A/N two in one day-erm-night! Enjoy! *Warning, some graphic imagery in the beginning*
-Nightshade
I don't own Criminal Minds, it belongs to CBS
Get Through
Chapter Eleven
The room was hazy, the dim lighting punctuated by the occasional agonized scream. I forced my eyelids to open, and immediately wanted to forget what I saw. My gorgeous blonde was hanging, tied to some kind of pole by her hands, wearing only her tweed suit skirt and a bra. Her chest was heaving in panic, and she tried to cry out to me around the gag in her mouth, but the only things that came out were terrified animalistic moans. I lurched forward, trying to get up but my hands and feet were anchored to the floor beneath me with sharp wire that sliced into my wrists at the slightest movement. I was powerless to save her from what would come next. A shadowy figure of a man came into view, his back turned to me and facing JJ. Her moans turned into a high-pitched keening as she thrashed against her bindings, blood pouring from her wrists as she fought. The evil figure produced a whip from beneath his long coat, the knots of the rough rope caked with the blood of others before her. I disregarded the stabbing pain as the wires cut into my skin over and over again, burying themselves deep into the tissue, and I screamed, trying to distract his attention from her. My pleas were drowned out by the agonizing slap of rope against skin, the rough material tearing into the ivory skin of JJ's abdomen, opening little streams of blood that pained across the pale canvas of skin. Tears were streaming down her face as she struggled, her eyes screwed shut in agony. He was relentless, lashing at her skin until it resembled ground meat.
"Leave her alone you bastard!" I snarled, mustering up as much hatred I could and pouring it into my shriek. He didn't even turn his head away, just reached into his pocket for some remote and pressed a button. The wires around my wrists suddenly burned as an electric charge shot through them, stabbing through my body with an unimaginable pain. I was momentarily blinded as painful spasms shot up and down my spine, causing me to flop like a fish out of water. My lungs and heart stalled beneath the overwhelming energy, and each coughing breath sent a smack of white-hot pain to my chest, so bad that I could feel each heave pounding behind my eyes. JJ was crying for me now, her attention directed away from her own pain. I was staring straight at her, but I wasn't seeing anything, my body frozen in place by the shock. He roughly smacked her across the face, but she kept her aquamarine eyes fixated on me. In frustration the man drove his palm up under her ribcage, hitting the tender wounds from the whip. It was only when Jennifer's head flopped down in pain did I realize the man never spoke, he never made a sound. His greedy hands roamed the extent of her mutilated flesh, grabbing and pinching with no regard for JJ's heartbroken sobs as she realized he was about to force himself upon her. His hand traveled lower, venturing beneath the hem of her skirt before pulling out altogether and going for the zipper on his jeans, straining to cover the growing bulge there.
"If you touch her, I will kill you I swear to God, I will kill you and enjoy it!" I hissed, feeling the wires slacken slightly around my wrists due to my struggles. He stepped away from JJ and walked up to me, and even the black spots dancing in my vision couldn't stop me from seeing where his face should have been. It simply wasn't there, there was nothing, no features no skin, just blackness. I heard a whispering, ethereal voice whisper in my ear.
"Emily…"
"Emily! Emily wake up!" familiar cries split the silence, and I managed to open my leaden eyelids to see a blurry figure of a blonde. Without even realizing it the tears came, so eager to fall that they all clustered in my eyes and made it hard to see. Because if I could see properly I'd see that the blonde beside my hospital bed wasn't gagged or whipped or tied down, she was fine. I willed my heavy limbs to move, I willed my tired lungs to speak, anything to show that I wasn't just a mind trapped within a flesh prison. All at once I lurched forwards, hugging my knees, the immediate stab of pain in my side causing me to cry out. I still couldn't speak, my lungs seemed to have a mind of their own, stealing the air from my throat before I could even breathe, choking me as they raced faster and faster. She was beside me now, her warm figure pressed against my entire side, her arms wrapped around me, her face inches from mine.
"Emily calm down, it's me, Jennifer. You're okay Honey, you're in the hospital, you just came through surgery." her talking wasn't enough to soothe me, as I swore I could still feel the current ripping through my wrists.
"It, it-I-twas-a-a-dream!" I stammered in between breaths, feeling dizziness from the panic setting in. I suddenly felt like I was falling, like I was spinning.
"Emily look at me!" I managed to turn my head, whipping it around so quickly our noses nearly collided.
"I'm here, it was just a nightmare, and you're okay! Just breathe." I vaguely sensed her hands on my cheeks, keeping my eyes facing her.
"I-I can't, this-this feels like-" my throat was so tight I could hardly take in air now, and talking was near impossible.
"Yes you can. Deep breaths Emily, c'mon, in and out, just relax." The first breath in felt like a gift from heaven, shaking loose more tears along with it. My arms flew up to clutch the body of the blonde, burying my face in her shoulder with the hope it would muffle my cries.
"I almost lost you!" the words came out jumbled in a string of sobs.
"I'm here Em, you didn't lose me I'm right here with you." she reassured, the vibrations from her voice as she spoke echoing into my chest. We stayed like that for a while, frozen in place, curled up on the hospital bed, refusing to let the other go. I took in a deep, shuddering breath, shaking my entire body like a wet leaf.
"You're here?" I croaked out in confusion, wondering if I was still dreaming. She pressed her lips tentatively yet sweetly to mine, before leaning her forehead up against mine, looking in my eyes.
"I'm here. And I may be scared as hell, and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but God Emily, the only thing I know is I don't ever want to let you go." Her words made me want to cry all over again, but this time in relief.
"I'm scared too." I admitted, thinking about the wall of fear I had encountered before I went under anesthesia. Jennifer gave a soft yet humorless chuckle as she pulled me closer to her body, kissing my earlobe gently before speaking in a hushed tone.
"Then we can be scared together." She reassured. I wound my hands around her slender torso, slightly surprised at how well they fit together, like matching puzzle pieces. I shifted to face her, but another shot of crippling pain burned in my abdomen at the motion, freezing me.
"Here, lay back, you just had major abdominal surgery, you're going to be in pain." She shifted her weight and gently laid me down. I noticed her start to get up and I latched onto her wrist.
"Please stay, just stay with me. I want to be close to you." I begged, the fear of losing her suddenly slamming me with full force again. She obliged, lying down next to me and propping her head up in her hand, the other still grasped in mine.
"Alright." Despite the feeling, knowing I could physically reach out and touch her, I still worried that this was just some illusion conjured up by my lonely mind.
"Is this really real?" I whispered. Jen squeezed my hand firmly at the statement, as a reminder she was. We remained silent for a few seconds more, until she spoke up.
"After you left, I was a wreck. I felt like I was constantly hearing your name, I'd be sitting in my office and all of a sudden I'd be crying. I felt so hurt, so confused, and it took a while for me to realize that I felt this hurt because I felt something. I hid that something ever since I met you, shoved it away, denounced it as a passing infatuation, told myself time after time I was straight, and finally it hit me. When I was sitting in my office late at night and looked at the clock and suddenly realized that you were in surgery. That a stranger was going to cut you open and stick their hands inside of you, and what hurt the most was the fact that I wasn't there. I told you I would always be there for you, and I wasn't. I failed you. I got in my car and started driving to the hospital, worrying about how scared and alone you probably felt, and I knew in that instant what that feeling was, the name of what I had forced away, the name of the emotion that was currently swelling in my heart. Love." I was rendered speechless by her confession. She said love, she was here, I wasn't dreaming, I was living the dream. She kissed my cheek softly, before I felt her grin against my skin.
"What?" I asked softly.
"I can kiss you now. A month ago if I wanted to kiss you I would have denied it, but now I can kiss you just because I feel like it. It's a nice feeling." She rambled slightly, a touch of pink gracing her cheeks.
"I couldn't stop thinking about that kiss, in the lunchroom. I was terrified I'd lost you for good and yet I couldn't stop thinking about it." I admitted. She gave me another smile before an idea flickered to life in her bottomless blue eyes.
"C'mon, we're paying someone a visit." She climbed off the bed and moved the hospital-issue wheelchair closer to the bedside.
"Who?" I questioned, confused by her spontaneity.
"Just trust me Em." She moved closer to help me get out of bed, and I stopped her with a wave of my hand.
"I can do it myself." I insisted, gripping the rail on the bed before trying to sit up. I felt the color drain from my face as the wounded muscles protested my movement. I let out a small noise, almost like a whine, and before I knew it JJ had swept me into her arms bridal style. She sat me in the wheelchair and pushed me down the hall, keeping the hat stand-type thing with the IVs on it at my side. We wheeled up to the outside of a room with windowed walls, so anyone outside could see in. and lying in the hospital bed was a frail, sleeping Tegan. But she looked different now. Her skin was starting to reclaim its healthy glow, and the yellowish pallor had all but disappeared.
"She looks great." I remarked, still captivated by the image of my daughter. JJ put her hand down on my shoulder, and I placed mine atop hers.
"Yep, I saw her when I came in earlier. She's a fighter, just like her mom." She announced, and for the first time in a long time, I felt a little like I deserved the title.
A/N yay! The surgery was a success, Jemily are giving it a go, and Tegan's on the mend, it's a leap forward on the long road to recovery. Please review!