May 11th Lommel, Belgium
Under the cover of night, the Howling Commandos slipped into the Belgium town that was occupied by the Hydra agents and Nazi soldiers. The city was beautiful from what Aspen could see in the dark. A river ran through it edged with sandy banks and tall trees. They skirted along the edge, making their way toward a well-lit manor at the edge of the town. It was heavily shrouded in trees and bushes, and they were able to get close enough to make out the details of the rooms through the windows. Aspen could see Hydra guards standing in the drawing room. They held the special guns she now recognized. Another man passed by the window, and Aspen nearly gasped. It was Doctor Giovanni looking well and alive. She turned to Steve and nudged his arm. He acknowledged her with a nod.
Steve had been distant the last day. Perhaps it was just the nerves from infiltrating yet another Hydra base, but he hadn't spoken more than two words to her. She pushed the thought from her head – now was not the time to be thinking about that – and waited for Steve's orders.
"Dugan, Morita, Dernier, you take the back door. Falsworth, Jones, you take the east upper story. Bucky and Aspen, you go in the west upper story," he instructed.
Aspen looked over at Bucky, wondering why Steve had paired them up. Usually she went with Steve or one of the others but never alone with Bucky. "Where are you going to be?" she asked him.
He didn't look at her when he replied. "Through the front," he said. "Now move out. We surround them and take them by surprise. I'll distract them downstairs."
"Be careful," Aspen called after him.
He paused and then, without looking at her, said, "You too."
Everyone moved out, and Bucky gave Aspen a nudge. She stood, following him around the west side of the manor. She was going to ask how they were going to get up to the second story, but then she noticed that the trees came right up to the side of the house, the low-lying branches nearly connecting with the windows. "Need a boost?" Bucky asked with a smile.
"Maybe." Aspen studied the tree for a moment. The lowest branch was still several feet above her head. "Okay, yeah."
Bucky crouched down and held out his hands to give her a leg up. With the boost, she was able to grab a lower branch and pull herself up. Bucky needed no such help and was soon up the tree as well. They carefully made their way up until they reached the branch that extended to the window. Aspen crawled along it, hoping it would support her weight. When it did, she reached out and tried the window. To her surprise, it was unlocked, and she eased it open. She slid into the dark room, and Bucky climbed in a moment later. He brushed against her as he fumbled for a lighter. The tiny spark of fire did little to light the room, but they were able to find the door. The corridor beyond was dim, but they saw light streaming out from a door down toward the end of the hall. Bucky pocketed the lighter, and Aspen readied her gun, feeling an intense anxiety take over her. She didn't want to kill anyone, but this was war. Killing was just a part of it.
Bucky seemed to sense her anxiety because he squeezed her arm and whispered, "Remember that you have friends to look out for you." Aspen shot him a grateful smile. She was so glad he hadn't been strange around her since their kiss. He'd just been a true friend. As they reached the door, Bucky took the lead. He readied his gun and kicked the door open.
"Don't shoot!" A feeble looking man held his hands up as soon as Bucky and Aspen entered the room. "I surrender!" He didn't look like much of a threat. He was dressed in a lab coat and wore a pair of goggles that made his eyes look buggy. "I was forced to work here. Please! I am on the Allies' side, not these madmen!"
Bucky lowered his gun. "What is Hydra doing here?" he asked.
"They are researching something. A new genetic serum. But it is impossible. I've seen the notes." He handed them a journal which Bucky flipped through.
"Wait," Aspen said as he flipped the pages. "I know that handwriting." She snatched the journal from Bucky and stared down at the writing. "It's my parents' writing. I would know it anywhere." She turned her attention to the man. "Where did you get this?" she asked.
He quailed. "I don't know! It was here when they took me. The mad doctor says he wants me to create this serum, but it's impossible! I asked why he did not have the original scientists work on it, but he said they refused to help him. He said the same thing would happen to me if I refused."
"What do you mean the same thing?" Aspen's heart had started pounding loudly.
The little man shuddered, but did not answer. The look of terror on his face answered her question. Aspen's mind was buzzing, her ears were buzzing, her vision blurring. She thought she heard Bucky saying her name. She didn't remember dropping the journal, but it now lay on the floor.
"Giovanni," she finally managed to spit out. Her rage was building. That leech of a doctor had killed her parents. She hadn't heard from them in ages, but she'd never imagined they were dead. "How long?" she asked the scientist.
"I don't know. I know nothing more."
"Aspen, calm down," Bucky told her, grasping her shoulders. She realized she was shaking.
"Calm down?" she asked, looking up at him with fierce eyes. "He murdered my parents, Bucky. He's going to pay."
"Hey, he will. He will pay, but right now we've got a mission. Right? Can we get through that?" Aspen forced herself to nod. "Get yourself to safety," Bucky told the Belgian man. The man scurried from the room without another word. Bucky didn't let go of Aspen's shoulders.
"I'm fine," she told him, trying to break away.
"No, you're not. Hey, look at me." She grudgingly met his bluish grey eyes. "We will make him pay. Just don't do anything stupid, okay? We need to check the rest of the upstairs for Hydra and then head down."
"I'm going to stay here a minute," Aspen told him. "I want to look at my parents' notes."
Bucky gave her a long look and then nodded. "Alright. Just stay here." Aspen watched him leave, feeling numb. She bent down and picked up the journal, flipping through the familiar handwriting. It was hard to read, and she realized it was because tears had filled her eyes. She tucked the journal into her belt and looked around her. To think that Hydra had killed her parents when they wouldn't help them. Stolen their work. Reproduced their serums. She wanted to destroy every square inch of the room, but now wasn't the time. She was no longer content to just sit and wait, so she left the room. Bucky was nowhere to be seen, so she made her way down the staircase. It creaked under her foot, and she paused. She heard nothing and continued on, taking care to tread lightly. Then she heard voices. They were coming from the first story of the house from the front parlor. She recognized Steve's voice and then… Her fists clenched, and she felt as if her anger was going to burst out of her at any moment. Doctor Giovanni's laugh rang out, and that was it for Aspen. She charged down the stairs, pulling out her gun and rushing into the parlor. Doctor Giovanni was on his knees. Bucky held a gun to the Hydra soldiers, and Steve stood interrogating Giovanni. They all looked up in surprise when she entered. Bucky sighed.
"Ah, I see you made it out of the castle alive after all," Giovanni said. Aspen swung the gun up so that it was pressed against his temple.
"Aspen!" Steve said in shock. "What are you doing?"
"This man, this abomination, killed my parents," she spat.
"Calm down, Aspen," Bucky said. "Remember what we talked about."
Aspen drew a shuddering breath, but kept the gun at Giovanni's temple. Her hand shook though she tried to keep it steady. Giovanni laughed softly. "You're not a killer. You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."
"I wouldn't goad her if I was you," Bucky said.
"It was just business," Giovanni said to Aspen, eyes cruel and cold. She refused to look away. "They had the chance to live. I gave you that same chance before."
"By joining you?" Aspen laughed mirthlessly. "I would have died before joining you."
"After Hydra takes over the world, you might just get that chance," he told her.
"You can go to hell," Aspen spat. She took a deep breath and pulled the gun from his head, taking a step back. Giovanni gave her an infuriating smile, but she lowered the gun.
The room was silent for a long moment until a small click filled the air. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as one of the Hydra soldiers at the back of the room flung a grenade straight at Steve.
"Look out!" Aspen shouted at the same time that Steve thrust his shield out, whacking the grenade with all his might. It flew through the window, but the resulting explosion rocked them all back on their feet. Aspen saw Giovanni pull a Hydra gun from his jacket and point it at Steve. Aspen brought up her own gun. A shot echoed throughout the room. Everyone stood still as time finally sped up. Smoke issued from the end of Aspen's gun, and Doctor Giovanni slumped forward onto the floor, a bullet wound marking his forehead straight between the eyes. Aspen dropped the gun as a violent bout of shivers overtook her. She stepped back from the body, horrified. It wasn't the first life she had taken, but she would be lying if she said she didn't feel some measure of satisfaction with this one. She had avenged her parents' deaths. The satisfaction quickly turned to revolt.
The rest of the Howling Commandos came running at the commotion. Aspen suddenly needed air. She needed to get out of this building. She ran for the front door, ignoring the voices that called after her. She didn't stop running until she reached the river. She climbed down the sandy embankment and stood at the water's edge. Sunrise was slowly forcing its way over the horizon, casting a feeble light on the scene before her. She stood huddled against the cold morning, shivering violently. After what seemed like hours but could have been a few short minutes, she heard footsteps and felt a coat being placed around her shoulders.
"You did what had to be done. He would have shot Steve," Bucky said.
"It doesn't change the fact that I killed a man. Or that woman or those Nazis. I can't even remember what the latter looked like. How can I kill a man and not even remember his face?" She looked up at Bucky. "It all blurs together but yet I can remember sinking the knife in or pulling the trigger. I should be able to do this. I signed up for it. I'm not supposed to react this way."
"Just because I signed up for this doesn't mean it doesn't bother me. Hell, you'd be hard-pressed to find someone it doesn't bother. I bet even the Germans sometimes feel appalled at what they're doing. A lot of them joined the war because they were forced to, not because they believe in what Hitler says."
"So if neither side wants to kill people, why are we fighting a war?" Aspen asked.
Bucky gave her a sad smile. "Now that's the question, isn't it?" He put an arm around her, and her shivering ceased. "Just hang in there," he told her, pressing a kiss to her head. He squeezed her shoulder before heading back up the embankment, leaving her with his jacket.
…
Steve watched from the top of the embankment as Bucky comforted Aspen. She stood huddled, red hair blowing in the cold morning breeze. Bucky had laid his jacket over her shoulders, and her shivering lessened. After a moment he pressed a kiss to her head and walked toward Steve.
"How is she?" Steve asked softly.
"Not so great. I think she's in shock. I know she killed some Hydra agents back at the castle, but this was more personal. She lost control of herself for a minute."
"She saved my life."
"I know that, but right now all she knows is that she killed a man. She thinks she's losing her humanity. You should go talk to her."
"I'm not sure I'm the one she wants comforting her right now," Steve said quietly.
"You're the one she just shot a man to save," Bucky said.
"She would have done the same for anyone," Steve replied.
"Just go talk to her," Bucky told him.
Aspen didn't turn to face him when he approached. He didn't know what to say, what he could say. For a moment he just stood next to her quietly. They watched the sun flood over the horizon, setting the river ablaze with pink and orange.
"I'm so sorry about your parents," Steve finally said. "I had no idea…"
"Giovanni wanted them to work for him. They refused. I hadn't seen them in years. We were never the kind of family to…well, be a family. Their research always took precedence over their only daughter. I used to think I was selfish until I realized other parents loved their children."
"I'm sure they loved you," Steve told her. "Maybe they just didn't know how to tell you." She looked up at him, eyes watery and desperate. "I lost my father when I was pretty young – killed in action in the First World War. My mother died of pneumonia the summer of 1941."
"That wasn't that long ago. I'm sorry."
He looked over at her, blue eyes sad. "I'm not sure how I would have got by without Bucky."
"He's a good friend," Aspen said with a smile. Steve felt a twist in his stomach. He pushed the feeling aside.
"I'm lucky to have him," he said. He had no idea what he would do without Bucky. He'd only ever been a constant and true friend. He was glad Aspen had him in her life too. "He likes you a lot," he said suddenly.
Aspen gave a small laugh. "Yeah, I kind of got that idea. He doesn't exactly hide his feelings."
Steve blushed. "Sorry, it's not the time to be talking about that. I'm not sure why I said that," he said. He scuffed the sand with his boot.
"Actually talking about anything else is a good distraction. This isn't the time to mourn. Not when we have a war to win."
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I will be. I just needed to remind myself that I'm not a monster. Not like he was."
"You could never been a monster, Aspen," Steve said, looking her in the eye. "I don't think it's possible. You have too big a heart."
Those words seemed to have the opposite affect on her than what he'd meant them to. She suddenly sniffed, holding back a sob. Steve looked down at her, alarmed, but she shook her head to keep him from apologizing. "Thank you," she said.
"Hey, it's alright." He put a tentative arm around her, and she sunk into him, wrapping her arms around him. He tensed for a moment, but then put both arms around her and held her close while she cried. Right now she was comforted by his presence, and Steve wanted her to know that he would always be there for her. He held her closer and let her cry as the sun stained the sky orange and warmed their faces in the chilly fall morning.