Kurt was miserable. Well, not miserable, more like tired and grumpy and he had spilled coffee on his new crisp, white shirt that morning and permanently stained the fabric. The week had gone by in a flurry of work, tons of customers needing his attention at every hour of the day, which of course was excellent for business, but also extremely stressful and tiresome for him personally. In addition, he had not seen Blaine for six days. They had exchanged a few texts here and there, sure, but Blaine had not stopped by the bookshop a single time, and Kurt was too apprehensive about the whole thing to ask him to simply hang out. Though they had grown rather close over the past week, there was still an invisible tension between them and Kurt was not exactly sure if Blaine felt they were good enough friends for casual meet ups, and it really, really bothered him. He found himself craving Blaine's company, his warmth and tendency to search physical contact in form of casual touches, but also the special smile he gave Kurt that he had not seen him direct at anyone else but him. He missed Blaine. Even more than he missed Rose – which was really saying something. This was bad.

Shit, Kurt thought as he threw himself down head first on the couch, rubbing his hands over his face and taking a deep breath, releasing it through his mouth. I'm in love with Blaine. I am very, extremely in love with Blaine.
Hugging a pillow close to his chest, Kurt stared up at the ceiling of his living room. He must have known for a while, subconsciously. It was inevitable, really - nothing he could have done to prevent it. And it was all Blaine's fault. How dared he walk into Kurt's life with his endearing little quirks and liquid eyes capable of drawing Kurt in and capturing him completely with just one look? "And that ass," Kurt groaned out loud, feeling absolutely insane. And now there was nothing he could do about it. Blaine could turn out to be a puppy-killing, children-slaying psychopathic maniac, and Kurt would still forgive him and fall dreamily into his arms. With no way out, he supposed his only option was acceptance. He would accept the fact that he was permanently in love with Blaine Anderson and that no man would ever measure up, which meant that if Blaine never fell in love with him back then he would be single forever and die alone. Wonderful.

It was nine pm Friday night, and Kurt was once again alone in his apartment. Before his earth-shattering realization about his undying love for Blaine, Kurt had just gotten off the phone with his father after suffering yet another half an hour of questions about his love life and if there was anyone special in his life yet. Though Kurt had acknowledged his fate as a single, unlovable loser, Burt had in no way done the same. Kurt knew he was worried about him being lonely, which he had assured him over and over again that he was in fact not. In the end, inescapably of course, he had managed to manipulate Kurt, using his unique Hummel prying skills, into telling him about Blaine. "Yes dad, he is gay… yes I like him… no, I don't know If he likes me… yes….yes… no history with drugs, no, not as far as I know… no… yes…" In the end Kurt supposed it was easier just to lay it all out on the table. He knew his dad would tell Carole, who would in turn tell Finn, who would definitely tell Rachel who already knew, of course. Kurt sighed as he remembered the conversation he had had with Rachel about Blaine when she had visited him on work last Wednesday…

"… and the way his arms nearly ripped that suit apart.. damn."

"Yes, Rachel, I noticed. Of course I noticed."

"And that smile! I nearly fell in love with him myself, I swear." Rachel giggled as she took a sip of her 100% organic orange juice, winking slyly at him over the table.

"He is… he is perfect. Oh my god, Rachel, he is perfect isn't he?" Kurt groaned into his coffee.

"Pretty much, I think." Rachel's face suddenly turned serious as she determinedly pointed a finger at him. "But so are you, Kurt. And I think Blaine sees that, too. And if he doesn't he is an idiot and you deserve better."

Kurt had just stared at her incredulously. He knew Rachel meant well, and he loved her for that, but sometimes she could be absolutely ridiculous.

Kurt was deliberating whether to order from the Chinese place down the street, or if he should just go to bed with a book when a text ticked in.

"Where are you?"
It was from Blaine. Kurt frowned.
"I'm at home. Why?"
"Are you busy?"
Kurt felt the first twinge of hope - did Blaine want to hang out with him?
"Nope."
"Put on warm clothes and come outside."

Kurt stared at his phone for a while before excitedly jumping off the couch and quickly getting dressed. He pulled on a gray turtleneck, a black coat with big buttons that reached him mid-thigh, and a dark gray beanie and matching gloves, before grabbing his keys and running down the stairs. It seemed like an eternity since the last time he saw Blaine, and as he pulled the front door of the apartment building he felt the same way he did the first day Blaine walked through his door. Perhaps the biggest smile he had ever seen adorned Blaine's face as he grinned up at Kurt, his arms out turned upwards and his cheeks rosy. He was wearing a red scarf and a black coat similar to Kurt's, and his clothes were covered in white. Big, fluffy snow flakes were falling from the sky and during the few hours Kurt had spent inside with his curtains shut, it had already covered the ground, trees and open surfaces in the white substance. Blaine's grin widened, if even possible, as he pointed at the snowflakes, nearly jumping up and down in excitement. Kurt stepped into it, laughing and twirling around on the spot, holding his arms out in a similar manner as Blaine, before stopping right in front of him with a matching smile.

"Snow," Kurt said, and Blaine's eyes twinkled. "You really love snow, don't you?"
Blaine just smiled and grabbed Kurt's hand in his own mitten clad one and dragged him alongside him, heading towards the park.

Kurt felt as he was walking on clouds as they walked silently side-by-side, close by each other's side, holding hands, all traces of his previously grumpiness gone. He was holding hands with a boy in the snow in the dark. This was by far the most romantic thing that had ever happened to him, and he sighed dreamily. Blaine turned his head curiously toward him, but Kurt just shook his head and smiled. In the park, streetlights were casting a yellow glow lightning up the path and Kurt and Blaine could see every little flake of snow when they passed underneath them. They could hear the sound of New York in the background, of taxis and people and shouting and singing. Kurt stayed quiet and Blaine didn't pull out his phone. They passed some people, mostly couples seeming to enjoy the sudden change of weather. Kurt knew he and Blaine looked like a couple, too, holding hands and keeping close, yet they were not. He sighed again, and Blaine glanced at him before suddenly halting to a stop and turning to face Kurt.

It was quiet now – the sound of the city fading. No people were in sight. Kurt felt cold, then warm, then cold again, as he watched Blaine look at him, his expression concentrated, deliberating. Blaine was so close and Kurt could see how the tiny snowflakes clung to his impossibly long eyelashes, he could see how wet his lips were from the snow and the slight stubble on his chin. They were still holding hands. Blaine's expression changed from deliberating to wondering, and Kurt could feel Blaine's grip tighten on his hand as Blaine's eyes shifted down to his lips. Kurt's heartbeat turned to a frantic thumping in his chest as Blaine started moving closer, tentatively and shyly. Kurt held his breath, his eyes slipping shut in anticipation. Everything felt like a dream, everything moved in slow motion, everything was blurry except Blaine's hand in his, firm and strong. Blaine's lips were centimeters from his own when he paused. Kurt didn't dare move an inch, rooted to the spot. And then Blaine… turned his head and kissed him on the cheek. Kurt's eyes shot open as Blaine stepped back and turned away from him, cheeks fiery red. Kurt had never felt disappointment like that before. His heart dropped into his stomach and he dejectedly crossed his arms against his chest. What had happened? And what the hell did this mean? Did Blaine like him? And if he did, why did he pull away? To his utter horror, Kurt felt his eyes start to tear up, and he took a step back.

"I should… I should go," he whispered. Blaine turned back to face him, his expression sad, and he reached out a hand and clapped him on his shoulder, before giving a little wave and hurrying forward on the path. Kurt almost ran home, his clothes and skin getting soaked by the snow.

As Kurt was snuggled underneath two duvets drawn up to his chin in his bed, he didn't know how to feel – happy because Blaine had been so close to actually kissing him, or miserable because he had pulled away? It was all so maddening. Obviously Blaine felt some sort of attraction towards him (unless he was playing some sick, twisted game with him of course), which should be enough for Kurt to be on cloud nine right now. But then again, he hadn't actually done it. And it would have been so easy. Kurt groaned in frustration and rolled over onto his back. It didn't seem like he would get much sleep.

Blaine didn't text him goodnight.

Please don't kill me! I love you don't give up on me