Chapter X

AN: For those who haven't read You Belong With Me: A quick note. Kaylie is off the rez, which means she has black hair and tan skin, and brown eyes. Its just important for this chapter :)

Lena xo

I couldn't tell you

Why she felt that way

She felt it everyday

And I couldn't tell her

I just watched her make

The same mistakes again

→ Nobody's Home, Avril Lavigne

"We'd better get to sleep, now, Jess," said Bethany as the last disc finished. I didn't reply, my eyes wide as I watched her stand, then stretch her arms above me.

When he left me, Bethany came back. She had tried to tell me that it wasn't her, but I knew better. She spoke liked Beth and acted like Beth and she looked like Beth – her long, straight mousey brown hair was now in a bun, her green eyes watching me.

"I don't like it when you go, Beth," I said to her. "I don't like those women who come to look after me when you're gone."

Beth sighed and sat back on the lounge, twisting her fingers through her hair. "You know I have college, Jess."

"With Seth and Kaylie," I confirmed. Beth smiled sadly. "Yes. But it's ok, because after this year I'll finish college, and then I'll come back and see you everyday."

I smiled, then a yawn escaped. Beth laughed.

"Alright, you better get to bed. I'll clean up here," she added after me as I jumped up off the couch, running to the bed.

I slid between the cool, clean material of the blankets, laying my head on the pillow and closing my eyes.

I loved sleeping, because when I dreamt, I slept. And when I slept, he came back to me.

I was back here, standing alone in the sunlit field.

"Collin?" I called, waiting for him to come. He always came when I called him.

"Collin?!" I yelled, now worried.

Shadows began dancing at the edges of the field. I looked up, but there was only the bright blue sky, tinted with orange in the horizon as the sun began to set.

Looking back down to the grass, the light was bending and twisting as a dark hole opened up at the horizon.

Strong fingers locked around my wrist. I cried out, pulling back, but then I realised who it was.

"Collin!"

He began pulling me, screaming, "RUN!"

I ran with him as the darkness behind us grew. It started to pull in the light, like some sort of tornado, and I could hear thunder in the sky darkened overhead.

"THERE'S NO TIME! RUN!" roared Collin. I stumbled, tripping, and felt cold ice as the shadows behind me licked my bare feet. But Collin was there pulling me up, yelling "Run faster!!!"

His arm was around me and we ran, stumbling over rocks and soon smooth pavement as the field was sucked into the darkness and we were sprinting along a bitumen road.

I could feel the rain like bullets pelting onto my skin. The thunder was grumbling louder, Collin was yelling in my ear. Lightning flashed and my feet were sore and bleeding, and behind us the darkness was swallowing up the road, always coming closer.

Suddenly, ahead of me, I saw white light – Collin screamed "ALMOST THERE!" He gave me one last push and I stumbled into the blinding light; I quickly looked back only to see the darkness swallowing Collin – but it could not go beyond the white light.

"COLLIN!" I screamed, but strong arms locked around me, holding me back as I tried to run to him.

"Let me go with him!!!" I begged, tears running down my face, but the more I struggled the tighter the arms grew.

"Shhh, please Jessie. He wouldn't want that. He'd never want that."

My eyes opened and I was in my bed, still struggling against Beth's arms. Realising I was back here, I began sobbing. Collin kept trying to push me into the light.

But without him here, it was darkness anyway.

XxX

She kissed me on the cheek, her big green eyes on me.

"I love you."

"Love you too," I said automatically. But I was scared.

"You're going to come back?" I whispered, my arms subconsciously locking around her.

"Always," she promised, but I didn't let go.

"Say hi to Seth and Kaylie for me," I said.

Rachel, the lady who was coming to look after me for the next few days, reached for my fingers, trying to prise them from around my Beth's neck.

"Come on, sweetie, she's gotta leave," said Rachel softly.

"You can't leave me. YOU CAN'T!" I screeched. "BECAUSE YOU WON'T COME BACK! Beth stay with me!"

She turned away, tears rolling down her face.

"DON'T! BETH!" I screamed, clawing at Rachel's arms that were locked around me.

"I will come back," said Beth as she walked out into the rain.

"That's what Collin said," I whispered, my heart hammering, my gasping breaths so loud. I felt like I was sinking, and whatever was inside me was collapsing. It was the first time I'd said his name since...

Kaylie's P.o.V

My departure was like all the others before it – Jessie, at first begging me not to go, then screaming and physically trying to stop me. But as I got into Seth's car, the reason I was crying wasn't because I was leaving her – it was because of the lie I lived to her face. The first time I'd come back from college after Collin passed away... Jessie had started calling me Beth. I thought it was just a symptom of depression, but it didn't take me long to realise that when she looked at me, she saw her dead sister. I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise, but it was killing me all the same.

"Are you ok?" cut in Seth's voice. He watched me out of the corner of his eyes, concern apparent all over his face.

"I'm fine, just keep going," I said quickly, brushing the tears from my face.

XxX

"So, what's his name again?" asked Megan teasingly. I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"Collin Meyers," I said quietly, and I heard Steph in the seat behind me clap her hands and squeal.

"He's soooooooo friggin hot, you shoulda been there Megan!!! And they were like making out in the car and then someone," said Steph with a pointed look at the girl seated next to me, "had to go and ruin the moment."

Anna grinned ruthlessly. "The girl was gonna be late for school. Anyway, she owes me, you're forgetting who matched her up with that guy."

They giggled and I sighed and rolled my eyes. I'd been surrounded by this since Junior High, but that didn't make it any more bearable.

"Ok, so you were caught snogging him, what two weeks ago--" said Megan, but Anna cut in with a shudder.

"Don't say snog. It's just... ew. A gross word."

Megan grinned. "I don't like the word either, I only say it to piss you off. Anyways, as I was saying," she said while Anna groaned, "The others met him about two weeks ago, and you've been dating for how long?"

"Umm, a couple of months I guess," I said quietly. Three months, two weeks and five days if you really want to be accurate...

"And? What's he like? As a boyfriend? Does he treat you right and all that?" asked Steph excitedly. Anna glowered. "Cos if he tries anything..."

I just sighed. "He's perfect."

The siren went off and we were let out of health class – not that any of us, including the teacher, was really caring what was going on during the last session of a Friday – and we all left Anna at the entrance of the school.

"I hate choir," she grumbled. "Why did you quit it and ditch me anyways?"

I smiled at her. "'Cos I'm not going to be a singer for a career, so what's the point?"

"Aww, come on Jess, you're good enough to," she said. I laughed as we walked away.

"Bye Anna."

We – Me, Steph and Megan – met up with Alicia at the gates and started walking down one of the streets to the train station.

"You're not catching the bus?" Alicia grumbled, and I just smiled at her.

"Her boyyyyyfriend is picking her up," said Megan teasingly.

"I still can't believe I missed him," huffed Alicia. "Anna's going on about how awesome a matchmaker she is, and I know you don't talk about him much, but you've changed Jessie," she said wisely. I just laughed again, tightening my arms around the textbooks that are clasped tightly to me.

"Where's he picking you up anyway?"

"Umm, on James Avenue, he's working on a house there--"

At that moment, we turned the corner

And I was met by the best sight that I have ever seen – and will ever see - in my life.

Collin had his head tipped to the sky, his arms above him holding a container that tipped all over him. The water was running down his chest and stomach... ALL bare, and as he turned, I could see the muscles in his back stretching and moving over his shoulder blades...

I quickly closed my mouth and made sure there was no drool on my chin.

I'd figured the guy was ripped, but seeing him was something else altogether.

I got the same thoughts I always did whenever I even looked at him. He's too damn good for me. He could be with a supermodel so why on EARTH would he be with ME?!

He shook his head like a dog, shaking water everywhere, and it suddenly hits me that my friends have a very similar expression on their faces to mine.

Suddenly he opened his eyes, and his face broke into a smile as he sees me. I smiled shyly back at them, fully aware that my whole face is burning red and my hands on the books in front of me are shaking.

His eyes paused for a moment on my friends next to me, then he pulled on his shirt. Damn, I thought automatically. I know it's another reminder that I don't deserve him but...

"I'm off," Collin called to one of the workmen on the roof. But another Quileute guy – taller than Collin but with just as much muscles – came forward, his right hand extended. I'd seen him before in the diner – was it Bradley? - but we'd never really spoken before.

"Ssup, I'm Brady, and you must be Collin's fuck buddy."

"Er..." I stutter, caught off guard as I shake the hand. "I-I'm Jessie," I finally manage to blurt out. Our hands dropped – his skin was burning hot, just like Collin's – and he turned to my friends with a wink. "And which ladies here do I have the pleasure of meeting..."

I came forward to Collin, who had his head in his hands. "Hi," I said shyly. I know it sounds strange, but I always felt... safe whenever he was around. But that didn't stop my shyness, which always seemed to jump in front of me like a chokehold.

"Hey beautiful," he said with a smile, leaning in to kiss me on the lips. I got the typical butterflies in my stomach that always came whenever he said something like that.

"Sorry I'm all wet," he added but I was preoccupied with I watching as some of the water dripped from his hair into his face.

"Jessie probably is now, too!" yelled out Brady, making the girls giggle and me blush even more. Scowling at Brady, Collin took my bag and my books, wrapping his other arm around me. On impulse I slid my arm around his waist while Collin spoke to Brady.

"We're heading off. Do you wanna lift?" I blinked, realising I had been watching his mouth move while he was talking. God I loved his lips...

"I'm good, I'm gonna meet Seth at the airport," replied Brady casually. In a strange moment I saw Collin give Brady some sort of look, but Brady said, "She's getting a lift with her parents," and Collin's face relaxed.

"I'll see you tonight," Brady added. "Pleasure to meet you Jess," he said with a wink as Collin and I started walking down the pathway. I waved to Alicia, Steph and Megan and they waved back with a half-hearted glance in my direction, still being focussed on Brady.

I could feel Collin's heated side pressed against mine, and his arm around me, and I automatically leaned in closer before I realised what I was doing – but Collin's arm just tightened that little bit more around me.

Collin might be too good for me, and he might break my heart one day, but somehow it all seemed worth it if I could have this moment right here.

XxX

Her feelings she hides

Her dreams she can't find

She's losing her mind

She's falling behind

She can't find her place

She's losing her faith

She's falling from grace

She's all over the place

AN: SHHHHHHHH I'm not sposed to be up!!! But I couldn't help it I just HAD to get this chappy out of my system. Good news – I've nearly finished the next one too :)

Much love to BloodlustedInk07 :) and I'm kinda choked up atm cos turns out we've got two writing comps in English, and I am AWFFFULLL at writing two stories at once, which means I have to get Here Without You out of my system before I enter those ones!!! But I don't wanna rush this either :)

Plussss, my cuz's bday today, my bro's on Saturday, and mine on Tuesday!!!! Can't wait :) One year closer to dying...

Oh yes. I'm so optimistic.

But anyways, keep an eye out on Jessie's side of things... something big(gish) is gonna happen real soon, I promise

Lena xo