Danny Phantom- Fanning the Flames Remix
Bonus chapter!
A/N: Well, I am working on the next proper chapter, which is a flashback of sorts, so while you wait for that, I have a little surprise- a Filler Theater segment that I did in between chapters when the original story was on a certain message board. If you ever read the original version, then you will note there are some changes her. The original was hosted on an adult forum, so there was dialogue and situations that was, well, TV-MA material. REALLY TV-MA stuff. But that's not the case here. Enjoy!
Filler Theater Presents:
Un-con-ventinol Tactics
(The location: in front of the Amity Park Convention Center. I sit at a tent, reading a copy of Read or Die along with Dani.)
Me: Oh, hullo. Nice to see you all again.
Dani: We wish to extend out thanks to the ones who gave out praises to the story...both of you.
Me: So, while we get the next part done, which won't be for at least another month...we will just be hanging out here. Just what is this?
Dani: This is Animety 2006. Every year, the anime fans of this town hold a big convention for all sorts of anime fanatics. Everyone who's an anime fan pops up.
Me: Anyone? (Technus floats by.)
Dani: Pretty much. Hey, there they are! (Points to Danny, Sam & Ember)
Danny: Oh come on, do we have to do this? I'll look RIDICULOUS!
Ember: Oh relax already. We can't win this contest alone.
Sam: Besides, you owe us.
Danny: How do you figure? I've saved your lives & teamed up with you countless times before, how do you figure that I owe you...
Sam: Dani, you might want to cover your ears.
Dani: Uh, ok. (Dani covers ears.)
Ember: Remember how you creeped into Sam's room & thought we didn't notice that we saw you watching us as we changed?
Sam: You didn't REALLY think that you could get a free peek, did you? You're just lucky we didn't kick your ass right then and there.
Danny: Oh...wow. In that case, I guess I do owe you.
Me: I always wondered if you abused those powers. (Dani uncovers ears.)
Ember: Well, let's go get ready.
Sam: Oh yeah. That competition is as good as ours. (The three duck into a changing booth.
Dani: Wow, I didn't know Danny was slightly perverted!
Me: You read their lips, huh?
Dani: Practically. And you seem to have a bit of blood on your nose.
Me: Oh...darn it...
(20 minutes later.)
Sam: Alright Danny, come on out!
Danny: Alright, I'm coming...dude, this strap is gonna chafe. Seriously.
(Emerging from a nearby booth, Danny emerges, in full costume as Inu-Yasha, shouldering a large, expertly made version of Tetsuiga. Even though he has shifted to his superhero form, he wears a wig to go with his white hair.)
Ember: Well, what do you think? Hot stuff, right?
Me: Never ask a guy if another guy is 'hot stuff'.
Danny: I concur. I also feel a draft.
Dani: Just for the record, you are wearing underwear underneath that, right?
Danny: Should I?
Sam: Well...
Me: Ahem, let's not go there. That is an awesome costume and all, but I see a problem.
Ember: It's dead on perfect, what can be the problem?
Dani: We're at an anime convention, getting ready for a cosplay contest. What are the odds that a very popular anime like Inu-Yasha would not be heavily represented?
Me: I'll give you a hint. (Hands over the registry) Thems a lot of Dog Demons.
Danny: Oh...crud.
Ember: Ok, ok, we'll just go to plan b!
Me: And that is...
Danny, Sam, Ember: YOU!
Me: Huh?
Danny: You're an anime fanatic! You can come up with a new costume for me.
Me: You assume too much. I ain't a miracle worker. But...I've got an idea. (Pulls out a large, garish looking baseball bat.) Behold, the legendary Instant Costume Generator.
Danny: Uh, should I ask why it's in the form of a baseball bat?
Me: No! HENGE! (Swings bat, making contact with his skull)
Ember: If you plan on making him into a corpse as a costume, you seem to be going at it the wrong way.
(Instantly, Danny is transformed and instead of wearing the Inu-Yasha costume, he wears Alucard's costume. And yes, I mean Alucard from 'Castlevania: Symphony of the Night' as it is a badass costume.)
Danny: Whoa! BITCHIN'! I even got a glowing sword. (Pulls out sword, which emits blue flames.)
Dani: Should that even BE flaming?
Me: Hey, Instant Costume Generator's don't come cheap. And when you do get one, they tend to have their quirks.
Sam: Quirks? You gave him a mystical SWORD.
Ember: We should be lucky he didn't change into a tentacle monster.
Me: That wasn't my fault, I can assure you.
Ember: C'mon, time for us to change into our costumes.
Sam: Give us a couple of minutes.
(45 minutes later.)
Danny: This is taking forever.
Dani: Yeah, they're probably looking at the Yaoi booth. (Danny & I look at each other, shocked.)
Me: Does every female I know love that stuff?
Danny: No, but I wouldn't bash it if I know your audience.
(Sam and Ember return. Ember is dressed as Anna Kyouama from 'Shaman King', but she has a bit more cleavage. Sam is dressed as Rukia from 'Bleach'. Her hair is completely down.)
Danny: Uhhh... (Jaw drops)
Ember: Looks like someone is VERY happy with the end results. (Points to Danny's face)
Sam: Not complaining there.
Me: Ease up on the drool, junior.
Danny: That took you 45 minutes to get into?
Sam: Robes like this are very hard to get into...
Dani: Especially when you're looking at Graviton doujins
Sam: You're being delusional.
Dani: When I walked by the booth I saw you backhanding a girl for a copy.
Me: -_-...
Me: Ok Dani, you're next.
Dani: Uh, if you don't mind, I will bypass the whole being swung at with a base ball bat process...
Me: No one said you had a say in the matter. HENGE! (Dani is lightly tapped across the forehead and receives Dokuro-chan's outfit.)
Dani: What the hell-Dokuro? Couldn't you hook me up with a Chibi-Moon outfit?
Me: (narrows eyes) And have every freaky pervert making a beeline for you?
Ember: Ahem. I feel the need to point out that, um... (Points over her shoulder. Already, a mass of perverts are congregating onto their location.)
Danny: Allow me...SOUL STEAL! (Kills every pervert nearby.) Wow, that was awesome! That bat of yours not only gives me the costume, it gives me the powers along with it.
Me: Hmm...Well, I am curious...and worse case scenario, I become Man Jill...
Sam: You do, and I hurl.
Me: HENGE! (Smacks self with bat and is transformed to...Jigen.)
Danny: Wow, that's certainly old school. And the beard seems accurate.
Me: Hey, check this out. (Pulls out Anti-tank gun from "Castle of Cagliostro") I've got a whole freaking' arsenal in there.
(Inside the arena)
Ember: So, what do we do first?
Danny: Well, standard Anime Convention laws state that we should hit the vendors and get any and all shopping done before we hit the main attractions. Of course, with that comes the knowledge that you will be horribly overpriced for certain things, especially things like the Naruto headbands.
Sam: You just gotta know who to talk to. (Points to nearby booth, with Tucker in front.)
Danny: I didn't know you were selling all this stuff.
Tucker: My mom is a bit of an anime freak, you see.
Sam: That's putting it mildly. I heard she gouged out the eyes of a man who smudged chocolate onto her Death Note collection.
Tucker: That's an urban myth.
Me: The pictures are on
Tucker: Anyway, I've got an exclusive item that no one here has, straight from Kinokuniya Bookstores.
Dani: If it's another handbook on ninjitsu, forget it.
Ember: Is it a Yuri book?
Tucker: No...although I do have some underneath the counter. These are rated Mature though, so...
Ember, Me, Danny & Sam: WE'LL TAKE THEM ALL!
Tucker: I don't wanna know. Anyway, here it is. The complete original Read or Die manga collection.
Me: (jumps up and down) SUGOI!
Dash: Ha, look at that loser! Jumping up and down like a schoolgirl!
Me: ...
Dani: Should I or should you?
Me: Rock paper scissors!
Dani: Ok...JANKEN!
(Me and Dani play Janken...)
Dani: STEAM SHOVEL, I WIN!
Me: Damn! I should have expected you to learn something from watching Tale Spin.
Dash: Just what are you dweebs doing?
Dani: Deciding who gets to physically inflict a great deal of pain to your mortal frame.
Dash: Uh oh.
(Dani pulls out Excalibog, the spiked metal bat of Dokuro. With it she uses it to smash Dash's head...right off of his shoulders.)
Sam: And now you see why I am a vegetarian.
Me: Nice work...but you have to resurrect him.
Dani: Do we have to?
Ember: Last time I checked murder in any form is still illegal.
And so the group all break off to pursue their own lofty goals...the results are a bit of a mixed bag of insanity
(Danny is by himself, standing in front of a large room, whose entryway is sealed by two large oak doors. A rather burly man with sunglasses and a clean shaven head stands watch.)
Danny: Do all you guys look the same?
Man: Yeah, it's part of the dress code. Personally, if it were up to me, I'd have a mullet, you know? Go for that classic Patrick Swayze feel. (It is at this point that Johnny 13 appears.)
Johnny: Hey Dan, what's this place?
Danny: This is where they are screening all the good anime movies.
Johnny: You mean Patlabor? Is this where they are showing Patlabor?
Danny: No, I mean 'good' movies. The type of movies bad fanfics get their inspiration from.
Johnny: Oh...OOOOOHHHHH. So which one are they...
Danny: Dragon Pink. Uncut.
Johnny: Dude, we have got to get in there!
Danny: I know...but, um, Mr. Burly Brawl here is Id'ing all who approach.
Johnny: Uh, that's not a problem for us...we have ghost powers, remember? There are half a dozen ways for us to get in there.
Danny: I always knew these powers were good for something. (Kitty appears)
Kitty: Johnny, where are you going?
Johnny: Uh...nowhere...
Kitty: And does this 'nowhere' have anything to do with sneaking in to see animated cat girls doing it?
Johnny: ...maybe a little...
Danny: I guess the phrase 'abort mission' applies here.
Kitty: Not so fast...I'll let you in...
Johnny: RIGHT ON!
Kitty: But you'll have to make it up to me right after...BOTH of you. You're helping me win the Dance Dance Revolution tournament
Danny: Uh...
Johnny: Babe...I'm not too sure...I mean that game has killed lesser men...
Kitty: You'll never forgive me for that incident huh?
Johnny: I had a hernia for 2 weeks.
Danny: I have to concur, this is not worth pulling a vital muscle.
Kitty: You wanna go in, those are my terms.
Danny: Damn, guess we have no choice.
Johnny: Isn't there anything else we can do?
Danny: It's either this or we go watch fat guys parade around dressed as Sailor Scouts
Johnny: I DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT!
Narrator: We would go to see how Ember & Sam are doing, but they are currently busy rocking the socks off of an audience in a session of Guitar Hero...
(Sam & Ember rock out to Ozzy Osbourne's "Bark At The Moon" with a full audience in attendance.)
Audience Member: FREEBIRD!
Sam: Shoot to kill.
Ember: With pleasure.
Narrator: So let us see how the others are doing...
(Dani & I arrive in the video game section of the convention.)
Dani: Finally, we made it! I never thought we'd get here in time...what's with you.
Me: We will NEVER discuss the events that occurred in the 'Hall of Yaoi' to anyone we know, agreed?
Dani: You're being a big baby.
Me: Am I? I think having every green haired, doe eyed male cosplayer hit on you tends to cause some rather traumatic drawbacks.
Dani: Ok, ok, fine, next year we'll make Paulina take me to any Yaoi themed functions.
Me: Right. So, what do you want to tackle first? The Halo 2 section looks good, and so does the Naruto GCN area.
Dani: Yeah, but I want in on the Super Smash Bros Melee tourney.
Me: Me too, but...(points to the line. The line is unimaginably long.)
Dani: Yikes. This could be a problem. It'll take us DAYS to get a shot.
Me: Funny you should say that...(pulls out a megaphone.) Pardon me, I need to ask a few questions...is there anyone here in this line that plans on playing as Link, Marth, Roy, or Ganondorf.)
(Half the line raises their hands.)
Me: In that case...(I pull out a magnum & fire in the air.) Please leave the line in an orderly fashion. Otherwise, I will be forced to shoot.
(General chaos reigns as just about everybody runs for their lives.)
Me: What do you know, we're next.
Dani: The real Jigen is a no nonsense man who wouldn't need to do that to get us seats.
Me: True, but the real Jigen was quite inventive too.
(Much later...)
Dani: Say it...go on, say it...
Me: Grrr...fine. Princess Peach is much more effective than I originally thought & I shouldn't use Bowser as he is too much of a fatass. There, happy?
Dani: Mucho. (Star, who is cosplaying as Ino, approaches.)
Star: Would you like to sign up for the Naruto tournament? We need another set of participants.
Dani: Sure, I love that game. (signs up)
Me: Me too. Is it the first game or number 4? (signs)
Star: Actually, it's not a video game, it's an actual ninjitsu tournament. First things first, a change of clothes. (pulls out bat.)
Dani: Wait a sec!
Me: What do you mean...
Star: HENGE!
(Dani & I both get Chunin & Jounin uniforms respectively)
Star: You'll need a third person to round out your team. All the rules are on the back of this flier.
Me: Hmmm...'So, You've Been Suckered Into A Ninjitsu Tournament'. Well, that's my luck.
Dani: What do we get for winning?
Star: Other than the privilege of walking, the tournament committee will grant any one wish you have.
Dani: Cool, I'm ready.
Me: Hold on a sec, I'm more samurai than ninja!
Star: I'm sure you'll be fine. Just get your third member & we'll be set.
Dani: Well, Tucker is right out. And Danny...
Me: Is too busy leading a dance revolt be of any use.
Dani: How do you...
Me: I'm the Author; I know these things. And since I just had to let Ember & Sam be Guitar Heroes...
Sam & Ember: Here we come reach for your gun, And you better listen well my friend, you see, It's been slow down below, Aimed at you we're the cowboys from hell!
Me: There is one girl I think we'll have to call.
Dani: Please, anyone but her! (Points to a picture of Mai Shiranui)
Me: No, wrong universe. (pulls out a cell phone) Hey, it's me. Yeah, I'm in too deep, we'll need your fists...3 seconds? Ok!
(A poof of smoke later & out comes...TOOTIE.)
Tootie: Oh hello!
Dani: What is she doing here? She's not even from our universe.
Me: Technically, she could be. I mean, if Crash Nebula games can exist in Amity Park...look the laws of parallel dimensions and such can't be explained in one joke.
Dani: Try me.
Me: Ok...A wizard did it.
Dani: Fair enough.
Me: 'sides, it's in her contract with me. (hands over a piece of paper.)
Dani: Oh, that explains it...but what is this stuff after 'The Astral Wars'?
Tootie: Oh, just a formality. Nothing we like to talk about openly.
Me: And for the record, Shuma Gorath is something not to be fucked with.
Tootie: Right. So, what's the problem? Rival clans, wizards plotting the end of the world or you need a partner for the World Series of Yu Gi Oh?
Dani: We just got ourselves roped into a ninjitsu tournament.
Tootie: Oh, is that all? I was hoping for something a bit more difficult.
Dani: You act as though you do this a lot.
Me: Please note her lists of achievements.
Dani: Let's see...cooking, arts and craft, black belt in several martial arts, wielder of the Ring of Fate, Master of Puppets, Slayer of the 2nd Form of Shabragnigdo...
Tootie: I also build homes for the less fortunate.
Me: The prize is any one wish we could have. And that scares me?
Dani: Yeah, now that you mention it, I was wondering who would have the pull for something like that.
(Vlad appears.)
Dani: Damn.
Vlad: Oh come now, it's not like you didn't know I would pop up here sooner or later. I was hoping, however, that young Danny would be a part of this.
Dani: He's...preoccupied at the moment...
Danny's Voice: AGAIN? Damn it stop chooising Paranoia!
Me: As much as I enjoy in engaging in stupid random humor, get to the point and tell us the catch.
Vlad: No catch. You win, you each get one wish.
Me: Hmmm...are you sure you can afford MY wish?
Vlad: Let me guess, all 3 next gen systems?
Me: Good try no...lifetime airline passes to Japan, first class, from EVERY airline that can go there.
Vlad: Obsessive we are.
Dani: I want in on that wish!
Me: You have ghost powers, you can fly there yourself.
Dani: True, but the key words were 'first class'.
Tootie: I already know my wish!
Vlad: I will wager a guess & say it's Timmy Turner related.
Tootie: Gee, you think...a tropical vacation just for the two of us...FOR ONE YEAR! (Timmy walks by.)
Timmy: You'll have to catch me first.
(As Timmy begins to run. I catch him by the collar.)
Me: Sorry, sport, it's in my contract to set you two up at any given moment.
Timmy: Lemme guess, Astral Wars.
Me: Damn skippy.
Narrator: And so, the tournament commenced. And there were many battles that occurred, far too numerous for us to recount... Ok, let's be honest, the Author is a lazy git who has no desire to keep on padding out filler like this...and to be blunt, that Inspector Gadget stuff he did recently was just a half assed piece of...
Vegeta's Voice: BIG BANG BLAST!
(Massive Explosion. The Narrator dies.)
Vegeta: That was uncalled for. Right, you know who I am, so let's get this over with. Dani's team managed to get to the finals with relative ease, and the finals were set...
Dani: Tootie, I can understand, but Vegeta?
Vegeta: There's a price to pay for downloading all the porn that features my wife. He got a discount.
Dani: Oh, never mind.
Tootie: Finally, we made it to the last match. I didn't know you could summon like that.
Me: I didn't know it was legal to use a 'Bloodthirsty Pack of Wolves' whistle.
Tootie: That's what loopholes are for! So, let's get this over with so I can get my man. (Timmy hops in, chained up from head to toe.)
Timmy: I understand the chains & all, but I don't think it was really needed to have him watching me. (Points to a heavily armed Tucker watching over him)
Tootie: I love you babe, but I ain't that stupid.
Dani: So, who do we get to clobber. (The Announcer from Dragon Ball's Tenkaichi Budokai shows up)
Announcer: Welcome, fight fans, to the finals of our ninja tournament. Introducing, to my left, Team Fluffy Pink Kitty!
Me: Grrr...from now on, I will name the team!
Dani: On a completely unrelated note, I don't suppose you know why parts of the bleachers keep on blowing up, do you? And it better not have anything to do with the fact you hurt anyone who laughs at the name.
Me: No...(explosion) Maybe.
Announcer: And to my right, their opponents, Team Vastly Overpowered, Rich Archrivals of the Hero Team!
(Vlad, Trixie & Paulina all jump in. Paulina & Trixie have on their own unique Chunin uniforms while Vlad is dressed similarly to Geese Howard, only the Hakama is purple )
Dani: Ok, this could be a problem.
Me: OBJECTION!
Vlad: What? Is it wrong for me to protect my investments?
Me: Gee, let me think, duh!
Tootie: Uh actually...
Dani: He could get away with it. There's nothing in the rule books of martial arts that state that a tourney sponsor himself can't be a fighter.
Announcer: Judges? (Turns to Rugal, M. Bison & Emperor Udan)
Rugal: We'll let it slide for now.
Dani: Hey, who's the little guy?
Udan: I was the end boss for Tobal #1!
Dani: Never heard of it...
Udan: It's a fighting game with designs by Akira Toriyama! But the only reason anyone in the US bought it was because it came with the stinking FF7 demo!
Random Audience Member: FF7 is the greatest! WOOOT!
Tootie: ...FALLEN 1! (destroys audience member)
Vlad: Well, you can guess what I will wish for...
Me: Yeah yeah, you and Maddie, one night of passion, get in line, who hasn't thought of that?
Danny's Voice: I HEARD THAT!
Me: YOUR MOM'S HOT, DEAL!
Trixie: My only wish, other than caving that little troll's face in, is to become the most loved girl in all of Dimmsdale.
Paulina: That's pretty small potatoes.
Trixie: I also want the controlling interest in Hello Kitty.
Paulina: All I want is InvisiBill all to myself...oh, and total world domination, but one goal at a time.
Tootie: Guess that means I get Trixie all to myself.
Me: Crud...Vlad it is.
Dani: I'll go last.
Announcer: Alright then. Our first bout is a rematch from earlier this year. Trixie, Tootie, please enter the ring.
(Trixie & Tootie step into the ring area, both eyes narrowed.)
Trixie: So...again I get the displeasure of rearranging your vital organs.
Tootie: Funny, I was just planning on beating the pretty out of you.
Me: Well this out to be interesting. I was there for the previous bout and it was quite a brutal affair.
Dani: Hey, wasn't Danny there too?
Me: Yeah...although I think he rather forget about that day.
Dani: He mentioned it to me once...said something about paying you back for getting him involved in something...
(On cue, a giant cat statue falls on me.)
Dani: I think he still holds a grudge.
Me: I didn't notice...
Referee: BEGIN!
(Taking the initiative, both girls rush at each other, engaged in a wild, loud series of exchanging kicks, punches & strikes. At one point, Trixie breaks off & leaps high, tossing several kunai at Tootie's head. Tootie whips out a kunai of her own & knocks them away, then leans back as Trixie attempts to connect with a spinning back heel kick, countering by leg sweeping her. Trixie rolls away as Tootie lunge-punches, her body in a cat stance.)
Tootie: You got faster.
Trixie: And you got smarter.
Tootie: I'm just a bundle of surprises, sweetness.
Dani: Incidentally, you ought to be cheering for Tootie.
Timmy: You would think. Of course, being chained here against my will does seriously affect my judgment.
Dani: ...I still don't see what she loves about him.
Trixie: Ok then, let's see you deal with this. KAGEBUSHIN NO JUTSU!
(Several puffs of smoke later, three different Trixie clones appear. One is in the Praying Mantis Stance, one is in a drunken stance and another is in a standard defensive stance.)
Me: This is bad...
Timmy: What? It's just several different, and might I add, foxy versions of Trixie. None of them are real.
Dani: I see you never read Naruto.
Timmy: Vicky makes me watch Kirby.
Dani: Well, with Kage Bushin, Trixie created several different flesh and blood clones of herself. And from the looks of it, each of them knows a different fighting style. The only way Tootie can undo the clones is to pummel the original.
Me: There is one other thing she can do...
Timmy: Let me guess...
Tootie: KAGEBUSHIN NO JUTSU!
(Several Tootie clones appear.)
Tootie: Well then...shall we?
(The Tootie clones all pull out kunais of their own, as the Trixie clones smile. Then, in a flash, a mass attack begins...)
Timmy: Uh, question?
Dani: Yup.
Timmy: There are a total of 8 bodies fighting it out. Do you really think the author has any way of accurately describing the action for each & every one of them?
Dani: Oh ye of little faith & huge front incisors...
Me: You know, this is the 1000th time I have broken the 4th Wall...
Dani: That is why we have the magic of Highlight Photos!
(And now, a series of photos are shown that include the following...)
Photo 1: Trixie connecting with a palm thrust.
Photo 2: Tootie blasting Trixie in the chin with a crescent kick.
Photo 3: Trixie using a mule kick on Tootie
Photo 4: Two Tooties kicking Trixie in he air, right before another one jumps into the air & slams her fist into her gut.
I would describe more, but the action is so hardcore & brutal, I doubt your masculinity can take the shot to the nuts. No, not even reading Maddox's "Alphabet of Manliness" will be enough to prepare you for the bad assery displayed in this fight. And it's for the best too, that you don't read it, for Maddox claims that no woman can kick ass. Let us just say that Tootie visited his house shortly after reading the chapter on ass kicking and changed his perspective...and the location of many of his vital organs. So let's just move on...
(A smoke bomb explodes...as soon as the smoke clears away, there are about 4 Tooties.)
Timmy: Hey, where is Trixie?
Dani: Ohhh...very clever. She used Henge.
Timmy: My Japanese is horrible.
Me: Trixie used a transformation jutsu to change herself & one of her clones into Tootie.
Timmy: Oh...so Tootie won't know who is the real Trixie & who is the clone. She'll have to undo her Shadow Clone spell to...
Dani: Leave herself wide open to an attack.
Tootie: Not so fast...(smiles) Are you familiar with 'Byakugen'?
Me: WHAT? Time out, there is no way you could possibly have access to bloodline limits!
Tootie: I don't, but I have something remarkably similar. (touches her glasses.)
Dani: Behold the magic of the cleverly added plot device.
(Tootie makes a few hand seals, then her glasses glow green)
Tootie: Alright, kiddo, let's see...
Me: Hey, that is a pretty handy technique.
Timmy: What's she up to? And what's with the green glow?
Dani: Well, from the looks of it, Tootie redirected some of her chakra into her glasses. So, in a way, it could work like Byakugen.
Timmy: Ok, I'm pretty sure I still have no clue what 'chakra' and 'Byakugen' mean, but I'll guess that she can easily tell which one of them is the real Trixie. (Dani nods.)
Tootie: And the real Trixie...IS UP THERE!
(Tootie whips out a kunai towards the ceiling, where Trixie is hanging. Trixie leaps, a sinister smile on her face.)
Trixie: SPRING STEEL FIRE SHOWER!
(A massive amount of shurinken and kunais are launched at the area floor where Tootie is located. She & the clones manages to dodge them all.)
Tootie: Is that all?
Trixie: Think about it, fairy princess. Why the attack is called 'fire shower'?
Tootie: Uh oh...
(The explosive seals on all the embedded shurinken & kunai go off, creating a humongous explosion. Trixie laughs and jumps down from the ceiling.)
Trixie: Hah, not so tough are we?
Dani: Wow that was pretty impressive. Duping all of us into thinking she did a transformation, then launching an attack like that from the ceiling.
Trixie: Was there any doubt of my genius? Honestly?
Me: Yup.
Trixie: Anyway this match is all done so...
Me.: Nope.
Dani: Look behind you.
(Trixie turns to see a smiling Tootie, two kodaichi's in her hand, glowing green with chakra.)
Tootie: SECRET JUTSU! TWIN DIVINE SWALLOW SLASH!
(Before Trixie can react, Tootie dashes forward, and in a blur of speed, slashes at her twice, before using an uppercut to knock Trixie into the air. She then leaps up & smashes into the back of Trixie with her left heel, knocking her face first into the ground.)
Announcer: TOOTIE TAKES THE FIRST ROUND!
Tootie: YAY! (Goes to smooch Timmy. Dani holds her back.)
Dani: Save it, girl. They'll be plenty of time for that AFTER the tournament's wrapped up.
Timmy: Now I know how that kid in Pucca feels.
Dani: You watch that? Maybe you aren't such a bad guy after al.
Tootie: I saw him first.
Announcer: Our next match is Vlad vs...er, what IS your name anyway?
Me: Just 'The Author' will do. I like to keep a certain level of mystery.
(Vlad & I approach the arena.)
Vlad: Well, a writer who feels like he's ready for the big time. This will be fun.
Me: Man, how do I get roped into crap like this...
Vlad: So, another fanboy writer thinks he can defeat an original. Tell me, what ghost powers will you be ripping off today? Intangibility? Ice breath? Or will you be going for full blown energy blasts?
Me: Ok, first off, we're in the middle of a ninjitsu contest. Second, I hate Mary Sues, you know that, and third, I like Samurais better than ninjas. Still, I suppose I will work with what I got...and what's with the uniform? I didn't know you knew aikido?
Vlad: Oh, I have a good grasp on it. Go on, be my guest, go for any hand to hand combat move you have, I WILL counter it.
Me: Man, I hate it when they are this cocky...In that case...(I hold up my bokken.)
Vlad: Oh, a weapons specialist are we? (Vlad snaps his fingers. A bo staff is tossed to him.) I am curious to see what entertainment I will get from this.
Me: Let me demonstrate something interesting. Something that happens if you apply just the right amount of chakra.
(I take my right hand & run it across the side of the bokken. A few seconds later, green flames burst forth from it.)
Me: Now then...let's get started.
Vlad: Oh ho, I see someone here dabbles in kenjutsu.
Me: If you want to call it that yes I dabble. Prepare yourself.
(In a moment, I dash forward, swinging towards Vlad's left. Vlad manages to deftly parry away the fire fueled swing & attempt to attack with a few swings of his own. A series of various strikes and slashes are attempted by the two combatants.)
Timmy: Wow, these guys are going at it pretty heavy.
Tootie: I was wondering. Which one should I go with, the two piece or the full blown thong.
Timmy: While I'm rather reluctant to comment on the choice of swimwear you want, I'm kinda digging this fight. And go with the thong.
Tootie: Oh, I wouldn't be too concerned about that. Watch and see what he pulls out.
(Vlad attempts to close in with a wide sweeping staff swing. I duck, raising the bokken high.)
Me: Bokuto Fire Attack, DRAGON TOOTH!
(I leap, swinging the sword down with a massive flame arc aimed right at Vlad.)
Dani: GOT' EM!
Vlad: You think?
(With little warning, Vlad reaches out with one arm & creates an ice shield around himself.)
Me: Uh...just what happened?
Vlad: Tut tut...did you REALLY think you were the only one who didn't know about using elemental skills in your attacks?
Me: No, not really...see I was banking on the fact that you wouldn't use something like that to counter what I did...
Vlad: Well, tough noogies. I came prepared...
(ONE DAY EARLIER)
Vlad: Let's see...Wikipedia's gotta have something...AHHH! Naruto Elemental based attacks, section 1.
Skulker: Is there anything Wikipedia doesn't have?
Vlad: I'm pretty sure it doesn't have anything on Girls Bravo...
Skulker: It's listed right here.
Vlad: Oh...well what about Bart Siebrel, I bet it has nothing on...
Skulker: Yup, right here.
Vlad: ...should I even ask if it has a section on old school superhero cartoons.
Skulker: Do you prefer Herculoids or Birdman?
(Back)
Vlad: So you see, even if you use that silly bokken of yours to attack me, you'll still be just like Jack Fenton a big fat failure and-
Me: (to waitress) Yeah, I'll have the beef teriyaki bowl, if you don't mind, hold the broccoli, and throw in some lemonade too...plus a piece of cake.
Vlad: I'M TRYING TO TALK DOWN TO YOU!
Me: Huh? Oh sorry...I was feeling a bit hungry, you know...right, elemental attacks are a no go...
Vlad: Let me show you just how awesome I really am.
(Vlad hoists up the bo staff high as the ground shakes as a couple of boulders rise from the ground and fly towards me. I blink and toss up the bokken in the air.)
Me: Writer Imitation Jutsu! Doton: Doryūdan!
(A large dragon's head, composed of mud, erupts from the ground, firing a single massive chunk of hardened mud, destroying the boulders.)
Vlad: Ha! Imitating the 3rd Hokage are you? How unoriginal!
(I appear behind Vlad)
Me: I know...hence the distraction
Vlad: Huh?
(Vlad's face makes contact with a fist. As he is sent flying, I run right past him, kicking him into the air. As he rises, I catch the bokken, jump & whack him in the chest with a hard placed bokken slash. Vlad lands on the ground, face first as I land a few feet away.)
Me: Wow...that was uneventful. (Vlad gets up.)
Vlad: My my, we're getting mighty bold.
Me: Well, I don't wanna brag.
Vlad: Perhaps I should get serious.
Originally Posted by s1886x
heheh...that was fun...but Vlad has yet to use any ghost powers. let's see what happens when he does get serious...
Vlad: Hmm, thanks for the idea!
Me: HEY! You can't read that!
Vlad: It's comedy, the rules barely apply. Now then, which ghost power shall I have access to...Ah, of course.
(Vlad manages to make two additional copies of himself.)
Vlad: Sure, it's not Kage Bushin no Jutsu, but why waste needed chakra on you?
Me: You honor me...
Timmy: This is a problem. The guy's got serious ghost powers & everything, and he's still not even reverting to his Vlad Plasmius mode...wait, are you even paying attention?
Tootie: I was admiring this rather lovely picture from DeviantArt. Good use of rain effects.
Dani: Yeah, too bad Timmy's face is obscured a bit.
Timmy: Ahem, match in progress...
Dani: Oh, right. I wouldn't be too worried.
(All three Vlads, armed with staffs attack. I manage to hold off some, but not all of the strikes with the bokken.)
Me: This is more painful than watching X Play.
Vlad: Not another of your tirades against the show's writer's, please.
Me: Am I that predictable?
Vlad: YES! And I happen to like MorganWebb.
Me: Good for you. (I leap backwards.) While I'm not so good with ninjitsu...despite the whole writer ability to mimic thing, I do know one thing.
Vlad: And that is?
Me: 10 something years of anime knowledge is a bad thing. Allow me to demonstrate. (I make a cut on my hand and pull out a scroll.)
Vlad: And that is...
Me: Something I remembered about Naruto: You can never have too many pals.
Vlad: Oh, let me guess: Kuchiyose no Jutsu with a scroll. You plan on summoning a whole host of ninja animals to attack me, do you?
Me: Sweet mother of-is there ANYTHING about Naruto you don't know?
Vlad: Almost. Of course, if you think I'll let you get the chance to use that scroll, you are really delusional!
(The Vlad clones charge in & attack. Before they reach me, I toss the scroll at Vlad, then put my palm down on the ground.)
Me: Gotcha. KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!
(Two foxes, both with headbands on, appear at my side. Vlad catches the scroll.)
Vlad: Ah, that was mighty quick. And foxes, interesting choice. But I've dealt with kitsune before, this will be a piece of cake.
Me: You think? (I smile.)
Fox 1: Man, this guy just loves to talk and talk.
Fox 2: Tell me. Why are arch villains so talkative? Is it the ego trip or the inferiority complex?
Fox 1: I think a mixture of both. Well, let's do this!
(Each fox leaps high into the air, then dives down & slams into the Vlad clones with a twisting tail smash. The Vlad clones disappear.)
Vlad: Ha! I'm not too worried. All I need to do is-WHAT? I can't use my ghost powers! What did you do?
Me: If anyone you ought to emulate from Naruto, it's Nara Shikamaru. Think 3 steps ahead of your enemy & you will have a tactical advantage. Trying to beat you on sheer firepower alone ain't gonna cut it, so I needed to seal your powers for a bit. That scroll I tossed to you binds ectoplasmic energy for a good hour or so. More than enough for me to employ another fighting style I've been practicing!
Vlad: The Art of the Cynic I presume?
Me: No...Smash Bros. No Jutsu!
Vlad: What? There's no such thing! (Roy peers in)
Roy: I beg to differ!
(I charge towards Vlad, fists raised.)
Vlad: You forget, I'm an Aikido master. Whatever you try, I will have a counter for!
Me: Yeah, if you can catch me!
(At the last second, as Vlad raises his arms, I roll behind him, kick him in the chest & use an Uppercut Smash Attack to launch him into the air. As Vlad recovers, I smile)
Me: Forward + B Attack: Knuckle Barrage! (a series of low & high punches batter Vlad.)
Vlad: How aggravating! Relying on your knowledge of a video game to attack me!
Me: You're lucky this isn't Fist of The Nose Hair!
Vlad: Agreed! (attempts a diving kick)
Me: Up + B Attack: Aerial Bokken Giri!
(I jump up, rotating in a circle, the bokken outstretched. Vlad is knocked further up into the air.)
Vlad: When I get back down here, I am SO gonna pummel you!
Fox 1: Here boss, this was lying about. (Tosses me the Home Run Bat.)
Dani: Ohhh...
Timmy: Well, this round is over.
Me: Quite.
(I charge back. Before Vlad lands or has a chance, I swing. The sound of a bat hitting something hard echoes as Vlad is launched high. A second later, he bounces off the screen.)
Voice: GAME!
Tootie: Well, that was unique.
Me: I know, I never thought I could actually hit the guy. My timing in Smash Bros with this is usually iffy at best.
Announcer: And now for the final match: Dani Phantom vs. Paulina! Will the two contestants please step up to the ring?
(Dani & Paulina face off.)
Dani: Ha, this will be a piece of cake!
Paulina: You think so? Don't let the look of a goddess fool you, I can hold my own.
Timmy: Allow me to assert myself by scoffing at your claim!
Me: I'd have to agree. You're not exactly known for your fighting ability...or abundance of humility...or depth...or character...
Paulina: Oh really? (A second later, she appears right besides Timmy.)
Timmy: Wow...
Me: That was quick.
Paulina: And I believe this is yours! (Holds up my dog tags.)
Tootie: Ah, I see some one is a speed master. Let me guess, the Shihon Yoruichi Shunpu Course For Dummies?
Paulina: Very same!
Me: I don't want to brag but...(Holds up Paulina's bra)
Paulina: WHAT THE HELL?
Timmy: Sweet move! Can you teach me that?
Dani: Since when did you take that course? It's only reserved for girls!
Me: I didn't take that course. I took the male version of it.
Timmy: Male version?
Tootie: The Jiraiya School of Stealth Ecci Ninjitsu. Yeah, I know all about that too. (Holds up boxers.)
Timmy: Dude, she got your boxers!
Me: Uh...actually Timmy...
Tootie: These are yours. And that's not all I was able of doing.
Timmy: Well, that explains the draft. And the tattoo on my chest that says "Property of Tootie."
Announcer: we will begin once Paulina is given her bra back.
Me: Spoilsport...this has been an interesting tournament so far. I wonder what Paulina is capable of.
Tootie: Aside from generating apathy, I'm rather curious myself. And pass the Mountain Dew
Me: Sure.
Timmy: What can Dani do anyway, aside from using her ghost powers? And while you're at it, can you please hand me my boxers back?
Tootie: You're chained up, so I can't exactly give them back to you. And I have plans for better underwear
Timmy: What do you mean plans?
Tootie: Think thong.
Me: There are things I learn about you that fascinate & frighten me.
(Dani & Paulina face off.)
Paulina: A pity, a cute little shrimp like you are going to get pummeled to pieces by an absolute knockout like me.
Dani: Sadly, I have to disagree. I was banking on rearranging those good looks of yours, so you'll have to forgive me if this ass kicking goes by a little too quickly.
Announcer: And...FIGHT!
(In a flash, Paulina disappears and Dani begins to ward off several rapid attacks. Paulina is barely visible as she continues to strike at Dani from all angles with her fists and feet.)
Me: WTF dude?
Tootie: I'd never figured she'd be a Taijutsu master!
Me: Same here.
Timmy: Care to enlighten me, I figured out Ninjitsu & Genjitsu.
Me: Taijutsu is, quite bluntly, learning how to beat the holy shit out of your opponent.
Timmy: Say no more. Man, looks like this Paulina gal is a speed demon.
Tootie: I'm having enough trouble keeping up with her as it is. She's gotta slow down sooner or later.
(All of a sudden, Paulina stops, kneeling down.)
Paulina: So sorry, looks like I broke a heel.
Me: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING FIGHTING IN HEELS?
Paulina: Hey, these Versace fighting pumps are all the rage! I gotta get my money's worth!
Dani: Relax, I got it. Nice moves there, doll. But let me show you some real speed!
Paulina: Oh please, if your friends over there can barely keep up with me, what can you...
(Sadly, we don't here the rest of Paulina's thoughts as Dani suddenly appears in front of her & kicks her high in the air with a donkey kick. Dani leaps up to intercept her with a fist sandwich, but Paulina disappears, then reappears on the ground, rubbing her chin. Dani lands across from her.)
Dani: You were saying something?
Timmy: Damn, this fight is gonna be so swee-(is handed a pair of thongs) Cut it out Tootie!
Tootie: Sorry, just impatient I guess.
Dani: I'm curious, though, how did you become a Taijutsu master?
Paulina: Good question. It all started innocently enough...
(Several weeks prior to the convention, Paulina is sitting in the park, reading a copy of Flame of Recca. What? You think Naruto is the only manga I get to poke a little fun at?)
Paulina: Man, this series is so awesome. I wish I could be a ninja as cool & awesome as Fuko Kirisawa! (It is at this point that Desiree pops out from the nearby fountain.)
Desiree: So you have wished it, so it shall be! (Paulina is given a jounin uniform.)
Paulina: ...that's it?
Desiree: Yup, that's it.
Paulina: Wait, something is not right. Usually, when you grant a wish, there's some horrible side effect or curse that follows.
Desiree: Sadly, that used to be the case. But ever since the 'Norm Clause', I am required by genie law to make sure that each wish is in compliance with the wisher's approval. Stupid Fairy Mason. Now then, seeing as you are now a 'Jounin' level ninja, you are required to undergo a one week training session to provide you with knowledge on your magically enhanced ninjitsu skills & abilities. You must complete the course, or the wish is null and void.
Paulina: Ok.
Desiree: Now that the basic stuff is out of the way, allow me to show you your proctor. (A puff of smoke & Spectra appears, dressed similarly to Anko.)
Spectra: Oh, a new student! Right, let's get down to training. I run a pretty hardass training course, kid. Are you man enough to handle my training regiment from hell?
Paulina: You know, I am a girl.
Spectra: I'm required by law to say that. On with the training!
(At a mall somewhere. Paulina is given a designer dress.)
Spectra: We'll start with your evasive maneuver skills. This is an exclusive dress-so rare only 5 were ever made. Your job is to make it to the parking lot to my car with this dress intact.
Paulina: That sounds simple enough.
Spectra: Look ahead, kiddo. (Paulina sees a mass of rabid female shoppers, all armed to the teeth, waiting behind the locked doors.) and you'll have to do this with one hand tied behind your back.
Paulina: Man, the things I do for absolute popularity.
(Days later. Paulina trains with heavy weights on her wrists & ankles on a rock jutting out over the ocean.)
Paulina: So what is the point to this exercise? Does this build up my strength and speed in my limbs?
Spectra: I guess you can say that.
Paulina: YOU GUESS?
Spectra: It was the author's idea, really. He's seen so many training montages in movies and anime, so he did a 2 for 1.
Paulina: So it's entirely pointless to train against the crashing waves of the roaring sea.
Spectra: Actually, that is the point. Don't you ever watch samurai films?
(Present day.)
Paulina: And that is just the tip of the iceberg about my intense ninja training from Hell! There's more to it.
Me: Yeah, but we only got at least three more of these before we need to move on to the next Filler Theater segment. You two need to keep fighting!
Dani: Hey, I didn't get a chance to tell about my training regiment!
Me: Fine, what kind of training did you do?
Dani: Well...
(3 weeks prior. Dani walks out of a dojo, wiping the blood from her hands. York is standing outside.)
Dani: Well, that was simple and effective.
York: This is your training? You go to every ninjitsu dojo in the area & beat the hell out of the students?
Dani: Not just the students...the teachers & masters usually try to step in too...the training gets complicated from there.
York: This isn't training, it's felony assault!
(Present day)
Me: HOW THE HELL IS THAT EFFECTIVE TRAINING?
Dani: Well, it keeps me limber & focused.
Tootie: It also introduces her to new styles and techniques.
Me: Sure, if they are conscious long enough to teach her a damn thing!
Paulina: Enough talk, time to hurt you.
Dani: Not so fast. I've got a move to try out on you.
Paulina: Sorry, kiddo, I have no intent on letting you even make a fist!
(Paulina pulls out several shuriken & whips them at Dani's location. As Dani jumps, Paulina smiles & makes a hand signal. An explosion erupts underneath Dani, which takes her off balance, long enough for Paulina to jump towards her & connect with a flying kick.)
Paulina: It's over!
Tootie: This looks surprising.
(Suddenly, a puff of smoke unveils the truth as a log takes the place of Dani, Paulina looks down to see that Dani has made her way to the ground & made 5 different clones of herself. As she touches the ground, Dani uppercuts her & the clones, with rapid speed, attack her from all sides, smashing her into the ground.)
Dani: Huh, that was rather uneventful. (Paulina staggers up)
Paulina: Oh no...I ain't done yet, missy.
(Paulina reaches into her pockets.)
Paulina: Behold! This is an ancient medicine that will boost my body's recovery & allow me to achieve the ultimate strength levels I need to beat you down!
Dani: Uh...is that it?
Paulina: Yes! For your information, many medicines of this nature are better used in a liquid form to properly distribute it's properties in the body.
Dani: Yeah, but it's in a juice box!
Paulina: A regular bottle wasn't available!
Dani: And on the cover is a bunny.
Paulina: YOU THINK I WANTED THE BUNNY! They were out of Olivia The Kitten! This was the only other box available!
Dani: So you buy medicines based on the mascots...and you were actively searching for a kitten based one.
Paulina: Look, the point is I'm gonna drink this & I'm gonna kick your damn ass! Behold!
(Paulina pokes a straw through the top of the juice box & sips. Immediately, her body glows red as she rises, crushing the box in her hands & setting it ablaze.)
Dani: Ok, I can see where this is heading.
Paulina: Now die!
(Paulina leaps forward and goes for a lunge punch at Dani. Dani leaps back in time to avoid it, but is battered by the shower of rocks that come out from the ground where Paulina makes impact. Paulina then goes for several high and low kicks, which Dani back flips away from. Thinking quickly on her feet, Dani makes a hand sign.)
Paulina: Whatever you think you're gonna do, it ain't gonna work!
Dani: Says you! Here's my secret technique-KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU!
Paulina: What's so special about a summoning jutsu!
(Klemper appears and glomps Paulina from behind.)
Klemper: A FRIEND AT LAST!
Paulina: GAH! GET HIM OFF! GET HIM OFF! I DON'T PUT OUT UNTIL YOU PAY ME UP FRONT!
(Dani walks up to both of them & clobbers them...with an Akane brand mallet.)
Dani: Feh...I win.
Me: Well, this has been rather uneventful.
Timmy: I don't know, this ninja tournament's been pretty sweet.
Me: Uh huh, you do realize that we have just given Tootie free reign to drag you to some secluded island & have her way with you for the next 52 weeks, right?
Timmy: The shock hasn't set in yet.
Me: What matters now is I GET JAPANESE VACATIONS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!
?: Not so fast! The fight is still on!
Me: What the-WE WON DAMN IT!
Tootie: Don't bet on it. There's always one last person in a fighting anime or game for the heroes to face before the true victory can be achieved.
Geese: Yup.
Udon: True that!
M. Bison: Does the name Shin Akuma mean a thing?
Me: Ugh...fine.
Dani: Just who is this last guy we have to face anyway?
Me: Knowing my luck, some douche from the 80s cartoon universe I hate.
(And out pops Captain N.)
Me: WHY THE FUCK DO I EVEN BOTHER ASKING UP?
Captain N: So, my old nemesis, we meet again!
Me: Oh sweet mother of mercy, how did you become the all powerful, be all end all ninja boss?
Captain N: I have a lot of free time since I am no longer gainfully employed. I mean, really, all I get is the residual check from DVD sales and comic con appearances...
Tootie: Something is not right...
Dani: Yeah, I mean, ninjas give off an aura. You just know, even looking at them, that they can kill you in a beat. This guy's aura...smells of cheese whiz.
Captain N: I also party a lot at King Hippos.
Me: So, this guy is not the real ninja master of masters?
Dani: Nope.
?: No, I AM!
(A puff of smoke & out pops a black clad grey haired man with an oni mask.)
Ninja: Ah, so you have proven yourself worthy of your skills...most impressive indeed!
Me: (blinks) Ok, I'm lost here. Since when has a new character ever shown up in these things?
Dani: You mean you'd rather have Box Ghost be the boss?
Me: No, but this is still kind of weird...not random funny weird, just out of place.
Tootie: Relax, something stupid will happen in 3,2,1...
(It is at this point that a bikini clad Spectra riding a giant raccoon dashes by, pursued by Master's Blasters, who in turn are pursued by a T-Rex.)
Me: Yeah, that will do it.
Tootie: Who are you?
Ninja: My name is Grandmaster Rowan! I am a ninjitsu prodigy as well as a Pokemon professor! And since I've collected all my Pokemon data as of last night, I can resume my studies as ninjitsu boss & sashimi chef!
Me: Sashimi chef?
Rowan: Hey, it's hard living being a Pokemon professor & ninja master! I need all the funds I can get!
Dani: Ok...
Tootie: So that means that this idiot here is just wasting our time.
Rowan: No, he's just part of the first test before you battle me.
Captain N: That's right! I've studied long and hard & drawn on my hatred on this bastard here to become strong enough to face him today! Not witness the power I generated from intense physical training as I use the forbidden arts of ninjitsu's blackest magic to...
Me: Oh bollocks to this.
(I walk up to Captain N. Cut to an exterior shot of the arena, where incidentally we find Danny.)
Danny: Vendor, I need 10 bottles of Gatorade.
Vendor: Hey, you look a little ragged. Hard day.
Danny: I spent 3 hours dancing my ass off to a game that is slowly weeding itself into pop culture.
Vendor: Only 3 hours? Wow. Usually I get guys here who spend 5 hours before they ask for the Gatorade.
Danny: 5 hours?
Vendor: You'd be surprised how many people here are closet DDR fans.
Danny: I wonder how Dani & the others are doing.
(Part of the arena roof explodes as Captain N's body is sent into the stratosphere.)
Vendor: Wow.
Danny: I see someone's slightly annoyed.
Vendor: Annoyed?
Danny: Yeah. Usually, when The Author's mad, the poor bastard gets sent a lot farther & the roof would no longer exist.
(Back to the arena.)
Rowan: So, I guess it's just me against you three. Very well, I need the exercise.
Me: Man, this is a drag.
Dani: I don't know, I think he doesn't look like too much.
Me: No, I mean I didn't knock that jackass far enough. I was aiming for the mesosphere, but he only scratched the stratosphere.
Tootie: Well, that kind of uppercut is usually reserved for women. Anyway, we have an idea about how we can wrap this up quickly.
Me: Ok, I'm game.
Dani: You'll have to be blindfolded though. and when the time comes, you'll have to use 'That Move'.
Tootie: Even though it's been overused to death by you already.
Me: That move? You must mean...meh, whatever. I'll just have to modify it a bit. (Puts on a blindfold.)
Timmy: Uh, can I ask why he needs to be blindfolded?
Tootie: Oh you'll see soon enough.
Dani: Just try not to drool too much.
(Dani, Tootie & I stand in the middle of the arena, where Rowan waits.)
Rowan: Alright kids, time to show you a true master ninja's abilities. (Do the signs of the monkey, snake, and pig.) Bring it.
Tootie: Ok...he asked for it...
Dani: Let's do it!
Tootie & Dani: KAGE BUSHIN NO JUTSU!
(Multiple Dani & Tootie clones appear around the arena.)
Rowan: Oh please, what use could a possible Shadow Clone technique possibly be at this point in-
Dani: That's just step one.
Tootie: HENGE!
(All the clones transform into slightly older versions of the two...in swimsuits...and they are making out...PASSIONATLEY.)
Timmy: O_O
Rowan: O_O
Every Straight Male in the Audience: O_O
Tootie: Behold our secret technique!
Dani: ULTIMATE DANNY PHANTOM/FAIRLY ODDPARENTS FANSERVICE JUTSU!
M. Bison: And with that I no longer need Viagra.
Rowan: GAHHHH! (Massive nosebleed. Dani & Tootie disengage the jutsu.)
Tootie: Ok, that's your cue.
Me: Huh? Oh sure. (I teleport behind Rowan, a wand in my hand.)
Rowan: What the hell?
Me: Behold! The combined resources of Hogwarts's most dangerous wand maker & Konoha's most sacred Taijutsu technique!
Rowan: Oh poopie.
(The wand is shoved forcibly up Rowan's rectum as the Incendio spell is cast at maximum strength.)
Me: 1000 YEARS OF DEATH!
(Rowan is sent skyward in a massive explosion.)
Announcer: I guess the tournament is over. Ladies and gentlemen, you winners, and the grand ninja champions...
Me: Say the team name & your life is forfeit.
Announcer: Alrighty then.
Me: Well, that's that. (Walks over to where Vlad is lying) So, a deal's a deal, correct?
Vlad: Fine! (Signs contract.) Although I fail to see just what you intend to do with all that time in Japan anyway.
Dani: No need to worry about that. And I call dibs on the ramen stands.
Me: Damn your superior mastery of the dibs system.
Dani: And I guess this means you get your end of the deal.
Tootie: Indeed. I've already picked the island, I just need your John Hancock dear sir.
Vlad: I see you selected a Polypanisian island. Nice selection. (Signs contract.)
Timmy: You know, seriously, we should discuss the ramifications of this with my parents...
Mom: We give our approval.
Dad: And it has nothing to do with the deal we signed in which she provides us with a year's supply of pineapples.
Me: What do you plan on doing with a year's supply of pineapples?
Mom: Upside down pineapple cake, duh!
Dad: I plan to open a Tiki bar.
Dani: That makes sense.
Tootie: Well, we're off. (Hoists Timmy on her shoulders.) See you next anime convention. (Disappears in a puff of smoke. Sam & Ember appear with Danny.)
Sam: So, what did we miss?
Dani: We handed Trixie, Vlad & Paulina their asses...
Me: And we taped it.
Danny: And I had spent more than the required time of any mortal dancing to an overvly hyper crowd. We won somehow and as part of the prizes we got every episode of Yu Yu Hakusho
Sam: Intriguing...show us. (Sam & Ember drag Danny off.)
Ember: I walways wondered how the damn series ended. Thanks for nothing Cartoon Network.
Dani: ...
Me: ...well that was odd.
Dani: I know, we need a stronger ending than this.
364 Days Later...Somewhere in Tokyo...
Dani: Well, I'm not bored of this place yet, are you? (Turns to me as I complete another bowl of ramen.)
Me: We've been to 25 different ramen stands this month. What's another 50 to me? And we still haven't been to Hokkaido!
Dani: Say, isn't it about time we checked in on Timmy & Tootie?
Me: Hey yeah, I forgot about them...
(Somewhere on a beach, Tootie & Timmy walk, hand in hand.)
Timmy: At least it ended better than the Sopranos.
End of Filler Theater 1...
Really...that's it...go read 'Harry Potter & The Deathly Hollows'