ray got in too deep with drugs again; I ended up going out to Brazil with Eric. They'd beaten and tortured Ray, I couldn't get to him in time to save him" He closed his eyes as the vision of his brother beaten, bloody and dead on a dirty floor flooded his mind. "Ray Jr had somehow gotten into running drugs for the local cartel; I managed to get him and Yelina back to Miami"

"Did the feelings between the two of you return?"

"No. When she came back to Miami she was distant, cold. I think she blamed me for Ray's death, I should have been there to save him but I failed him. She became a private investigator, we still spoke but things were awkward between us. She even started dating someone she knew I hated, I think she did it just to get back at me" He admitted honestly.

"Why did she move to California?"

"Probably to get away from me. She'd been getting more distant and evasive just before she left. I don't think she took it too well when I asked her to look into Kyle for me. When she found out that I had a son and that I hadn't been part of his life for the first fifteen years I guess she thought it must be a Caine trait. To be a deadbeat father"

"We've discussed this already, you know that's not true" Jeff told him, trying to get him to see reason.

"But I've no doubt that it's what she thought. Being an awful father must run in the family"