A/N: Thanks to Marylouue for the review. I understand what your saying and thank you for reviewing. I kinda hadto just boot Rogue out of there but didn't know how to aproach it. I didn't want her to be too mean. Well, not yet anyway.

Also thanks to anyone who added this to their story alert. I updated quicker for you. :D

I hate myself for losing you
I'm seeing it all so clear
I hate myself for losing you
What do you do when you look in the mirror
And staring at you is why he's not here?

Kelly Clarkson - I hate myself for losing you

She opened her eyes and immediately felt depressed. It had not been an easy night. Noah was crying all night. Soon after five hours he fell asleep in his crib. She wanted to move him into the bed with her but was afraid he'd wake up. She lay on the bed feeling depressed by the emptiness that surrounded her. It was still so quiet.

She sighed and looked over as Noah stirred. He missed the mansion. That much she knew. She headed into the kitchen and began making something to eat. She hoped she kept tempt him to eat. He hadn't given any indication that he was hungry yet. She had to get through this. He's cries filled the room as he woke up. It was strange since he never cried. Until now. She picked him up and placed him in his new high chair. He stopped crying and analyzed her with those deep eyes.

'Okay sweetie time to eat. Mamma made you're favourite. Mash potatoes with pea's inside. Come on open up.'

She waited with the spoon poised by his mouth. But he merely shook his head and turned away.

'Noah?'

'No.'

'Baby, please. For me.'

'NO!'

'Do you want the car? Broom Broom.'

Thwack.

Noah smacked the spoon away leaving a mess on her shirt. She moaned and looked at her new green shirt.

'Noah. Oh god, it's everywhere.'

'No!'

'Yes! Look at this mess. Ugh! Stay there and be good. I'll just clean this up…'

Thwack.

She winced as the plate, luckily plastic, collided with her back.

'NOAH!'

She stood shaking with fury which quickly disappeared as his lip trembled and the first tears pooled in his eye's. She put a hand on his cheek and stroked it with her thumb.

'I'm sorry baby. Momma didn't mean to shout.'

Noah rubbed his eyes and then pulled at the bracelet on her hand. She looked down at the one charm on her bracelet. It was a pair of sun-glasses, lenses tinted ruby. She took a shaky breath realising why he was behaving this way. She picked him up and held him close.

'Oh. It's okay, I miss him too. I miss daddy too.'

'Home.'

'Baby, this is home.'

'No!'

'Please be good. For mommy.'

He gave a small smile but then turned away. She sighed and took him the couch. She sat down, him snuggled against her as she sat stroking his hair.

-xXx-

Life did not go easy. She never saw Scott and he never came. He sent people to fetch Noah but he did it less and less. Noah didn't become more agreeable but she'd at least got him to eat. She never left the apartment unless she needed groceries. She had to take Noah everywhere as he hated being left too far from her. She became thinner, hardly eating or sleeping. She needed extra petty cash, feeling guilty about the professor covering all her expenses, so she babysat a ten year old who lived in the apartment two floors up. It was only on Friday or Saturday nights when the girls parents were out.

Other than that her life was wrapped around Noah. Many months had passed and soon it was the day before Noah's birthday. He was turning two and although he learned some new words, no was still his favourite phase. It was six am and she was trying to tempt him into eating so she could organize his party. Someone would fetch her and she'd stay one night in the mansion where the party would be held the next day. Her bags were packed and the cake was ordered and ready to be picked up in the afternoon.

She sighed in defeat. Noah had eaten half his oatmeal and had now given up. It was now on the floor. She bent down scrubbing the floor with paper towel and deposited it in the bin. Then she washed her hands and Noah's dishes. Noah sat drawing imaginary shapes on his high chair. She looked at him and gave him a small smile and felt her heart lift as he smiled back. She heard a knock at the door and picked Noah up. She sighed and opened the door. Her expression lifted as she saw who it was.

'Hey Pete.'

'Hey Rogue. Noah.'

'Petey.'

'Did you miss me?'

'Yeah.' squeaked Noah.

Pete smiled and took him from her. She shut the door and headed into the kitchen getting herself a drink of water. She chugged it down before going to the couch and flopped down.

'You look tired. Didn't think the rumours were true.'

'What rumours?'

'Well some kids heard Kitty telling the professor that you were barely making it. You know how the walls of the mansion have ears.'

'I'm okay. I'm…coping.'

'What's wrong? You're my best friend. You can tell me.'

'It's Noah. He won't sleep or eat properly.'

'And you? Rogue, have you looked in the mirror lately?'

'Gee thanks.'

'I'm serious.'

'No, how can I when I only see the reason Scott's gone.'

'No, don't blame yourself.'

'I pushed him away. We didn't have to break up but I'm so stubborn and told him it was for the best.'

'Then get back together with him.'

'It's not that simple!'

'You love him, he loves you. You have a son together. Jean isn't even sure of the paternity of her child. Why give up something on a technicality?'

'I'm not second best!'

'Who ever said you were! Rogue what are you doing? You're miserable. You miss him.'

'I know. Why are you reminding me? I feel guilty as is.'

'Then why are still here?'

'I don't know.'

'You need to think about it. Come on, get your things. We have to go.'

'Okay.'

-xXx-

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