Kendall Knight was only a 17 year old boy but he was one hundred or more sure that he's the only one who knew how it felt to be loved then left behind. He loved his Dad so much as much as he loved his Mom. He loved his friends so fucking bad like he couldn't spend a day without them.
Then he loved Shane Adams so much, the boy who just passed away 10 days ago, the one whom Kendall met at the hospital 4 weeks ago, the brunet haired boy who made Kendall's life turning into 180 degrees.
Kendall sat in front of the gray tomb written as Shane Adam's. It's a great day on November 12nd and the blond chose to spend it in a cemetery. He picked his guitar, playing a random sad song which just crossed on his mind.
"I have nothing great today. School just sucks as usual and my friends go hang out for bowling or something. I really have no mood doing anything except visit you like this." Kendall wiped his tears from his wet cheeks.
"Seriously, Shane, I really fucking hate you for everything. We only met for like 2 weeks but look at me you idiot! I waste my days for thinking and crying over you! I talk to a fucking grieve, talking to nothing!" Kendall cried.
He took a deep breathe, "I always crying and thinking about you. I hate you Shane…"
Kendall tightened his hug to the guitar and let the tears fell down from the green eyes into the guitar's body, "I finished my song for you yesterday. Do you want to hear?"
He waited for couple of minutes, pretending Shane talked to him, answering his question.
Kendall smiled, "Okay, don't laugh but… this is my song for you. I don't know what the title is… just figure it out yourself."
I don't remember what we might have said
And I didn't bother to write it down any how
Now all of the memories spun like a web
And I can't get out, get out, get out
I gave everything I got not to lose you,
We chose to say goodbye but I choose you
I choose you
I keep building walls but you're always on my mind
Won't let them fall down I'm tired can we give up
the art of moving on, on, on.
It keeps me up all night, all night
Feels like I'm stuck here frozen in time
If it wasn't real then I wonder what really is
And if there's a world where you could be mine
Well that's where I'd live, I'd live, I'd live
Gave everything not to lose you, not to lose you.
I keep building walls but you're always on my mind
Won't let them fall down I'm tired can we give up
the art of moving on, on, on.
(Art of Moving On – Heffron Drive)
Kendall chuckled as he kept wiping his tears away, "Fuck, that's so good right? Do you proud of me?"
He placed the guitar next to him, resting his body and placing right hand under his head. Eyes locking into the clear sky, "Shane, do you hear me?"
"I was thinking all night… I know I do something that you might be not proud of, but hey, this were all your faults, you dickhead!" Kendall closed his eyes and lips pulled into a smile, "I need to move on. I have to let you go."
"This has nothing to do with me loving you or not, but… I want to make you proud. I always remember about your dream, about me singing on the stage with my band."
"I want to make your dream come true, Shane." Kendall sat up, "I promise I will and I won't come back until I make it real." Kendall touched the top of the tomb, placing a kiss on that.
"Mm… Kendall…" James softly pushed Kendall's body from him, "I have to work." He placed a gentle peck on his lover's pink lips. Lover? James wasn't sure about this relationship he had with Kendall.
The blond slept here. Literally, they only slept in the same bed nothing more. James wasn't ready for sex yet and he wasn't sure whether he wanted it with Kendall or not. That was a big deal for him and Kendall knew it. He appreciated and respected James' decision. Then again, Kendall still need more time to think his feelings. Yes, Kendall couldn't deny he loved being here with James but he still thinking about Shane and his painful flashback.
Kendall groaned, "Don't go," he bend over to kiss James' neck, "You smell so fucking good in the morning."
"Mm…" James nodded, closing his eyes, "I almost late." The brunet locked his fingers on Kendall's messy hair. The blond didn't bother himself to stop his actions but torturing James even more instead. He started to bite and suck James' neck.
"Kendall," James moaned his name in a short breathe, "Please stop or I'll hate you forever."
The blond laughed, he raised his head to see James clearer, "Can you?"
"No," James chuckled, he pulled Kendall's face closer then kissed his lips, "I'll see you this afternoon, 'kay?"
Kendall nodded, "Okay," he kissed the brunet back, "but don't wear your sexy clothes. My friends will turn to be gay too."
James laughed really loud, "You're too much."
"No," Kendall took his shirt from the floor, "You are. You are the Greek God who has the ability to make people love you in one sight."
James raised an eyebrow, "Wow I don't know you admiring me that much, Kendall." he started to do his baby pink shirt's buttons while Kendall just sat on the edge of his bed watching him.
"Uh huh," Kendall smirked.
James walked toward his closet and back with a navy dot tie, "You want to stay here?"
Kendall stood up and walked closer until their toes touched each other, "Nope," he grabbed the tie from James' hand and do that for the brunet, "Can I?" he asked.
James smiled, "Yes."
Never, not even once in his life, Kendall had a thought he would be doing something like this. It's 8 o'clock in the morning and he just woke up in James' bed and seeing the brunet get ready for work. Now he did the brunet's tie.
"It's good," James learned his look on the standing mirror, "You're good at tie."
Kendall smiled, "I'm good at everything."
"No," James disagree, "You're not a morning person. I'm sure you won't wake up if it wasn't me who woke you up."
Kendall shrugged, "You and your bed are perfection." He took his jeans from the couch, "Do you really that late? I mean this only 8 and you are the CEO, it wasn't a big deal if you come a bit late."
James rolled his eyes, "I am a good CEO," he sprayed some perfume over his neck, "but I do have 30 minutes for breakfast. What do you want?"
Kendall smiled, "Good. I'll make sandwich." After that the blond just ran out from James' bedroom leaving James who now laughing.
Camille jumped into Kendall's hug once the petite girl saw Kendall walked in the studio, "I miss you!" she screamed.
Logan and the rest of band members just laughed seeing two best friends hugging each other.
"I miss you too," Kendall placed a soft kiss on Camille's cheek.
Kendall took off his backpack and placed it on the couch. He gave Logan, Dustin and Carlos a paper.
"New song?" Carlos' eyes widened, "Wow… James Diamond makes your brain working really well. Did you realize that you make 3 songs within a week?"
Kendall rolled his eyes, "This has nothing to do with him, 'Los."
"Uh huh," Dustin mocked, "This has something to do with his dick."
Camille laughed so hard, "Oh God! This is hilarious. You and my cousin dating is one of the best things I've ever know."
"Guys," Kendall felt irritating, "First of all, me and him are not dating… yet. We haven't figured it out. Second, this isn't about his dick. Me and him… we're not getting into that part… yet." He sighed.
None say anything.
Kendall cleared his throat, "I don't want to talk about my sexual life with you idiots. Ever,"
Logan chuckled, "Okay…"
"And," Kendall raised his point finger as a sign that he wanted everyone in this room listening to him, "He'll come today after work, I want all of you…" he stared to each of them, "Including you, Camille, to behave. I respect him a lot so…"
Dustin put his hand around Kendall's shoulder, "Chill… we're not a 5 year old boy, Kendall."
Carlos chuckled, "You worry too much."
"Aw…" Camille pinched his stomach, "You two are too darn cute."
Kendall rolled his eyes and walked out from his annoying best friends toward the practice room, "Whatever," he hissed.
The band spent 2 hours of practice before the break. Kendall felt satisfy because his newest song, Happy Mistakes, was way better with the band rather than he played alone with only a guitar.
Carlos was right. James was the one who made his brain working well lately. Kendall didn't know why and how the brunet did that, but he was sure that James inspired him more and more every day.
He checked his phone, there's an email from James Diamond. Kendall had no idea why James chose to email rather than text or call him. Maybe he needs a pre-dating 101 book.
From : James Diamond
To : Kendall Knight
Subject : information
Time : May, 22nd, 2014 03:17:05 PM
Dear Mr. Knight,
The meetings and seminar went faster than I expected. I just got home and in the middle of getting ready to meet my favorite person on his studio right now. I guess I'll see you in 30 minutes.
Sincerely,
James Diamond
CEO of Diamond Enterprise
Holy. Crap.
Even in an email, James was still fucking hot and intimidating.
Kendall rushed to reply the brunet's email,
To : James Diamond
From : Kendall Knight
Subject : sexy email
Time : May, 22nd, 2014 03: 17: 55 PM
Dear Mr. Diamond,
Shit you're sexy as fuck! Come here immediately so I can give you tons of kisses. Take whatever your fastest ridebefore I kiss someone else!
Sincerely,
Kendall Knight
Your Sexy Random Guy
"Holy shit!" that's all Kendall heard from Carlos' mouth. Kendall had no idea what made the Latino couldn't stop staring at the outside but now, he knew.
James.
His fucking lover or whatever!
He wore a pale blue Polo shirt and black jeans that hanging on his waist perfectly. Holy shit, was he a model or something?
Camille was the one who opened the door, "James!" she greeted her cousin, giving the tan and tall guy a warm hug.
"Camille," James greeted her, placed a soft kiss on her cheek, "How are you?" he asked politely.
Logan elbowed Kendall, "He's here." He whispered.
Kendall rolled his eyes, "I have eyes, thanks, Logge."
James looked into everyone in the studio including Carlos who still staring at James' car, "Hi Guys." He greeted them.
Dustin raised his hand awkwardly, "Hi, James."
James nodded, "How's the practice?"
"Great," Logan took the initiative to give James' a warm shook on hand and a hug, "How are you, Dude?"
While James, Logan and Camille talking. Kendall made himself way to the bar, took soda and some snacks.
"Kendall!" Carlos suddenly stood next to him, "Did you know how much his car price is? It's fucking expensive and he just drive it here… holy shit!"
The blond chuckled, "He is James Diamond, Carlos."
"Fuck," Carlos couldn't help himself. The Latino loved about gadget and vehicles and the car that James drove today, Aston Martin Vanquish, was one of his dream cars. So that's why he couldn't get over the amazement.
Kendall touched Carlos' shoulder, "Come on, stop drooling and have conversation with him."
Dustin was joining Logan and James over the conversation when Kendall got there. The brunet turned his head to see Kendall and Kendall sat next to him. As much as Kendall wanted to jump and kiss him, he forced himself to not doing that. It's a stupidity and would be smacking James in the face.
"I actually made a reservation for dinner," James stated, "The bistro pretty close from here."
Carlos nodded in agreement, "Great! Where is it?"
"Bouchon," James answered. He looked to his watch, "We can go now if you guys don't mind…"
Camille stood up, "Yeah, it's almost 7…" she took her hand bag from the couch and signing others to get out from the studio.
Kendall put his hand around James' waist made the brunet shocked, "You doing great."
James felt uncomfortable. It wasn't PDA but he didn't expecting Kendall do something that sign his friends that they're a thing, "Thanks."
"They're my friends," Kendall whispered, "I just hug your waist and that wasn't a big deal. Chill."
James shrugged, "Guess… I'm lack of experiences about this." He smiled.
Kendall chuckled, "Come on!"
The dinner went great and everyone had a good time. Dustin and Carlos finally could break the awkwardness with James and now three of them were like buddy.
"We can surf and have lunch at my home sometime," James smiled, "I'd like to invite all of you to Venice."
"Wow!" Carlos couldn't hide his happiness, "That will be great! How about this weekend?"
James nodded, "Weekend is great," he turned his head to Kendall, "You can asked Jo too."
"She'll loves it," Kendall could imagine Jo's face when she heard this plan, "She's one of your fans."
James' eyebrow raised, "What?"
Camille laughed, "Every girl does,"
"Can you show me your cars?" Carlos asked in a please tone, black eyes staring to James like a child.
James chuckled, "Of course, Carlos."
"Cool!"
"How we get there? We don't know your home." Dustin asked.
Camille shook her head, "I know. Let's take my van!"
While James and his best friends talked about their plan on weekend, Kendall just stared at the brunet. He really glad that James could get along with his friends, even at first there's awkwardness between them, but as time's past, they finally had a real talk as a friend.
"We can drive or…" James turned his head to Kendall, "How about all of you gathered on my office, we can take my Eurocopter."
Carlos' eyes widened even more, Kendall worried it could pass from its place, "Whoa… Can I be your co-pilot?"
James chuckled, found Carlos' excitement as a funny thing, "Of course you're very welcome, Carlos!"
Camille grabbed Kendall's hand under the table, "You mean a lot to him, Kendall, and I'm thank you for that." she smiled, her eyes watery, "I've never seen he's this happy, not even once."
Kendall smiled. Deep in his minds, he felt the familiar feelings, the mixture of worry, guilt and wary. The feelings which he felt fear of broke James' heart for his confusion.
James drove Kendall to his home in Hummingbird Hills. Kendall took off the seatbelt and waiting James did the same thing but yet James didn't do that.
"You won't come in?" Kendall asked.
The brunet shook his head, "No. I'm not ready to tell my colleague that I'm gay and I'm hanging out with her son."
Kendall chuckled, "She's not home."
"Really?" James asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, she stayed at grandma's today."
James shrugged, "Uh… how if your neighbor saw us?"
"Then what?" Kendall opened the door, "Come on, none will see us!"
After a second of thinking, James finally took off the seatbelt and followed Kendall to get into his house. Kendall threw his backpack into the couch and made his way to the kitchen.
"What do you want?" he asked.
"Are you always throwing your backpack like that?" James asked in a shock.
Kendall chuckled, "Is that a bad thing?"
"Maybe," James pulled on of the stools, "I never see a 21 year old young man act like a 5 year old boy."
Kendall sat next to him, "You're only 23, James. Stop acting like you're my Dad."
"Alright," James chuckled, "Do you have a red wine?"
"Yeah," Kendall took the sodas from the fridge, "But you already have Pinot Noir at the dinner. I don't want you to get drunk and fuck me tonight."
James laughed, "I never get drunk, Kendall."
"Uh huh because you're super human," Kendall felt sarcastic, "Let's get into my room."
James frowned, "Why?"
"I want you to see my favorite place," Kendall stared at James in a suspicious way, "Do you think I will rape you or something?"
James rolled his eyes, "God Kendall," he groaned, "Stop teasing me! That's really childish!"
Kendall chuckled and pulled the brunet, signing him to follow him to his room and James still mocking next to him.
It's always fun to tease the elder guy.
The blond opened the door, waited on the side and signed James to get in first. James got into his room and looked around, pink lips parting and pulling into a smile.
"I like your room."
Kendall put his hand around James' shoulder, "This is not a luxury room like yours, but here is where all of my dreams come true."
James turned his body, facing Kendall's, "What about your dream with me?"
"I was here when we had our first call, so… yeah, you're one of them." He stepped closer, closing the distance.
James smiled, "Good,"
"What about me?" Kendall asked him back, their lips were closer, "Do I one of your dreams?"
The brunet shook his head, "No."
Kendall felt his heart broke, "What?"
"You're not my dream, Kendall." James cupped the younger male's face, "You are real," One of his hands down to grab Kendall's hand, placing it in James' chest, "This is real."
Kendall's eyes widened.
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
"I…" Kendall stuttered, "I don't know what to say James…"
James nodded, "I know. I don't know either."
Kendall brought their lips together in a frenzy moving lovely way. Fuck about what's going between them, both of the males just cared about what they needed and what they had now.
Kendall parked his car on the decent spot at Diamond Global Enterprise building. Once he turned off the car, Jo, Dustin and Carlos got off from the car. Next to his car was Logan's, he and Camille were already here.
"Where's he?" Camille asked.
Kendall pulled out his phone from jeans pocket, "He probably on the roof. Come on." He signed his best friends to follow him.
They were going to Venice today, visited James' house. Based on what Camille said about James never brought anyone to his private home before was more confusing for Kendall. The fact that it was James himself who invited all of Kendall's friends to visit his house was felt so unreal. If he didn't like anyone visited his private home, then why he invited Kendall's friends?
"Maybe because you meant a lot to him." that's what Jo said.
Kendall was really afraid to think about that more because if so, what he supposed to do? Dumping James wasn't a great idea but accepting all his kindness and lovely actions wasn't either.
His phone rang. It's James who called.
"Yeah?" Kendall answered the call.
"Where are you?"
Kendall signed his friends to get into the elevator, "In front of elevator."
"Alright, I'm on the roof with Tom, checking in Euro. See you soon, Kendall Knight."
Damn. Kendall always loves how James saying his name. It always sounds sexier than it supposed to be.
"How many helicopters James have?" Carlos asked.
Camille chuckled, "4. He got his first helicopter when he's 18."
"Wow."
Jo checking her reflection on the mirror, "Does he always do this?"
"Do what?" Camille followed her checking her reflection.
"Invite his lover's friends to his house. I thought it was his private home." Jo applied her pink lip gloss.
"It is," Camille nodded, "Actually, he never asked me to visit his house before but I guess someone just changed him…" she turned to see Kendall.
Kendall rolled his eyes, "Shut up!"
"Come on, Kendall!" Camille punched him, "You better ask him what's going on between you guys. Don't you think this all weird? I mean, you both obviously falling in love each other."
Logan nodded in agreement with his girlfriend, "Yeah. This is weird. You and him always together, kissing and probably fucking but none of you know what's going on."
Dustin put his hand around Kendall's shoulder, "Dude, it's been a month."
Kendall was about to open his mouth to respond but the ring on the elevator stopped him and the doors were opened. Logan walked out first then Camille followed him.
"Good morning, Miss Roberts." Tom greeted her, "Good morning, Sir."
Camille smiled to him, "Good morning, Tom. How are you?"
"I'm doing fine, thank you, Miss." Tom smiled, he turned to Kendall, "Good morning, Mr. Knight."
Kendall frowned but he gave the old man a nod, "Good morning."
"Mr. Diamond is waiting for all of you. Please follow me."
Carlos grabbed Camille's hand, "Are you sure Diamond family is not a royal family or something?"
"Of course not," she chuckled, "I've told you, his family is a very formal family."
The Eurocopter was standing greatly in its place and the owner was standing next to him in his blue jeans and white unbuttoned shirt.
"Holy shit Kendall!" Jo whispered, "If he wasn't your potential boyfriend, I would run to him and forget about Shay."
Kendall rolled his eyes, "Geez… just go and jump into his muscular body."
"Can I?"
Kendall glared in disbelief. How dare Jo stabbing him from the back? Otherwise, Jo just laughed, "Chill! I just adored him as a fan. I mean, look at him Kendall… he looks like modeling his clothes, doing a James Bond's photo shoot or something."
James smiled at them, "Hi, everyone."
Tom handing him a small bag, "Here's your bag, Sir."
"Thank you, Tom." he nodded to the assistant, "Tom, please meet my friends."
Tom nodded and bowed his head, "Hello. I'm Tom Peterson, Mr. Diamond's personal assistant. My pleasure to meet everyone,"
Everyone greeted him back.
After a short chit-chat with Tom like introducing each other, the old man excused and each of them got into the Euro. Carlos was more than excited for a fact that he would be James' co-pilot today.
Kendall placed a gentle peck on James' lips before he got into the Euro, "See you in the next hour."
James smiled, "See you soon!"
Kendall nodded then he got into the Euro, his friends already there and staring at him, their face smiling and awing. Kendall pouted, "What?"
Jo chuckled, "You two are cute."
Nothing better than having a great day with your friends and that's how Kendall felt today. He rested his body on the palm tree, dried himself with a towel while his eyes still watching James surfed with Carlos, Logan and Dustin. Jo and Camille on the other side, sunbathing.
"Hey," James walked toward him then take a place to sit next to him, "Tired already?"
Kendall shook his head, "No. It's way more fun to just watch you surfing."
"Come on," James grabbed Kendall's hand, "Let's hit more waves."
"Nope," Kendall shook his head, "I need break," he finally admitted that he was tired.
James smiled, "Not tired my ass… let's take lunch break then we'll go skydiving. How about that?"
"What?" Kendall's eyes widened, "God, hanging out with you make me have more adrenaline rush experiences."
James laughed, "That's fun."
The brunet already hired a chef to cook their lunch. All of them were enjoyed the lunch, they were really hungry after spent 2 or 3 hours playing at the beach. All of them back to James' house.
"Give me your cars' tour!" Carlos squeaked like a 5 year old boy who wants toys.
James nodded, "Sure. Come on, buddy."
Dustin and Logan followed James and Carlos to the brunet's basement where he collected all of his luxury cars and Kendall chose to rest on the couch with Jo and Camille.
"You seemed distracted," Jo stated, "What happened?"
Kendall shook his head, "Nothing."
"Liar," Camille pouted, "You can't tell us a lie, Kendall. We both know."
Jo agreed to her, "Now speak."
Kendall had no choice except to tell the girls everything. "I'm so confuse," he started, "I like hanging out with him. I like how I spend my times with him. James is like addiction."
"But every time I have the great moments with him, Shane always comes back and that's torturing me. It's fucking hurts and I don't know either I really like James or I just like him because he and Shane are too similar."
Jo frowned, she touched Kendall's hand, "They just look alike, Kendall."
"No," Kendall shook his head, he hadn't told her about their similarities, "Not only their face but also their character, their ways to treat me, their hobbies, their…"
Fuck. This was too hard for him to remember all of James and Shane's similarities.
"They both…" he gulped, "They both like spend their mean time at the roof because the feel when it's only him and the sky and the quietness. Their lucky number is 111. They both had a pair of beautiful deep hazel eyes and soft brunet hair. They…" Kendall stopped. He didn't think he could finish this talk.
Camille wiped her tears, "You know… you don't have to finish if it's too hard for you. We understand."
Jo kissed his cheek, "There must be a difference between James and Shane, Kendall. Remember, they are not a same person."
Kendall smiled, "Yeah, thanks guys."
"I'll ask Tom to pick us up so you and James can spend a night here, just both of you. Take this time to talk about your relationship with him." Camille smiled.
Kendall nodded, "Thanks, Cam."
The skydiving plan was failed because the wind was too dangerous so they chose to get back to James' house. Camille already called Tom to pick them and she also told the boys about her plan.
"James," Camille called her cousin while they just got home.
The brunet turned to see her, "Yes?"
"Can I have a second with you?" she signed him to follow her to the kitchen. James nodded then followed her.
Kendall and the others were watching movie on the living room and Camille was sure they couldn't hear them.
"What's wrong, Camille?" James opened the fridge, took a bottle of water to fill him up.
Camille sat on the stool, "What's going on between you and Kendall?"
"What?" James almost choked, "What do you mean?"
"Stop denying, James. I know you love him." Camille grumbled, "I know you want what's on his pants."
James' eyes widened, "That's rude, Miss Roberts"
"You know what I mean."
James sighed, "I… yeah, I like him a lot. Love? I don't know, that's a big deal to love someone."
"And?" Camille waited the next statement.
"And… I don't know. I don't know either we're dating or not but…" James looked really confuse, "I don't know."
Camille smiled, "You know it. Deep in your heart, you know it but you're afraid of rejection. You afraid of how Kendall's feel, you're afraid to what other people think about you and him. You're afraid to how if your parents know that you're gay."
James nodded, "That's right."
"Stop worrying something that hasn't happened and just enjoy the moments you have with him. If you love him then let him know," she gave her cousin a courageous.
James took a deep breathe, "What if… he didn't feel the same with me?"
"You're so fucking idiot if you think like that," Camille mumbled, she didn't realize that she just mocking James Diamond.
"I… uh…" James was speechless.
Camille sighed, "He's into you, James. God, you have too much work until you didn't realize that guy was really into you."
"If so… why he didn't tell me?"
Camille shrugged, "What if he's confused?"
James sighed, "Because I look alike his past?"
"You know about that?" Camille's eyes widened, "He told you?"
James nodded, "He told me that I look alike someone in his past but… who is he? Is he his boyfriend?"
Camille smiled, "This is not my place to tell about that. I called Tom to pick us up, you'll have time with Kendall alone. Tell him, James, so he has courageous to tell you the same."
Kendall sat on the pool side, soaked his feet on the jacuzzi felt the warm up over to his body. James came with a bottle of red wine and glasses.
"Thanks," Kendall accepted one of the glasses, "What is it?"
James showed him a bottle, "One of my favorites, Penfolds Grange 1951."
Kendall took another shoot, "This must be an expensive red wine," he smiled to the brunet who joined him in the Jacuzzi, "You always have the best."
"Thanks," James stared at his glass, "Kendall, I want to ask something."
Kendall nodded, "Ask me everything,"
James wrapped their fingers together, "Who is the guy who looks like me?"
Kendall shocked. He didn't expecting this question would finally questioned by James, not this soon.
"He is Shane Adams. I met him 5 years ago at Los Angeles Children's Hospital when I had atypical depression."
James' eyes widened, "Kendall…"
"I had depression because my Dad was died." Kendall tighter the wrap, "I couldn't help myself because I loved him so much. He and my Mom meant the world to me, and 16 year old Kendall couldn't let him go."
James' hand pulled Kendall's body closer, caressing his back.
"We met at the park. I accidentally crashed him and we both fell on the ground," Kendall learned James' face who now shocked to what he just said, "Yes, same with how we met."
"He had a pair of beautiful deep hazel eyes like yours and both of you have the same soft brunet hair. It surprising me that there's two people who look alike in this world. You and him are not only look alike, both of you are the same person."
"We met every single day. I liked how he always happy and acts like nothing happened while he had the last stage of Leukemia. I only spent a week there and during that week, I… I fall in love with him. I admitted I like him so fucking much four days later, that's why I understand when you said you like me."
James nodded. The brunet didn't cut Kendall off, he gave the blond time.
"My last night stayed at the hospital, I kissed him and told him that I love him because I really did. I loved him so much even though we only together for a week but I do. Although I was back to my home, I always come to the hospital every day only to see him, only to spend my time with him, only to make myself laugh with all his happiness and silliness. It was the greatest times I've ever had until… he died after called me, after told me his birthday wishes. He died on my birthday."
Kendall couldn't help himself. He didn't bother himself to wipe his tears or even stop talking. He just wanted James knew. Now or never.
"I was so shocked and sad that day. I don't even know how to describe my feelings but all I know that… I really hate him for a fact that he left me without good bye, without giving me chances to prepare myself."
James closed his eyes, "You don't have to tell the whole story,"
"I want," Kendall nodded, "I want you to know."
James cupped Kendall's face, "Alright, but… if this is too hard for you, just stop okay?"
Kendall smiled, "I promise. Can I continue?"
"Yes please,"
"Day by day, I felt like a living zombie and hurt people around me. I ignored my Mom, Carlos, Logan, Dustin and Jo. They all tried their best to cheer me up but I just locked myself in my room, crying over Shane. 4 days later, I remembered what Shane told me about I have to learn how to let people go and I realized if I kept acting like that, he would really mad so I cheered up myself, I'm back as a normal person. Hours later, someone knocked the door and that's a package guy. There's a package from Shane Adams for Kendall Knight."
Kendall took a deep breathe, remembering the Shane Adams story made his heart and brain in pain, "It's the guitar, the one that… same with yours."
"Oh God…"
"I have to say that you bring the pain back but you heal it at the same time," Kendall touched James' face, "I know you are not him but with all similarities you both have, it's hard for me to not thinking about him when I'm with you."
James pressed their forehead together, "I know. I understand, Kendall."
"That's why it's so fucking hard for me to figure out how I feel about you. I know I like you so much but…"
James cut Kendall's words with a kiss, the passionate and crazy kiss that they never had before, the kiss which was proved that James didn't hold anymore.
"I love you, Kendall Knight." James whispered between their lips, "I won't go anywhere. I'll be waiting for you to love me back."
Kendall shook his head, eyes still closed, "You don't have to wait because right now, I'm ready to tell you that I love you, James Diamond."