Dad calls me around midnight, and if I wasn't used to this, I'd already be asleep. Instead, I'm surfing the web when he calls, and I pick up the phone in my bedroom on the first ring.

"Dad?"

"Hey, Ashley. How's my favorite girl holding up?"

"Pretty good," I say neutrally. "I saw Mom today."

"Oh, really? Did she have fun on her vacation?"

"Yeah, I guess. I asked but she didn't answer."

"Oh, okay. Well…did she say anything to you?"

"Not particularly. Why?"

"Nothing about me?"

I laugh. "Just that you left her some message and she couldn't understand it." I straighten up a little on my bed, smiling into the phone. "So when's your flight getting here tomorrow? What are we doing this weekend?"

He clears his throat in a manner that makes my smile falter. "Well, actually…" He takes a deep breath. My smile's totally gone by now. "See, I figured your mother would tell you, but since she didn't get the message-"

"Wait, why couldn't you tell me yourself?" I question, trying not to sound angry with him. He sighs.

"It's just…listen, Ashley. The band and I have been playing a few shows and they've gone really well. My manager wants us to go on tour for a little while. So I won't be home tomorrow…or next weekend…"

The way he trails off makes my eyebrows furrow. "Wait, so how long will you be gone? Three weeks? Four?"

There's a pause. "Five months."

I hang up the phone immediately, then throw it across the room as hard as I can, seething. It hits the wall and breaks into several pieces, and I'm already storming out of the house by the time it even dawns on me that Maria has left with all of this month's money and so I can't afford a new one. At least it was the house phone.

I grab my keys on my way to the front door and start my car the second I'm in the driver's seat, backing out of my driveway and then speeding down the road towards Gray.

Five months without seeing my dad. Five months without hanging out with him by our bridge, or going to the concert of some band we both love together, or even of just sitting in my dad's in-house studio, playing guitar and singing together. Nothing.

For the next five months, I'm alone.

"I can't pay for this," I warn Kat even as I'm gulping down my beer. She leans forward and pats my shoulder, shooting me a sympathetic look. I'm starting to see double. I ignore that.

"It's okay, kiddo. I'll put it on a tab and you pay whenever you can."

Sometime between beer number one and beer number three, I explained everything to her: Maria, my mom being her usual bitchy self, and my dad's five-month tour, along with Aiden trying to make me jealous, Madison being a superficial idiot, and the way Spencer's stares have turned into glares over the past week after what I said to her.

"I don't have anybody," I tell her, resting my forehead on the bar while I clutch the empty beer bottle in my hand. "My mom hates me, my dad's gone, Madison's never given a shit about me anyway, Aiden just wants to fuck, and I totally blew Spencer off when she was just trying to be nice to me."

"Why?" she questions, trying to shrink me again.

"Why what?" I'm too drunk for this.

"Why did you blow Spencer off?" God, why does she have to make this about Spencer? It's not. It's about how much my life sucks.

"'Cause she makes me blush," I mumble, closing my eyes because it makes me feel less dizzy. Kat laughs from in front of me.

"I think you came to the wrong place, honey."

"Huh?" I lift my head and try to sit up, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment before I open them again.

Kat just pats me on the shoulder like usual and leaves to go serve someone else.

I nearly trip over my own feet when I try to stand up, but then I take a deep breath and get my bearings. A few blinks later and I can see almost perfectly clearly. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's holding my alcohol.

There's a girl that looks vaguely familiar checking me out, and I know I've probably slept with her before. Normally, I don't do repeats, but tonight I'll make an exception.

We're in a bathroom stall ten minutes later, making out while she's got my back pressed into the door, and I'm trying to keep my thoughts collected, used to being in control in these kinds of situations.

I open my eyes and see blue ones staring back at me. Lips press against mine urgently and when my hands run through hair, it's straight and blonde.

It takes me a second to remember the girl I'm kissing has brown eyes and hair.

"No," I groan out, pushing her away for a second to recover. This isn't how this is supposed to go.

"What's wrong?" she asks me in a voice that isn't the one I want to hear, and I groan again and turn around quickly, shaking my head and unlocking the stall door.

I'm back in my car a minute later, gripping the steering wheel with both hands and resting my head against the top of it. I can hear my own breathing and my heart pounding in my chest and I feel like I might puke at any second. I probably shouldn't drive right now.

I collect myself and do it anyway.

Spencer's house is only a few minutes away, and the lights are all off when I get there. I park across the street in my usual spot and head to the side of Spencer's house, looking up at that window with the pink curtains.

After a moment, I search the ground and grab a small rock, taking aim as well as I can in my current state, then chucking it up into the air. I hear a light tap that makes it sound like the rock hit glass, to my surprise, but then I lose sight of it completely, frowning when I don't hear it land on the ground.

Then it hits me on the top of the head, hard. I blink a few times, stunned, before everything goes black and I crumple to the ground.