CHAPTER ELEVEN:
Christine POV

I didn't see Erik again after that night, not until after my lonely little Christmas at the Chagny mansion.

Madame Giry rarely stopped by to say hello to me, since I overheard the conversation, and neither did Meg. She seemed to loathe me beyond all reason, and whenever I would see her, I hid so she wouldn't be filled with inevitable jealousy.

So, as I withered away from my friends except Raoul, who I didn't really count as a "friend" per se, I did not receive many Christmas gifts, other than the simple chain that I was given by Philippe.

I was very fond of Philippe. He was very kind and considerate. A perfect gentlemen in other words. Even though I was widely perceived as a mad woman within the opera house, he always was very compassionate when I sat alone and cried, which happened frequently. In many ways he was the complete opposite of Raoul.

Raoul, I soon learned, was not the genteel man I had once thought. If I said so much as one wrong word at dinner or stumbled on the stairs ever so slightly, I would be dragged into a private room and smacked across the face for my imperfection.

I quickly taught myself to do as little as possible in fear he might strike me. But even in my reserved state, he would still berate me.

I did nothing to prevent these outbursts of anger, because I knew it had been my fault, and that Father would not send a man to punish me if I hadn't done any wrong.

I had seen Raoul do this to many of the other girls who came around the household (Raoul didn't seem too keen to attach himself to only one woman at a time), and was soon accustomed to the feeling of bruises up and down my body.

I had knocked a goblet of wine over the week before, and had been appropriately thrashed for it, so I hadn't been expecting Raoul to give me anything for Christmas.

I was sitting alone in the manor, when Raoul rushed in with a tiny box. I took it from him, knowing exactly what it was.

Enclosed within was a large, gaudy diamond ring that blinded me with its sparkle. It was much too vulgar for my taste, but I smiled at him.

"Oh, Raoul. Of course I'll marry you," I agreed with as much emotion as I could muster in my dreary state, though he hadn't bothered to ask.

"Splendid! Now, you shall get properly dressed and we will show all the crowd at the Opera Populaire!" That thought filled me with dread. Everyone would see, Meg would never forgive me, and neither would Erik.

"Why don't we keep it a secret?" I suggested, closing the box and sitting it on the table in front of the humongous fireplace fit to roast an ox in. He looked around at me, and I flinched back slightly. He just laughed, as though I was being humorous.

"Nonsense! You shall show it to every last person in there, from the managers to the littlest ballerina. Why, even the Opera Ghost will know of our engagement!"

Oh, I hoped Erik wouldn't find out. I'd rather sink into a hole and live out the rest of my days as a worm than have him catch me married to Raoul.

"We can't do that!" I told him, a spurt of truth leaking out. He looked around, surprised. I usually never argued with him, though many of his choices were unadvisable. He looked confused.

"Why not?" he asked, making me stutter before I came up with a lie.

"It's… a custom within the theatre. A couple announces to the company they're engaged after the next production." I thought that would delay the news for a while. Erik's antics last time had hindered any other scheduled operas.

This seemed to do the trick for Raoul.

"All right. It doesn't sound like a normal custom," he remarked, more thoughtfully than was usual. I was glad that he hadn't turned angry. My body ached enough as it was.

"Yes, well, performers aren't the most normal people!" I laughed halfheartedly, leading him from the room. He nodded seeming to agree for once.

"Well, we'll be going to the Masquerade Ball on New Years Eve and I won't have you missing that, Little Lotte," he told me, grabbing me beneath my jaw firmly, but in a way that 'appeared' very gentle.

"Wouldn't think of it," I replied with a strained smile, fighting to breathe. He smiled in return, and left me alone again.

I sighed as he left, massaging my throat. More than likely Meg would be there. Wouldn't that be fun.

I was in a time of doubt, and whenever I had been like this, I would pray to my father. This had always helped me. At least, it let me think over everything out loud.

Sliding off the couch, I pressed my palms together.

Every man that I loved was hurting me, Raoul, Erik, even the thought of Father was torment.

To Raoul, I was just one more woman to woo, like the hundreds of others that swarmed the manor house. I was just a toy in his vast kingdom of trinkets that he called upon at his leisure.

To my Father, I felt that he thought I was still a little girl, needing his advice every moment of the day.

But to Erik, I was not sure what I was. On one hand, he had shown me wondrous affection, more than I could ever have imagined. I was his Angel of Music, the one thing he seemed to care for in a wretched world that had never loved him.

On the other hand, I was his tormentor, his worst adversary. I would betray him, and betray him again, until his heart shattered like the mirrors that mocked him. I taunted him with an offer to return those feelings he felt for me, extended a hand to lead him into the light, but would pull it back each time he reached for it.

In response to this, he had forced all the wrath he possessed upon me, until I was a sobbing mess on the floor. As soon as he was finished punishing me, he returned to his gentler self, to confuse me more.

I knew I should just forget him, but somehow I simply couldn't. No matter what I was doing, I couldn't seem to shake that man from my mind. Though I was surely crazy for thinking it, I couldn't help but wish to be back in that first night I had met him, back in his arms once again.

I had to forget these thoughts. I wouldn't get any sleep if I continued to think like this. But still, I could not help but imagine his arms around me, tender and loving.

Maybe, just maybe, I would see him again. But I didn't want to get my hopes up.

It was then I decided the Masquerade Ball wouldn't be so bad. I was desperate to get away from this mansion. No, prison! And the ball was a perfect escape.

New Years' Eve would not come quickly enough.