Disclaimer : One Piece belongs to Oda Eiichirō.
Rating : K

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Sixteenth Time Lucky

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'But you don't love him,' Sanji protested, though much of the fire had gone out of his voice. He realized this was a losing battle.

'No, I don't,' Elaine admitted, much to Sanji and Zoro's surprise but not Bonney's. He must already know, and didn't mind? 'But I don't have to.'

'He needs to marry his true love or you can't break the spell.'

Elaine shook her head. 'That siren didn't properly curse him. Doesn't know her stuff, what an amateur,' she muttered under her breath before speaking up again. 'Tom has to find his true love, and she has to agree to marry him. But he doesn't have to be her true love. The curse doesn't say she has to love him back.'

'Isn't she a cunning lass?' Bonney spoke with the proper referential fear of a man who knew the caliber of woman he was marrying. 'I never thought of that before.'

'That's because you think every woman can't help but fall in love with you.' Gaston shrieked when the captain glared at him.

'You get a husband who can protect you,' Zoro said.

She didn't bother denying it. 'We both come out on top.'

'That hardly sounds romantic.'

'That's right!' Sanji looked chagrined. 'You should marry for love, not-'

'Not convenience?' Elaine chuckled. 'You really are a hopeless romantic, aren't you?'

Zoro frowned. Yes he was, but he was the Straw Hats' hopeless romantic and only they got to call him that. Nobody else could stomp on his feelings. She hadn't sounded mean though, more like wistful.

He was forced to adjust his opinion of her. She might look like Vivi but the manipulating, the pragmatism, that was all Nami. Imagine if those two ever teamed up, an unscrupulous body snatcher and a conniving cat burglar. They'd clean out the Grand Line.

'And you're okay with this?' Sanji turned to Bonney, a fellow chivalrous pervert who surely couldn't be okay with this anymore than he was. 'Don't you care that she doesn't love you?'

Bonney's face fell. 'I do, but I care more about breaking the curse. It's not just me, lad. My crew has gone through enough. It has to end tonight.'

'Yes,' Gaston ushered Bonney and Elaine together. 'So can we get this over with?'

Before she changes her mind or something else goes wrong. Zoro could almost see Gaston thinking it.

'But-' Sanji began. Zoro put a hand on his shoulder, both admonishment and support.

'Leave it be.'

Sanji looked thoroughly unhappy, but ultimately relented. The knight in shining armor who wasn't needed. Zoro almost felt sorry for him.

Gaston cleared his throat then began speaking as fast as he could without it turning into chattering. It occurred to Zoro he and Sanji were standing there as if they were the witnesses or something.

'Dearly beloved - and pirate scum,' Gaston didn't deign to look at the two Straw Hats. Instead he stole glances at Elaine as he spoke, as if he expected her to bolt at any moment. Understandable after fifteen misses that they were afraid it would go wrong at the very last moment. 'We are gathered here to today to witness the union of Elaine Read and Thomas Bonney in holy matrimony, which is an honorable estate, that is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently and soberly.'

Zoro was willing to bet not many pirate marriages were entered soberly.

'Into this estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If anyone can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now or forever hold their peace.'

The raccoons all gave Sanji death glares with their teeth showing and claws out like little fur balls of terror. They didn't have to worry though. Sanji wouldn't go against someone's wishes if they made those clear.

'Do you Elaine Read, take Thomas Bonney, to be your partner in life and sharing your path, equal in love, a mirror for your true self, promising to honor and cherish, through good times and bad and to support him in all endeavors, big and small.'

'I do.'

'Do you, Thomas Bonney…'

A mirror to your true self. Was that a word play of Gaston's, since in this case the bride could literally become one.

'What?' Sanji asked sullenly when he caught Zoro's eye. Why had his gaze drifted to the cook? Because…because Gaston had described his nakama. Hell, they'd even gone through their own ceremony, of a sort. Sanji was the one who had come up with it. On a stormy sea they had each put their foot on a barrel and declared their dreams to each other, committed themselves to venturing into the Grand Line together. It had just been the five of them back then. Sanji, to find All Blue, Luffy to become the Pirate King, Zoro to become the greatest swordsman, Nami to draw a map of the world and Usopp, stuttering as he was put on the spot, to become a brave warrior of the sea. Come to think of it, Sanji's cigarette had been lit in that storm too. Long before Franky had come along.

'…therefore if anyone can show any just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let them speak now or else hereafter forever hold their peace.'

'Ugh.' Elaine shook her head. It looked like she was cross with herself.

'Elaine?' Bonney asked, bewildered at the bride of all people interrupting the wedding. 'What is it?'

'You said you would protect me, but I never told you who from. '

'It doesn't matter.'

'It does. The man who's been chasing me…' She hung her head, then dropped a bombshell. 'He's a World Noble.'

Cologne made a strangled noise. 'A-a World Noble?!'

Now it made sense. That guy hadn't been kidding when he warned them to get away from her.

'Why is someone like that after you?' Bonney asked.

'His name is Jalmack. Two months ago I was in a town when he came through. Sitting on the back of a slave, a fishman. There was a boy who wanted to say hello. He ran in front of him to wave.' Elaine shook her head. 'He didn't know you weren't supposed to get in the path of a World Noble. Jalmack was going to shoot him. A child!' She gestured angrily. 'So I swapped with him and shot him in the foot. Then I shattered his helmet with the butt of his rifle, before swapping back.'

'You did that to a Celestial Dragon?' Gaston gawked. 'No wonder he was after you.'

'I had to make sure he was angry enough at me to leave the townsfolk alone.'

'I'd say it worked. That took guts, lass.' Bonney sounded impressed.

'I never regretted it. Except when I regretted it,' she added with a little smile.

Zoro understood perfectly well. No second thoughts about what she'd done, but she'd paid a heavy price for her good deed.

'Don't worry your dear heart,' Bonney ruffled her head. 'I'll protect you.'

It took Elaine off guard. 'No,' she shook her head. 'I don't know what I was thinking! Jalmack is a World Noble! You get in their way, they could send a Navy admiral after you.'

Bonney shrugged. 'I've already been marked by the World Government.'

Elaine stared at him.

'You too, huh.'

She did a double-take at Sanji. Bonney raised an intrigued eyebrow.

'What did you do?' Gaston asked.

'Attacked Enies Lobby, set the World Government flag on fire and beat up CP-9 in the Tower of Justice.'

'That was you?' Elaine gasped. 'Wait – you guys are the Straw Hat pirates?'

'Only two of them,' Zoro replied.

'Well that tops what I did,' Bonney admitted. 'But to get back to the matter at hand. No matter who comes after her, I'll protect my wife.'

Elaine couldn't meet his eyes. 'I-I've done nothing to deserve that.'

'Don't be silly. Being a nuisance to the government is half the fun of being a pirate.' He smirked.

Gaston cleared his throat. 'So does that mean the wedding is still on, Captain?'

'You bet.'

'Then I declare you wife and husband,' Gaston said quickly. 'Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. May your days together upon the seas be good and long."

Sanji looked like someone had sucker punched him. Everyone else glanced around, waiting for the curse-breaking fireworks. A minute passed, then another. Nothing happened. Nothing continued to happen as the atmosphere grew increasingly tense.

'It didn't work?' Zoro asked when the anticipation became unbearable. When he spoke the room seemed to sag, as if the air had been let out of a balloon.

'Maybe the bride does have to love you back!' Sanji suggested hopefully, only for Elaine to dash those hopes right away.

'No,' she said decisively. 'Curses are very literal. There's nothing implied. What you say is what you get.'

What was with this specialized cursing knowledge?

'Are you a witch or something?' Zoro asked.

'Or something,' she replied vaguely. She ignored the unnerved looks everyone gave her. 'You're sure she said that you have to find your true love and she has to marry you, nothing else?'

'Nothing else,' Bonney confirmed. 'I don't understand.' He took her hand in his. 'You are my love, true as day.'

'Clearly I'm not, or else the curse would be broken. Which means, married or not, you have to return to the sea.'

She looked away from Bonney's pained expression. If he was like Sanji, Zoro could guess what he wanted to say. He wanted to protect her no matter what. But if she was right, then that curse would drag him back under. He wouldn't be able to.

Bonney looked crestfallen. Great, so now they had two useless perverted knights in shining armor.

'Look,' Sanji cut in. 'We're looking for our own crew, but you can travel with us for a while. If Jalmack comes after you, we'll beat him up.'

Zoro really didn't get some people. This was what she wanted, her way out, but rather than seize the chance, Elaine said, 'I wouldn't want to be a burden.'

'You've been nothing but a burden!'

'Bastard, a lady is never a burden!'

Elaine looked lost in thought while Sanji and Zoro exchanged kicks and slashes across the deck. Panicked raccoons tried to stop them but they couldn't get close enough.

'It can't be helped.' She put her hand on Bonney's shoulder. 'Jō-dan Switch!'

'Waa, Captain!' Gaston wailed, throwing his paws up. Zoro drew back his swords, Sanji the foot pressing against them.

'Wha-' Bonney caught sight of his hijacked body. He looked stunned and hurt. 'Elaine…'

'I'm sorry,' Elaine apologized. She sounded genuinely regretful. 'But you can't protect me, so I have to protect myself. With your power, I can- I can stop Jalmack, for good.' She turned to Sanji. 'Thank you for coming to rescue me. You really are a knight.'

Coming from a woman, that was the highest praise Sanji could ever want and Zoro was sure the cook would be floating hearty-eyed by now, if it hadn't been a man's voice saying those words.

Elaine leaned in and pressed a kiss on Sanji's cheek. The cook shut down completely. He stood stock-still with empty eyes. Bonney was a close second, staring as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing and the raccoons were…well, raccoons.

It was all up to Zoro now.

'You're not going anywhere,' he warned. This was it, the moment when he could push himself past his limits. Elaine was going to use Bonney's powers, but Zoro was ready for it. This time he was going to break free of the control.

'Ichijinken!' Unexpectedly, her arm shot out in a punch. Something invisible struck Zoro in the stomach with enough force to send him flying back through the doorway over the heads of the raccoons. He crashed into the main mast. The crew gasped in terror when a large crack zigzagged to the top. Zoro fell to the ground, dazed for a couple of seconds. That was enough time for Elaine to be out the door by the time he got to his feet. What the hell had that been?

'Nitoryū! Taka nami!' The gust of wind roared towards Elaine. She dropped to the ground impossibly fast. The attack passed over her and hit the forecastle. Scores of raccoons screamed as they were hurtled about. Zoro wasted no time and stormed forward.

'Don't hurt her!'

He had expected it to be Sanji yelling that but it was Bonney, pulling back the magenta hair the wind had blown into his face. He stood in front of Elaine, arms spread to protect her.

Chivalrous intentions or not, Zoro had enough of perverts and their interfering. Abandoning the downward pound, he rolled forward to dodge another airborne fist and soared to his feet right in front of Bonney and Elaine, trapping both their necks between his blades. She had caught him off guard, but that wouldn't happen a second time. A flick of his wrist and heads would be rolling.

Elaine paled at the fierce look in his eyes. Bonney grit his teeth. In his own body he could defend her, but Elaine's was another matter.

'This attack, what is it?'

It was Bonney who answered.

'It's mine, Wind Gust Fist.'

'A devil fruit attack?'

Bonney nodded. 'I ate the Pace Pace fruit. Life's not worth living unless it's at your own pace,' he tacked on with a lopsided smile. Trust a pirate to spout corny catchphrases even with swords at his throat. Probably used it as a pick-up line too. 'It lets me control the pace of things. I can slow them down or speed them up.'

So that was how she had dodged Zoro's attack, by increasing her body's speed. And that's how Bonney had immobilized him in the graveyard. He had slowed Zoro down to the point he couldn't move. There hadn't been any mind control involved at all. That painful admission to Sanji had been for nothing!

His swords quivered ever so slightly, causing his prey to flinch. 'How are you able to use it? Your ability is more than just body swapping, isn't it?'

Elaine didn't look like she wanted to answer the question, which was the smart thing to do. The more an enemy was kept in the dark about what you were capable of, the the better your chance of winning, especially if you were facing strong opponents. Done right, an opening strike could end a battle before it even began. She was out of options though. She was fast with her body-swapping, but Zoro was faster. She could use Bonney's abilities to slow him, but that would leave them both trapped in his blades. So she reluctantly explained.

'The body has its own memories. The training it went through. The attacks it repeats, countless of times, it remembers. When I switch with someone, I gain those memories. That includes how to use any devil fruit powers they might have.'

That meant she knew the moves of everyone she swapped with, including Zoro's. A dreadful ability indeed, but it had a few weaknesses. It relied on her being fast enough to switch, required her to touch the person she wanted to switch with and made her vulnerable during the blinding split-second the switch took place.

'If you got enemies you can't take on alone, there's no shame in asking for help. But you don't take what's not yours.' Zoro's voice cracked just a little at those last words. It was going to take long hours of meditation to come to terms with that experience. 'Switch ba-'

'You bastard! Don't aim a sword at a lady!'

Damn, hearing Elaine being threatened must have woken the cook from his catatonic state. Zoro had no choice but to abandon his stance to intercept Sanji's kick.

'Not now, dartboard brow!' Zoro growled but Sanji was ignoring everyone but Bonney.

'Are you all right, sweet princess?' he gushed. The irises of his eyes popped into hearts. He knew who he was talking to right? Unless… Zoro started. No way! Had Sanji blocked out the memory of what had just happened? The shock had been too great!

'That's Bonney, you idiot!' Zoro waved the mellorine sparkles out of the way.

'What?'

'They switched bodies!'

The hearts melted to the deck.

'Switch!' Elaine shouted. Bonney wobbled, then regained his footing. Had she swapped them back? 'Poitrine!'

She switched with Sanji's body. Sanji and Bonney plowed into the forecastle which finally gave way after all the abuse. Elaine didn't need to touch anyone's shoulder, that had just been a trick! Or maybe she only needed to touch people once, like that shapeshifter swan guy. She leapt up into the air.

'Switch!' she shouted while above Zoro. The world whited out. He barely managed to get his feet under him before hitting the deck.

'Nitoryū! Hirameki!'

Zoro jumped back to dodge the two air projectiles coming at him. When Elaine had switched them before, Zoro had ended up in a weak, untrained body. This one however, like his own, had been forged into a weapon. He might not have access to the memories of Sanji's body, but he knew what it was capable of. The only thing he had to adjust for was muscle and speed. He had to be fast though, if she got serious using his body he was finished.

'Mutōryū. Tatsu Maki!' Zoro spun his arms round, sending a vortex of wind towards Elaine. He had no doubt she could dodge it, but that would buy him the time he needed to close the distance between them.

'Switch!' Elaine yelled. Suddenly Zoro was back in his own body seeing his own attack come at him. He barely managed to dodge in time. The attack passed him by and headed straight for Bonney who was just straightening up from the debris with Sanji's help. He was too winded, too slow to dodge it.

'Look out!' Sanji pushed Bonney out the way, but that left him with no time to get out of the way himself. The vortex picked him up and sent him flying back. He went overboard as there was no more forecastle to block him, missing the bowsprit by inches. He disappeared into the darkness.

'Damn it!' Zoro swore.

'Captain, that blond idiot has your body!' Gaston yelled. He emerged from the rubble looking a little worse for wear. His fur had been blown up and his monocle blown off. 'He'll drown!'

'You stay here and stop her!' Bonney ran to the gunwale. 'I'll go!'

'She ate a Devil's Fruit as well, you'll sink too!' Zoro reminded him. 'I'll go!'

'Épaule!'

The kick struck Zoro's shoulder and hammered him into the deck. He feared for a moment he would break through it, but it held. Zoro scrambled to his feet. What the hell was she doing, trying to stop him from saving Sanji?

He had no choice. Elaine had Sanji's body, he couldn't let her get away, but he had no time to fight her. Maybe she thought he would hold back because Sanji was his nakama. But that was precisely why he couldn't hold back.

'Sorry about this, cook,' Zoro said around the hilt of Shūsui in his mouth. 'Hyakuhachi Pondo Hō!'

Elaine said something, but his own shout drowned out her voice. The air compressed projectiles fused into a single killer blow. She flew back with a scream Zoro didn't think Sanji's voice was capable of making and hit the foremast. She fell down and didn't move. Out cold.

'Take this.' Bonney grabbed one of the ship's lanterns. 'Don't manhandle it, it gets annoyed really quickly and it'll go out then.'

Zoro peered at the lantern. There was some kind of lungfish inside, curled up. It had a crooked antenna-like growth coming out of its head. At the end was a bulb of green light.

'It'll shine for a good while. I fed it some grub a little while ago.'

Zoro looked at Bonney, who gave a double thumbs-up.

'Tie her up,' he ordered. 'Especially the legs.'

Zoro leapt over the side of the ship. The storm had abated but it was deep in the night and the sea was pitch black. It would have been hopeless without the lantern.

Water got into the rusty old casing as soon as Zoro hit the waves. The lungfish uncurled and swam around making contented clicking noises.

Devil fruit users sank like a stone. All he had to do was swim straight down and he should find Sanji. But if he'd miscalculated, if he couldn't find Sanji in time, what would happen if the body he was switched with died? Would there be a battle of souls where Sanji duked it out with Elaine for possession of his body? No. It wouldn't be a fight at all. He'd surrender it for sure.

Zoro dove deeper. Suddenly his vision whited out. When he could see again he was still underwater but without a lantern and lungs that felt like bursting. His body was lighter, in a maroon coat that floated around him. She'd swapped him Sanji! The pressure on his lungs was unbearable. He needed to breathe! Zoro tried to swim up but he his body felt like lead. If this was what a devil fruit user felt like in the sea he'd never eat one of the blasted things. If he lived, which wasn't looking likely. The tightness in his chest turned to pain. He saw a murky bubble of light approaching. Sanji, or someone using his body at least. He couldn't…

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tbc