Love Heals All Wounds?
Chapter 11
Past – Rules of Engagement
Kate stood at the doorway of the ward room watching Swain try to stop the blood pouring from Mike's leg .
"We'll rendezvous with HMAS Melbourne in just over an hour, so you'd better get yourself a cup of tea Swain."
"No, I'm right Ma'am..."
Kate headed to the sink to get a sponge to pat down Mike's forehead.
"Go get yourself a brew..."
Swain knew what that tone meant, he wasn't going to argue. He headed for the door and glanced over to Jim wondering why she hadn't asked about him, he turned before leaving.
"Oh and Ma'am, Captain Roth has suffered a concussion and he's gonna need a CT scan when we get home, but he's gonna be okay..."
"Thank you Swain..."
Kate squeezed Mike's hand as used her other hand to run the sponge over his forehead.
"Don't you die!"
She took a deep breath in and put her head down on the bed and began to sob.
Unbeknown to her Jim had regained consciousness and witnessed their interaction. There assumed there was only one explanation for her reaction, she still had feelings for him. He wasn't going to stand in the way of her happiness, he loved her enough to let her go. He pretended to reawaken and tried to sit up, Kate noticed he was stirring and wiped the tears from her cheeks and rushed to his side.
"Hey..."
Jim sat up and winced, he wished it was from the head wound and not from him overhearing Kate's feelings for Mike. Kate cradled his cheek with her hand and he propped himself up leaning on his shoulder.
"What happened?"
"Have you been awake for long?"
Jim thought it was an odd thing to ask, he lied.
"No, not long. I take it this isn't heaven..."
Kate forced a smile, wondering if Jim had over heard her.
"No."
Jim glanced over in Mike's direction trying to remember what had lead to them being injured.
"How did he..."
"Saving you..."
"Will he be okay?"
Kate fought back the tears trying not to make Jim feel worse.
"I hope so..."
Jim attempted to stand, Kate grabbed his shoulder trying to stead him.
"Where are my men?"
"They're resting, like you should be..."
He stood up.
"I need to be with them..."
He stumbled out the ward room, he couldn't be near her. He felt too much for her and he thought she felt the same but after seeing how she reacted he knew he couldn't compete.
Kate rushed out of the elevator at the Barry General Naval Hospital and walked down the corridor straightening her uniform. She was surprised to see Jim as he turned the corner walking in the opposite direction.
"Jim...you're back home."
"Hi, yeah, I just had a CT scan, everything's in the clear..."
"Oh that's great..."
There was a bit of a pause in the conversation, Kate didn't understand why their interaction was so awkward.
"Look, sorry I didn't call..."
"Oh that's okay, I understand..."
She didn't know why she said that, she didn't understand.
"So, you here to see Mike?"
"Yeah..."
His heart broke instantly, but he had to be strong.
"We had fun Kate, keep in touch hey..."
Kate wasn't sure what was going on, it sounded like he was breaking it off.
"What do you mean?"
"When you and Mike were in the ward room, I wasn't asleep, I saw you..."
Kate still didn't understand, she was simply concerned about her CO, her friend.
"I have enormous respect for Lieutenant Commander Flynn and..."
Jim laughed, he thought that she was trying to let him down gently.
"It's okay Smudge, I don't get all hung up on these fraternisation rules like you Navy guys..."
He grasped her hand in his and gently kissed it.
"I wish you the very best..."
Kate stood there completely confused, she tightened her grip on his hand but he walked off letting her hand fall. He couldn't bear to turn back and look at her in fear he would change his mind.
Nikki plonked herself on the couch next to Kate and poured a large glass of wine for each of them.
"So how'd you go at the hospital? How's the Boss?"
Kate was somewhere else, Nikki waived her hand in front of Kate's face bringing her back to the present.
"Kate?"
Kate wasn't sure how to explain what had unfolded, she was still confused by it herself, she picked up her glass and took a large sip.
"I think he dumped me..."
Nikki jumped up off the couch nearly spilling her wine all over her.
"What?"
Kate sighed and looked in to her glass and swished the wine around hoping it would give her some clarity
"We were at the hospital and I ran into him, he said "we've had fun" and kissed my hand. Then he told me that he doesn't get hung up on 'rules' and wished me all the best walked away..."
Kate froze suddenly realising what she had said about the 'rules', she topped up their glasses in hope that Nikki didn't pick up on the that part. Nikki took a minute to process, she didn't understand either. She scrunched up her face in confusion.
"What's that supposed to mean?'
Kate breathed a sigh of relief, she had missed it, she nodded in agreement.
"I know..."
Nikki was getting more and more worked up.
"But you guys were..."
Kate nodded along.
"I know..."
"But he said he loved you..."
Kate threw her hands in the air just as mystified as Nikki.
"I know!"
Nikki hesitated, she didn't know whether she should ask the next question, but Kate was either in denial or needed to go after Jim.
"Maybe he sensed something?'
Kate continued to drink her wine not understanding Nikki's cryptic question.
"What?"
Nikki put down her glass and gave Kate a "you know what I mean" look.
"Kate, we're friends, work is separate..."
Kate's heart skipped a beat, she had heard the 'rules' part, she pretended not to understand and gave her a blank look. Nikki knew she was playing dumb and rolled her eyes.
"Mike! Maybe he could sense that you have or had feelings for Mike."
Kate's eyes widened, she took another sip of her wine hoping her glass would shield her embarrassed face. She didn't know what to say, Nikki could see she was stunned at her revelation.
"Kate, I'm not going to say anything..."
Kate dropped her head, she didn't want Nikki to think she was an awful person and just strung Jim along to make Mike jealous, she didn't know about their history.
"I guess I'll have to start from the beginning..."
Nikki gave her a reassuring smile and wiggled into the couch waiting to hear for her to start, she was excited, she was finally going hear the whole story.
Jim stood at Mike's bedside looking down at him, he was still unconscious. He sighed at sat on the chair beside the bed.
"Well, you are a dark horse..."
Mike eye's began to flutter open.
"Jim?"
His body stiffened hearing his voice, he hoped that he hadn't heard him.
"Mike, you're awake..."
Mike squinted looking around the room, he winced in pain as he tried to move his body.
"What happened?"
"There was a mortar attack, I was injured and you lot came and saved us... "
Mike placed his hand either side of himself and tried to sit up, Jim immediately assisted him.
"You've got a leg wound but you'll be okay...Can't keep Mighty Mike Flynn down hey?"
Mike let out a scoff, he hated that title.
"I haven't been called that since ADFA..."
Jim wasn't in the mood to reminisce, he knew that it wasn't Mike fault that things were complicated but he couldn't be around him right now, he stood up to leave.
"Well, I couldn't leave without saying thank you for saving my life..."
Mike frowned and tilted his head.
"Leave?"
Jim picked up his bag, he couldn't discuss it, it hurt too much.
"Yeah, I think you were wrong..."
"About?"
Jim continued to walk towards the door but turned at the door way.
"It's okay Mike, just promise me you'll do what it takes to make it work, she deserves to be happy..."
Jim turned and left leaving Mike just as confused as Kate had been.
Nikki got up and grabbed another bottle of wine from the fridge and sat back down and filled their glasses.
"I don't know what to say, I was so sure Jim was it..."
Kate sighed and sipped on her glass.
"I'm just confused, he seemed kind of hurt yet un-phased when he left."
"Are you going to call him?"
"I can't, I feel stupid! How would that conversation go...'Oh hey Jim, just a question, why did you really dump me?!' I told him I didn't have any feelings for Mike, I don't know how I could have made it any clearer."
Nikki didn't have an answer either, she topped up their glasses.
"Men?! They're the reason wine was invented!"
They both let out a tipsy giggle and clinked their glasses together.
The next morning Kate stood in Mike's doorway trying to decide whether to go in. She took a step inside the door as Mike began to stir, she slowly approached his bedside.
"Mike?"
He turned in her direction and smiled.
"Kate..."
She sat down and reached out at touched his hand.
"You gave us a scare..."
He sat up and glanced at her hand on his, she quickly pulled it away.
"Gonna take more than a mortar attack to take me out..."
There was silence, an awkward silence, Mike thought it was odd that she was being so quiet but he then realised that she had recently been dumped. Before he knew it the question was halfway out his mouth and he couldn't stop it.
"So umm how's Captain Roth?"
Kate broke eye contact, Mike saw the hurt in her eyes, he wished he hadn't asked.
"Sorry Kate, none of my business."
"Ah, well it doesn't matter anyway, I'm pretty sure that's over..."
Mike looked away to avoid her seeing his guilty look.
"I'm sorry Kate..."
Kate shrugged and sighed trying not to make it sound like a big deal.
"It probably wouldn't have worked anyway, I'm out at sea, he's on missions so we wouldn't get any time together..."
She glanced at him hoping he bought her pitiful excuse.
"Sounds familiar doesn't it..."
Mike wasn't sure if that was a dig at their past relationship or just her accepting the truth.
"So you were worried about me?"
Kate hesitated, had he heard her on the ship?
"I was worried Mike..."
There was a pause in the conversation, Mike didn't know if he could ask her the hard question in the state she was in so he tried to think of a less evasive question.
"So you're not going to message him?"
She broke eye contact and focused on the floor.
"I don't know, I've tried to compose a message over and over but I can't find the right words. He is a good man and I think he deserves more than me..."
Mike didn't understand why she felt like that, he hoped that he hadn't made her feel like that, he held Kate's hand trying to comfort her.
"Kate, you're wonderful..."
She shrugged and felt a little awkward, yeah so wonderful he left her with no warning, she shook her head a little and trying to make a joke out of it.
"Yeah, a stubborn workaholic..."
Mike hesitated, he didn't see the problem.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being married to the sea..."
In that moment Mike realised that's exactly where it all went wrong, he put his career before her and he didn't even realise it. Jim had left because he'd rather see her happy with someone else, he put her happiness above his own, that was real love, that's what she deserved. He broke eye contact, Kate was confused at his change of expression. He exhaled sharply, he didn't deserve her, he had been completely selfish. He needed to let the past stay in the past and let her move on and be happy.
Mike met her eyes and gave her a smile and squeezed her hand.
"Friends?"
She nodded and smiled back.
"Friends..."
A week later Jim had returned to Canberra, he had taken a few days off to try and get focused again. He sat at his desk trying to concentrate, one of his colleagues knocked on the door, he called out for him to enter.
"Jim, you're back..."
He looked up and smiled, it was his mate and one of his senior team leaders Darren Taylor.
"Yeah..."
Jim looked back down at his paperwork, Darren frowned at his abruptness and sat down opposite him at his desk. He could instantly see something was bothering him, he tried to get it out of him.
"I'm surprised to see you here, the boss said you were staying a bit longer, that you were taking leave?"
He tried to brush it off, he couldn't talk about it yet.
"Nah, umm I was but, ah didn't end up needing it..."
Taylor looked puzzled, it wasn't like Jim to be so shut off. He sat there for a moment hoping Jin would explain but he didn't, he decided to drop it, for now.
"Right, well, good to have you back! Catch up for a beer tonight?"
Jim nodded slightly and continued to read his emails.
Later that afternoon Jim sat at a table at the local waiting for Darren to bring over the drinks, he took out his phone to check for any messages, he secretly hoped that Kate had messaged him. There was nothing, he opened the photos folder and scrolled though the most recent photos of him and Kate. Darren walked up behind him, Jim was concentrating on the pictures and didn't hear him, Darren peered over Jim's shoulder at the photos and smiled.
"Oh, is that who's got you all quiet."
Jim quickly closed the pictures and put the phone back into his pocket. Darren sat down and passed Jim a beer and raised an eyebrow.
"James?"
Jim took a deep breath in and took a sip on his beer.
"Yeah, but it doesn't matter..."
Darren swallowed his mouth full.
"Really? Is that why you're the biggest sad sack today?"
"Excuse me?"
"Oh c'mon Jim, you're one of the happiest blokes I know, like so happy it's actually irritating. Then you come back from this trip all sulky, I see you looking all lovelorn over some photos and you're acting well, depressed. I would have thought some vitamin D would have perked you up a bit so it can only be one thing right?"
Jim started to rip up the coaster in front of him.
"There was someone else."
"Not like you to give up so easily."
Jim shrugged and took another mouthful of beer.
"Yeah well, I just want her to be happy..."
Darren looked at Jim strangely.
"Jim, what is the matter with you? I've never seen you like this about a girl before."
"Well you've never met Kate McGregor."
Jim put his head in his hands realising he may have had a mistake.
"And I just left her, I acted like it wasn't a big deal."
Darren leaned in, he was intrigued.
"Was it?"
Jim uncovered half of his face trying to block the words that were about to leave his mouth.
"I was pretty sure she was the one..."
Darren couldn't believe what he was saying, he threw his coaster at him.
"Why are you sitting here with me?"
Jim tried to shrug it off.
"I can't make her love me, I'd rather see her happy."
Darren shook his head in disagreement and slapped his forearm.
"Jim, you gotta stop thinking of everyone else, did you even ask her if she had feelings for this bloke?"
"I didn't have to, I saw it with my own eyes."
"Who is this guy like superman or something?"
Jim took a large gulp of his beer trying to drown his denial.
"Yeah, something like that!"
3 months later (3 months after Rules of Engagement).
Jim he had thrown himself into work to try and forget about Kate working nearly 7 days a week. Mike had tried to make contact with him but he chose to ignore the messages. Mike had a feeling that Jim was shutting him out because of the Kate situation, but Jim couldn't bring himself to talk to him so he had replied pretending that he had been sent back out on a mission and he was going to be un-contactable. Even thought he wanted Kate and his friends to be happy it still hurt him.
He sat in his apartment on a forced day off, he didn't know what to do, he turned on the TV, the morning show was on.
"Next up, life in the Navy, we get a woman's perspective..."
Jim sighed, the navy, just what he needed, not. It was yet another reminder of Kate. He was about turn the channel when he saw Kate's face, his finger hovered over the on/off button but instead he turned up the volume.
"So Lieutenant, tell me what it's like to be a woman in the Navy..."
Jim couldn't help but smile as the camera panned to her face.
"I love it, every day bring something different. I can't imagine my life without the sea."
"I mean, it's very much a male oriented career, what drew you to it?"
"Ah, I would have to disagree, there's quite a few of us now but anyway I love the discipline, the career opportunities. You get to travel and the action, there's always something happening..."
"What about personal life?"
Kate hesitated, she tried to laugh it off.
"Ha, well yeah we do have down time depending on how long we're out at sea for but yes funnier things have happened in the Navy like having a personal life."
"Now, I believe that there is a non fraternisation rule in the Navy can you explain that?"
Jim's eyes bugled waiting for her answer.
"Yes, it means we can't have a relationship with anyone on the same ship, but it's very similar to other workplaces. I mean they may not have it as a rule but it could potentially make it complicated."
"So you've never broken the rules."
Jim burst out laughing at Kate's face, she was mortified at the question.
"No! Of course not! They take it rather seriously..."
The interviewer could see she had hit a nerve.
"Okay, well tell me about your position, Executive Officer."
"Well, that makes me second in command, I lead the boarding parties, I'm right in the thick of the action."
"And your Commander, how long have you been working together?"
"Ah, nearly 3 years..."
"And is that normal that you stay on the same ship for that long?"
"Ah, it's not that uncommon, Commander Flynn and I work well together, that's why I assume they don't split us up."
Jim turned off the TV and sat there thinking, had Mike not taken his advice? Or had he and they were breaking the rules.
He picked up his phone and scrolled to Kate's name, his finger hovered over the call button, he shook his head and exited out of his contacts. He sat there for a few minutes more and picked up his phone again, he selected messages and then Mike's name, he wrote out a message and reread it and shook his head and deleted it.
Jim put his phone down on the table and contemplated his feelings, he wondered if there was a chance. He really thought that they had something. He wondered whether Mike and Kate had actually talked, he didn't want to be her second choice, he wouldn't let himself. His train of thought was interrupted by his phone ringing, it was his boss.
"Roth... yes Boss, no worries. See you in 15."
Jim's eyes wondered around his boss's office wondering why he was there.
His boss shuffled some paperwork and cleared his throat.
"So, I'm just going to cut to the chase Roth..."
Jim looked concerned, had he done something wrong?
"Boss?"
"You've seemed a bit distracted since you've been back, we're wondering if a change of scenery would help?"
Jim was almost offended.
"Distracted? I've been working my ass off."
His boss laughed, it wasn't what he meant.
"No Jim, that's what we mean, you're here nearly every day. You need to take a break or something. Look it's just something we've noticed, you're a great leader Jim but you don't seem happy here?"
Jim sighed, he wasn't happy, but it wasn't the job. He didn't think that the thing with Kate had impacted his work but obviously he was wrong.
"We have a new position here, it's less action but more career driven, we plan to start a new division within the Defence Force and I think it would suit you. Look, we were going to offer this to you when you returned from Cairns but the funding was cut and it was pushed back. The role is more of a co-ordination role, you'd be in charge of various teams, we will be working closely with the Navy and you guys seem to work well together when you were in Cairns so we thought you'd be a good fit."
Jim ears pricked up, was this a sign? A sign that he should call her?
He nodded trying to listen to what his boss was saying but all he could think about was Kate.
"Sound good..."
"Right, well I'll arrange the paper work..."
They stood and shook hands and Jim exited his office, Darren ran up behind him and slapped him on the back.
"How'd it go?"
Jim gave him a questioning look.
"How did you know?"
He laughed coyly.
"It was kinda my suggestion, I heard the wigs talking about it a while ago and I heard it was in conjunction with the Navy... your girl's in the Navy isn't she?"
Jim hit him on the shoulder.
"She's not my girl Daz..."
"Yeah well, I did some checking up for you, one of my mate's daughter's works in Cairns and he said that as far as she could tell she's not seeing anyone..."
Jim appreciated Darren looking out for him but he didn't want to get his hopes up.
"Yeah, but if her and Mike were together they'd be keeping it on the DL."
"Jim, I just don't understand how you can be so blaze about this, you said she could be the one and yet you're just, like, so infuriating."
Jim gave him a half hearted smile.
"Thanks..."
Jim walked back into his house and went to the bedroom. He slowly opened the top drawer of his dresser, he pushed aside a pile of t-shirts to reveal a blue velvet ring box. He took it out and placed it on top of the dresser, he smiled as he thought of Kate, if he was to go back up there he was going to make it count.
Kate and Nikki were packing their cabin for shore leave, Nikki had noticed that Kate hadn't been her usual happy self. Sure she had had a few stressful months with Mike being in hospital and the dramas of the relief CO's. She had also been knocked back for promotion which didn't help things but Nikki wanted to try and cheer her up. Nikki continued to shove things back in to her bag and glanced back at Kate.
"Drink tonight?"
Kate barely turned to look at her.
"Nah, not really in the mood..."
Nikki took a deep breath in, this was going to be a challenge.
"C'mon Kate, let off some steam, I know that things haven't been easy..."
Kate wasn't in the mood for beating around the bush, she raised an eyebrow trying to get Nikki to say what she really thought.
"Really? Like what?"
Nikki knew she was being defensive because something was bothering her. She reached out and touched Kate on the arm.
"C'mon Kate, we're friends, talk to me...Come round tonight, I've got lots of wine..."
Kate continued to pack her bag, Nikki put her hands on her hips.
"Kate McGregor!"
Kate threw her bag over her shoulder and exhaled loudly.
"Okay, okay... it better be good wine!"
Nikki smiled satisfied.
"Is there really such things as bad wine?"
Kate broke her steely look and smiled.
"Come on, let's go."
Kate and Nikki sat on Nikki's couch with copious bottles of wine on the table in front of them. Nikki took a sip of her wine and crossed her legs on the couch.
"So, I have a confession..."
Kate froze.
"What?"
A large grin came over Nikki's face.
"Ah, I'm kinda in contact with Jim..."
Kate's eyes nearly popped out of her head.
"What?!"
"Well not directly, a friend of Dad's works with him and he got in contact with me..."
Kate put her glass down on the table and moved closer to Nikki.
"About what?"
Nikki took a big sip of her wine.
"Ah, Darren, Dad's mate, is mates with Jim...and Jim has obviously told him what's happened and he was wanting to know if you were still single..."
Kate shook her head and filled up their glasses.
"Why didn't Jim just message me?"
Nikki couldn't believe that Kate hadn't figured it out, she was a smart woman, but maybe not so smart when it came to relationships.
"Kate, Jim left because he wanted you to be happy with Mike..."
Kate blinked a few times trying to comprehend what Nikki was saying, she had no idea, she put down her glass and titled her head confused.
"What?"
Nikki rolled her eyes and filled up their glasses.
"When Jim over heard you on the ship when he and Mike were injured, he thought that you still had feelings for Mike."
"Yeah, but I told him that there was nothing going on."
Nikki let out a frustrated huff.
"He was doing what he thought was best for you, he wanted you to be happy, I guess he didn't want to feel like he was second prize..."
Kate rubbed her hand over her forehead trying to process what Nikki was saying.
"Oh my god Nik... I mean, Mike and I will always have something but... I was worried about him, he could have died..."
Nikki playfully punched her on the shoulder.
"So you're not with Mike, why didn't you call Jim?"
Kate shrugged, she genuinely didn't know why, maybe she was just scared.
"I dunno..."
Nikki gave her a glare.
"So do you or do you not have feelings for Mike?"
"Romantic feelings...no..."
Nikki slammed her glass down on the table and picked up her phone.
"I'm gonna call Jim..."
Kate leaped off her seat and snatched the phone out of her hand.
"Don't you dare!"
Nikki put her hands on her hip and glared at her, Kate slowly handed her the phone back. Nikki reached out to take it, Kate snatched it away.
"Nik, I mean it!"
Nikki took the phone and put it back on the table, she picked up her wine and shook her head.
"I don't know why you don't want yourself to be happy Kate..."
Kate swallowed her mouthful and lifted Nikki's glass to her mouth.
"Just shut up and drink your wine!"
9 months later.
Jim stood in front of his boss who was sitting at his desk.
"You're doing a great job Jim, now I'm not sure if you recall the talk we initially had about this position..."
Jim nodded slightly, of course her did.
"I do Sir..."
"Right well the time has come, we have finalised our programme and we will be extending it to Navcom in Cairns, I won't lie, there's actually another guy gunning for this position in Perth but I'm told you have some connections there?"
Jim cleared his throat.
"Ah yeah, maybe..."
"Look I'm sure you won't need to use them but already having a relationship with some of the officers might help. You have an interview next week at if you're successful we can have your things sent up..."
Jim smiled, he was excited by the thought of a sea change but even more excited that there was a possibility that he could rekindle something with Kate.
End of Chapter 11.
Xx
And now we're back to where this story started, I'm pretty sure this will be the end of the 'past' scenes. I hope you've enjoyed my version/insights of Jim and Kate's blossoming romance but don't worry we've still got a little while to go before we're done in the present.