Hello my dears!!

Many thanks for the reviews. xD

-grins evilly- Yes, that grin doesn't bode well for our beloved characters, but you guys tend to love it anyway!! Hehe. It's because of the request to keep messing about with them that I decided to change things about a bit (well compared to the original chapter), and although this chapter is quite short, I find that it fits its purpose. And to boot, I'm extremely happy with the way it came out!! -squeals-

So without further ado: Enjoy!

Chapter Eleven – Doubts

Clouded eyes cleared suddenly and Kai gasped, his chest heaving. "Tala!" With a choked sob, Kai sat up and looped his arms around the red-head's neck tightly. "I saw Rei ... I saw him ..."

Tala's long arms automatically came up to wrap themselves around the boy latched on to him tightly, slight tremors coursing through the petite body. His eyes had widened as he had taken in the words, disbelief painting his features. He shook his head slightly after a moment, pressing his cheek in into the silky strands of Kai's hair. "Shh ... it's okay ... it's okay, baby, I'm here. It was only a dream ..."

Kai stiffened in his hold suddenly, his breathing hitching in his throat. He pulled back from the warm comfort, confusion flitting across his pale features. "No ... Tala it wasn't a dream ... it wasn't a dream! He was there. He was ... he was here. I know he was! He came to me, Tala! He came to me, and he told me he ..." Kai's voice broke off as he became slightly hysterical, his eyes flickering wildly from side to side as he desperately searched Tala's face.

Hands cupped his cheeks gently, yet firmly. "Shh ... it's okay, baby. It's ok."

Kai shook his head and pulled back once again, his smaller hands grasping Tala's tightly. "No. You don't understand." The dual-haired teen trembled, doubt flitting through his mind. "He was here ... wasn't he? … Tala, I know he was!"

Tala felt his heartbeat quicken as he took in Kai's distressed appearance and automatically pulled the smaller teen to his chest protectively. The other boy went limp in his arms almost immediately, face buried in the crook of the red-head's neck, shudders wracking his body every few seconds, lips moving wordlessly.

Silence reigned between them for a few moments, one desperately clinging to a lifeline - to sanity, the other being that lifeline and clinging to the only survivor.

"I couldn't save him Tala ... I tried ... but I couldn't save him," Kai's voice was muffled by Tala's shirt.

Frowning, Tala pulled back slightly so that he could gaze into lost, remorseful ruby eyes. "Hey ... don't do that to yourself, baby. There was nothing you could've done ... ok? Don't blame yourself - don't you ever blame yourself!" He shook his head resolutely, tears springing to his mind at the mere thought that Kai was blaming himself for something that was never in his hands in the first place; something that he could never have controlled. "It's not your fault this happened. None of this is your fault. If you knew it was gonna happen, then you would've done something, but you didn't know ... so it's not your fault ..."

"But that's just it, Tal ... I should've anticipated it ... I should've known it was going to happen ... I should've known! I should've stopped him ..." Kai's voice broke with the emotion he was forcing to keep suppressed. He didn't want to cry. "I should've been the one he shot ... I should be the one dea-"

Tala snarled and pulled back abruptly, grabbing the smaller teen by the shoulders and shaking him harshly. "No! Don't you dare! Don't you fucking dare say that Kai! Don't!"

Kai turned his head away, tears welling up within his eyes, threatening to fall much. He couldn't bear to look at his fiancé. He couldn't bear to see the accusation he knew was lurking there somewhere in the eyes he had grown to love. Deep down, he felt that Tala blamed him for Rei's death. How could one not? He had stood there stupidly, refusing to move, and because of it, one of his closest friends was dead. Lee had lost the person he loved and Bryan had lost his chance of happiness as well. "Tala ... I don't deserve to be here when he's not ..." Kai bit his lip, "I ruined Bryan's chances of happiness ... I'm responsible for Rei's death, I'-"

Tala's body sagged at the defeat in Kai's voice, the guilt. His arms went limp by his side, and his hands dropped off of Kai's shoulders. "Kai ..."

Kai shivered from the lack of warmth that he had become accustomed to. The arms that had always held him, comforted him and offered him all the support he craved had gone. They no longer clung to him, no longer held him - and in Kai's mind he felt that Tala was agreeing to what he had just said. He was being pushed away, and it was his entire fault. "I'm sorry Tal ..." a single tear trickled over the edge and made its way down a pale cheek. It was quickly dashed away though, Kai refusing to show his tears, especially now, especially in front of the one person who had managed to capture his heart and keep it safe ... until this very moment that is. "I'm sorry ..."

Tala frowned in confusion. He didn't understand. What was going on? Why was Kai apologising? Everything was just spiralling out of control ...

"I should go ..."

Tala's head snapped up at those three words, his heart clenching painfully, "What?"

"I can't do this anymore ..." Kai swallowed the huge lump in his throat as he shuffled back slightly.

Shaking his head in denial, Tala reached out for his smaller other, only to have him flinch and shy away from his touch. He froze in his place, one arm suspended in mid-air, his eyes wide and disbelieving as he gazed at the petite teen. He had never been denied an embrace by the other teen. "... Kai ...?"

Kai gnawed at his bottom lip, shuffling back slowly towards the edge of the bed. Once his hands had reached bare air, he shifted around, gently stepping off of the bed, his eyes red rimmed and his body shaking with suppressed emotion. He refused to look towards Tala, who remained frozen in position.

"… I can't be … I can't be here, I can't be with you …"

Tala snapped out of his shock, shaking his head furiously against Kai's words. His heart was beating triple time in his chest as he whispered harshly, desperately, almost brokenly. "No ... Kai don't do this ... don't leave me, you can't!"

Kai's hand flew up to his mouth at Tala's words, though his back remained to the other. "I don't ... I don't know what to do ..." He gazed at the door longingly, and then whispered almost to himself: "What should I do?"

"Stay with me ..." Kai hadn't been expecting Tala's whispered reply, and jumped slightly, turning his head to gaze into molten pools of pale blue.

"Stay?" Kai swallowed, his eyes darting around the room. "But you ... you blame me ..."

Tala looked startled, "Blame you?" And that's when everything clicked into place in Tala's mind, a soft melancholy smile, touching his lips as he rose from his position on the bed. He had to mask the hurt that threatened to consume him when Kai moved away. "Kai, I don't blame you for his death ... how could I?"

Kai let out a simpering whine. "But you do ..."

Tala shook his head, stepping towards Kai who backed away towards the wall. "I don't blame you because ... because you saved my life."

Kai's form trembled as his back hit the wall and Tala continued to move towards him. "No ... you're just saying it ..."

Tala shook his head determinedly, having finally reached Kai. Raising his arms, he pressed them to the wall on either side of Kai's head, trapping him. "No ... I'm not ..."

Doubt still flitted through Kai's mind wildly. He felt so confused and he had no idea what to do. His heart ached to just accept what Tala was saying and stay with him, but his mind argued that things weren't as they seemed. "... I can't ... Tala, I can't. I can't stay ... I need to ... I need to get away. I need to get away from here …"

"I'm not going to let you go, Kai."

"I have to ... please ... Tala, just let me go ..."

Tala blinked back the tears that threatened to overwhelm him at the desperation, the fear, the panic and the uncertainty lacing Kai's voice. "Kai ... do you love me?"

"... Let me go. Tala, please ..."

"Do. You. Love. Me?"

Kai shook his head and covered his ears – he didn't want to hear the pain in Tala's voice. He wanted to get out. He needed to get out. "Please, Tala ... I need to get away ... I need t-"

"Kai ... do you love me?" Tala closed his eyes, unable to gaze into Kai's stricken face.

"I have to go … please, Tala … let me go …"

"Damnit Kai! Do you love me?!" One of Tala's hands had pulled back and shot back unexpectedly, embedding itself in the wall beside Kai's head. The smaller teen flinched involuntarily in shock, eyes wide, hands falling to his sides.

Tala was shaking, his whole body trembling as pain spread like wildfire up his arm, but it couldn't compare to the pain in his heart – the deep clenching pain that felt as though his heart were being torn to shreds. He opened his eyes and took in deep, calming breaths. He couldn't lose it. He just couldn't. Not when his life and heart was on the line. There was too much at stake here.

"Kai ... you can't do this ... after everything we've been through, after everything that's happened. You can't leave me ..."

Blinking back tears at the raw emotion on his fiancé's face, Kai felt his heart break - he had caused this. He backed down slowly, slipping out from under Tala's arms. "I'm sorry ... I need some time to think this through ... think everything through ..."

Tala lifted his uninjured hand and covered his face for a moment before pulling back and staring down at Kai, blue eyes wide and so expressive – lost and desperate … confused. "No … Kai, please ... I'm begging you. Don't leave me. I need you. I need you so much." He took a step towards Kai, who had frozen where he was, unable to tear his eyes away from the pain and hurt flashing at him from Tala's eyes, drawing him in and leaving him paralysed. "I'll even get down on my knees and beg if I have to ... I'll do anything to keep you here. Anything." 

Falling to his knees in front of Kai, he grabbed his head in his hands. "Just please, Kai ... please, don't go. I love you. I love you more than anything … just … just. don't. go." One hand reached out to latch on to Kai's legs and then Tala was pulling himself forwards, hugging Kai's legs with a harsh sob.

Kai could feel his mind wavering, his heart crying out to him. Crying out to him to comfort Tala – to comfort the one that owned him heart, body and soul. "Tala …?" Tala raised his head, blue eyes darkened in anguish and tear tracks fresh on pale cheeks. "Tala …" Bending down, Kai cupped Tala's cheeks in his hands, tenderly wiping away the tears, darkened blue locking with sparkling crimson. "I'm sorry … I'm so sorry …"

Hands reached up to cover Kai's gently. "No, Kai. Don't apologise. Just … please … stay. I need you here." Tala placed one hand over his heart. "I need you in my life … cos you're the only one I can be completely open around ... the only one to have accepted and loved me, captured my heart and treasured it ... the only one I want to be with until the day I die, the only one I would die for without a split second hesitation ... I want you by my side forever ..." All of Tala's emotions, his fear, his love, his passion, everything seeped out through his words. "I love you ... I love you so much it hurts ..."

Tala lowered his eyes, "… don't leave me."

Kai remained silent, an inner conflict waging between his heart and his mind. He shifted his eyes downwards, eyebrows drawn into a frown. Tala waited patiently, his heart pounding in his ears, knowing that Kai's decision would either make or break him.

It seemed like an eternity when Kai finally spoke. "… I love you, Tal … always have, and always will …"

Tala's eyes flickered up in surprise, hope surging through him, "Are you …"

Kai raised his head and allowed his eyes to meet Tala's, a deeply unsettle frown on his face. Tala felt his heart plummet at the look, his hope being painfully dashed away. "No." Kai shook his head slightly.

"… W-what …?" Tala couldn't mask the hurt and surprise in his voice even if he tried. His eyes flickered frantically over Kai's features. The younger boy looked on the verge of crying again, crimson eyes shimmering and wide. "You're not staying?" His voice barely rose above a whisper, and the tone in his voice made him sound so incredibly young and petrified – like a child about to be ripped away from their mother.

Feeling his heart clench, Kai withdrew his hands from Tala's face, with little resistance as Tala continued to gaze at him brokenly, every emotion dancing in his darkened blue eyes. He tore his gaze away from Tala's face, his heart screaming at him to make everything right, to banish the doubts from his mind, whilst his mind raged on, telling him to run, to leave and get away from the lies and the accusations. "No … I'm not staying … I-" Kai bit back a sob, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes as his chest heaved.

He forced himself to take a deep calming breath, but didn't finish his sentence. Instead he rose slowly, refusing to look at Tala who remained kneeling on the floor, gazing downwards. He swallowed thickly. He was so confused. This was the right thing to do wasn't it? Tala doubted him … right? Ignoring the questions that his heart was demanding he answer, Kai reached out behind him, his hand finding the smooth surface of the door knob, and twisted. The door swung open slightly and Kai backed out a bit, his heart and mind still warring as tears fell fresh from clouded crimson eyes. "I'm sorry … I love you …"

Tala didn't look up. He couldn't. Not with the sound of his heart breaking in his ears. Not with the tears that cascaded down his cheeks as he struggled to stifle his sobs. Not with the pain in his soul that threatened to consume him whole.

When he did finally look up, Kai was gone, and all that remained was a glint of gold hanging off the door knob of the door which remained slightly ajar. Though his body felt like lead, he forced himself to move. Placing shaking hands on the floor, he pushed up and stood slowly, almost collapsing against the wall with emotional turmoil. Steadying himself, he found his gaze locked onto that glint of gold, not wanting to believe …

Taking a few steps forward, he reached out a hand and grasped onto it, gently pulling it over the door knob and away from the door with careful, nimble fingers. His hand shook as he brought it closer to himself. "No … please, no …"

But what he feared the most was now lying in the palm of his hand – a coil of delicate gold looping through a stunning golden ring with the most beautiful ruby encrusted in the middle: Kai's engagement ring …

Phew ... writing this took a lot out of me because of all the emotions involved. At a point I was quietly saying everything out loud and I found myself on the verge of tears ... -is speechless-

Review?