Olivia stepped into the private room. Even though she was more used than anyone should be to seeing rape victims, she was still horrified by the sight in front of her.

The last time she had seen Carolyn, the word 'frail' would never have crossed her mind. But the victim in front of her bore scant resemblance to the furious woman she had seen in Alex's lawyer's office. There were tubes everywhere, and the bruising on her face alone was horrific. A nasal cannula fed oxygen to the patient, whose breathing was stentorian. She moaned intermittently, and sweat rolled down her face.

"Can't you do something for her?" Olivia spoke more sharply than she had intended to the nurse.

The nurse shook her head sadly. "She has a real bad concussion, so we can't give her any painkillers until the morning."

"Nothing?" Olivia was aghast. "But you can see how distressed she is!"

"I'm sorry," the nurse's tone was kind. "I know it's awful, but her system can't take the drugs right now."

Olivia nodded. "I'm sorry," she said.

The nurse smiled. "It's okay. Are you a friend? I thought you were from SVU."

"I am from SVU," Olivia said. "Though I do know her. Not well."

"Sit with her, it might help her to settle," the nurse said.

Olivia nodded again. She knew Carolyn had despised her, but she had made overtures recently, even though, she remembered with shame, they had not replied to her last letter. Carolyn moaned again; instinctively, Olivia sat in the chair by the bed and took up her hand. "It's over now," she said reassuringly. "It's all going to be alright. You're safe, Carolyn. He can't hurt you any more."

Olivia sat by Carolyn's side for over an hour, realizing that she wasn't going to get any sense out of her at least until the morning, if not later. She was unconscious, and her fever raged. Olivia alternated between holding her hand reassuringly and wiping her brow with a cold cloth. She just hoped the hefty dose of antibiotics she was on would soon take hold.

Olivia looked at her watch; 11pm. She debated with herself as to the best course of action. She thought about what Alex would want, what she would really want, and she knew that it was not just to be protected.

"I can go get her?" Elliot was one step ahead, knowing what Olivia would be thinking. "I'll take Munch, he can stay with Lily, unless Sarah's there?

Olivia shook her head. "Sarah's out for the night. Would you do that? I'll call Alex just before you get there, so that she's prepared. She'll want to come, I'm sure, but I really don't want her to drive after a shock like that."

Elliot put his hand on her arm. "I'll leave now. I'll get Munch to call you when we're five minutes away from your apartment."

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Sarah didn't get to Jay's until nearly 9pm that evening, having been caught up in a frenzy of seminars and studying. As she approached the apartment, her hand closed over the key that Jay had given her only the week before, and she smiled. She loved that Jay trusted her enough with the key to her apartment, and she swore to herself that she would never give Jay reason to regret taking that momentous step.

Sarah opened the door, and saw that the lights in the small apartment were down low. She saw Jay sitting in an armchair, nursing a glass of whisky, which surprised her as Jay never drank alone. "Hey," she called softly, her heart filling when she saw the look of genuine pleasure on Jay's face.

Jay leapt up from the chair and approached Sarah, taking her in her arms and kissing her. "Hey," she pushed a strand of hair behind Sarah's ear. "I thought you weren't coming."

"I'm so sorry," Sarah told her. "It went on real late, and then my phone ran out of juice. Is this okay?"

Jay nodded, suddenly almost tearful. "Of course it's okay. I'm so pleased you came." She took Sarah's hand and brought it to her lips. "I love it when you're here."

"Jay?" Sarah was concerned at the emotion that Jay was trying to hide. "What is it? What's happened?"

Jay shook her head. "Nothing happened," her voice cracked. "I just want to be with you."

Sarah took her face in both hands and kissed her softly. "You are with me, baby," she whispered. "But something's upset you. Please tell me?"

"I'm okay," Jay lied. "And nothing happened, I swear. It's just … today … it's kinda like an anniversary."

Sarah smiled. "You mean with tomorrow being your birthday?"

"No. Not that. Well, maybe. You don't need to hear this. Let's just cuddle," Jay tried to backtrack.

Sarah drew her to the couch, pushing her gently onto the soft seat and sitting next to her. She grabbed a cushion and put it on her lap. "Lie down here," she said. "Let me hold you, while you tell me. Because you are going to tell me. I want to help, Jay."

"You have already helped, more than you can ever know," Jay lay down, finally feeling able to breathe freely as Sarah's hand gentled her, toying with her short, soft hair.

"Tell me," Sarah spoke softly.

"It was two years ago today," Jay's voice hitched.

"This is about her, isn't it?" Sarah asked. "Your ex?"

Jay nodded. "I should have told you about her before now. I just didn't want her to have anything to do with us." She turned in Sarah's lap to look up at her. "You do know you mean more to me than she ever did? Than anyone ever has?"

Sarah stroked her cheek. "I do. And nothing you say will stop me feeling the very same way about you."

"It's not a pretty story," Jay said.

"Just tell me, baby," Sarah's voice was kind and unthreatening.

"She... Katarina... she wasn't a good person. I didn't know that. I thought I was in love with her. I should have listened to Pop, he told me from the beginning that she was a user. But I didn't want to believe him, so I just ignored him. And when Kat needed money, she told me she needed to borrow $200, just for a couple of weeks, I didn't hesitate. I was stupid, I know. I should never have trusted her."

"You have to trust, if you want a relationship," Sarah said. "Or there's no point."

"That's what I thought. I never imagined she'd stiff me. And I know I should never have given her my banking details. She went online, and she cleaned me out. Not that there was much to take. But it was my life savings."

"How much?" Sarah was appalled.

"$8,000, give or take. She was never going to retire on it, but it was all I had. But it was worse, losing her. I found out she'd been cheating on me all along. So I went to her apartment to confront her."

"Two years ago?"

Jay nodded. "It was awful," she whispered. "She said such terrible things."

"Oh Jay, I'm so sorry. Did you ever get your money back?" Sarah asked.

Jay shook her head, trying to hold herself together. Sarah could feel her shaking, and she drew the warm comforter over her. "No," she whispered. "I didn't care about the money. She took more from me than money."

Sarah rocked her gently, caressing her lovingly.

"I had a breakdown," Jay said in a tiny voice. "Pop had to put me back together."

"Tell me what happened," Sarah tried to keep the fury from her voice.

"I never told anyone. Not the whole story. I couldn't. It was Vanessa who found me. I was throwing up in the bathroom of the coffee shop. She called my Dad, and he got a cab, came to get me. Vanessa went with him. I had just lost it."

"Jay?"

"They thought it was just the shock of losing her. And it was, in a way. The shock of losing faith, and love. And my reason for living. But it was worse than that," Jay's breathing started to quicken as the horror of that night came back to her."

"You can tell me," Sarah pressed a kiss to her brow.

"She assaulted me," Jay whispered. "When I went to see her. Two years ago today."

"What do you mean?" Sarah's blood ran cold. "How did she assault you?"

"Sexually. She attacked me," Jay tried to control her breathing, but was becoming panicked. "She pinned me against the wall... I tried to fight back, but she was stronger. And I couldn't believe what was happening. It was hard," she was crying now, "I should have fought harder. I should have gotten away. But I had loved her," her breathing was unsteady, "I didn't know how to fight her. To hit her. I wish I had. I wish I had," Jay struggled not to hyperventilate.

"Jay," Sarah's tone was loving. "Olivia doesn't often talk about her job. But the one thing she has told me, and it's important, is that the victim has only one job. And that is to survive. And you did that. That's all that matters."

"It gets worse," Jay was inconsolable. "I...," she could barely speak through the wracking sobs, "I... oh God..."

Sarah held her tight, concerned that she might be going into shock. "You don't have to tell me now," she said. "I love you Jay. It's okay now," she rubbed her hand reassuringly on her quivering back. "It's over."

Jay sat up and looked at Sarah, her face streaked in tears. "I think maybe I must have wanted it... subconsciously...," she gasped. "I must have done... oh God Sarah. She was crazy, wild. I'd never seen anything like it. She was so aggressive. She hurt me. She hurt me a lot. But... I came, Sarah. I came. I didn't want to. But I must have wanted her, don't you see?" Jay's face was contorted with pain, her body wracked with tremors as she fought the terrible memory. She pushed off the couch and got to her feet.

"Jay?" Sarah tried to reach out, but Jay bolted on unsteady feet, flinging herself into the bathroom.

Sarah sprinted after her, her heart breaking as she saw her girlfriend collapse to her knees, her legs giving way as the trauma overwhelmed her. She tried to pull away from Sarah, but Sarah put a gentle hand on her back. "Jay?" Sarah spoke gently. "Jay, it's over now. And it's good that you told me. I'm so pleased you were able to tell me."

"You must hate me," Jay's words came in short gasps, "I'm … there must be something wrong with me. To respond to that."

"No, Jay, there isn't. Not at all. It's a common reaction. Olivia told me. It's the one thing that victims find so hard to understand, to cope with. It's just a physical reaction, Jay. It doesn't mean you wanted it. And it sure as hell doesn't mean she had the right to do that to you. You're a victim, Jay. You didn't do anything wrong. Nothing. And I love you, baby. I love you so much. Nothing could ever change that. Ever."

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"Liv?" Alex snatched up the phone. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Alexandra. I'm still at the hospital."

"Are you coming home soon?"

"I think I'll be here a while. Alex, I need to talk to you," Olivia struggled to find the right words.

"What is it Olivia?" Alex asked.

"There was a reason Elliot asked me to come. I know the victim. We know the victim. She's going to be okay, Alex. He did a real number on her, but the doctors say she'll be okay."

"Who is it?" Alex's blood ran cold. "Oh God, please tell me it's not Sarah. Or J..."

"It's Carolyn, Lex," Olivia cut in, not wanting to prolong Alex's torture. "I'm so sorry, honey."

"Carolyn? My sister?" Alex was astounded. "How can anything have happened to Carolyn?" she asked, obtusely.

"We don't have all the details yet," Olivia said gently. "She's okay. She's quite beaten up, and she's got a nasty concussion, but they're pretty sure there's no brain damage. She's running a fever, but that will abate in the next few days, they say."

"Why does she have a fever?"

Olivia swallowed. "It seems she's been on the rooftop for the last few hours. Bastard left her there, he may even have thought she was dead."

"How did she get off?" Alex knew the answers didn't really matter, she just wanted to fill her mind with details instead of dealing with the full horror of what had happened.

"Some guy went up there to try and fix his tv aerial. If he hadn't, they may not have found her in time," Olivia told her.

"I'm coming over," Alex said. "Let me just get Lily together, I'll have to bring her in."

"It's alright, Elliot's on his way over. John's with him, he's going to sit with Lily. And I'm sure Rosie, or maybe Rebecca, will take Lily tomorrow. Elliot's going to drive you here, if that's what you want."

"It is," Alex was adamant. "I don't expect she'll want to see me, but..." she tailed off, miserably.

"She will, when she comes to, I'm sure," Olivia spoke very gently. "She wrote you, remember?"

"And I didn't reply, not to the last letter," Alex was overwhelmed with guilt.

"None of that matters now," Olivia said. "Wear a warm sweater, huh? I know you always get cold when you're in shock."

"I'm not in shock," a shocked Alex said.

"I know, honey. Bring one anyway."

Alex nodded, forgetting that Olivia couldn't see her. "This is awful," Alex's voice was small and scared.

"I know. I'm so sorry, Alex," Olivia hated hearing Alex so miserable. "She's going to be okay. And we'll get her all the help we can."

"You'll stay with her?" Alex pleaded. "All the time?"

"I won't leave her side," Olivia promised. "I'm here with her now."

"Thank you, Liv," Alex started as she heard a gentle tap on the door. "That's Elliot now," she said.

"Check the peephole," Olivia commanded, not wanting Alex to take any risks and knowing that she wasn't thinking clearly.

Alex did as she was instructed. "It's him," she said. "I'll be right there, Liv."

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Sarah pulled the covers up to Jay's chin, smoothing the hair from her forehead. Her face was white and she looked more exhausted than Sarah had ever seen. "Wait there," Sarah said gently. She was back a few moments later holding a glass of water. She passed two tablets to Jay. "Advil," she said. "Your head's gotta be pounding," she sat on the bed, a supporting arm behind Jay's back as she sat up to drink from the glass. She helped her lie down again. Sarah swiftly stripped off her clothes and grabbed a long t-shirt from Jay's closet to use as a nightshirt. She climbed into the bed next to Jay and was pleased when her girlfriend snuggled up to her, her head in her lap.

"I'm sorry," Jay whispered.

"You don't have to be sorry. You want to tell me the rest?"

"'kay," Jay said. "It was awful. I tried to pretend nothing had happened."

"You never reported her?" Sarah asked.

Jay shook her head. "I didn't do anything. I did take photos. Of the bruising. In the mirror," her breathing hitched.

Sarah had never felt so angry in her life, but she forced herself to remain calm.

"I never developed the pictures. The roll of film is still in the fridge. Cold stops it degrading. But I couldn't face it. I couldn't even look at them. So I pretended it had never happened. But I kept getting flashbacks. I couldn't concentrate. I couldn't eat. I tried to, I really did. But I couldn't keep anything down. I survived on coffee. Too much coffee. Vanessa was so kind, she could see that something was wrong, but I just denied it. Until that day."

"What day?"

"She brought me my coffee, and she brought a muffin too; told me I was too thin. She sat right at the table while I ate it, she didn't give me any choice. I didn't want to throw up. I wasn't anorexic, or bulimic, nothing like that. But it was bad that day, I thought I was going to pass out in the bathroom of the coffee shop. Then I felt something warm, and it was Vanessa's cardigan. She had come into the bathroom to check on me. She was so kind. She called Pop. And he put me back together again. Turned out I had an ulcer. All that caffeine. And I was so screwed up. I was off work for a month, but Pop pulled strings so nothing appeared in my jacket. I changed station houses after that though; I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for me."

"Your dad really loves you," Sarah tightened her grip.

"I love him too. And Vanessa; she was amazing."

"So that's why she limits your coffee intake?"

"Yeah," Jay was calming down at last. "I really missed her when I moved stations. But then she got a job at the coffee shop opposite the new station house. Well, not just a job. She co-owns it, with the chef. She'd been saving up for years. It was so nice to see her every day again."

"But you never told her? Or your dad?"

Jay shook her head. "Not about the assault. They just think I was screwed up over Kat."

"It's not too late to report it," Sarah's spoke softly. "I can talk to Olivia?"

"No!" Jay was vehement. "Absolutely not. I couldn't bear it."

"It's okay, baby. It was just an idea. You should talk to someone, though. You can't cope with this on your own."

"I only want to talk to you."

"Okay, Jay. You can always talk to me. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Jay said. "I'm so sorry to put all this on you."

"I'm honored that you did," Sarah said. "And I want to take care of you. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Jay sat up and looked Sarah deep in the eyes. "I'm so happy. I love you Sarah."

"You're amazing," Sarah ran her fingers very tenderly down Jay's cheek. "I don't know how you've been able to trust again. I'll never let you down, Jay, I swear. Never."

"I know that," Jay kissed her softly. "I do. I really do. I trust you with my life. I never thought I would be able to, but somehow with you, it was just all so clear. It's like... God this is going to sound so hokey. It's like I've been waiting all my life for you. And the moment I saw you, I just knew. I was only scared that I wouldn't be good enough for you."

"Good enough?" Sarah laughed. "You are the very best thing that has ever happened to me. A year ago my life was empty. My family hated me, and I hated the fact I was gay. I never thought I'd fit in anywhere. And then Alex and Olivia took me in. And then little Lily came along," a soppy smile came over her face. "And then you. You. Right now my life is pretty damned perfect. And tomorrow," she kissed Jay tenderly, "tomorrow, we are going to celebrate your birthday. We're going to do whatever you want. I want to show you how much I love you."

"You've made it all better," Jay whispered. "I've been dreading telling you. I thought maybe I wouldn't ever have to. But I couldn't... it's too big to hide. I was so frightened you'd be disgusted, that you'd leave me. And you're still here. You've made it all better."

"I don't think anything will ever do that," Sarah spoke gently. "But if I've made it a little more bearable, I'm so pleased. You swear you'll talk to me when it gets too much? I'll always be here."

"I swear," Jay said. Her eyelids were heavy; the trauma of the day weighed heavy on her. She snuggled into Sarah's side.

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Olivia looked up from Carolyn's bedside to see Alex's white face as she came through the door. Very carefully and gently, she released Carolyn's hand, stroking her arm soothingly as she rose to greet her girlfriend.

Olivia pulled Alex into a tight hug; she could feel her shaking despite the warm room. Olivia pulled back and looked anxiously into Alex's face. "Did you bring a sweater?" she asked the shaken woman.

"Forgot," Alex shivered again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Olivia was already stripping off her own sweater, watching carefully as Alex cautiously approached the bed. "Sit," Olivia said.

Alex sat in the chair and watched her sister's face. Carolyn grimaced and let out a small moan. Alex reached out and took her hand. "It's okay," she whispered. "Try and sleep. We'll be here when you wake up." She felt Olivia pull the sweater over her head and guide her arms into it. It was a little too large, but it was wonderfully warm and smelt of Olivia.

"You'll get cold," Alex protested.

"I won't, it's real hot in here. You'll warm up soon, my darling," Olivia was tucking a blanket around Alex. "You've had a shock."

"She will be okay?" Alex asked.

"That's what the doctors say. She can't have any painkillers until tomorrow, that's why she's having such a hard time now. Her fever should start to fall soon, they expect her to wake up tomorrow morning some time."

Alex refused to move from her sister's bedside, so Olivia found another chair and settled herself next to Alex. Neither of them slept, as they both reacted to any minor whimper or movement from Carolyn. Olivia angled their chairs so that she was able to wedge a pillow between them, and pulled Alex so that she could rest her head against the pillow, with Olivia's arm round her. It was hardly a comfortable position, but they both felt the need for physical contact.

"What about Sarah?" Alex whispered at about 5am.

"We'll talk tomorrow," Olivia said quietly. "She's at Jay's all day anyway. Everything will be clearer when Carolyn wakes up."

Alex nodded, her whole being engulfed in misery. "I would never have wished this on her," she whispered. "I know there have been times when I hated her, but I would never want..."

Olivia tightened her grip on Alex. "I know that, honey. Carolyn knows that too. See if you can sleep a little. I love you."