N/A: I am so sorry this has taken so long to get out! Blame it on school, life, the holidays etc...Hopefully from now on, We'll have regular updates...hopefully :) BTW be on the lookout for something else by moi coming out soon... :) Thank you all for reading!
Previously…
"That is exactly why nothing can happen between us."
He frowned, "Because your lust for my body is just too much? Wow- if that isn't an ego booster I don't know what-"
"Because nothing good can come of it! Nothing ever did!" She'd finally burst, and House could see her hands trembling, "You just…it just can't, ok?"
He rolled his eyes, "Don't you think you're being a little over dramatic? It was one night-"
Cuddy scoffed, "See? You have no regard for anything but yourself. People feel House. I feel- I felt. And you left me feeling used."
House tapped his cane incessantly, and licked his lip, "What did you think was going to happen? I was going to become this magical boyfriend who was going to buy you flowers and take you out to fancy romantic restaurants?"
"No. I don't know? But that boat sailed long ago, and last night was a mistake. We weren't ever meant to be anything else than what we are now", she finished.
The Letters
Part XI
The Present
November 14th
Cuddy made it a point not to look at House, as he slowly limped out of her office. He was stung and she knew it, and even to some degree it hurt her too. But the thing was, that if their history had proven anything at all, it was that House was a connoisseur of intentionally and inadvertently inflicting pain on her.
Yes, it was easy to loose herself in the haze of hormones and the magnetic pull she'd felt for him- an attraction she still felt for him to some degree, but she also knew it was dangerous. And it had taken her years to fully get over just what he'd done to her seventeen years ago- something he had no clue about either.
Julia had told her multiple times that maybe just telling him about what had happened, would give her closure. Cuddy had even gone over what the conversation would sound like in her head- But talking to House about feelings was like attempting to connect with Ryan, it was useless. She'd learned long ago that House didn't do feelings, he couldn't let himself go there and in the end, all he'd do, would be to make fun of her for being sensitive.
So yes, she'd turned harder, yes- she'd created a wall and perhaps she was a bitch at times, but it was only so that she'd never go through the hurt she'd already experienced.
The conundrum that Cuddy found herself in though, was how everything was resurfacing. Because in the seven years that both she and House had been back in each others lives' at PPTH- they had been able to put aside the past that they secretly shared. Sure, he'd regularly make witty remarks about her as an administrator, or flirt, check out her ass- other countless things- yet it was like a silent understanding between the both of them that the past was the past- until now.
At first she'd thought that maybe having Ryan and Emily around was what was flooding memories back to her. But somewhere in the past month, she'd realized it wasn't just her that had been thinking about their time at Michigan together- House was too. He made frequent references to when they'd both been at college and he seemed to be looking at her differently.
Maybe it was the fact that seeing her adopt kids, made him feel like he was loosing his last chance, or maybe it was that he just wanted a fling to get back at Stacy- Cuddy wasn't sure about it- the thing she was certain about though, was that she rather not know. It was too easy to get caught up in Gregory House's world and get lost- she knew better now.
In the midst of her thoughts- the phone rang, and she took a moment before picking it up, "Hello?"
"Lisa, its Marina. I'm sorry but I just wanted to call you to let you know that Ryan got picked up by his friends. I told him you said he wasn't allowed to leave, but he didn't listen to me."
Cuddy held the bridge of her nose and inhaled deeply- not saying a word.
"Lisa?"
"Yeah, I'm here- sorry. Did he give you any details about where he was going?"
"No. I'm sorry-"
She sat up straight, swallowed and put on a smile, even though Marina couldn't see her, "It's not your fault. I'll figure out, thanks for letting me know."
Cuddy hung up the phone and placed both her hands on her temples, feeling the onset of a migraine.
With a big intake of breath, she finally tried focusing on the suit papers that Stacy had brought into her to look over, regarding a past patients' family who was suing Chase and House over negligence. She'd gotten so caught up in what had happened between her and House that she'd completely forgotten to even mention it to him. And for a moment she thought about getting up and walking after to him to tell him about it when in walked Wilson.
He was holding a file in between his fingers, and by the expression on his face she knew that House had already told him everything- she rolled her eyes, "If you've come to talk to me about Hous-"
"I come on official Oncology business", he said holding up both his hands in defense.
She let out a sigh, "What is it?"
"I- uh just had that resume you wanted to see for the intern we were hoping to hire", he murmured, clearly with something else clouding his mind.
She couldn't do it, "I slept with House."
Wilson's mouth hung open for a few seconds, then cleared his throat, "It's none of my-"
"Oh please- do not insult me with your niceties. Like it isn't the first thing he told you as soon as he got here. But, it was a mistake and he knows that. It's not going to happen again", she stressed, glancing down at the application that Wilson had handed to her.
Although she wasn't looking at him, Cuddy knew that his face was screwed up, in a frown and attempting to figure out what to say back to her.
"Ryan ran off again", she let out in a breath, figuring it was just easier to change the subject.
Wilson scoffed, "He's a teenager Lisa, he just lost his parents. It would be odd if he didn't try and act out."
"He's so angry. I don't know how to help him with that, I don't know how to deal with this and I feel like he's slipping through my fingers", she finally said into her hands.
"Give him time, let him loose himself a little, maybe it's what he needs", He offered.
Cuddy sniffed back possible tears and took a big breath, "He's never acted out like this though. I had to pick him up on Halloween at the police station, because he tried buying pot from a police officer."
His eyes widened a little, "Ok…I guess I can see your cause for concern."
"Thank you. See, this is why I'm worried- House just didn't get it, " Cuddy huffed, not knowing what to do with herself.
Wilson frowned, "You told House about Ryan getting arrested?"
She looked up at him, feeling her cheeks getting pink, "He was sort of at the Halloween party with me when I got the call. I'm surprised you didn't know- you guys are attached at the hip. Anyway, he said it was normal for teens to 'act out'- but of course he'd say that- given his experience with drugs in college."
"You mean House actually did experiment with drugs in college?" Wilson asked surprised.
Cuddy nodded, "Like you didn't know."
"I didn't. That explains that whole razor blade thing then", he sheepishly laughed, "And here I was thinking it was merely a bluff to sound cool."
"What razor blade 'thing'?" she asked with an edge.
He took a deep breath, "It's- nothing, believe me. He just made some sly comment about knowing his way around a razor blade."
"Tell me."
Wilson took a deep breath, "Do you remember a few weeks ago, when we had my cancer patient Andie? with the Rhabdo? Remember how he had those allergies that just wouldn't go away? Well- I walked in on him cutting up a pill of Diphenhydramine into powder. And that's when he made that comment about knowing his way around a razor blade."
Cuddy frowned, and bit the corner of her lip for a moment, feeling fear grow in her chest, "Are you sure that it was that and not…?"
He frowned at her, "Yes…You don't think he'd openly be doing cocaine in his office, for everyone passing by to see, do you? He's not that reckless."
She shrugged her arms, defeated, "I don't know anymore Wilson. He had no problem with it when we were at Michigan. I don't know what to believe."
"House is many things- but he's not stupid. He wouldn't jeopardize his job over something like that."
Cuddy stood up, and gave him one last fleeting look before leaving her office, "Let's hope not."
xxxoxxxo
After the less than exciting conversation he'd had with Cuddy, House had resigned himself to his office, with the blinds closed. He wasn't sad, he told himself- he was merely surprised at her reaction. It was something that he hadn't expected and he was unsure of how to feel about it.
All he needed was an hour or so to take a nap and maybe he'd be able to put the humiliating conversation behind him and just go back to how things were before.
But that was easier said than done, especially as he saw the outline of her body in hallway, making her way to his office. She pushed the glass door in, without the slightest knock to warn him.
"Its time for your annual physical", she held her hands together in a very official dean-of-medicine-way. It was her way of telling him that she meant business.
He frowned up at her, "Aren't those usually a January thing?"
"I reminded you last year in January to get one done and you never did. So this year I'm going to harass you until I see vials of your blood on my desk", she raised her eyebrows at him.
"Kinky", House wiggled his eyebrows.
There was something that didn't add up though, and House thought back to the year before, realizing she was lying. Because Cuddy had never actually reminded him about his annual physical, it had been Wilson, which meant she was lying and that intrigued him.
He smiled, which only made her irate, "What?"
"You didn't remind me last year, it was Wilson. Which means for some reason you care very much this year because you didn't last year. Could this be because you're regretting what you said earlier?"
Her facial expression didn't change, "No, I just want you to get the physical done."
He played with his red ball in his hand and nodded, "Ok, if you say so."
She finally rolled her eyes and flopped her arms while walking out, "Think whatever you want House, just get the damn testing done", but just as she was about to leave, she stopped again and looked back at him, "You're getting sued by the way."
Suddenly his afternoon was looking up, because Cuddy did care.
xxxoxxxo
Later That Night
Cuddy had waited up all night for Ryan to get home, only worrying that the worst possible thing had happened. She even feared she'd get another call from the police station telling her that he'd gotten in trouble again.
But around 2 AM, there was a rustling of a car approaching her house, and she peaked through her bedroom blinds to see a black conspicuous car pull up to the curb. She watched as Ryan got out and said goodbye to whoever had given him a ride and slowly made his way up to the door.
She was in uncharted territory- this was all new to her. And no parenting book could prepare her for the sudden responsibility of what to say to her rebellious younger cousin.
Cuddy walked out of her bedroom and towards the stairs, hearing his soft footsteps getting closer to her in the darkness and when he was only a few steps away from her, she turned on the switch for to the light, taking him by surprise.
One look at his eyes, and she could tell that he was stoned, not just his eyes but she could smell the pot emitting off his clothes.
She sighed, "What are you doing Ryan?"
He furrowed his eyebrows only slightly, "Going to bed?"
"I can't keep doing this. I can't keep seeing you do this to yourself. I'm going to send you with my mom for a while", she let out with a breath.
He gave her an annoyed look, "Don't you think you're overreacting a bit much?"
"Actually, no. You're my responsibility Ryan, and you're only sixteen- I can't let you just roam the city getting stoned. I don't even know your who your friends are."
"I lived alone when I was at Columbia and my parents didn't get into my business nearly half as much as you do."
She laughed, "They probably didn't know half of what you were doing, and I bet if they had, then they would have cared, just like I care now."
He rolled his eyes again and started walking away, "This is a useless conversation."
Cuddy stood in front of him and crossed her arms, "I'm not finished with you."
"Right. Well what is your so called punishment?"
She needed to stand her guard and appear to be confident, even if she felt like she didn't know what she was doing, "I'm driving you up to my mother's in the morning, and if you want to come back or not- that's all on you."
xxxoxxxo
April 12th, 1988
It was an unusually warm April Tuesday, when Lisa walked into the newly renovated University Bookstore- which now held a cafe area. She looked at it for a moment, not letting her eyes linger for too long, in worry that she'd spot Greg or he'd spot her.
As far as she knew, he still worked there on certain days, according to Dylan- which was why she'd procrastinated her Sociology homework for so long. A couple weeks ago, their professor had given them a research paper to do on how sociology played into the medical field and had assigned a specific book that the entire class was responsible for getting.
Of course the down part of that had been that the only place that had the book she needed within walking distance in Ann Arbor, was the bookstore Greg worked at. Before, she would have been excited about going to see him, no doubt with butterflies quickly growing in her stomach at the thought- however that was not the case now.
His icy behavior that he'd displayed a month earlier in their class hadn't broken, which was why she wasn't too eager to see him. There was a pit of undying dread that filled her, with his complete indifference to her.
Which was why she hastily looked for the required book, hoping that she could avoid any interaction with him. However, the only copies left of the book that she needed were rentals, but she figured that was better than nothing.
After she had gotten in line, Lisa got on her tip-toes to look over the people in front of her, and was able to sigh in relief when she realized that the cashier wasn't Greg, but some random girl instead.
The line moved pretty quickly, and for a moment she thought she was scotch-free from seeing Greg, until it was her turn to pay- because at that precise moment, they had decided to change cashiers.
As she set the book on the counter, she struggled with desire to want to look up at his eyes, and as always her strange obsession with him won over what her head was telling her to do.
Lisa was pleasantly surprised to see that he didn't hold that icy look to his expression today, and instead merely looked surprised to see her.
"Hey", he let out softly as he took the book and rang it up.
There was an immediate response from her body- butterflies erupted, birds began chirping, somehow it even seemed like it was brighter inside of the bookstore.
After she was able to get herself back in control, she cleared her throat and gave him a small nervous smile back, "Hi."
"Have you heard about the new rental policy?" he asked, but his eyes and straight face said something entirely different. His expression didn't tell her what she hoped though, and that was if he'd gotten over their quarrel from a few months ago or not.
Lisa shook her head nervously, "Uh, no- I didn't know it had changed."
He inhaled deeply and opened the cover to point at something with a straight face, "Well that's too bad. See, some books- the super popular ones that people use for research and have a blue dot, are only rented hourly now. Which means, you can't leave this bookstore with this book."
"Well that's- stupid", her eyes blinked rapidly at the revelation.
"Tell me about it. Which means, that you have to read it over in the café area. Or… I forgot to mention, the other way you can take take the book home with you is if one of the employees goes home with you too. It's like a two for one deal", Greg finally cracked a very tiny smile at her, unable to hide the dimples she adored.
Lisa smiled widely, because she was finally catching on to his sarcasm, and attempted to remain serious, "I guess I should go wait for one of you guys to get off work then, so I can take the book with me then, shouldn't i?"
He scoffed, attempting to keep a straight line on his face which failed miserably, "It's what I would do."
She gingerly picked up the book from the counter and looked at him for a fleeting moment, before heading to the adjacent cafe tables, finding one with a great view to the bookstore counter.
It was only after she'd sat down and had attempted to get into reading the book, that she sobered up a bit from the conversation with Greg.
He had an innate ability to make her fall head over heels for him all over again. There was a strange way that his eyes worked, mesmerizing her into believing that everything was ok. But she'd been around him enough by that point to know just how bipolar he was too. And that by the end of his shift he could be mad at her all over again.
Like times before, she tried her hardest to keep her eyes down and far away from his view at all, but as always her will power lost, and she looked up to catch him looking back at her in the middle of ringing up some random student.
He smiled widely at her, which only caused her to bite her lip and look back down, even though she was sure her face was bright pink.
"Would you mind if I sit here dear?"
Lisa looked up to see an older woman, maybe in her mid-forties,with impeccable hair and a sweet smile, looking down at her. She nodded and immediately moved her purse from the seat next to hers.
"Of course not."
The woman carefully sat down, and placed her coffee cup on the table, looking over at Lisa, "I'm waiting for my son."
She smiled at the Lady for a second, then looked back at her book attempting to get into it, but eventually she turned her attention back up to the counter to see if Greg was still looking at her. Yet by that point, he was busy with a line of at least ten people ready to check out.
"Is that your boyfriend? He's pretty cute," asked the woman sitting next to her.
There was something about her eyes that looked really familiar, but Lisa couldn't place it, "No-no. We're just friends."
The woman gave her a disbelieving smile, "I know that look all too well. I used to look at my husband like that, when we were just 'friends'."
Maybe it was the fact that Greg wasn't mad at her, that she was in a good mood, or simply the sweetness that the lady emoted, but she seemed easy to talk to and Lisa couldn't help it, she had to tell someone before she imploded, "I don't think he sees me the way I see him."
"And how is that?"
She took a big breath of air and let it out, "He's so…alluring I guess. Don't get me wrong, he can be abrasive, infuriating, sweet one moment and completely do a one-eighty the next second and don't even get me started on that brain of his- I for one don't know half as much as he does, even though he's extremely annoying about it- but…I can't get him out of my head."
For a few seconds after her ridiculous outburst, the blonde woman sitting next to her smiled without saying anything, and finally broke her silence, "Funny, that's exactly how I'd describe him myself."
Lisa looked at her with a frown, "Huh?"
"I'm sorry I mislead you."
"What do you mean?"
The woman bit her lip for a second and waved over at Greg, who was frowning back at the both of them but waving slowly back as well- as if he were confused, which was something new, "Greg is my son."
xxxoxxxo
December 19th, 2005
In the days that had passed since Cuddy had ruthlessly made it clear that she had no interest in House, several things had transpired at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.
For one, Chase's father had died, which normally wouldn't have been much of a big deal, but the fact that it had caused him to effectively loose a patient and therefore get sued by the patient's family and bring House's leadership into question had been a drag.
A lawsuit had been brought against Chase and House for the death of a mother, who had originally come in with stomach pain. This in turned caused a disciplinary committee to convene and determine whether either of them were at fault. In turn, the committee had ruled that House needed to be supervised in order to determine his ability to run a department, leading to Cuddy ultimately making Foreman his boss.
The fact that Cuddy had put Foreman in charge of the Diagnostic Department, wasn't just due to the investigation into Chase's patient- or so House believed. No doubt she had picked the one person who stood up to him, to further humiliate him or get back at him for some perverse reason of hers. Because when she wanted to, Lisa Cuddy could hit him spot on, just perfectly.
His punishment didn't end with having Foreman in charge of his department though, the extra clinic hours had been enough to cement the fact that Cuddy wanted to see his suffering first hand.
Which was why as he got off the elevator and headed to his office, he was looking forward to sitting down in his ottoman, popping back a couple of Vicodin and doing some ddx-ing with his team- he'd recently found a patient being brought it who was a quadriplegic with no spinal injury.
However, just as he approached the Ddx room and saw through the glass windows that there was a certain young arrogant teenager playing with his red thinking ball, House stopped in mid track and inhaled deeply knowing what lay ahead would require mountains of self-restraint on his behalf.
He scoffed and licked his lips as he slowly got to his office door and pushed it open with his cane, and eyed Cuddy's cousin- Ryan who sat comfortably in his desk chair with his legs propped up onto the desk.
With the noise of the cane, Ryan looked up at him and dropped the red ball into his lap, bringing his legs down from his desk, "Hey."
House blinked his stoic face a couple times before taking a deep breath, "Hey yourself. I know this is probably a dumb question but, why are you here?"
"Lisa told me to hang out here", he shrugged his shoulders.
"This exact spot? You sure it wasn't the next department over?" House asked him, pointing towards Wilson's office.
Ryan yawned and shook his head, "Oncology? God no. Are you kidding me? Actually, I asked her to let me hang out in the pharmacy instead, but oddly enough she didn't seem keen on that idea."
House faked a laugh and dropped a file on his desk which Ryan quickly picked up, opened and began reading, "A quadriplegic with no spinal injury? Cool."
"As fun as it would be to have you hang out with us and play doctor, I'm afraid there's only room for one genius here", House said as he wiggled his eyebrows and snatching the file from Ryan's hands, heading towards the ddx room, where his lackeys had just gone in.
Behind him, House could hear that the teenager had gotten up and followed him in, "Lisa said you'd say that and told me to tell you that trying to get rid of me would earn you extra clinic hours."
"What's he doing here?" asked Chase, as he sat down with a curious frown.
House looked back at him and then at his lackeys, "Wants my job apparently- he thinks everyone gets to take turns now."
"Lisa said I could hang out here- she insisted it would be fun", Ryan said smiling at Cameron for just a little too long.
He took a seat next to her and grabbed the copy meant for her, "I thought about going to med school too, but what you guys do is so repetitive and boring."
House looked over at him, "Get out."
"No, don't", someone else said.
And they all looked up to see that Foreman had just entered the Ddx room with a file, "Ryan will be observing how our department operates."
House scoffed and smiled at Foreman, "You do know that you being in charge is only temporary, right?"
"I know. I also know that I'll be in charge for the next couple of months, which is how long Ryan will be here. He'll be starting at Princeton University at the end of January."
All his lackeys looked up at House at that moment with a terrified expression of what he'd do to Foreman. Granted, many things went through his head, most immoral and dangerous but instead just took a deep breath, stood up and walked back out of the room- towards the elevator.
xxxoxxxo
There were many things House could take, but having a kid tag along and play doctor while insulting his gift just wasn't one of them. He was past the point of putting on his facade of niceness with Cuddy too, in hopes that it would get him somewhere with her. If she didn't want him, that was fine by him, and it just meant that he could shift back to airing out insults and tormenting her as well.
House got to her office double doors and looked in at her. Weeks ago, he would have stopped and smiled at his view, maybe even reminisced about their trip to Atlantic City, but the short time that had passed since she'd called their one night a 'mistake', had been enough turn his mushy feelings towards her to more hostile mood.
"I will never think of you again", he announced as he walked into her office.
Cuddy looked up with a very prominent frown etched on her face, "Excuse me?"
He sat down across from her, just like he had many times before and breathed in deeply, "This is your own personal form of punishment for something I obviously did twenty years ago. So if you want me to say sorry…fine…sorry. Now go remove your adolescent kid from my department."
Her expression went from confusion to amusement and finally she just looked back down at a paper she had been filling out only moments before, "If I remember correctly, Foreman is in charge of the department at the moment, and he gets to dictate who goes in and out. Oh and don't forget we're doing end of year physicals this week, guess who still hasn't gotten theirs?"
"Fine. I'll do my physical if you get your kid out of there", he breathed out, crossing his arms and placing his legs up on the corner of her desk.
She gave him a contemptuous look, "No. This was your idea remember? You said I should keep him entertained so he wouldn't get into trouble- I'm doing that."
"And a stupid idea, it was….wasn't he supposed to be living with your mom now?"
Cuddy laughed, "Are you joking? One month with my mother and he was begging to come back. Arlene Cuddy is a nightmare."
"Make him go away or…I won't go away", House pushed, taking her pencil holder and turning upside down- causing all the pencils to fall all over her desk.
"No. You'll do your physical and stop complaining about Ryan. Now go", she said, forcibly taking the pencil holder from his hand, and with a slight nod of her head to the door.
Eventually he gave up, and sluggishly got up, groaning in the process , "Prude."
"Idiot."
xxxoxxxo
"I would have expected you to demand Cuddy to do your physical", Wilson asked while collecting a blood sample from House's arm.
He watched idly as his blood quickly filled the vial and scratched an itch on his shoulder, "Are you kidding me? She barely acknowledges my existence now."
"Do I detect hurt feelings?" His best friend asked mockingly, removing the vile and placing it on to the holster.
House rolled his eyes and scratched his arm further down, as Wilson frowned a bit, "Is the itching recent?"
"What?"
"You just scratched your shoulder, and lower arm- is that recent?"
House groaned, "Oh don't even start. It's just an itch, it's nothing to get hung up on- just because we're doing my physical."
"Or it could mean that your liver is deteriorating, which wouldn't be surprising, since you pop Vicodin like its candy", he accused placing his hand on his friend's abdomen.
House instinctively backed away when Wilson put pressure in a certain spot, and swatted his hand away attempting to play off what had obviously been pain, "Geez Wilson, when was the last time you filed your nails? I know long nails are all the trend right now but-"
Wilson frowned, grabbing hold of him again, and putting more pressure through out his chest, "You have abdominal pain."
"I do not- I have someone causing me pain though", he sarcastically spat back at him, trying not to react to how painful his fingers felt.
"Or- it could be liver damage."
"You'd love that wouldn't you? It would just give you a reason to take my Vicodin away", he said rolling down his sleeve and plopping off the exam chair and grabbing his cane.
"House."
He knew that Wilson was staring at his back and no doubt had more to say about his pain-killer regimen, but he didn't want to talk about that or what could possibly be wrong.
But mostly, he didn't want his friend to see him grab his chest, as soon as he was out the door, with the sudden pain that Wilson had set in motion by his touch, and the real fear he suddenly had.