Sophia
My eyes were closed, but I knew that the room was dark. It was almost midnight, and I was still awake. Probably because Dean was.
I could hear soft snorings from Sam, fast asleep on his bed. He had no trouble sleeping, but Dean had. He was still blaming himself.
During the day, he had always made sure he had an arm around me all the time. And I didn't complain. I wanted to feel him close to me as well.
But he hadn't said much, so I knew he was blaming himself for everything.
But this wasn't his fault, and I had to make him see that somehow.
We were going back to Friday Harbor tomorrow, and he needed to sleep since he was driving.
Suddenly Dean's arm around me left its place, and I could feel him leaving the bed. He had no idea of that I was still awake. I heard him getting dressed, and then I heard him closing the door silently.
I sighed, and got up as well. I didn't bother to put any more clothes on, since the bar was closed.
But I did put on a pair of shoes. Walking in a bar barefoot was never good; there could be broken glass on the floor. It was always hard to get everything off the floor when a glass had been crushed.
So I walked out of the room with a pair of shorts and Dean's shirt. Just as I thought, I found Dean at the bar. Other than him, it was empty. We were probably the only ones still awake.
I thought he didn't notice me as I walked up to him, because he didn't give me a hint that he did.
But he spoke as I was close enough to touch him.
"I didn't mean to wake you up," he said, and I shook my head.
"You didn't," I answered him, and saw him taking a gulp of his beer.
"You should sleep, I'll be right back," he mumbled, but still didn't look at me.
"Stop blaming yourself," I told him, and he sighed.
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are, Dean. But this wasn't your fault." He didn't answer me, instead he took another gulp. This time I sighed. This has got to stop, and I could only think of one way for him to stop blaming himself. I had to tell him.
So I jumped onto the bar, sitting down. Then I moved the beer from him, and placed it on the other side of me. I waited a second before I scooped so that I was sitting opposite to him, and then I waited. I knew he would say something sooner or later, even if we had to sit here all night.
It didn't take long, though. He placed his hands on the side of both my thighs, and then sighed.
"But it is. This never would have happened if I hadn't let you stay here. Of course I wanted you with me, but I saw the danger. The danger of you coming with us all the time, and this proofs everything."
"That's where you're wrong," I told him simply. This would have happened sooner or later anyway, even if I hadn't come here.
"I'm not," he stated, and pulled me a little closer to him.
"Okay, I wasn't going to tell you this here. I was going to wait until we were completely alone, because honestly I don't think this will change anything. But maybe it will, because maybe it will take all of this away," I said, indicating on the fact that he was blaming himself.
"What are you talking about?" he asked, and looked at me for the first time since I entered the room.
"I'm talking about life. I know demon's lie, but I think he might have told me the truth when he told me what I'm going to tell you."
I saw Dean's confusing eyes, and I explained as best as I could.
"I think the demon was behind the accident that day, Dean. I think he made sure you and Sam was close enough to get to me. And if it wouldn't have been me, it would have been someone else. But like I said earlier today, he was after Sam. He was then too. He counted on that we would be friends, and that I would become a big part of your life. He just never thought it would be this big. So this wasn't your fault. The demon has probably been planning this ever since the day your mom died, or even before that. So this isn't your fault. The plan was perfect, except for one thing. He didn't think this day would come so soon, and he definitely didn't count on you finding out that it was Meg so soon. And he didn't count on Sam's gifts, and not on you having a gift as well. He thought he would walk out of this alive, killing only Sam and maybe you. It was never his intention to kill any of us. He just used us to get to you and Sam. But you need to see that this isn't your fault, and you need to stop blaming this on yourself. Because this isn't your fault, and I love you."
As I spoke, I saw realization hit his eyes. He started to understand that this wasn't his fault, and he saw things from my point of view. He didn't say anything for a long time. He just stared into my eyes, and I stared back into his. Then he told me he loved me as he wrapped his arms around me, and buried his head in my stomach. I leaned my head against his and closed my eyes as I ran my fingers through his hair. I could feel him relaxing more and more, and I sighed.
He was finally starting to stop blaming himself.
I don't know how long we sat like that, but finally I straightened up and so did he. I took his hand, and hopped off the bar.
"C'mon," I said, and he followed me back into the bedroom and lay down next to me on the bed.
He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I did the same around his as I leaned my head against his chest. I breathed in and felt both of us relax before I fell asleep.
---
When I woke up both Dean and Sam were still asleep. I wasn't going to wake them. They needed the sleep more than I did.
I pulled on a pair of jeans and sneaked out of the room. I saw Ellen and Jo behind the bar, and decided to go and say hello.
"Hey Soph, you okay?" Ellen asked me and I sat down on one of the chairs.
"Yeah, are you?"
"For being attacked by yellow-eyes, I'm super," Ellen grinned and I heard Jo chuckle behind her.
"Found this beer when I woke up this morning. You don't happen to know who it belongs to?" Ellen said, and pointed at the beer Dean had left on the bar last night.
"It's Dean's. He was blaming himself for what happened yesterday."
"Was?" Jo asked, and looked at me.
"I might have made him think differently. But that was yesterday," I told her, and rose from the chair.
Hopefully Dean wouldn't blame himself today. But there was chance that he might still do that.
I walked off into the kitchen and found me something quick to eat before I walked back into our room.
Sam was now awake, and I saw him walking out of the bathroom.
"Morning, how are you?" he asked, and I told him I was fine. But that I needed a shower.
So I reached for my bag and walked into the bathroom. But I turned around and closed the door behind me the second I walked in. I walked away from the door, not even wanting to be close to the bathroom.
Sam stared at me confused, and I saw Dean stirring in our bed. Great, I woke him up.
"What's going on?" I heard him mumble, and I started to walk toward him. He sat up in bed, and watched me for a second before he chuckled.
"Seriously?" he asked as I sat down beside him.
"Yeah, seriously. And it's huge."
"It's a spider," Dean told me.
"What are you talking about?" I heard Sam ask, and Dean chuckled again. This wasn't funny.
"See this face?" he asked and pointed at my pretty much terrified expression. "This is her spider-face," Dean explained, and Sam chuckled with him.
"It's huge, and I'm not going in there," I told them simply. I was terrified of spiders, and even the smallest one was huge to me. And this one was black, and scary, and big, and had eight legs…
It was gross, and it freaked me out as it sat there, staring at me.
Dean found his way out of bed, and walked into the bathroom. He came out a few seconds later, walking toward me.
"You mean this little thing?" he said, and I noticed him holding the spider on one of his fingers.
It wasn't possible that it was huge, since it was just a tiny, black dot on his finger. But it was huge to me. And he was coming closer with that thing.
"Don't come any closer," I warned him, and I stood up in bed when he did just that.
"Dean, I'm warning you…"
He chuckled again, and walked closer. Seriously, this wasn't fun.
"Or what?" he asked me, grinning. I heard Sam laugh behind him. Dean knows how terrified I am of spiders. He even knows my spider-face. I didn't even know I had one. But yet he was walking closer.
"I hate you," I told him as I hopped out of bed and reached for my bag before I ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind me.
Now the spider was on the other side of the room, so I was safe in here.
I took my clothes off and stepped in under the warm water and relaxed. I noticed that I was still sore on the side of my face, where the bruise was. I hadn't looked myself in the mirror today, but yesterday it hadn't been pretty. I couldn't imagine that it looked better today.
As I had washed my hair I turned the water off, and walked out of the shower.
I wrapped a towel around myself, and took a moment to watch myself in the mirror.
Like I knew it would, it didn't look any better. It almost looked worse, if that was even possible.
I couldn't even imagine how I was supposed to tell Tess and Rob about how I got this.
I had to figure something out, because otherwise they would just fear for the worst.
Dean could probably help me figure something out. Or Sam, or maybe even Ellen or Jo.
Just something that would work. Something believable.
I got dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and then walked back into the bedroom.
Sam was gone, and Dean was alone. He sat on the bed, watching the TV. He turned it off when I sat down beside him, leaning against his side.
None of us said anything for a while.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled then, and I turned my head to look at him.
"Dean…" I started but he hushed me.
"I'm not saying I'm blaming myself. I'm just saying 'I'm sorry'. Because I am. You don't deserve this. Not any of it," he told me, and I knew he wasn't just talking about yesterday. He was talking about mom and dad as well.
"You don't have to be. But thank you," I said, and he leaned down to press a soft kiss against my lips.
Dean
Both Soph and Sam were asleep as I pulled into Friday Harbor. It was 2 am, and we had been driving non stop to get here as fast as possible. The only time we had stopped was when I was driving instead of Sam. That was six hours ago.
I shoved Sam so that he would wake up, and when I did I told him we were here.
"See you tomorrow," I whispered as I dropped him off at the motel.
"You're not…" he started, and I cut him off. I knew the question anyway.
"No, I'm staying with her tonight."
"See you later then," he said and closed the door. I drove again, this time toward her apartment.
I parked the car, and was careful as I lifted her out of the backseat. I didn't want to wake her up. But before I lifted her out, I searched in her jacket and found her keys.
I carried her up to her apartment, and managed to both unlock and open the door without waking her. Then I laid her on the bed as carefully as I could, and hurried down to the car to get our things.
I locked the door behind me and placed the bags in the bedroom, next to one of the walls.
I walked out into the kitchen, and made myself something to eat. I had been drinking way too much caffeine to even consider sleeping right now.
I had a hard time believing Soph when she told me what the demon had said. But I could see it in her eyes, and I had to believe her. And the more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense.
Because who would just push someone out in the street like that? That couldn't have been just an accident. And then the fact that I had been standing next to her and therefore was close enough to pull her back. And she was right. If this was the work of the demon, he would have done it somewhere else as well. It was just a coincidence that it was Sophia and Friday Harbor. It could have been anybody, and anywhere.
That didn't change the fact that it was Sophia, though. And even though I didn't feel guilty anymore, I still felt responsible when I saw that bruise on her face.
I don't really know what I felt responsible for, I just knew that I did.
One thing I knew was that I would make sure that this never happened again. It was my responsibility – my job.
And she had made it perfectly clear earlier today that she was coming with us on the road.
I just couldn't argue with her, because I knew a part of me didn't want anything else. I wanted her with me – I wanted to see her everyday.
So she was coming with us.
But first of all, we were staying here for at least a few weeks. I think we all needed some rest since yesterday.
But since Soph was coming with us, I thought she should tell her sister and brother about us.
They should know where she is, and who she's with. They're her family, and they have a right to know. Sam and I talked about it right after Soph had fallen asleep. And he said it was okay if she told them. Now the only obstacle was to make sure Soph felt the same. Because she could be stubborn, and if she didn't want them to know, then she didn't.
I washed the things I had used, and then watched the clock. 3.30 am.
I figured it was time to sleep, even though I still wasn't tired.
Maybe I would be if I just lay down and tried to relax. It was always easier feeling Soph beside me.
So I walked into the bedroom, pulled off my jeans and shirt and laid down under the covers next to her. I wrapped my arm around her waist, and leaned my head down to press a kiss in the crook of her neck. I breathed in her smell, and felt myself relaxing.
"I love you," I whispered quietly before I relaxed more and eventually fell asleep.
---
I woke up from Soph's moving. It wasn't like her to be this restless in her sleep, so the only explanation was that she was awake.
"What are you doing?" I whispered, in case she actually was asleep.
"Go back to sleep," she whispered back, and I was too tired to argue.
I was half asleep again when I felt her leaving the bed, and I waited for a while just to notice that she wasn't coming back any time soon. I turned around and opened my eyes so that I could see the clock.
6 am. I groaned, but climbed out of the bed and left the bedroom.
I saw a light coming from the kitchen, so I walked in there. At first I saw nothing, but then I saw that Soph laid on her back on the kitchen floor, her knees in the air and a water bottle on her stomach.
Her eyes were closed, and I noticed that she was taking deep breaths.
My guess was that the water bottle was hot. Like really hot.
I'd seen her like this before, but not quite this bad. Not what I could remember anyway.
"That time of the month?" I asked as I walked closer to her, and lay down next to her.
She didn't move, and she didn't open her eyes.
"Trust me, you're lucky not to have a uterus," she told me matter of factly, and I fought the urge to chuckle.
"That bad?" I asked her, and she turned her head to look at me. As I asked the question I reached for her hand, and twisted our fingers together. I knew it was bad, because otherwise we wouldn't be on the floor right now.
"Worse." And I could see it in her eyes. She was in pain, and I wanted to take it away.
Before I had the time to say something, she spoke again.
"Why can't it be you men who deals with this? This pain we go through. We feel it all the time, and you never does. Not once."
This time I couldn't hold it back, and let out a small chuckle.
"I hate to admit this – but I don't think we could handle it. Don't tell anyone I said this, but you women can handle just about everything. There is a reason why you feel this pain, and I don't."
She met my eyes for the longest time before she said anything.
"It's strange. But you always know what to say to make me feel better."
"You have the same gift," I told her honestly and leaned in to give her a kiss. I could feel her there with me in it, but not in the same way as she's always there with me. She couldn't fully be there with me, because of the pain. So I leaned out, and asked her if I could do anything.
"This bottle doesn't seem to help, so you could fix me a warm bath," she said, and I smiled at her. I would do anything for her. So I gave her another kiss, and then got up from the floor.
I walked into to the bathroom, and turned on the water. Hot water. I knew it wouldn't help otherwise.
I heard her feet shuffle into the bathroom, and felt her arms around my waist.
"Could you do me a favor?" she asked gently, and I told her yes.
"Could you buy me some pain killers?" I turned around so that I was facing her, and looked at her.
"I'll be back in no time," I told her, placed a kiss on her forehead and then left to get dressed.
It didn't take me long at all to go out and when I got back she was still in the bathroom.
I tossed the pain killers on the kitchen table, and slid down against the wall outside the bathroom.
"I've been thinking about what we should tell your sister," I told her through the wall.
"Yeah, what?"
Okay, don't freak. "I think you should tell her the truth."
"You what!?" I sighed. I knew it.
"It's for the best, and she deserves to know."
"Dean, do you realize what you're talking about?"
"Letting her in on the secret."
"Dean, it's your secret, and you have been trying to keep it that way all your life. And know you just want to tell her?"
"Soph, if we're doing this – you, coming with us – she really deserves to know where you are and who you're with. Don't you think?"
It took a second for her to answer.
"You do realize she's going to kill me, don't you?"
"No, she's not."
"Maybe you're right. First, she's killing you. And then me."
"I can tell her. And she won't kill any of us."
I heard her soft sigh, and knew she was giving in.
"No, I'll do it. Just not today."
"Okay, just do it soon."
"If I have to," it sounded like she muttered, but I couldn't be sure. Well, that wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It could have been a lot harder. And if she would have refused, there would have been nothing I could do about it.
---
"So, how's my baby today?" I asked Soph as she walked into the kitchen.
"No, not today. I'll just do it the day before we leave, or I can do it over the phone," she said as she poured herself a cup of coffee. It had been almost a week since we arrived in Friday Harbor, and she hadn't been outside the door, afraid her sister or brother would see her. She had come up with a lie, so that most of the bruise would be gone when she was telling her, which is was by now. She told both Tess and Rob that she was too sick to go anywhere, and it worked. So far.
"Soph," I protested. She knew she would have to do this sooner or later, and she knew she had to do it between four eyes.
"I'm just not ready to do it now, okay?"
"I can be there with you."
"That's probably not the best idea. Tess doesn't have anything against you right now, but trust me, she will. It's going to be ugly, and I don't want to do it with you there. It's easier to do it alone. But I'm sick for a few more days." I sighed, but knew there was no reason to argue. This was her decision. And she had choosen to tell her sister, just not when.
I heard a knock on the door, and rose from the table. Soph didn't move, knowing Sam was coming over. And since I knew Sam was coming over, I didn't look before I opened the door.
But it wasn't Sam. No, it was Tess. With a bowl of soup.
"Hey, baby, it's your sister. With a bowl of soup," I shouted, and smiled at Tess. Yep. Soph would have to tell her now. I could almost smell Soph's panic as I reached for the bowl, and Tess gave it to me.
"How's my sister?" she asked, and walked inside.
"She is... let me go see," I changed the subject, and hurried inside the kitchen.
Like I knew, Soph was pretty much panicing. She had no idea of what to tell her, and now she would have to do it.
"At least you look sick," I told her, and she glared at me. Her hair was a mess, since she recently woke up. And she was wearing only a t-shirt and a pair of long pyjama pants. She looked sick, but was beautiul.
I heard Tess walking into the kitchen, and made sure I stood so that she wouldn't see Soph.
"Go," she told me, and I searched her eyes.
"Are you sure?"
"Just go," she told me again, and I leaned down to give her a kiss.
"Love you," I whisperd to her, and she placed another kiss on my mouth.
"Love you," she answered me.
"Call me," I told her before I turned around and left. I didn't want to leave her, but she wanted to do this alone. And she knew her sister better than I did.