"Maybe you're not doing it for the right reasons."

"Love is the truest of reasons," I stated.

Iruka sighed heavily.

"What do we know about love, anyway?" I heard him take a large gulp from his soda before he set it down next to our feet.

I leaned backwards until I could feel the wooden fence ribbing into my shoulder blades. The bench creaked from the weight.

"I just need to train harder," I said.

"Come on, I'll walk you home," I heard him get up.

He placed his hand in mine and helped me up off the bench.

"I wonder why the Sandaime won't tell you…" he trailed off.

We started walking east towards my apartment.

"Maybe it's really for the best that I don't know," I said softly. "It's just, sometimes… losing my parents and my sight... I feel like it's not even worth waking up for."

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

Iruka stopped as I tried to hold back my tears. The air shifted as I felt his arms pull me in and he held me in a gentle hug.

"You've never let being blind stop you before. Don't let it stop you now," he breathed. "And don't forget, you've got me."

I gave a laugh of relief.

"You're right," I said.

"You'll make it, Kei," he said, "whether it's for love or for yourself."

I looked out the window as I realized that I had just read through an entire list of poisons and various procedures of synthesis without even taking in any of the information.

Ever since I got my vision back, small things became a lot easier to do. I am now also able to preserve more chakra since I don't have to use it for sensory purposes. However, the idea of reading letters instead of feeling them was foreign to me. I had become so accustomed to the latter method that when I first tried to read, my fingers would trace around the letters involuntarily. Now, though, my reading has improved, but my concentration seems to have become worse. I found myself reminiscing about the past and becoming more distracted day by day. It was infuriating since I had always been so focused and driven.

I hardly ever saw Hatake. He was always away on missions and I had just returned to active duty. I was also busy in between missions since I was still learning medical ninjutsu. What made it worse was that Tsunade had put me on a fast track through the curriculum after she found out that I was already quite skilled in chakra control.

When Hatake and I would finally see each other, I was usually too tired and would only want to rest. He always said that he understood and that we could spend time together later. But, the next time would be the same. I also realized that we hadn't kissed since that night we had dinner with Iruka.

Why is he always so understanding?

I gathered my study materials and stood up. My body ached from sitting in one position too long. I gave a loud yawn as I stretched my arms towards the ceiling.

Could it be that he is getting tired of me?

I returned the books at the sorting desk and took in a deep breath of fresh air when I exited the library. The sun was almost too bright for my liking.

Why did I always have to think so negatively? Hatake said that he liked me on more than one occasion. He had never given me any reason to doubt him so far. Though, maybe he was bothered by the fact that I had chosen to remain close with Iruka.

I walked back to my apartment still deep in thought.

I gulped down a large swig of rice wine and threw a piece of rakkyo(1) in my mouth. I leaned back on my couch and felt relaxed. I never really enjoyed drinking much, but lately it felt good to drink a little after studying or just completing a string of missions.

I kept asking myself why Hatake wouldn't kiss me anymore. It repeated in my head like the banging of a drum and it made me feel sick.

I wish I could see him.

I reached over and grabbed the bottle of sake from the table. I was about to take a swig when I realized it was empty. With a groan, I got up and walked to the kitchen to grab a new one.

I opened my kitchen cabinet and took out a new bottle when I heard knocking at my door. It was already late so I wondered who it could be.

I swung open the door and my chest felt tight as I saw Hatake standing there.

"H-hatake…" I stuttered.

"I'm sorry. Did I bother you?" he asked.

"Ah, no," I said quickly.

"Can I come in?"

I moved aside to let him through.

"Would you like to have a drink?" I asked. My voice sounded as if it was trembling.

"Sure," he replied. I watched him as he walked his way over to the sofa and sat down.

I retrieved a small glass from the kitchen and sat down next to him. I opened the new bottle of sake and poured some into his glass.

He picked up the empty bottle and chuckled.

"Did you drink all this by yourself?"

I nodded. I poured some sake into my glass until it reached all the way to the very top. With a deep breath I threw my head back and spilled the contents into my throat.

"Hey, aren't you drinking a little too much?" he asked.

My face twitched. I felt irritated by his question.

"What do you care?" my voice sounded cold.

"Is something wrong?" he placed his hand over mine.

I quickly removed my hand and stood up. My heart was beating furiously and it felt a little painful.

"Kei, why are you acting this way?" he asked.

"Me? You're blaming me?" I asked incredulously. My voice sounded loud and angry.

I glared at him. He didn't say anything. My head started to feel light and my face was red.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" he asked. He stood up and walked over to me. His one eye looked at me intently.

"Every time we see each other, you always find an excuse to leave. It's like you don't want to be near me…" my voice shook and sounded strangely vulnerable.

"I do want to be near you," Hatake said hurriedly.

Tears started to well up in the corner of my eyes.

"We're both jounin and I know we're both busy. I just didn't want to push you away," he said softly.

"Then why won't you kiss me anymore?" I asked brazenly.

Hatake looked stunned at my question. He sighed loudly and turned his head away.

"I'm afraid that if I do, I won't be able to stop," he answered honestly.

I wasn't sure if it was from all the wine I had been drinking or from his words, but I felt a strange rush of boldness.

"Then don't," I said.

He turned to look at me again. With an almost uncomfortable slowness, he walked towards me until I could smell the clean scent of his clothes.

"I won't" he whispered. He peeled the mask off his face as he lowered his face towards me.

His chakra thundered loudly in my ears and I felt the force with which his lips rushed to mine. He kissed me almost violently and I couldn't help but shudder.

Our tongues met as they wrestled around each other in an elaborate dance. I could feel the saliva building up in my mouth as I tasted him.

I heard the clatter of his headband falling to the floor. With a soft push, he led me backwards until I felt the edge of my bed on the back of my knees.

He pulled away to stare at me. The pupils in his eyes had grown big and dark.

I could tell that he was hesitant.

My body felt hot and the blood in me seemed to throb with a sense of urgency. I felt desperate for his touch. With shaking hands, I pulled off my shirt and exposed my plain white brassiere.

My breath hitched in my throat as I felt his chakra beating against me like a strong, unrelenting current of wind. My hands moved to remove my bra. He stared at me silently. Before I could get it off, he pulled me towards him. He kissed the side of my neck.

My heart banged around against the confines of my chest like a wild bird in a cage.

Let me loose…

Hatake breathed in my ear and his tongue lapped hungrily at my skin.

I want more…

"H-hatake," I said in quivering voice.

Without a reply, he pulled away from me. In one smooth motion, he unzipped his vest and tossed it onto the floor. He paused for a moment. He stared at me and I realized that he was admiring the wanton expression that graced my face. I turned away in embarrassment.

I heard soft rustling as he removed his clothing. He then placed a hand at the small of my back and pushed me down with the other until I collapsed on the bed with him on top. I blushed as I felt his stiff manhood pressing against my hips through the cloth of his underwear.

I felt myself savoring the sight of his naked chest. He was well-built and lean. The definition of his muscles was prominent. I also noticed several scars that crisscrossed like thin, light wires throughout his body. His nipples were a dusky pink and I felt the urge to lick at them along with the healed scars.

He leaned over and kissed my neck again. This time, though, his hands traveled towards my back and finally undid the clasp of my bra. After a seemingly deliberative pause, he removed it from my chest. I could feel his chakra growing in rabid intensity. It crackled against mine as goose bumps erupted all around my body.

His mouth sucked at my collarbone as one of his hands caressed the sides of my ribs. I closed my eyes and let myself get swept away by the sensations. My breathing grew unstable as he made his inevitable way down towards my exposed chest.

I twitched as I felt his warm tongue make contact. His lips lightly clamped down on my breast as his tongue kept circling around my nipples. My eyes flew open as I heard the sounds that were leaving my mouth. Hatake stopped his ministrations to kiss my lips again. He let loose a groan of frustration from deep in his throat.

"I can't hold back anymore," he said gruffly. I felt strangely excited at his words.

One hand reached down and tugged at my pants. With desperation, I helped him. As the rest of my clothes were tossed to the side, I could feel the air cooling the heat and stickiness that lay between my legs. Within a second, his underwear was gone as well.

I shamelessly stared at his erection. It was a dark pink and the head was tinged with a purplish shade. It was quite enormous as it stood proudly from the silver crown of hair that grew in a tangled mess around it. His balls hung like two perfect, fleshy bulbs.

"Please don't stop me," it sounded more like a demand than a request.

He lowered himself closer to me. With one hand, he took hold of his penis and guided it towards my entrance.

My whole body shook as adrenaline coursed through my body.

We kissed again. Our tongues pushed against each other in a panicked manner. With an excruciating slowness, he began to push into me. My legs involuntarily closed around him. My eyes became wet with tears. I reached out and gripped at his chest. I could feel his muscles flexing under my hands.

"Uhn…" he breathed out.

His head finally made its way into me. With another push, he was completely inside of me. The pain was unbearable. Before I could adjust to the intrusion, he pulled himself out only to thrust back in. I could feel something warm dripping down me and I smelled blood.

He continued his pace as the pain seared throughout my body like a fire. Low moans kept escaping his throat. I almost asked him to stop, but my body seemed to still want him as I continued to suck him back into my warmth.

Sweat began to pool in the crevice of my chest and the air around me felt hot. He pushed himself up with one arm as the other snaked around to my back and held me towards his chest. He continued pushing in me at this new angle and the pain began to quietly dull.

He held me tighter until my breasts were pressed against his solid and now slick chest. I threw my head back as he pierced me again and again. I gasped loudly as I felt him touch something in me. I made soft mewling noises in response to the ecstasy I was feeling.

The hand that was holding me up traveled up to my neck. The sounds of flesh slapping each other echoed around the room. He began massaging the back of my head. In an animalistic fashion, he tugged at a handful of hair at the nape of my neck which elicited a soft cry from me.

His pace quickened. His chakra began to beat against the wall of mine.

I can't let it in, or else it'll overwhelm me…

I could feel something building up inside me. Everything in my lower body felt tight and constrained as I clung onto the rippling pleasure as best I could.

"Look at me, Kei," he said in a strangled voice.

It feels so…

I opened my eyes and reluctantly looked at him. He stared at me intensely, and I could tell everything he was feeling from the expression on his face.

"Kei," he said my name again.

He pounded into me wildly. I couldn't rip my eyes away from his. Without warning, a velvet wave of pleasure ruptured in me.

"Kakashi," I whispered breathlessly.

My hands clung desperately at his shoulders as the wave rescinded and my mind became blank.

"I'm…" he said.

He let loose a guttural moan as his body suddenly froze. His eye closed and his mouth opened as it let out a soundless cry. With a few more gentle thrusts, he breathed out a loud sigh and collapsed on top of me.

My breathing became stabilized and my heart beat returned to normal.

"You called me by my first name," he said softly.

I grimaced as he pulled out and rolled over next to me.

I didn't respond.

I stared at the ceiling as a feeling of guilt overwhelmed me.

(1) Rakkyo: pickled shallots. I call them "little onions."